Turning Page
by jadeannkneeky
Summary: Caught between two brothers, Hannah Marshall must face a difficult decision. Go with her head and Albus Potter, who had been her best friend since she started Hogwarts. Or her heart, that completely, unequivocally belonged to James Potter.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** **First off I want to say thank you ever so much for clicking on my story, even after my rubbish summary, it means a lot!**

 **I don't usually do author's notes at the beginning of a chapter but I thought I would take the time to introduce this fanfiction to you, in the hope you will see it out to the end and enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing it.**

 **This story is finished and currently sits at around 125,000 words on my computer waiting for it's final edits as I upload each chapter. As it is such a beast, the first few chapters are somewhat slow but none the less enjoyable. I would also be the first to admit that my writing at the end of the story was much better than the beginning so apologies if the earlier chapters aren't the best.**

 **The story is from an OC perspective but it deals with so many issues; love; betrayal; heartbreak; family; loyalty; bullying; friendship; forgiveness, just to name a few. I really hope I've done these characters some justice and that you enjoy the next 21 Chapters.**

 **That's all for now,**

 **See you in the endnotes.**

 **Jadeannkneeky**

 **EDITED: 4/12**

* * *

 **Chapter 1**

"One down, seven to go," Albus sighed throwing his arm around my shoulder.

"Speak for yourself, I have one more than you do," I retorted crossing my arms dejectedly as we followed the rest of the year out of the castle and down to the lake, relishing in an hours break before revision started again.

"You brought that on yourself, my dear," He said planting a kiss on my cheek and running off to catch up with Rose and Scorpius who had walked on ahead. I chuckled as I watched him jump between the two of them, wrapping his arms around their shoulders. I could hear Rose's disgruntled remarks as she threw off her cousin and stormed ahead of the boys, whipping her red hair behind her.

"I really don't know how you put up with him," A voice said from behind me. I turned around to see James Potter standing there with a bemused look on his face. I rolled my eyes and continued ahead, not really in the mood for James Potter and his ego straight after an exam.

"What are you talking about? He's your brother," I replied against my better judgment, continuing ahead to my friends.

"Exactly, I have no choice. You, on the other hand, choose to be his friend. That's on you Han," He said falling into step beside me, "Anyway, how did your exam go?" He asked. I shot him a bewildered look. Although we played Quidditch together, myself and James Potter had never been best pals, not enough for him to suddenly be talking to me without the need of Rose or Albus being there.

"What do you want Potter?" I asked not wanting to amuse his sudden interest. It wasn't that I didn't like him, it just that he was a lot to deal with when Rose and Albus weren't there to deflect him and his ego.

"What," He smirked, "I'm genuinely interested," I considered him for a moment before deciding to humour him.

"It went well actually, not that I was worried about it though," I replied. I was confident in my ability, although not as clever as Rose and Scorpius, I was a straight E student in most subjects with O's in the rest; something I had to work hard for, but was always happy with the result.

"Good," He nodded, "Merlin, I hated it last year, glad I've got a break this year though." He smiled and looked ahead. I wasn't blind to how attractive the older Potter was. Through my early teen years, I could barely say two words to him without going bright red, something he was definitely aware of and would often go out of his way to make me feel extremely uncomfortable. However being friends with most of his family made it difficult to avoid him so during my third year I had to talk myself out of the stupid crush, which was easier than I thought to do. As I grew up I realised that actually, he was a bit of an idiot to most girls, much like his younger brother, and I was better off not getting involved.

"Is there something that you need Potter?" I asked again, hoping he would give up the façade.

"Actually yes," He stopped just short of my friends who were now sitting under our favourite tree watching us with confused expressions on their faces. "Okay, so I've been made head boy for next year."

"Erm…congratulations," I offered, looking confused.

"Thanks, not that I can say it was a surprise but hey," He laughed; I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms waiting for him to continue, "Anyway, McGonagall decided a few years ago that if someone was given head duties then they would be stripped of their other titles, basically so Headship talks precedence. So I can't be captain next year and I was going to give it to you after I left anyway so it's yours if you want it," He said smiling running his hand through his hair, a trait that made most girls weak at the knees. I gapped at him.

"Are you serious?" I frowned not really believing what he was saying, "This isn't some sick joke you and Fred are pulling is it?" I asked looking over his shoulder to see if I could see his mischievous cousin anywhere.

"Why would I joke about Quidditch?" He said seriously, his eyes narrowing slightly, "I've chosen you to be captain next year. You're the second longest running member, next to me, you're probably one of the most devoted and you are definitely the second-best player," He said smiling.

"You mean the best player," I corrected.

"If you say so Marshall," He scoffed and once again ran his hand through his hair, "Anyway, you're saying yes right?"

"Of course I am," I replied, my excitement getting the better of me as I threw my arms around his neck and pulled him into a hug. I pulled away and gained my composure slightly; trying to ignore the blush I could feel rising in my cheeks, "Honestly this means more than you even know," I added with a smile.

"Brilliant," He smiled back, "We need to meet over the next couple of evenings just to go over a few things. I'll let you know when I have some free time as I will have to work it around prefect duties-

"And my revision," I interrupted.

"Yes and revision," He shook his head in amusement, "You need to lighten up Marshall."

"Don't act like you didn't work your butt off last year for OWLS," I retorted with a slight frown.

"I didn't actually, just naturally clever you see," He winked, he actually fucking winked at me.

"Merlin you need to get over yourself Potter," I quipped, crossing my arms and shooting him an unimpressed look.

"Nothing wrong with confidence Marshall," He smirked, shrugging and putting his hands in his pockets.

"Yes but there is everything wrong with arrogance Potter," I snipped. He looked at me for a moment before laughing loudly.

"Okay, okay," He said holding his hands up in surrender, "Anyway, I'll let you know a time we can meet," I nodded in response, glancing at my friends who were shooting me questioning looks. "I'll see you later Marshall," He said with a bright smile, looking to my friends and waving at Al before heading off back up the lawn to the castle.

"What was all that about?" Albus frowned watching his brother walk into the castle, his arm around some girls shoulder, "I didn't think you two were friends."

"We aren't particularly," I replied sitting down next to him. Al didn't even look at me, instead his eyes not leaving his brother who was now kissing the girl on the school steps. I tried to ignore the twinge of jealousy I felt in my stomach, not wanting to read anything into it, "What's got you in a mood?" I asked Al, tapping him on the arm to get his attention.

"Just ignore him, Han," Rose said frowning at her cousin, "What did James want?" She asked.

"He asked me to be captain next year as he is being made Head Boy," I replied smiling brightly at my friend. I had worked so hard on the team the past four years; I honestly couldn't believe I was going to be captain.

"Hannah, that's fantastic," Rose beamed, squeezing my hand tightly.

"You're going to have some tough competition," Scorpius smirked. He had been captain of the Slytherin team this year and unfortunately had beaten us in probably the most intense game of Quidditch I'd ever been a part of. There had been a massive bust-up on the pitch which resulted in me and Scorpius not talking for two weeks and Rose losing her mind going between the two of us. She made us agree that Quidditch was never going to come between us ever again. It was going to be an interesting year.

"I've beaten a few snakes in my time Malfoy," I smirked, narrowing my eyes on my Slytherin friend.

"I'm not worried," Scorpius laughed and shook his head.

"Oh, it's on Malfoy,"

"Why did he make you Captain?" Al interrupted rudely. I stared at Albus in shook and turned to Rose and Scorpius who mirrored the same expression. Al was a bit of an idiot most of the time but never intentionally cruel. I felt my annoyance peak slightly but tried not to let him ruin my moment.

"Well you don't play so he couldn't exactly make you it," I said shortly.

"Not what I meant," He replied shaking his head, the frown never leaving his face. "If you're not friends then why did he make you it, surely Fred would be the better choice or Roxy," I glanced at Rose who was glaring at her cousin; if looks could kill.

"Al, what the hell is wrong with you?" She snapped. Al ignored her and looked at me waiting for an answer.

"I don't know," I said hotly, feeling myself going slightly red from embarrassment. "Maybe because I'm actually good at Quidditch," Al actually scoffed. I narrowed my eyes at him, resisting the urge to smack him in the face, "Or maybe he didn't want another Weasley or Potter as Captain," Al considered me for a moment before grabbing his bag and standing up.

"Whatever," He said storming off back up to the school.

"What the hell has gotten into him?" I asked Rose in bewilderment. I couldn't believe Al's reaction to me becoming captain, it was so out of character. Rose looked after her cousin with a pitiful but annoyed look on her face. She sighed loudly and shook her head.

"Not that I'm excusing his idiotic behaviour, but I'm sure he has his reasons," She gave me a sympathetic look and pulled revision notes out of her bag, "Okay then Gryffindor Captain," I smiled at her, "Let's see how your knowledge is on the unforgivable curses and their properties."

* * *

"Okay, so this is my playbook," James said holding out a folder full of scrap pieces of parchments that was bursting at the seams, "You guard this with your life Marshall."

"Okay," I nodded reaching to grab the book from his hands. He pulled it back slightly and narrowed his eyes at me.

"I'm being completely serious Marshall," He said darkly, "This is full of plays from nearly all the captains Gryffindor has ever seen." He placed it on the desk in front of us and opened it on onto a few random pages, "Charlie Weasley and the crossover hatch," He said pointing to an old looking piece of parchment whose notes had faded somewhat, "My dad's notes are in here, his dad's notes are in here, even McGonagall's plays are in here from when she was captain," He added, "Do you understand what I mean when I say you guard this with your life?" I resisted every urge I had to roll my eyes and laugh.

"Yes sir," I replied stiffly, trying to keep a straight face.

"This isn't a joke Hannah," James sighed, closing the folder and sliding it across the table to me.

"I know, I know. Sorry," I said quickly, straightening up, "It's just you're so serious about everything. I thought you were uptight in practice but this is next level," I beckoned to the captain's room that was covered in parchment and chalkboards that had the latest plays scribbled on them.

This was our third meeting in a week since James had told me I was going to be Captain and I don't think I had seen him smile once. I was the first to say that Quidditch should not be laughing matter but even I could admit he was taking it to the next level. James' usual laid back confident demeanour was replaced with a serious leader, who was doing his level best to pass on every bit of information he had to me. Whilst everyone that knew James Potter was going to be Head Boy from the moment he stepped through the Hogwarts gates, I struggled to see what made the cheeky mischievous player a Head Boy candidate until now. I actually quite like this side of James' personality. I had seen it sometimes in practice but was so determined on doing a good job for the team I just hadn't paid attention to it. It was nice to see him so passionate about something.

"Sorry, I just really want to win next year," He sighed, sinking back in his chair slightly, "Have you spoken to Dom recently?" He asked changing the subject.

"Of course, she nearly attacked me in the corridor when she found out," I smiled. Dominque Weasley was probably my most unlikely friend at Hogwarts. She was my other half on the Quidditch pitch and had taught me everything she knew. She was probably the best beater Hogwarts had ever seen and as so was moving to Romania after she graduated that summer to train with a prestigious Quidditch School. However, her notoriety had let her down when the previous Captain chose James over her. Something she was never bitter about more relieved that she didn't have to do all the work.

When I first tried out in my second year, she had begged the Captain at the time to have me on the team, adamant that we would make the perfect pair. After a few months of training, she was right. It was like we were in tune with each other when we played and so we were a force to be reckoned with. I dreaded trying to find a replacement for her next year and I couldn't imagine not having her at Hogwarts. She had been the older sister I had never had.

"I'm so jealous she's been selected for the training school," James said grabbing a Quaffle off the table and chucking it in the air. I was taken back a moment by James' confession. He was normally so put together and I didn't think he was jealous of anyone ever.

"I'm sure you will have loads of offers coming in next year," I reassured him.

"Not likely," He sighed sending me a soft smile, "Not that I'd be interested anyway."

"I thought top Quidditch Star, fawned after by adoring fans would be right up your street," I said feigning surprise. He smirked and threw the Quaffle my way, I caught it just before it smacked me in the face, and James looked mildly impressed.

"Whatever I do, I'll have adoring fans so no need to worry about that Marshall," I rolled my eyes as James slipped so easily back into his arrogant self and forcefully threw the Quaffle back at him, which the Keeper caught easily without even batting an eyelid.

"So if you don't want to be a Quidditch star what is it you want to do?" I asked changing the subject.

"I've been toying with the idea of being a curse breaker like my Uncle Bill," He shrugged and placed the Quaffle back on the table, "But it's a lot of work and really competitive let alone the amount of training you have to do,"

"Tell me about it," I nodded, "It's what I want to do, and I've been trying to get an internship for the summer but no luck."

"You're kidding," He scoffed. I nodded again. "You mean to tell me that neither Rose nor Albus has gotten in contact with Uncle Bill to see if he could arrange an internship for you?"

"No, I didn't even think to ask to be honest," I shrugged, slightly confused at why my friends hadn't tried to help me; they knew what I wanted to do. "To be honest I'd rather get through things on my own merits rather than through the back door if you will,"

"That's a load of rubbish," James said shaking his head, "You don't get anywhere in life without knowing people in the know. I did an internship with Uncle Bill in Egypt last year; I'll write to him and see if you can do the same one. I have no doubt he would be more than happy to help," I considered James for a moment not really sure at how to react to his offer, "Unless you don't want me to," He smirked, watching my internal battle take place.

"No, no," I replied quickly, "I mean yes that would be amazing if you could," James shot me a bright smile, one that had my heart beating quicker than normal. I ignored it and put it down to excitement about going to Egypt.

"We should probably head to dinner," James said standing up and picking up the folder. "This never leaves the office," He said placing it in the draw it came from. I nodded and followed him out of the Gryffindor changing rooms and into the cool evening.

"Do you think it will be weird for you, seeing someone else as captain?" I asked him as we walked back up to the castle.

"Probably," He smiled at me, "And I'm sure we will disagree on a few things, but no doubt you will put me in my place."

"Too right," I smiled back and he laughed and looked ahead to the castle. I fell into step beside him trying desperately to ignore how fast my heart was beating every time he looked at me. Over the past week, we had formed an unexpected friendship. It wasn't as natural as that of mine and Albus', but I found myself looking forward to seeing him and would enjoy it when he sat with me at lunch or breakfast to go over a few tactics that he thought of the night before. Even without Quidditch, we found we had a lot in common. We walked in a comfortable silence for a few moments.

"So you and Albus," James said after a moment. I frowned slightly and glanced at him, not really sure what he was asking.

"What about me and Albus?" I asked looking ahead when he caught me staring. I felt my cheeks go slightly red and inwardly cursed my fair complexion.

"Don't give me that Hannah," He smirked, enjoying my uncomfortableness, "You two are awfully close and affectionate," He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, making me blush further.

"I don't really know what you're getting at Potter-

"Yes you do," I glared at him, stopping in my tracks at the foot of the steps to the castle.

"We're friends and even if we weren't it would be none of your business," I snapped walking ahead of a smug looking James Potter, flinging my blonde curls behind me. I don't know why I let him get under my skin so easily. Lots of people had made the same assumption about me and Albus and in an idyllic world yes it would be fantastic but unfortunately, I had only ever had platonic feelings for my best friend. There was something about James' smugness, however, that really wound me up.

I walked into the Great hall to see Rose, Scorpius, and Al already starting their dinner. I turned to see James walking off, winking at me as he joined his friends at the top of the table. I rolled my eyes but couldn't help smile at how ridiculous the boy was. As I made my way down the table to my friends, I could see that the three of them were in a heated discussion about something. Rose caught sight of me and abruptly stopped the conversation.

"What's going on?" I asked them looking at their guilty faces.

"Nothing Hannah," Al said shoving his face with food and giving the other two a dark look. He had been in a foul mood since the day at the lake. I was trying to cut him some slack putting it down to stress of exams but honestly, his bad attitude was getting on my last nerve.

"Okay then," I sighed sitting down next to him. I frowned and tried not to think about them keeping secrets from me. The four of us had been fast friends from day one; we never had secrets from each other. I knew that Rose had had a crush on Scorpius since second year and I knew that Al had had his first kiss with Lucy Walsh behind Greenhouse 6 in fourth year. It didn't sit right that they were intentionally keeping secrets. I decided not to push the matter further instead, helping myself to some food just as James Potter came barrelling down the bench, sitting the other side of Rose looking absolutely delighted at the awkward silence that had fallen between the four of us.

"Hey bro, what's with your face?" He asked fixing himself a plate of sausage and mash, grinning unashamedly. They often had a habit of winding each other up, the results of which had ranged from them not speaking for days to Mr Potter needing to come up to the school. Their relationship was unstable, to say the least, but I knew that they loved each other deep down.

"Don't you have your own friends," Albus' growled back. James laughed and shook his head.

"Dear bro, you need to lighten up," He said flipping a bit of mash that was on his fork at his brother's face. We watched the interaction with bated breath. Al sighed deeply, wiping his face and all but throwing his cutlery down on the table.

"Just fuck off James," He said storming off down the hall. I shot James a look which was once again meet with a smug grin and a wink.

"Well done," Rose said in a tone that would make any of the Weasley/Potter clan think twice about their actions, "Sometimes James, you really push it." She picked up her bag and followed her cousin out of the hall.

"Okay, someone needs to tell me what is going on?" I asked exasperatedly to Scorpius and James. James' façade feel slightly and he looked sideways at Scorpius neither of them said anything, "For Merlin's sake, this is ridiculous," I followed suit, abandoning my dinner and following the pair out of the hall.

As I entered the common room I spotted a sulking Albus Potter sitting in the love seat next to the fire. I knew better than to try to talk to him when he was in this mood and so decided to go to the dormitory to see if I could get some answers from Rose. She was sitting on her bed surrounded by books her hair pinned to the top of her head when I found her.

"No luck with Albus' then," I asked, sitting on the end of her bed grabbing a pumpkin pasty off the dresser, regretting not finishing my dinner.

"What do you think?" She said, barely moving her eyes from the page. I sighed and lay back staring at the ceiling of her four-poster bed.

"What is with him lately?" I asked after a moment, turning to face her. She sighed and closed her book.

"He's jealous," She said after a pause. Her eyes crossed in concern.

"Of what?" I asked curiously. Albus was always one to wear his heart on his sleeve and most of the time I could read him like a book; it concerned me that I missed this one.

"You and James," She said simply, "You're spending a lot of time together and Al thinks he is taking you away from him," I gapped at her.

"That is ridiculous," I exclaimed, almost laughing at the stupidity of it all.

"I know, but you know what Al's like especially now Scorpius and I are together. He feels left out, and besides, you have been ignoring us recently." I sat up sharply; Rose averted her eyes as she spoke.

"I've just been busy, between exams and taking on this Captain duty, Is it any surprise?" I replied exasperatedly.

"I know that," She said grabbing my hand like she always did when I had an issue; it was the only way she would ever calm me down. "But you know Al takes it personally. All he can see is that you're spending more time with James than you are with him. As well as the fact that you and James actually get on, I think he's worried there's something more there," She said wisely. I looked away, "Is there something going on Hannah?" She asked sounding almost worried.

"I don't think I even need to answer that," I snapped at my friend, my annoyance getting the better of me. She didn't respond just continued to look at me worriedly, "No, of course there isn't anything going on, as if you could even ask that," I frowned, "We're just friends; Al's got nothing to worry about. Does he not trust me?" Rose shook her head and gave me a soft smile.

"He knows his brother and he knows you, he doesn't want you to get hurt," Rose said.

"I think I need to speak to Al," I said quietly.

"I think you do too," She said softly squeezing my hand briefly before moving to pick her book back up.

"I've missed us," I said to her as I got up to leave. We used to spend hours without the boys putting the world to rights, testing each other on all subjects, making witch weekly face potions. But since she and Scorpius finally sorted themselves out we've been distant.

"Me too," She said smiling, "Come and stop with Al in the summer and we'll have some girls' days and leave the boys to it," She all but ordered.

"Sounds great," I agreed walking out of the door to find Al. When I reached the bottom of the stairs I saw his gaze flicker over to me and his frown becoming all but embedded into his features.

"Your face will stay like that you know," I said sitting down next to him in the love seat, "Budge over fatty," He moaned but moved over to make room for me. I threw my legs across his much to his disapproval.

"Snap out of it moron," I said clicking my fingers in front of his face. He turned to face me.

"What do you want?" He growled.

"To apologise for not spending time with you recently. I've been busy with Captain Duties and revision and I'm sorry if you feel that I've been neglecting you, it's not been out of choice," I said softly. I saw his eyes flicker and a small smile creep across his face, "Also you don't need to be worried about me and James; we're just friends, well more colleges really," I said pulling a book out of my bag.

"How much has Rose said to you?" He asked cautiously.

"Just enough to make me realise that I've been a cow and that I should come and apologise, now test me on my translations, Runes is in two days and I'm not nearly prepared enough," Albus obliged, seeming happier than he had in days.

* * *

"How did it go?" Al asked me as soon as I joined them for lunch.

"Alright, I think," I replied as I sat down. He poured me some pumpkin juice which was gratefully accepted.

"I'm sure you've smashed it, two more left now like the rest of us." He smiled.

"Thank Merlin,"

"How did it go Hannah?" Scorpius asked sitting next to Rose who was buried deep in a book.

"Struggled with the first translation but I think that was just nerves, the rest was okay. Is it bad to say I enjoyed the last translation?" I replied grabbing a sandwich.

"You're mad," He said shaking his head, "I think that was the hardest test I've ever done, thank Merlin I'll be dropping it next year,"

"You're leaving me!" I quipped.

"Come on Hannah you know how bad I am in that class," Al scoffed and Scorpius shot him a dark look that shut him up instantly, "I only took it because Father made me, besides you'll be joining the seventh years so Roxy and James will be there," He smiled as if this was a consolation, helping himself to some coffee, "Although it will probably just be you and Zabini from our class, no one else is clever enough," He winked and took a sandwich.

"Flattery will get you nowhere Malfoy, I'm still annoyed you're leaving," I said narrowing my eyes and trying to seem annoyed, a smile giving me away.

"Flattery will get me everywhere Marshall," Scorpius winked, wrapping an arm around Rose and kissing her on the check. I shook my head and laughed, grabbing a sandwich.

"Can you all please stop talking for one second, I'm trying to concentrate," Rose said from beneath a stack of papers.

"You know there's a library for that," Al said. Rose glared at her cousin, "Okay shutting up," Al replied quickly pretending to zip up his mouth, "Do you guys want to head to the common room or somewhere that doesn't have a banshee trying to revise in it?" Al said to me and Scorpius.

"Mate you have a death wish," Scorpius said standing up from the table.

"I heard that Malfoy," Rose spat. Scorpius rolled his eyes and gestured for us to leave.

"She needs to chill out a bit," Albus said once we were out of hearing distance. Scorpius caught my eye and we both tried to hide our laughter, "What?" Al said looking between both of us.

"Come on Al, you can be as stubborn as Rose when you want to be," I replied as we walked towards the Library. Al scoffed and looked at Scorpius for back up.

"I'm with Hannah on this one; I think it's a Weasley thing," He said, I nodded and Al changed the subject to tomorrow's transfiguration exam.

"How are you feeling about it?" He asked me as we climbed the stairs to the library. I was about to answer when I heard someone calling my name from behind me. The three of us turned to see James running down the hallway, "What the fuck does he want?" Albus said scowling at his brother; he still hadn't forgiven him for the mash potato incident.

"I'll go and see; I'll meet you guys in the library," I said pushing them away, looking pleadingly at Scorpius when Al wouldn't move.

"Come on Al, the longer you stay here the more you're proving us right on how stubborn you are," He pulled Albus by the collar and dragged him into the library.

I turned away from them and saw James beckoning me over into an empty classroom. I had been keeping my distance from him the past couple of days as to not piss off Albus anymore than I already had, using the excuse of revision whenever James wanted to arrange a meeting. He seemed to have got the message, either from me or Rose I wasn't sure and although I was pleased, I couldn't help miss his company. The less time with him the more I thought about him and the more I thought about the more I realised that my feelings might not be as innocent as I first let on. He smiled at me as I walked into the classroom and ran his hand through his unruly hair.

"What's up?" I asked, perching on the edge of a desk and facing him expectedly.

"Letter for you," He said excitedly passing me an unopen piece of parchment. I stared down at the letter and then back up to him confused. He sighed but his smile didn't leave his face, "It's from my Uncle," I felt my eyes widen as I tore into the letter.

"Dear Hannah," I read out loud, "It would be the greatest of pleasure to offer you a place on our summer internship in Egypt,' I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!" I all but screamed, "I'm going to Egypt, to study curse breaking, I can't believe this," I said excitedly throwing my arms around James and laughing.

"Brilliant," James said grinning at me madly as I pulled away.

"Thank you for sorting this out for me," I smiled. I felt myself blush at our close proximity, suddenly realising that James' hands were still wrapped around my waist and he was looking at me with a strange expression. I felt my heart beat madly in my chest as I looked up at him.

"It was nothing," He whispered breathlessly. His eyes didn't leave mine and there was a seconds pause before our lips joined. The first kiss was hesitating and a shock to us both, we pulled apart briefly trying to judge each other's expressions, waiting for one of us to come to our senses, before our lips joined again. Passionately grasping at each other, I could feel him all over me. It was exhilarating and breath-taking. I wanted to melt into his lips and stay there forever. My hands worked on their own accord, moving into his hair as he gently caressed my face. The moment was perfect and beautiful, I didn't want it to end but it was over before it had even begun.

James pulled away from me, putting a large distance between us both. I was suddenly aware at how I must've looked, my uniform askew and my hair a mess. I stared at him not daring to move a muscle afraid the moment would disappear from me. I met his eyes and tried to find something, anything that said he didn't regret the most perfect moment. All I found was guilt and confusion. He ran his hands through his hair and closed his eyes for a moment. I didn't want to know what was coming next, I wanted to run and leave the moment exactly how it was but I was too afraid to move.

"James…" I started, breaking the silence that was encompassing us.

"I've got to go," He said moving towards the door.

"James?" I said, willing my voice not to break. He paused momentarily at the door and for a brief second I thought he would turn around and kiss me again but he just shook his head and left me standing in the middle of the classroom wondering what the hell just happened.

The shock took a moment to subside before the heartbreak set in. I willed myself not to cry as my feet carried me to the boy's table in the library. Luckily they sat in the quiet section so I could avoid questions and conversation; I just immersed myself in my transfiguration notes and willed myself to forget about the last ten minutes.

As night drew in, I made my excuses and took myself off to bed without dinner as to avoid the inevitable situation I was going to find myself in the dining hall. I crawled into my bed and closed my eyes pushing the image of James leaving the classroom from my mind. I felt a sob escape from my lips as I drew my curtains and cast a silencing charm before the sobs took over my whole body. I was rejected and defeated. I had kissed James Potter and all I felt was nothing but regret, pain and above all guilt. I had promised Rose and Albus that there was nothing going on, lying to my best friends. I could barely even bring myself to look at Albus, knowing it would kill him if he ever found out.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading my story, I really hope you enjoyed it. I have actually finished writing and so will aim to upload it as quickly as I can.**

 **Just to clarify I know that some of the ages and school years may be a bit different to what is regarded as canon but for the use of the story, Al and James are a year apart and Lily is a year bellow Al.**

 **Thanks again,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The last few weeks of the school year had been uneventful. I was determined not to let the guilt and heartache I was feeling spoil the post-exam bliss, spending most of the days with my friends lounging by the lake, enjoying the last moments of school before we went our separate ways. James, of course, had been keeping his distance. He made blatant excuses if he was cornered by Al or Rose whenever I was around and it was becoming difficult to just ignore the situation as if nothing had happened; I mean, he would barely even look me in the eye. Luckily none of my friends had caught on to the fact that James and I had gone from friends to completely nothing overnight. I think Rose was relieved that she didn't have to deal with Albus' sulking every time James would come and speak to me. I counted my lucky stars that they didn't think too much into it, knowing full well the blow out would be astronomical.

I threw myself into my last exams and organising my summer plans. My parents didn't hesitate when I told them about the internship. They were beyond excited for me and had arranged to come and see me for a week while I was in Egypt. With everything that had happened with James, I had tried desperately to get out of going to the Potters over the summer. However, despite my best attempts, Rose and Al had all but forced me to agree to spend the last weekend of the summer with them, going as far as to threaten to come to my house and kidnap me. I then tried to change the arrangements to stop at Rose's and not Al's like previously planned but Rose said her parents were doing some work on the house and so there wasn't enough room, therefore I was stuck at the Potter's.

"I think Nan's having a big dinner on the Sunday, so we'll probably spend the whole day there," Al said offhandedly from my lap where he was currently resting his head reading a book. "Lorcan and Lysander don't live too far away either so I'll ask if they can come around," he added. Rose scoffed, causing everyone to look at her. She looked like a deer caught in headlights.

"I'm sure Hannah would love that," She smirked. I shot her a warning look as I saw Al's confusion turn into a frown.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Al said sharply putting down his book and looking up at me.

"I have no idea what she's going on about," I lied, sending him a sweet smile and continuing to read my book.

The Scamander twins were close friends of the Potters and Weasleys and whilst they didn't spend a lot of time together at Hogwarts they didn't live too far from Rose and so were around a lot over summer. Lorcan, who was in Ravenclaw and the year bellow, took an avid interest in me last summer when I was visiting Rose. We had become quite close with him even visiting muggle London with me one weekend. At the time, I really enjoyed the attention and we actually had had a good time but coming back to Hogwarts in September we both agreed that we got on better as friends and he was currently dating Lily's best friend. Al looked at me for a moment longer, his glare burning a hole through the cover of my book.

"Rose?" He said turning to his cousin, who was still grinning happily at me.

"Hannah was kind of dating Lorcan last summer," She giggled like a bloody school girl. I had never seen Al move so quickly. He had sat up and pulled the book out of my hands.

"Give it back Al," I snapped, glaring at Rose who was giddy with laughter.

"You and Lorcan," He hissed. "Why didn't you tell me?" He actually looked slightly hurt as he threw the book back into my hands.

"Because there was nothing to tell," I said, snatching it back.

"Bullshit," He said frowning, looking to Rose and Scorpius for back up. "Did you kiss him?" I glared at my friend and felt my cheeks going red.

"I don't think that's any of your business," I said quietly. Al scoffed loudly.

"So that's a yes,"

"Look," I started turning to face him. "It was when you were on holiday for two weeks and it had ended by the time you were back. I didn't think it was overly important at the time, I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I apologised, trying to defuse the situation quickly. Al considered me for a moment before sighing and settling back in my lap.

"I won't invite Lorcan and Lysander then," Al said after a moment.

"Al," I groaned.

"I'm joking," He smirked up at me. I decided it was best not to respond and continued to read my book, trying desperately to avoid the noise of James and his friends playing in the lake.

"Did you hear James has got a girlfriend?" Scorpius asked offhandedly. I nearly choked, disguising it quickly as a cough, when Al replied.

"Someone actually managed to get him to put a label on it, I'm impressed," Rose remarked.

"What girl is stupid enough to go out with that idiot?" He said looking over at his brother. All of our eyes followed his and it was the first time in a few days I allowed myself to really look at him.

He was jumping off the diving board, running without a care in the world. His shirtless body making me feel weak at the knees. The pain of him having fun when I was so hurt and still reeling after our kiss made everything so much worse. I knew that it was just part of his demeanour, the arrogant, nothing ever bothers me act, but it hurt none the less. In our moment of weakness, I had been able to see the real him, the vulnerable side that nobody ever got to see. I fall asleep with the memory of the guilt in his eyes, killing me every time I think about it.

He came up from the water and I could see him looking over at us, at me. I felt myself go very red and averted my eyes quickly. "Idiot," Al said moving his attention back to his book. I allowed myself one last look and saw the older Potter walk across to a petite brunette girl picking her up and kissing her full on the mouth. I felt my heart stop.

"She's a sixth year in my House, Cressida." Scorpius said, "I think she's going to be the Head Girl next year," He said matter of factly. I hoped they would change the subject but I saw Rose still looking over at them, a disgusted look on her face.

"God, she's bloody awful," Rose said grimacing. "Why the hell did they make her Head Girl?"

"She's really clever," Scorpius shrugged, "A lot of the teachers like her, not so many of the students mind,"

"Well she can't be that clever if she's dating my idiot brother," Al said grinning. "It won't last long, he'll have moved on to the next easy target soon enough," I cringed at his words, feeling beyond stupid for falling for James Potters advances. I knew exactly what he was like and here I was nearly in tears over someone who was frankly not worth my time. He didn't care about me at all; I was just another easy target. I willed my tears away trying to not let him get the better of me.

"I best start packing," I said after a moment. I was so done with Hogwarts now; I just wanted to go home, to be as far away from James Potter as I could. I stood up quickly and grabbed my bag, ignoring Al's protests as his head fell to the ground, storming off back up to the castle without another word.

* * *

"Thank Merlin that year's over," Rose exclaimed, throwing herself down on a seat in an empty carriage and sighing deeply. The exams had taken their toll on all of us; I don't think any of us were the same person as when we started them. They had been truly awful but the last week of celebrating the end of them had made up for it.

"I couldn't agree more," I said quietly, putting my trunk up on the rack above the seats. None of them had said anything to me after the day at the lake, I think they put it down to stress after exams. Whilst I was a little relieved that no one had called me out about my changing attitude, afraid I might tell them everything, a part of me wanted them so desperately to make sure I was okay because I was far from so. I needed more than anything to offload some of the pain and guilt I was feeling after the kiss but I knew this could never happen. I would never be able to tell anyone, especially not Al. Our friendship was strong but I honestly believed he would hate me forever if he found out I had kissed his brother and nothing was worth that. I had resigned myself to the fact that I was going to have to take a leaf out of James book and act as though nothing had happened knowing full well that was it going to be easier said than done.

We settled into the train ride home, changing back into regular clothes about halfway through. I barely listened to the conversation that was going on around me, my mind was too distracted, only imputing when I knew I had been silent for too long. With about an hour to go of the journey, we were joined by Fred, Roxy, Dominque, Alice, Lily and Louis, squeezing into our carriage laughing and joking making as much noise as humanly possible. Dom caught my eye from across the carriage, shooting me a concerned look when she realised that I was not joining in as much as I normally did. I knew I wouldn't be able to lie to her so decided it would be best to ignore her, engaging Fred in an animated discussion about next season.

"Hannah," She shouted above the noise. "Can I have a quick word?" I glanced over at her and nodded following her into the hallway. She shut the door behind us and crossed her arms looking at me expectedly. I gulped as I felt my nerves getting the better of me; I could never lie to her.

"I kissed someone," I said quietly. She looked shocked for a moment before the usual Dom smirk came over her face.

"You absolute minx Hannah Marshall," She laughed loudly and I frowned looking around us to make sure no one could hear.

"It's not funny Dom, I shouldn't have done it," I snapped. She composed herself but still look bemused.

"Was it Al?" She asked grinning madly at me, "I've always thought there was something there but you never no-

"No, it wasn't Al," I snapped.

"What wasn't me?" Al asked from behind me. I felt the colour drain from my face and hoped Dom could read the pleading going on in my mind.

"Who kissed Hannah," She smirked over my shoulder. Of course, she was going to put me right in it. I swear I could kill her.

"Who kissed what?" He said giving me a confused look.

"Just ignore her Al, she's just trying to get a rise as per," I joked, rolling my eyes and plastering the fakest smile I could manage on my face. He didn't look convinced but nodded sending Dom a look and heading back into the carriage. Once the door was closed I turned back to my friend and smacked her on the arm.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" I hissed, glaring at her with as much annoyance as I could muster.

"Ow," She moaned, rubbing her arm. "Okay so it wasn't Al," She smirked, regaining her composure. "But it's someone you don't want Al to find out about," I closed my eyes and cursed myself; I knew I should never have said anything to her. I could never hear the end of it now.

"Just forget I said anything," I sighed, turning to go back into the carriage.

"Hannah, wait," Dom said placing a hand on my arm to stop me. I sighed and faced her. "Are you okay?" I fought with the real need to break down in her arms and tell her everything but knew it was risky. I plastered on a smile and nodded.

"Yes, I'm just overreacting. You know what I'm like." I smiled, she wasn't convinced.

"Whatever it is, you can tell me you know," She said softly, suddenly becoming serious. I nodded and she sighed wrapping her arms around me in a hug. "I'm going to miss you little one," She said into my hair. I tried not to get upset and patted her fondly on the back.

"I'm going to miss you too," I replied, "Although if you keep calling me little one I may have to kill you," I smiled as she pulled away. She smirked and patted me on the head patronisingly.

"Hannah Marshall, you could be a wrinkly old lady and I will still see you as the nervous looking second year who was as brassy as anything, giving all the seventh year lads a run for their money," She laughed and squeezed my hand fondly. "You coming?" She asked opening the door to the carriage again.

"Need the loo," I lied smoothly. She gave me a last smile before stepping back into the madness. I wasn't in the mood to put a face back on and deal with the madness that was the Weasley family. I headed towards the back of the train to find an empty carriage and sat by the window enjoying the peace and quiet for a moment before going back to my friends. I heard the door open and I turned around to see James standing there looking as dashing as ever, the usual smirk replaced with a look of guilt. I couldn't breathe. It was the first time we had been alone since the incident. He met my eyes and I saw that he was just as embarrassed and confused as I was, his hand running to his hair like it normally did when he was nervous. I pulled my eyes away from him and continued to stare out of the window; he took this as his queue to speak.

"Can I sit down?" He asked softly, I didn't say anything but saw him move to sit in front of me. "Hannah…" He began; I closed my eyes and begged the tears not to come.

"Just don't," I said quietly turning to face him. "Just don't. You made your position very clear." I looked away from him wiping away the tear that had gotten the better of me, not wanting him to see how upset I was. I heard him sigh and looked around to see his head in his hands.

"I'm just sorry," He said after a moment, "I should never have done what I did," I scoffed and looked away from him.

"Which part?" I asked spitefully.

"All of it. I should never have put us in that position and I dealt with it all wrong, please don't think badly of me," He said quietly. We were both quiet for a moment, I could feel myself softening letting my guard down slightly. "I'm just so confused," He sighed, he sounded so broken. I looked at him properly, our eyes bore into each other and I could feel myself melting again, giving into whatever power he had over me. My heartbeat quickened as my gaze flickered down to his lips before I shook my head and stood up trying desperately not to let him get the better of me again.

"I need to be going, the other's will be wondering where I am." I made to leave and he grabbed my hand. The contact sent shivers up my spine; we both stared at our hands for a moment. "Your girlfriend will be wondering where you are," I said quietly bringing my eyes up to meet his gaze.

"I don't care," He said moving his hands to hold my face. I could feel my heart beating wildly in my chest.

"James, please…" I said dejectedly. I didn't even know what I was asking for and he knew that. He put his forehead against mine.

"Tell me to stop and I'll stop," He whispered. I shook my head like a petulant child and felt my eyes flutter close trying to avoid the impending situation. "Tell me to stop and I'll stop," He repeated more confidently now, slipping back to his old self. I tried but I couldn't utter that stupid four letter word. All I wanted was him to close the distance between the two of us. "Merlin Hannah," Was the last thing he said before our lips met softly, knowingly, naturally. We knew how to move, he knew how to make my knees go weak. It was perfect, not as desperate as before, but passionate in a different way. I melted into him and he held me close to his body, caressing my back, gripping my hair. I allowed my hands to explore, going underneath his shirt and feeling the goosebumps that I had elicited up his side. It felt like an eternity. He pulled away and peppered my lips with smaller soft kisses.

"What are we going to do?" He said painfully placing his forehead onto mine and closing his eyes. I knew we could never do anything; too many people would get hurt. I felt a tear fall from my eyes as I realised the true weight of what we had done, what we were doing. I knew our desperation had to be put to one side, he knew that too. He wiped the tear away from my eye and kissed my forehead wrapping his arms around me. I felt protected and hopeless. It felt like we were ending before we had even begun.

"Nothing," I said quietly, "We do nothing," I said looking at him. His eyes closed for a moment before he took a step away from me, putting the much-needed distance between us.

"Okay," He agreed. I nodded and neatened myself up before moving towards the door. "Have a good summer, Hannah." He said as I left. I turned and gave him a small smile.

"You too," I said before leaving and making my way back to my friends. I joined the conversation more avidly when I returned, moving my thoughts away from James and trying to focus my summer adventures instead. As we left the train, loaded with our luggage and searching for our parents, Albus turned to us his face screwed up in disgusted.

"Please don't tell me I'm going to be putting up with _that_ all summer," He said grimacing. I followed his gaze and my breath caught in my throat. Cressida currently had her legs wrapped around James and they were kissing so passionately and so blatantly, they were drawing quite the attention. I was aware that we agreed to do nothing but he had been kissing me not over an hour ago, now he was practically shoving this down my throat. I shook my head and could feel myself getting angrier by the second. Luckily Mrs Potter walked straight over to James and smacked him around the back of the head.

"She forgets that that is what she used to do with Dean Thomas," A voice said from behind us. The four of us turned around to see Harry Potter laughing at the situation ahead.

"Dad, that's bloody disgusting," Al said, shaking his head.

"Tell me about it," Ron Weasley's voice said from behind him.

"Dad!" Rose said, jumping over to her dad and throwing her arms around his neck.

"Ron, you know full well that that is what you used to do with Lavender so you can quit it," A stern female voice came from behind him. Hermione wrapped her arms around her daughter before moving to hug the rest of us.

"I best getting going then," I said quickly, not wanting to intrude on the family moment, "I'm leaving tomorrow so mum will want to spend as much time with me as possible," I said making my excuses. I hugged all my friends quickly, trying desperately to avoid Mrs Potter and James currently making their way over to the group.

"Hannah, I've messaged your mum so you're all set to come to ours on the 28th August." Ginny Potter said when she saw me. I saw James looking at his mum confused for a second, before the realisation that I would be saying with them dawned on his face.

"Thank you, Mrs Potter. I'm really looking forward to it," I said trying desperately to move away from James before he could say anything, struggling with my cases.

"Do you need some help dear?" Mrs Potter asked me concerned about how badly I was struggling.

"I'm okay thank you," I said choosing at that moment to drop the bag that contained all of my books, the contents scattering across the floor.

"James, can you help her while we load the car?" Mrs Potter ordered before I could insist otherwise, walking off to join her family. We both stood their awkwardly for a moment before I leant down to pick up my books. James quickly helped me and grabbed my case.

"I don't need your help," I said scornfully.

"If I don't my mum will have another go at me, let's just get to your parents quickly," He quipped, not hiding his own annoyance. I was taken aback for a moment as we walked to the exit.

"Well if you hadn't been sucking face with her in front of everyone then you wouldn't have got in trouble," I said spitefully avoiding his gaze.

"You can't be annoyed at me for that," He said angrily. I scoffed and shook my head.

"This is so messed up," I said.

"You're telling me," He replied.

"Do you have to make it so obvious," I frowned at him; he considered this for a moment.

"I don't know what else to do," He said defeated. He paused for a moment before we reached my parents. "I'm sorry again Hannah," He said. I smiled sadly at him and took my case from his hands our fingers brushing slightly.

"Write to me," I said, surprising myself at the request. He smiled and nodded.

"Of course, enjoy Egypt." He said looking somewhat happier.

"Let's just try being friends," I said.

"Deal," He said holding out his hand for me to shake it.

"Deal," I said shaking his hand and trying to ignore the feeling of our skin touching.

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed this Chapter. Just to give you guys a heads up there are 21 chapters in total and the current word count is about 125,000. I am hoping to get it all up as quickly as possible. Also, grammar and spelling isn't my strong suit so I do apologise if you find any I've missed, I have tried to fish them all out.**

 **Next chapter will be with you shortly,**

 **Thanks for reading.**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

Before I knew it the summer was nearly over. My time on the internship in Egypt had been amazing, only confirming further my passion for curse breaking. I had met the most brilliant people whilst I was out there. As I was there for a while, Bill had got in touch with one of his friends who was a local and arranged for me to stop with them. They had a girl the same age as me and the two of us were quite close whilst I was there. The people I worked with on the internship had been fantastic and really helped me learn more about the career I so desperately wanted.

My friends had written to me every week whilst I was away, keeping me updated about how their summer was going and making further arrangements for when I came to visit. I couldn't wait to see them all again, going nearly two months without seeing them took its toll especially when I basically lived with them at school. I couldn't wait for us all to be reunited and felt almost guilty not being able to stop longer with them before the summer was over. The oldest Potter had decided not to write to me, and it was silent on my behalf as well. I hoped the distance between us would've helped affirm a clear ending to the confusing past few weeks of term and I was all but kidding myself into thinking that it would be fine when I saw him next.

Fortunately, my summer wasn't spent completely hung up on James Sirius Potter. Whilst working for Bill's company, I'd met a curse breaker, Jake, who I had remembered from Hogwarts the year before. He was sweet and took me out on a few dates but we both knew that the distance between us would cause its complications and decided to just have fun whilst I was there. He was a needed distraction and whilst we had promised to keep in contact we both knew it was unlikely.

"Grimmauld Place," I said to the conductor of the Knight Bus as it pulled up in front of me.

"That will be eleven Sickles love," The conductor smiled. I handed him the correct change and stepped onto the bus, grabbing my bags as I went. My family were muggles and the nearest wizarding town to mine was miles away, so the only way I could get into the wizarding world was on the knight bus. I wouldn't think it was anyone's first choice of transport, but flying was too risky without alerting my muggle neighbours and I wasn't allowed to do my apparition test until November, so it was all I could do for now.

The bus zoomed down the country lanes at a ridiculous speed as I stumbled into an empty seat. It would normally take me half an hour to reach the Potter's, so I pulled a book out of my bag and tried desperately to ignore the nagging worry that was filling my head about what was to come. Deep down I knew I was secretly looking forward to seeing James again but I couldn't help the nerves. I felt guilty just thinking about him, but he had a hold of me that I just couldn't shake off. I knew he was still with his girlfriend, Albus' had been moaning about them in nearly all of his letters, but a part of me just didn't care.

"Grimmauld Place," The conductor shouted from the front of the bus. The driver slammed on his brakes making everyone lurch forward and a poor little old witch's shopping fell onto the floor. I jumped up and grabbed my bags carefully dodging the old lady, thankful to be finally off the bus. I walked up the steps to the front door of the old house as the bus zoomed off behind me, disappearing from sight. Before I had a chance to knock, Albus and Rose had opened the door and had thrown their arms around me in an encompassing hug.

"Guys, I need to breathe you know," I said smiling, trying to wrestle my arms free from where they were currently pinned to my side.

"Sorry, just happy to see you, Hannah," Albus said blushing slightly, running his hands through his hair much like his brother did. Al had shot up over the past few weeks, his lanky from filling out slightly and his hair looking as unkempt as ever.

"How was Egypt?" Rose said looping my arm and pulling me into the house. "I want to hear everything," She said excitedly. For the most part, she looked the same old Rose, but her face was slightly slimmer and she was supporting a summer tan that made her look even more beautiful than she was already.

"I told you in my letters," I smiled, following her into the hallway as Al grabbed my bags and closed the door behind us. "I don't want to bore you again, but it was amazing."

"Mum's saved you some dinner in the kitchen," Al said dragging my bags behind him. "I'll go and put these in your room,"

"Yes, I know you mentioned all the boring stuff," Rose said grabbing me by the arm to get my attention, "But I want to hear more about Jake," She giggled slightly and I buried head in my hands in embarrassment. Albus paused on the stairs, turning around with a frown plastered across his face.

"Who's Jake?" He said confused. I gapped slightly, not really sure what to say, wanting nothing more than to throttle Rose for bringing him up in front of Al.

"Merlin, was that a secret?" Rose said with a horrified look on her face, smacking a hand to her forehead.

"Well, yes," I said quietly. "And he's nobody now, just someone I met in Egypt," I said quickly, hoping to appease any more questions.

"I see," Al replied. He considered me for a moment, looking as though he wanted to say more before he sighed loudly and continued up the stairs.

"Does he not realise that I will probably meet someone at some point?" I moaned to Rose as I watched Al climb the stairs. "He can't have me to himself forever; we aren't you and Scorp for Merlin's sake," I said turning to face her when he was out of earshot. She looked at me sadly before sighing.

"Sorry Han, I really put you in it then didn't I." She said, "Don't worry about Al; you know what he's like, very protective over us. Remember he nearly throttled Scorpius when he found out,"

"I know that but you're his cousin-

"And you're his best friend," She said simply. "Now come on, I want to hear everything before I have to go home." She said walking downstairs into the kitchen.

"I thought I heard voices," Mrs Potter said cheerfully when we walked in. "Hannah, it's good to see you. How was Egypt? Bill was saying that you were a complete natural," She added kindly.

"It was amazing Mrs Potter," I replied, joining Rose at the table and blushing at the compliment.

"Good, good. I'll sort your dinner out, would you like some tea?" She asked I nodded in response as she sorted out the dinner.

Rose went home about an hour later not wanting to give her father any more reason to be annoyed at her. Apparently, there had been an incident over the summer that she briefly mentioned in her letters, involving her and Scorpius and her Dad wasn't overly pleased about it, too put it lightly. She was desperate for Scorpius to stay the following evening and as so was trying to be on her best behaviour. Rose seemed confident that he would be able to stay however seeing as she had got all O's in her OWLs. Al, Lilly and I had taken to the drawing room to play some very intense games of exploding snap. Al hadn't asked any more questions about Jake, much to my relief, and the older Potter had not yet made an appearance. Around 11 o'clock, Mrs Potter put her head around the door and told us all it was time to go to bed, showing me to the guest room.

My sleeping pattern had taken a turn for the worst since getting back from Egypt. It had been nearly a week and my body was still reeling from the time difference and the long distance floo network. I stayed up reading for a while in my room while the rest of the Potter's went to bed. I hadn't seen James all evening and knew it would be suspicious if I had asked Al or Lilly where he was, instead I tried not the let his no-show bother me, without much success. I decided to finally get some sleep at around one in the morning, stepping out of bed to put my slippers on and get some water from the kitchen. The house was eerily quiet as I made my way down the stairs trying to make no noise. I made my way quickly into the kitchen grabbing a cup and heading to the tap, pausing to have a quick drink.

"What are you doing awake?" I heard a voice say from behind me.

"Shit!" I yelled dropping my glass and whipping around, pulling my wand out of my dressing gown pocket. James Potter was standing behind me, dressed in only his pyjama bottoms, his hair tousled from sleep. In a flash he was over to me, his hand clamped around my mouth and his arm wrapped tightly around my waist, his eyes darting to the ceiling as a floorboard creaked above us. The room was quiet for a moment, I didn't dare breathe, his close proximity making my hairs stand on end. He dropped his hand from my mouth and looked down at me smiling.

"Hi," He smirked, still not releasing my waist, keeping me held close to his half-naked body. I wanted to push him away, knowing full well he was doing it on purpose but I was still in shock and could barely make coherent thoughts.

"Hi," I said breathlessly, trying to slow my heart rate down dramatically. He reached around me, without breaking eye contact or dropping the stupid smirk from his face, and filled my cup again with water.

"I think you dropped this," He said mischievously handing the cup back to me. My heart seemed to have calmed down somewhat and I decided to try and take back control of the situation. I rolled my eyes and reluctantly stepped away from him.

"You are so bloody hilarious, you scared the shit out of me," I cursed. He laughed quietly and shrugged.

"You look good," He said after a moment. He stood with his arms crossed, leaning back against the kitchen unit very blatantly checking me out. I suddenly felt very exposed standing there in my pyjamas, trying to pull my dressing gown closer around my body.

"Stop," I frowned, "you don't get to do that. We are meant to be friends." I added; confused at where his new found confidence had come from. He was suddenly so sure of himself and the effect he had on me, I all but wanted to smack him around the head and knock it out of him. I would say it was unattractive but his arrogance was only making me want him more.

"I know that but it doesn't mean I can't tell you that you look good, I tell Fred he looks good all the time. It doesn't mean I want to kiss him senseless." He explained still grinning like a madman.

"You didn't write to me," I said, trying to change the subject.

"You didn't write to me," He shrugged, pulling his wand out and twisting it between his fingers.

"Ha, ha, how mature," I sniped, "I asked you to write to me, I thought you would at least take an interest in how my internship was going," I said honestly. He looked at me and sighed.

"I thought we could do with the space,"

"What a load of crap," I called him out. He frowned and put his wand away.

"From what I hear, you've been busy anyway," He said, not meeting my eyes.

"The real reason then," I shook my head, "Did Rose tell you?" I asked after a moment. His face drew into a crease.

"Cressida thought it was a hot topic. Her brother is best friends with Jake so…" He explained.

"Well if Cressida thought that then..." I snapped, looking away from him. I heard him chuckle slightly to himself and push himself away from the cabinet to move closer to me.

"Hannah, Hannah, Hannah." He said placing both of his arms either side of me pinning me in. "Jealousy doesn't suit you at all," He smirked, moving a hand to tilt my chin up, forcing me to look at him.

"And you think it suits you?" I replied, wafting his hand away. His face fell slightly and I could see his vulnerability coming back again.

"I've missed you," He said simply, honestly. It was so innocent and yet it made my heart soar out of my chest. I knew that in a moment reality would set in and I would be annoyed about him leading me on and having his way with me, but for now, I didn't want to move. I just wanted to enjoy us.

"I've missed you too," I said. He smiled at me and moved a piece of hair out of my face.

"I'm sorry I didn't come and say hello earlier," He added after a moment. "I didn't trust myself,"

"What do you mean?" I asked quietly, not wanting to break to the tension that was building between us.

"I knew that if I saw you again, regardless of who was there, I would have to do this," He lowered his mouth onto mine and kissed me softly. I wrapped my arms around his neck inviting him in further, pleading silently to give me more. His arms snaked around my waist and his hands grazed the skin under my top. He pulled away all too soon and sighed deeply closing his eyes and placing his forehead on mine.

"This is fucking crazy," He whispered. I nodded, not wanting to break the perfect moment. "I'm sorry, I couldn't help myself."

"I know," He pulled away and moved towards the door.

"We should get some sleep," I nodded in agreement, "Goodnight Hannah," He said and I watched him again, walk away from me feeling my heart ache painfully as he left.

I gave myself a minute before following him upstairs to bed. In my distraction I barely noticed Albus stepping out of his room, looking dazed and tired, his face screwed up in confusion when he saw me.

"You okay Han?" He whispered, reaching his arms up and stretching.

"Just grabbing some water," I said holding up my cup. He yawned and nodded as I moved past him to go to my room, hoping he didn't want to engage in a longer conversation. As I walked past him, he held a hand out to grab my elbow. I flinched at the contact; my body still heightened from James only moments ago, the guilt setting in once again. I was being so incredibly selfish without even realising. I was putting my feelings before my friendship with my best friend. I couldn't even imagine what this would do to Albus if he ever found out. He would never want to speak to me again, and I knew that neither James nor anybody was worth that. It would break the two of them, they already had a rocky relationship and I was putting even more strain on that.

"Are you sure you're okay? You know I have a wicked sense of knowing when you are upset." He said kindly looking down at me.

I looked into his eyes and hoped that my guilt wouldn't show. I patted his hand and leaned up to kiss him on the cheek, the sign of affection taking him by surprise. "I'm fine Al," I said softly. I smiled at him and moved towards my door. "Goodnight," I called behind me as I shut the door. I heard him move back into his room as I made my way to bed, my mind reeling about the night's events. I placed my cup on the dresser and got into bed knowing that I was not going to be getting a good night sleep.

* * *

"Oi, get up," I felt someone jump on me, startling me awake. I opened my eyes to see Albus hovering over me grinning like a buffoon. "Time to go back," He stripped back my covers and I groaned loudly as he went to open the curtains.

"Mum says breakfast on the table in 20 minutes and she wants us all dressed and ready." He grinned madly, looking like a child on Christmas day. He stood in the middle of the room as I got up out of bed.

"Well get out then so I can get ready you idiot," I scorned, chucking a cushion at him. He ran out of the room laughing, dodging past a tired-looking James on the landing. I felt the air go cold as soon as we caught eyes.

"Morning," He said after an awkward pause.

"Morning," I smiled, shutting my door as he walked into the bathroom. I sighed, thankful that going back to Hogwarts would keep the awkward moments between me and James at a minimum. Following the night in the kitchen, I avoided James as much as I could; making sure that when I was faced with him we were never alone, knowing what the outcome would be. For his part, James had been avoiding me as well. He was never really in the house, always at Cressida's house, keeping his distance as best as he could. Around his family and Al, we were civil and I was sure that no one was aware of any shift in our relationship if you could call it that.

For the most part, I had had an amazing weekend at the Potters with my friends. We spent most of it at Rose's, whose house was in the countryside meaning we could freely play Quidditch with Hugo and Lilly. Sunday was spent at The Burrow with most of the clan, including the Scamander's. It was amazing to be around such a lively family. Bill was singing my praises to anyone who would listen and was talking about offering me another internship at Easter as I would be allowed to do magic by then, an offer which was avidly received. Mrs Weasley had gone above and beyond with the help of Fleur and Percy. The food was incredible; it was only when Lucy, the youngest Weasley, fell asleep at the table everyone was reminded of how late it was.

Before I knew it we were all boarding the train once again. My parents came and saw me off at the station, my mum fussing that she never gets to see enough of me; I decided that it probably wasn't the right time to mention Easter. With a final hug to our parents, we all boarded the train laden with bags. James took off on the train without a second look at the rest of us, Lilly and Hugo followed shortly after. Scorpius led us down the train trying to find an empty carriage.

"We are going to have to go soon for prefect duties," Rose said as we sat down. She looked sheepishly at me.

"Its fine you guys," I said looking at their guilty faces. I knew it was coming, the three of them were made prefects the year before and I found myself riding the majority of the train last year alone. "Honestly don't worry. I need to sort some things out for Quidditch before the work piles on and Fred said he would come and help me with some new plays." I smiled at them, hoping they were somewhat reassured. I knew their hesitance came from my mood the same time last year but I was jealous then. Being made Gryffindor Captain, I felt, made me one of them.

Being friends with a Malfoy, Weasley and a Potter had never been easy. From a young age, I realised that I was going to be completely in their shadows and I was okay with this, I was just happy being their friends. Despite their unwanted attention, they were never big headed or reliant on their fame. The first train journey to Hogwarts they did not correct me when I didn't know anything about them or their families, they understood and played down the very famous story that was embedded into every witch and wizard across the country. Despite their natures, they also felt that they had to prove themselves, all of them felt like they had to live up to a very heavy expectation on their shoulders and I could never compete with that.

However prepared I felt for Rose to become Gryffindor prefect over me, the sinking jealous feeling still came. I knew that Rose and Albus were going to become Head boy and Girl and it was never a surprise that Scorpius was made Captain of his team in fourth year and then prefect the year after. Up until now I always felt inadequate and I think they knew this. I was happy to always come forth, I was happy just being their friends, but becoming Captain of the Quidditch team established me in the history of Hogwarts and the ambitious leader in me thrived on this. I suddenly felt adequate in their company; I felt like I belonged with my friends, I felt like I had a purpose other than studying and constantly waiting for them to be free.

"We'll be back after rounds," Rose said kindly, squeezing my hand, following Al and Scorpius out of the carriage. I smiled as they left, not wasting any time in pulling out my Quidditch board and notes.

About half an hour into the journey I heard a knock at the door. I was surrounded by Quidditch books and was currently using my model brooms to fly a new play I had devised on my model pitch. I turned around and saw Fred Weasley standing in the doorway, grinning madly at my current situation.

"Well I did hear that they was a Quidditch mad witch shouting at toy brooms somewhere on the train, should I just leave now or?" He joked. I rolled my eyes and moved some of the books for him to sit down.

"Ha." I replied sarcastically, "Very funny Weasley," I scorned. I had always been friendly with Fred during our time on the team and he was quite close to Rose and Al which meant he had been around a lot over the years.

"Don't worry Marshall, I've seen James in the same situation plenty of times, it's good to have a captain who cares. Completely insane mind," I chucked a book at him, ignoring the mention of his cousin, "Okay, okay," He laughed, "What are we doing then Capt?"

The next hour was spent brainstorming ideas for the upcoming season. We made a list of new players we needed (a beater, a chaser and a seeker) as well as coming up with over twenty new plays and training techniques.

"No, seriously there is no way I would pass to Roxy during that play," Fred argued for the 100th time. "We just don't work like that," He said arguing his case once again for twin telepathy.

"Shut it Weasley! I have seen you countless times in training and at The Burrow making similar plays with Roxy. I tell you what; I'll even let you take the credit when it works." I said sitting back and glaring at him. He frowned but nodded in defeat.

"Is she working you hard Freddie?" A voice said at the doorway. We both turned to see James Potter standing in the doorway. Completely caught off guard, my heart leapt from my chest and I felt my cheeks go bright red. He looked bloody gorgeous, standing there in his new school robes his Head Boy badge pinned to his cloak.

"Well she's giving you a run for your money, I'll tell you that," Fred laughed standing up and stretching.

"Good, there is no way I'm losing this year Marshall," James said smirking at me. It took me a moment to register the cold use of my second name. I felt an unexpected anger come over me.

"Well let's hope the keeper doesn't let me down and we should be okay," I retorted harshly, moving to put my books away. I saw his face fall slightly before he plastered his mask back on and looked at Fred.

"Roxy is looking for you, she said something about your Mum mixing up the uniform," James said ignoring me.

"Ha. I like how she blames Mum but it's probably Dad pranking us again, every year!" Fred replied chuckling, "I best go and find her, there is no way I'm wearing a skirt to the welcome feast. I'll catch up with you guys later," Fred took off, leaving me and James alone for the first time since the kitchen, a situation I so desperately wanted to avoid. I busied myself by tiding my things away, finding it difficult to ignore him when he was so blatantly staring at me.

"Do you need some help?" He said after a moment. I whipped around and stared at him.

"No thanks Potter," I said spitefully. He rolled his eyes and started picking up some of the books anyway.

"You've been ignoring me," He stated, handing me a pile of books looking somewhat hurt.

"I haven't been _ignoring_ you," I replied, throwing my books into my case and squaring up to him, not caring to hide my annoyance. "I've been _avoiding_ you. Like you said this is fucking crazy, why the hell are we even bothering," I sighed, trying desperately not to get upset. Hadn't I agreed that it was crazy? That what we were doing was so selfish and would kill Al if he ever found out. I had no reason to be upset at James, but here I was temper rising by the second; nothing made sense.

"Do you really think that I meant it like that?" He said moving closer to me, anger in his voice.

"Well yes, seeing as you have walked away from me twice now without any explanation. What else was I supposed to think?" I said throwing my hands up defeated.

"I meant it was fucking crazy how much I like you," He all but shouted. We stood there in silence, his words ringing around the room. "It doesn't matter though," He said after a moment, "Because you are Al's best friend. We could never do that to him, he would never speak to me ever again," He said sadly looking almost broken at the mere thought of his brother finding out. I felt my heart sank as I reached forward to take his hand, the anger in me fading quickly at the show of his vulnerability.

"I know," I said simply. He pulled his hand away from me and took a step back.

"No you don't," He spat, "He would hate me forever." He didn't dare meet my eyes.

"I know James, don't you think I've realised that as well. Why do you think I've been avoiding you? I don't ever want to put you in that situation," I said softly, pleading silently for him to look at me.

"I don't trust myself around you," He met my gaze and I saw his eyes flash down towards my lips. I felt almost drawn to him, our masks fading, both of us wanting the same thing. The tension in the carriage was palpable and I wanted nothing more than to close the gap between us but I knew what would happen if I did; he would leave again. He would draw me in, like Al had said, I was an easy target for him, even easier if I kept dropping my barrier every time he made a pass at me. I shook my head and stared at him furiously.

"Not again, you can't keep doing that," I all but yelled, my emotions all over the place.

"What's going on?" We both turned to see Rose, Scorpius and Al standing at the door staring at us confused. "What's going on?" Al asked, louder this time; I could see he was getting more concerned by the second.

"Nothing to worry about Al," James said, sliding his mask back on as if nothing had happened. "Marshall here is just putting me in my place; I keep trying to interfere in her plans for the team, not quite ready to give up the reins." He lied so smoothly, even I believed him. Al stared at his brother and then at me.

"Hannah?" He asked, not yet convinced. I nodded, once again putting up my barriers and giving Al what I hoped seemed like a genuine smile.

"He has been harping on about a play that he wants to try but I don't think our newer players will be up for it. I've told him no, but you know what he is like," I said, not daring to even look James' way.

"Leave her to it, she'll be a better captain than you anyway," Al smirked, glaring at his brother. I almost let out a sigh of relief before I caught sight of Scorpius' face, he was staring at me concern ablaze in his eyes. I knew he didn't buy it. The bloody Slytherin was too observant for his own good; always the quiet one, taking in everything that was going on around him.

"Don't worry about him Han, stick to your guns. He should be used to not getting his way with stubborn women." Rose said winking at me and taking a seat.

"You got that right Rosie," James smiled, "Anyway, I best head off, need to sort out the first years out," He left without another look over his shoulder.

"He can be such an arse sometimes," Rose said once he left, "He must have really wound you up to make you shout at him," She asked me. The four of us sat down and Al helping himself to a chocolate frog that was left on the seat. I could feel Scorpius looking at me, staring right through me; I didn't dare meet his eyes.

"I just want to lead the team my way and I don't want him interfering," I said quietly, staring out of the window.

"You're going to have a hard year then," Al said. I nodded in agreement and asked them how rounds were, trying to move the conversation on from what they had nearly walked in on. Scorpius was quiet for the most part, not speaking to me directly, but I knew it wasn't the end of it.

We arrived at Hogsmeade station not a moment too soon, making our way to the horseless carriages. Al bumped into some of his dorm mates, who had joined us and they were having a heated discussion about the upcoming Quidditch league. Normally, such a conversation would have engaged me but I felt myself becoming more withdrawn. I felt sick with worry, still upset about how I left things with James and concerned about what Scorpius was thinking. I knew he would want to talk to me privately about it and I wasn't convinced I could openly lie to my friends face. Luckily, Rose and Scorpius were talking to each other quietly, keeping themselves to themselves, meaning I wasn't needed in any conversation.

As I saw the castle coming into sight I couldn't help but let my mind drift back to the argument I had had with James. In the midst of all the angst, he had openly admitted that he liked me, confusing me even more. I wasn't sure whether or not to believe the older Potter. Knowing his dating past as well I did, I couldn't remember a time where I actually believed that James liked someone and not just put up with them for other gains. It was the truth of the matter, James had a sordid reputation and I wasn't certain I felt comfortable with just being another stupid girl who fell for his ways. But what if he actually liked me?

I couldn't help but internally smile at the thought. I wasn't ready to admit to myself that the feelings I had for the older were nothing more than physical, but having him so openly admit that he had feelings for me made me far happier than it should. I was so bloody confused. I knew our conversation was far from over, but I also knew that we were on the same page. Whatever we felt for each other; neither of us wanted to hurt Al.

We ran from the carriages into the warmth of the castle, being swept up by the hundreds of students making their way to the welcome feast in the hall. I fell behind my friends, Rose and Scorpius walking on ahead getting their last for moments together before he sat with the Slytherins, Al speaking to a Gryffindor girl in the year below who was a friend of Lily's. I was suddenly aware of how alone I was. Al had had girlfriends in the past but nothing overly serious, he never really got the point of them, unlike his brother. But watching him openly flirt with this pretty girl made it all too real. I was alone and the one person I knew could make me feel better, I couldn't have. I suddenly didn't feel so much like dinner, stopping dead in my tracks and turning against the flow of students to go back to the common room. I spotted a girl in my dorm, Jennifer, and asking her to pass on a message to Rose to tell her I had gone to bed early as I wasn't feeling well.

I hurried down the corridor away from the noise of the students going to the hall, relishing in a moments peace as I walked down an empty corridor, my footsteps echoing off the old stone walls. No matter how upset I felt, I was still incredibly happy to be back at Hogwarts. A home away from home, it filled the missing void I had felt for most of my childhood; making me feel like I belonged somewhere, making me feel accepted after years of muggle torment for being _strange._ I don't think I ever felt luckier the day Professor Longbottom came to my house and explained everything to my parents. It only felt like five minutes ago I was walking nervously into the hall with the other first years, Rose yapping in my ear about the ceiling which I thought was spectacular at the time. I couldn't believe I only had two years left and I was letting an idiot boy mess me around enough to miss the welcome feast.

I pulled myself into a bathroom, splashing my face and telling myself I needed to get it together; to stop letting James Potter have this effect on me. I glanced at my reflection in the mirror adjusting my blonde curls and uniform before heading back into the corridor, intending to go back to the feast. I went to take a shortcut through a tapestry when I heard giggling. I ripped back the painting to find James and Cressida lip-locked with his hand under her shirt. I couldn't move, the shock of what I was seeing pinning me to the spot. Cressida's scream rang through the corridor when she spotted me.

"Shit, sorry" I muttered, turning hastily on the spot walking back up the corridor, going against every fibre in my body that was telling me to run.

"Fucking creep," Cressida spat, "We had best go anyway Jamie, head duties call," Her sickly sweet voice going through me.

"I'll catch up with you," James replied and I heard his footfall across the corridor as he ran to keep up with me. "Hannah wait please, Hannah," I turned around to face him, feeling the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Just save it," I spat, wiping the tears. Just when I thought I could handle it he pulls me back in again, the power he had over me putting me back in my place.

"I don't know what to do," He said desperately, his expression a mixture of guilt and exasperation

"And you thought you'd find the answer up Cressida's top," I spat furiously. He gapped at me and hung his head in shame. "Just leave me the fuck alone," I said turning around. He grabbed my arm, his eyes pleading with me.

"Hannah you know this is how it has to be," He said pitifully. I tried to wriggle out of his grip but he wasn't letting go. I pulled my wand out and sent a red spark to his hand, burning him enough for him to let go.

"Leave me alone," I said darkly, putting my wand away, glaring at him. He opened and closed his mouth a few times before sighing.

"I'm sorry," He whispered pathetically.

"You don't know what you're apologising for," I spat.

"I'm just so fucking sorry," He said moving to wrap his arms around me. I stepped back wrapping my arms around myself. His face fell. "Hannah, please." He said quietly.

"It's done. I understand that this is how it has to be." I replied. "Just go, you have your school waiting." I didn't wait for him to leave. I turned around and walked away and he didn't follow. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks, the happiness to be back at Hogwarts slowly fading. I needed to be as far away from him as possible. I felt sick, my heart was breaking and I didn't even understand why. The image of the two of them in the stairwell made me want to scream. I ran around the corner and straight into the arms of someone else.

"You are going to tell me exactly what is going on," Scorpius said forcefully his face drawn in concern. It took me a moment to realise what he had said before I completely broke down in my friend's arms.

* * *

 **A/N: Getting through last edits fairly quickly. Hopefully, I can upload another chapter tonight as to not leave you on a cliffhanger.**

 **Thanks for reading once again,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

"Is there something going on between you and James?" Scorpius asked quietly. We were sat in the kitchens, the house elves accommodating us with food and drink in abundance. He led me here in silence as I struggled to regain my composure. I wasn't sure what I was going to tell him, I didn't want to lie to my friend but I knew that whatever I told him would inevitably make its way back to Rose; I couldn't let that happen.

"I can't tell you," I said quietly, not meeting his eyes.

"Hannah," He sounded so concerned it made my heart hurt, I couldn't face him. "You are my friend, one of my best friends," He reached across the table and took my hand, "You have just broken down in my arms about something James Potter has said or done, I need to know that you are okay,"

I looked up to meet his eyes that were so full of worry it made me want to cry all over again. Scorpius was the rock of the group. The two of us had never had an argument in the whole time we were friends. Unlike Rose and Albus who dominated the attention, Scorpius and I had a mutual understanding that two egos were enough for one group and so often stood to the side watching our best friends try to one-up each other, both of us happy to take a back seat. For me, I always found that I was the one who would give the best advice, the one the three would come to if they needed a shoulder to cry on and a long-term solution. Scorpius was the one to come to in a crisis and this was a crisis. But I couldn't bring myself into the fray; it would make it all too real.

"I can't Scorp," I pulled my hand back and dropped my gaze, focusing my attention on my hot chocolate, holding onto it for dear life.

"Hannah, please," He pleaded.

"If I told you, I would ask you to keep it a secret and I don't want you to have to keep secrets from Rose. I don't want to come between you two," I explained. He stared at me for a moment before nodding.

"Okay," He said simply, "But I am your friend as well, Rose knows this, and she knows that I am loyal. And although she will probably kill me for saying this, at this moment you take priority. You are my friend and you need me."

"Scorp, I really can't." I felt my eyes well up again, "You would think I was an awful person. I am an awful person. What I've done, what we've done it will destroy Al if he ever finds out and if I lose Al I lose all of you," I said voicing my fears out loud for the first time, tears falling once again down my cheeks.

"Hannah, you would never lose us," He said quietly reaching across the table to take my hand.

"You don't know that," I hiccupped. "I have hurt Al. Rose would take his side in a second because of how awful it is and you would go with Rose because you love her,"

"Tell me what's happened so I can help you, please Hannah," He said.

"But you will hate me,"

"I would never hate you," He said, "And besides you need to get this off your chest, don't think Rose and Al haven't noticed how different you've been acting." He said softly. I paused for a moment, he was right. I needed to tell someone what was happening; it was going to drive me insane keeping it in like I was.

"Okay," I took a deep breathe, as if ready to jump off a diving board. "How much did you hear?"

"Nothing really, I just saw him trying to hold you and then you walking away before bumping into me." He remarked. I bit my lip nervously and nodded, not really sure where to start and how much to tell him.

"Back in June," I closed my eyes; I didn't want to see his reaction. "Something happened between me and James,"

"What do you mean?" He asked. I opened my eyes and saw Scorpius' face covered in confusion.

"What do you think I mean Scorp?" I sighed.

"Oh," Whether consciously or not, he pulled his hand from mine and slowly withdrew it across the table. The movement alone said it all. I couldn't believe the position I'd put myself in. "Merlin, Hannah." He whispered his eyes widening in shock. Just then the door to the kitchen opened and Al and Rose walked in, house elves running over to them offering them all of the food they had available.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Al walked over to us, his mouth full of bread he'd taken from an elf.

"Merlin Al, you've only just had dinner," Rose moaned trying to wade through the sea of house elves that were putting all sorts of food in her hands. "No really, I'm okay thank you," She said kindly to a house elf who was trying to climb her leg to stuff cake in her mouth. The house elf dropped off her leg and looked as though she was going to burst into tears.

"Rose it's just easier if you take it," Albus smirked at his cousin who was now trying to console the house elf. She shot her cousin a look and stormed over to us.

"How did you find us?" Scorp asked as he moved down the bench to let them sit down.

"Dad's map," Al muffled now helping himself to some apple pie. "Don't suppose you have any custard?" He asked a house elf that looked delighted at the request and ran off to the other side of the kitchen to get some.

"For goodness sake Al," Rose said hitting him on the arm, she shook her head and turned to face me noticing my red eyes. "Hannah, have you been crying?" She asked softly.

"Yeah sorry I didn't say anything before, just missing Jake a bit that's all." The lie rolling off my tongue with ease.

"I thought Jake was a nobody," Al frowned actually putting his spoon down and turning on me.

"Al, don't be so bloody insensitive," Rose snapped, "You cried for a week when Lucy Walsh didn't write to you all summer," Al blanched and hid his face in his pudding. Rose turned back to me with a sympathetic smile, "I'm not surprised you poor thing, I don't know what I would do if I had to be away from Scorpius," She said touching him fondly on his back.

"It's just been strange getting used to not having him around," I lied again. I couldn't even bring myself to look at Scorpius; he knew I was lying through my teeth. This was it now, how it had to be. I had a secret from my friends; Scorpius knew it and I had now involved him lying to his girlfriend. The fallout was going to be awful.

"Are you going to tell me about this Jake guy or what?" Al asked grumpily into his pie. I glanced at Scorpius who had placed his best mask on for the situation, not giving away any of his emotions.

"I would prefer not to right this second, to be honest," I said softly, hoping he would not push the matter.

"What a surprise," Al said throwing his spoon down with a clatter.

"Al please, don't start," I said leaning my head against my hands. As much as the guilt wrecked through me, I was not in the mood to accommodate his immatureness. An awkward silence fell over us.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Al pushed, glaring at me. I couldn't help but glare back at him letting my temper get the better of me.

"I mean that I'm fed up of you acting jealous all the time," I sneered, "Give me a break. You flirt with anything that has a bloody pulse and you don't see me jumping down your throat everytime it happens," I was suddenly breathless, my voice echoing around the room. I hadn't realised how loud I was being until I caught sight of my three friends, all of them looking taken aback at my sudden outburst.

"Just forget it," I stood up and grabbed my cloak, "I'm going to bed. Nobody follow me this time," I shot a look at Scorpius who looked hurt.

"Hannah, that's enough," Rose said sternly frowning at me. I glared at her, be it I just called out her boyfriend but right now it was like red rag to a bull.

"You know what Rose," I glared at my friend, "That is enough. Just leave me the fuck alone," I turned on my heel and stormed out of the kitchen without another word. What a great bloody start to the year.

* * *

Rose had decided not to wait for me the next morning and I didn't blame her, I had been awful to the three of them the evening before. My head was so messed up that I was taking my frustration out on them instead of the person it was meant for. I needed more than ever to get some closure from whatever was going on between me and James, but part of me, the selfish part, didn't want it to be over. I was pathetic, but I enjoyed being with him, kissing him, despite the pain I knew it caused me and the anguish it would cause my best friend.

I woke up in a foul mood, not looking forward to the day ahead. I desperately wanted to apologise to my friends but a part of me was looking forward to the space today. I got ready and headed down to breakfast with half an hour to spare. There was no sign of Al and Rose in the common room so I knew that they were all at breakfast. I braced myself as I entered the hall, taking a glance up and down the Gryffindor table; there was no sign of my friends. I looked over to the Slytherins and saw that Rose and Al had joined Scorpius for breakfast this morning instead. I could feel all three of them staring at me as I sat by myself in the middle of the long table, my back to them. I could hear whispering from the people around me who had noticed the situation and ultimately decided it was probably best to ignore them.

I helped myself to some orange juice and toast and decided to read my book to avoid conversations with people I wasn't that close to. I heard someone sit down in front of me and lowered my book to see Fred Weasley grinning at me expectedly.

"Hi," I said haphazardly, putting my book down confused as to why the Chaser had joined me.

"Trouble in paradise?" He smirked nodding to the three of them behind me.

"You noticed," I said closing my book properly and sighing.

"You might as well have a target on your back with the daggers Rose is throwing you right now," He said grinning madly. I groaned in frustration, I had never been at the receiving end of Rose's wrath and knew a simple apology wasn't going to fix it. "What did you do? Snog Scorpius or something," He chuckled and grabbed some toast; I threw him a look.

"No, I was a bitch," I said matter of factly.

"But so is she, most of the time anyway," He said looking confused.

"She's your cousin," I reminded him.

"And…" He said gesturing me to get to my point.

"And…should you really say that," I asked.

"She's my cousin and that gives me special privileges, like getting to call her out when she is being a bitch. Which, as it happens, is most of the time," He said taking a bite of his toast.

"Well, regardless. I was a bitch to all of them, I think I may have inadvertently told them to fuck off," I said sourly.

"Oh dear," He responded looking concerned but also slightly bemused.

"Exactly," I sighed and put my book away. "Anyway, I need to try and find my timetable, see where I'm meant to be."

"Yes, I have it." He rummaged in his pocket pulling out a crumpled piece of parchment and handing it to me, "James asked me to pass it on, obviously trying to get out of head duties already," I took the timetable and frowned; James had got the message then. "What have you got first?"

"Double Ancient Runes," I said smiling for the first time since stepping back in the castle, my favorite subject. I was fortunate enough to achieve a mixture of E's and O's at OWL's which meant I was able to take the subjects that I wanted to for NEWT's

"Couldn't think of anything worse," Fred said shaking his head, "I don't know why James and Roxy love it so much." I felt my stomach drop, I forgot that I would be with the seventh years as well, which meant two hours of James.

"I should be going, see you later," I said to Fred standing up and starting to move away.

"Hannah," He said quickly, I turned around and saw him looking slightly concerned, "Are you okay?" He asked sweetly.

"Yes, of course. Don't worry about me; I'm sure it will pass." I said hoping my voice wouldn't break and my mask was strong enough for him not to notice.

"Okay, let me know when you want to arrange the first practise, I'll help out anyway I can," He said smiling. I nodded, not trusting myself to talk, and walked out of the hall not even sparing a glance at my friends.

Runes' was located near the kitchens, so I made my way there through the busy crowds trying to ignore everyone around me. I was happy with having Runes first thing as it meant I could avoid my friends for two hours; however, I was not looking forward to seeing James. I walked up the corridor and into the classroom just as the bell went for the first lesson, noticing ten students around desks that were placed in a circle. I recognised Niall Samson and Jude Forest from my year as well as another girl whose name I'm sure was Charlotte but couldn't be sure, the rest were 7th years. I knew Roxy who smiled at me as I walked in and recognised at least two from playing them at Quidditch, I think the Ravenclaw was called Rich and the blonde Hufflepuff was Sammy or Sarah. The others, all of them Ravenclaws, I had never seen in my life but all smiled at me kindly when I sat down. I noticed that James hadn't arrived yet.

"Hannah dear, good to see you," Professor Babbling said spotting me as she walked from her office. "Congratulations on your OWL dear, only four other students have ever got 100% before so you should be so proud," She said smiling at me. I blushed slightly as the others turned to look in my direction. Professor Babbling was my favourite teacher by far, she must have been pushing 70 now but she looked like a rock star. She was always so interesting to listen to and her stories never failed to blow my mind.

"Sorry I'm late," a voice said from behind me.

"Not at all Mr Potter, I was just congratulating Miss Marshall here on getting 100% in her OWL's an achievement you are also familiar with," I wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

"Brilliant, someone might actually be able to keep up with me now," James said arrogantly, I had not missed the ego he wore when he was at school. A few of the students in the circle rolled their eyes obviously use to this comment, the 6th years looked taken aback.

"Deflate your head arsehole and sit down," Roxy said smirking at her cousin.

"5 points from Gryffindor, I will not tolerate that kind of language Miss Weasley, however true it is," The class laughed, "Now Mr Potter if you would take a seat next to Miss Marshall I might be able to start my lesson." She said sweetly. I heard the chair scrape next to me and didn't dare look to my left. I felt myself tense up as his bag dropped near mine on the floor.

"Okay, if you could all get your books out and turn to page 394."

* * *

I had the biggest headache in the world. On top of a full day of extremely intense lessons, (double Runes, double History of Magic and Transfiguration) I also had my first meeting of Ancient History Clubs after the last lesson which meant I was later than normal to dinner. When they said NEWT's were nasty they meant it. The intensity had hit another level and all I wanted to do now was sleep. It didn't help that Rose was in all of my last lessons, with the boys joining us for Transfiguration. I was greeted with a stern glare and a cold shoulder for most of the afternoon, and having had enough of it during History of Magic, I decided to skip lunch and go and to the library enjoying the peace and quiet instead.

By the time I had finished my extra-curricular, my stomach was growling and I knew I was going to have to face my friends just to try and move past the situation. I was thankful that they had all decided to sit at the Gryffindor table instead and I made to approach them, noticing that their conversation stopped abruptly as I joined them.

"Hi," I said sheepishly, "Can I join you?" I asked quietly. None of them said anything for a minute both boys looking to Rose for approval. This alone made me want to run the other way and not bother. She considered me for a moment before nodding her head. "Thanks," I said, trying to remain calm as I felt my blood boiling at her rudeness.

"Okay," I started, "I am really sorry for lashing out on you all, I'm just…going through some stuff and it's messing with my head. I shouldn't have taken any of it out on you, it was a really shit thing to do." I rambled, hoping my apology sounded sincere.

"You were really out of line," Al said glaring at me.

"I know that Al, but sometimes you need to let me breathe a bit," I said honestly, feeling the need to make my position clear with him. "I know you feel protective over me, but seriously if we are going to be friends I need you to just give me a bit of space," He stared at me and I heard a tut come from Rose's direction, my eyes drifted towards her narrowing.

"Okay," He agreed after a minute, drawing my attention back to him, "I know that I am a bit like that sometimes but I have my reasons. In future I'll try and let you...breathe," He said, a smile coming across his face that didn't quite reach his eyes. I heard Rose tut again and sigh loudly. I tried to ignore it as best as I could.

"I'm sorry for having a go at you Scorp, it was really bad of me especially when you come to check on me," I said guiltily. After I had a go at him I realised that I wasn't really making a case for me not being an awful person.

"Don't be daft," He said reaching to grab my hand, I saw Rose's eyes dart down quickly. "I understand; I'm not angry at you. Just concerned, I don't like seeing you like this," I smiled at him and turned to Rose.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled not really quite meaning it. I didn't really understand where my annoyance with her was coming from but at this moment I couldn't stand being around her.

"Sure," She said flippantly. I nodded and grabbed a plate of food. "Scorp, I've got some homework to be getting on with, shall we go to the library?" I saw Scorpius face fall slightly before he sighed and moved without another word. "Al?" Rose asked, her tone said it all.

"Erm…no I'm going to stay with Hannah while she finishes her food," He said. I shook my head.

"Don't worry about me, I've eaten alone already today I'm sure I'll manage," Trying to make light of the situation. Unfortunately, I could tell by the expression on Rose's face that she didn't think it was funny, she glared at me.

"Well that was your choice Hannah, come on Al," She said flouncing off grabbing Scorpius' hand as she went. I sighed as I watched them leave.

"You should probably go; we don't need another fallout," I said dejectedly.

"You're probably right," He said looking at his cousin waiting for him at the doors, "I'm glad we are friends again," He said standing up and grabbing his bag.

"Me too," I said smiling. He made to walk off before turning around and giving me a sloppy kiss on the check. I laughed a wiped it away, moaning at him as he smiled and followed them out of the hall. Once again I found myself alone, however in a much better mood.

"Why does he do that so much?" A voice to my left asked. I knew who it was without even looking. James came and sat down in front of me waiting for my reply. When he didn't receive on he decided to press on. "I mean I have female friends and I don't go around kissing them on the cheek," I glared at him. "Hi," He said grinning, happy to have my attention. "Good day?" He asked.

"No, really shit." I said dryly. He grimaced.

"So I heard," He responded.

"So what is Fred your little spy now?" I asked sarcastically.

"Ha no, I had to go to a meeting this morning and knew that Fred would see you at breakfast, I asked him to do me a favour," He explained with a shrug.

"Bullshit," I called him out, "You just couldn't face me," He was quiet for a moment and looked away from me.

"Not the case. Never the case," He replied sadly. I was quiet for a moment watching him. He didn't look as good as he normally did, he looked tired and unkept. A part of me was hoping he was just as cut up about everything as I was.

"Sorry," I said sadly, "I think I probably overreacted a bit yesterday, you have every right to go around kissing your girlfriend. It was just a bit of an unwanted shock." I said quietly, making sure no one around us could hear. He considered me for a moment before rubbing his face with both hands sighing deeply.

"My head is all over the place," He said. He sounded so broken I wanted to reach across the table and wrap him in my arms.

"I think we need to be a bit more sensible about this," I was aware that I was making our feelings sound like a business transaction, but I needed to pull any emotion out of our situation. "It can never happen…it should never have happened in the first place. Let's just be friends and put Albus before ourselves, we can't be selfish anymore, we both care too much about him," I said quietly.

"I know your right," He said after a moment.

"Well, that's a given," I said smiling.

"But-

"James," I said softly. He looked so torn it was painful; I was glad my mask was staying put.

"I know," He nodded. I smiled again and carried on eating.

"So…" James started, I was glad he was changing topic and he wasn't walking away. If I wasn't able to show my true feelings for him, I would at least take his company. "Are you going to make up with Rose anytime soon?" He asked taking a chip from my plate.

"Oi," I tapped his hand away, "And not yet no, she's been getting on my last nerves recently."

"I get it, she's annoying at the best of times," He smirked. "Fancy doing some Runes homework tomorrow evening in common room?" He asked. I gave him a look. "What! It's a public place so I won't be allowed to have my way with you," My eyes opened in shock and I looked around to see if anyone heard, luckily dinner was finishing and most people had started to leave. James was laughing hysterically from across the table.

"Twat," I said throwing a chip at him. I was so glad to be back to normal, despite my heart skipping a beat every time he looked at me.

"James," We both turned to see Cressida storming down the table towards us, her face like thunder.

"Shit," He said quietly, standing up.

"We have rounds, you were meant to meet me two minutes ago," She scorned, glaring at him.

"Sorry, I got caught up." He said gesturing to me. Cressida turned around and looked at me for the first time, her eyes drawn and her mouth pursed.

"Nice to meet you," I said giving her a big smile. She threw me a dirty look and drew her attention back to James who was watching the interaction with amusement.

"And who the fuck is she," She asked nastily.

"She is the fucking cat's mother," I said loudly. James scoffed as she turned around again to face me.

"Dinner finished 5 minutes ago; you should be in common room now. 5 points from Gryffindor for being in the great hall and 5 for swearing," She smirked, crossing her arms.

"What a load of shit," I said standing up. "You just swore,"

"Another 5 for swearing again, and how about 10 for defiance," She said all but grinning at me now.

"Cressida, don't be daft," James interceded. She put her hand up to stop him, I looked to him with wide eyes and he shook his head.

"Ridiculous," I said grabbing my bag and storming out of the hall.

"Fucking bitch," I yelled down the empty corridor once I was out of earshot.

"Oh, I do say" An old lady sitting in a portrait said as I walked past.

"Shut it," I growled at her, she made a rude gesture at me before walking off into another painting.

I didn't understand what James saw in her. She was very smart and was actively involved in the school which made her a great head girl, but she was the biggest bitch in Hogwarts. The two of them didn't match up and the way she spoke to him made my blood boil. I made my way back to the common room hoping Rose wouldn't be around as I was already wound up and anything I would say to her would not go down well. Rose wasn't anywhere to be seen so I went over and joined Al and Hugo who were in the middle of a very intense game of Exploding Snap. I pulled out some parchment to start making a signup sheet for try-outs, which were on Saturday.

"I bloody hate Cressida," I said to Al who had now started to do some homework.

"Tell me about it, she was hanging off James all summer. Mum doesn't like her either," He agreed.

"She just docked me 20 points for no reason," I moaned, "Someone like her should not have the power she's got."

"Agreed, I think James is only with her because she was an easy target, and she puts out," Al reasoned. I felt my heart stop for a second, hoping my face hadn't given anything away. The idea of those two doing things made me want to throw up. Obviously, I was aware that James had been with his fair share of girls, but Al kept putting it into perspective. James was a player and I had completely fallen for his charms. He was enjoying me at the moment because it was forbidden and secret and, apparently, I was easy too.

"You really think that James is with her because she's an easy target?" I asked Al quietly, hoping he wouldn't read too much into my question. He scoffed and looked at me incredulously.

"Are you seriously asking that right now?" He said with a chuckle. "You know what James is like."

"Enlighten me," I said frowning slightly. Al rolled his eyes and put down his quill.

"James' biggest weakness, he likes attention. Specifically female attention," Al explained. "Trust me he is dating Cressida as a front and, well because she puts out, but I have no doubt he has some girl on the side he can have his fun with." Al shrugged. I felt my heart stop and prayed my face didn't give anything away. "My brother likes very much to have the cake and eat it too if you know what I mean." He laughed. "Why the hell do you think I was so against you being friends with him? I didn't want you anywhere near him; he is bad news when it comes to women." Al smiled and picked up his Quill. "Seriously he'll have dropped her in a few weeks and he'll be breaking some other girls heart soon enough."

I couldn't even bring myself to speak as Al carried on writing his essay, unaware of how much is words had struck a nerve. I was a stupid idiot. I knew exactly what James was like. I knew how he played girls yet still I made it easy for him to use me. I was the bit on the side, the other girl, the girl he was cheating with. No matter how much I tried to convince myself that he liked me and that he was genuine, I was stupid to believe him. I just needed to keep as far away from him as I could. I didn't want to be just another girl that fell for the charms of James Potter because if that was the case, then I'll have broken Al's trust for absolutely no reason and I couldn't let that be the case.

"I think I'm going to head up to bed," I said quietly, stuffing the posters back in my bag and packing my quill and ink away. Al looked confused at my sudden departure so I forced myself to give him a soft smile. "It's been a mad first day back,"

"You're telling me, I've already got a pile of homework for Care of Magical Creatures," He said gesturing to the stack of homework. I smiled and pulled my bag to my shoulder.

"Catch you later Al," I said leaning down to kiss him on the cheek. He beamed at me as I pulled away and reached out to hold my hand, squeezing it gently.

"Don't worry about Rose, I'll talk to her." He said reassuringly. I smiled and nodded in response as he dropped my hand. "Night Hannah," He called as I made my way up to my dormitory, my mind reeling and my heart breaking all over again.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks again for reading, if you like the story so far don't forget to get alerts so I can bombard your emails with updates over the next few days as I upload the rest of this beast!**

 **Hope you're enjoying it, if you have any questions about...well anything don't hesitate to review or message me. I've spent a long time on this story and would love to hear some feedback :)**

 **Thanks again,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Right, can we have the beaters over here by me, seekers over there and chasers with Fred and Roxy." There was a sudden mass movement, as all the prospective players moved to where they needed to be. "I need three players today, so I want everyone to be at their very best because I will take nothing less," I shouted across the noise of everyone talking. They all turned to look over at me suddenly looking worried. I tried to offer what I hoped was an encouraging smile but most of them still looked terrified. "Okay Beaters and Chasers you're up first, seekers if you don't mind taking a seat and we will be with you shortly,"

Saturday saw the arrival of Quidditch try-outs. Thanks to Professor Longbottom being an absolute star, we managed to book in the first slot on the Quidditch pitch on Saturday morning meaning we would have longer to train prospective players. Thankfully, the time I had put into organising try-outs had made for a wanted distraction and I was able to avoid both Rose and James all week without too many questions being asked. Luckily for me, Rose and I were on the same page; neither of us seeking out the other to sort out the mess we had gotten ourselves into. I knew that she was aware something was going on but didn't bother to dwell on it, knowing it was just going to worry me more. We had had disputes in the past but after the first night in the kitchen I felt a shit in our relationship; I wasn't in the mood to stand for her controlling me anymore hence why I was staying out of her way. This obviously made life difficult for Albus and Scorpius, whilst me and Rose were being civil to each other, there were too many instances, when it was just the four of us, where there would be an awkward silence or one of us would make a sniping jab at the other. I could almost see the two of them holding their breaths waiting for one of us to blow.

As for James, after my conversation with Al, I had decided to keep a wide berth. I know that we had agreed to form some kind of friendship and I didn't enjoy going back on my word, but the way Al laid it all on the table did not sit right with me. I didn't like being made to feel like a fool at the best of times, let alone when I had allowed someone to see such a vulnerable part of my otherwise somewhat hostile exterior. Not that he was giving up easily; he had cornered me three times over the week to ask me what was wrong and every time I just blew him off with some excuse or another. How do you say to someone: sorry I just don't want to be another one of your easy targets?

Fred, James, Roxy and I had headed down to the pitch early that morning to for the try-outs. Fred had been helping me on and off all week so he was able to take James off my hands whilst Roxy and I worked in the office. Just like Will Shannon, my first captain had put me through the ropes when I tried out; I was planning on doing the same. We made the potential new players go through an intense work out session beforehand, getting rid of any dead weight that couldn't pass the intense fitness level. James was thankfully keeping his distance even on the pitch, which allowed me to focus on the task at hand.

Fred and Roxy took the chasers into the air and started testing them out against James, who was the probably the best Gryffindor goalkeeper since Oliver Wood. It was looking hopeless; the most anyone had gotten past him so far was four out of ten. I was beginning to lose hope when a second-year girl took to the year and managed to get eight in. I looked to the rest of the team who all mirrored my surprise.

"Remind me of your name?" I asked her when she landed.

"Darcy Frank," She said quietly, blushing when the four of us surrounded her.

"Honestly, you were amazing and I'm only slightly annoyed that you managed to score that many passed me," James said honestly. It was the first time he had said anything all day, I glanced over and caught his eye, and he smiled at me waiting for me to say something. I faltered slightly before turning back to Darcy.

"You were great," I smiled. "We will need to practise your flying but you were by far the best," I added, writing down her name in my formation. She squealed and gave me a big hug and before I could say anything ran over to an attractive looking boy in the year above.

"DANNY!" She yelled running the distance of the pitch. "I GOT IN! I GOT IN!" The boy gave her a big hug and spun her around.

"Danny Frank, he's trying out for beater." A voice said to the left of me. I turned and saw James standing nearby watching me with interest, Fred and Roxy having wandered off to speak to some of the seekers.

"Yes, well." I stuttered, closing my folder and turning away from him. I saw James frown slightly.

"He's a bit of an idiot though," He said glancing back over to Danny who was talking still talking to his sister animatedly.

"So are you, didn't stop Will having you on the team," I scorned shooting him a look.

"Touché," He laughed. He faltered when he realised I wasn't joking, I turned on my heel to walk away. "Have I upset you?" He asked sadly, touching my elbow to stop me moving away. I looked down at his hand and pulled my arm away. I sighed loudly and felt somewhat guilty.

"No, not really," I said honestly, "I just realised a few things that's all," I gave him another look before walking towards the potential beaters.

"Okay then." I clapped, putting the barriers back up and smiling brightly at all of them. "So I need a new beater and this one is probably the most important position as you'll be playing with me," A few of them looked worried, "So we'll take it in turns and see how you get on," I took them up one by one and tested their flying and hitting capabilities a few of them nearly sent the bludgers at their own team and a second-year hit me in the face with the bat.

"Fuck," I said holding my eye. The girl in question flew straight over when she realised, bursting into tears as she saw the blood dripping down my face.

"Hannah…I'm…so…sorry," She sobbed trying to wipe the blood away with her sleeve.

"It's okay," I said trying to move away from her to deal with the blood, "Nothing I'm not used to," She still tried to help me before I somewhat forcefully told her to go and compose herself somewhat and head back up to the castle. She flew back to the ground crying her eyes out, thankfully I saw Roxy give her a sympathetic pat on the back and take her to the changing rooms. If we hadn't just got Darcy on the team I would have seriously considered telling McGonagall to higher the age limit on the teams.

"Do you want me to take a look at it?" A voice said to the left of me. I looked around to see Danny, flying next to me looking concerned.

"It's alright," I replied pulling my wand out and clearing the blood, "not the first time I've got a bat to the face, fortunately her swing wasn't as strong as mine so I don't think anything is broken," I said smiling and casting a soothing spell to ease the pain. "I'll probably have a wicked black eye though."

"Just tell them the other person got off worse," Danny replied with a wink. I laughed and put my wand away. "Thanks for giving my sister the Chaser spot. It's all she's talked about all summer; I wasn't looking forward to the fall out if it hadn't happened." He said kindly.

"Well, she deserved it so you don't need to thank me," I returned, "Okay then, let's see how you get on."

He was brilliant. Better flyer than his sister and the way he hit the bludger made me giddy, he knew exactly what I was going to be before I did it, which made playing with him even better. When we flew back to the ground I almost jumped on him for how excited I was.

"There's no doubt you are the best," I grinned, "I was worried that after Dom left there wouldn't be anyone who could match us but honestly you made it feel like we had been playing together for years,"

"Does that mean I've got in the team?" He asked, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Of course, now go and tell your sister the good news. See you in training."

"Thanks," He smiled and walked towards his sister who ran half way to meet him.

"Did you have to choose him," James groaned walking over to me. I rolled my eyes and started walking towards the seekers.

"Yes,"

"Why?" I shot him a look.

"Because he was the best," I said simply.

"But he's a bloody idiot," James started.

"I'm captain and I thought he was the best," I retorted, trying to keep my patience; my anger seemed to be on a knife-edge nowadays. James was clever enough not to push further and walked off to join Fred and Roxy. I turned to the group of seekers.

"Okay then thank you for waiting," I smiled. "Easy enough, I'm going to set off five snitches the first one to catch the most wins," I pulled the golden snitches out of my pocket as the potential seekers, including the youngest Potter, took to the sky. "Ready, 3, 2, 1" The small balls flurried out of my hands and disappeared into the sky. I watched all of the candidates carefully, writing off over half based on flying alone, after about half an hour Lily Potter landed in front of me and very smugly handed me all five.

"I don't think anyone's ever caught all of them before," I said impressed taking them from her and adding her name to the formation.

"No way," James shouted running over to the two of us. "There is no way she is allowed on this team." We both turned to stare at him, Lilly's face like thunder mirroring mine own, so much so he took a step back.

"You have no say in this," She said confidently, "I got on the team fair and square,"

"No fucking way, it is too dangerous. Not happening, choose someone else." James snapped at me. I rolled my eyes not bothering to waste my breath and turned to Lilly placing my hand on her shoulder.

"Don't worry Lils, he's just jealous. You are a much better flier than he is," I said loud enough for him to here. Before he could say anything else, I blew my whistle and rounded the team into the changing rooms.

I decided to wait for them all to leave before heading to the showers. I busied myself in the office trying to work through what tactics would work with our new players, really I was just trying to prolong a very awkward common room knowing a fair few Gryffindor's would not be happy with my decisions. I stepped in the shower, relishing in the hot water and the peace and quiet taking my time before wrapping a towel around myself and stepping back into the changing room. I heard the door go behind me and spun round to see a smirking James Potter leaning up against the door frame.

"A bit of privacy would be nice," I said wrapping the towel around my body tighter, feeling extremely on edge as his gaze ran over my body. "James," I snapped pulling myself together and glaring at him.

"Oh right sorry," He said quickly, still smiling as he placed a hand over his eyes and tried to walk over to his section of the changing room blindly. I couldn't help but laugh as he walked into a post cursing loudly. "It's been too long since I've made you laugh," He said sadly, uncovering his eyes and trying to avoid looking in my direction. I tried not to get too flustered as I got changed discreetly, not replying to his comment.

"It's okay," I said after a moment, "I'm dressed you can look," I sat down on my bench, to brush my hair and watched him from across the room.

"You think you dressed is a good thing, I'd rather have you in that towel again," He said winking, sitting down opposite me. I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

"You can't make comments like that James," I said dejectedly, knowing it wasn't going to get me anywhere.

"Do you want me to apologise?" He asked with a smile, tipping his head slightly to the side watching me.

"Not really, no," I replied surprising myself. He grinned at me and we sat in silence for a moment.

"You were a bit of an arse out there today," I remarked. He looked taken aback for a moment before shrugging. "I just want to say now, for the record that if you try to interfere with my coaching decisions again there will be consequences," I said sternly. He glanced at me, a stupid smirk coming across his face.

"I find it really attractive when you get all annoyed," He smiled.

"James, I being serious," I groaned. "You were out of line with some of your comments today and you know it," He dropped his mask and frowned, looking slightly sheepish.

"I don't understand why you hand to choose Danny," He moaned, "He's a bloody fool,"

"Because he was the best and we worked really well together," I quipped, feeling my temping rising slightly. "I'm not getting into this James,"

"And why the hell did you pick Lilly? Are you trying to punish me or something?" He snapped, glaring at me. I couldn't believe how he was behaving. I shook my head furiously and started to pack my kit away wanting to get away from him as fast as I could.

"How can you even say that? She was the best and you know it. You can't protect her all the time you know," I growled. He stood up and snatched my bag off me forcing me to look at him.

"Tell me that you put Lilly on the team just because you want to hurt me, because of everything that's happened recently," He yelled back crowding over me.

"You're deluded." I scoffed trying to get my bag off him with no success. I finally snapped. "None of my decisions today has got anything to do with me and you, unlike some people I don't let my emotions affect my decisions," I shouted back, the anger I had been feeling the past couple of days spilling out of me.

"And what the fuck is that supposed me to mean?" He yelled back.

"You don't like Danny because you're jealous," I shouted laughing madly, almost shaking with rage. "You kissed me in the kitchen at your parents because you were jealous," He tried to talk over me but I continued getting louder and more hysterical. "You didn't like it when Al kissed me on the check because you were jealous and you didn't write to me all summer because you heard about Jake and you were jealous." He glared at me, both of us breathing heavily, my words echoing around the room.

"You are the deluded." He spat.

"No, you are!" I shouted, poking him in the chest. "You can't have me; I am not one of your easy sluts you can just fuck. I'm your brothers best friend, not yours his. Don't act like that's not why you're interested in me all of a sudden." I couldn't stop myself from voicing my fears from the past week; it was spilling out of me like word vomit. "I know exactly what you're like James Potter and I refuse to be another one of your easy targets," I yelled, glaring at him with so much anger and resentment it took everything not to burst into tears. I expected him to look just as angry, for him to shout back but instead he looked so hurt and so broken like everything I had said had stabbed him in the heart. He sighed and sat down in defeat, putting his head in his hands and breathing deeply.

"Is that really what you think of me?" He said quietly after a moment. I felt awful, all the anger seeping from me when I saw the pained expression on his face.

"What else am I supposed to think?" I said harsher than I meant to. He looked up at me and in a second he was standing over, his hands cupping my face so gently I wanted to melt into him.

"Hannah," He started. "I am fucking crazy about you," He whispered, so softly I barely heard it. "You are not just another girl for me. You are the girl." A sad smile crept across his face as he placed his forehead onto mine. I shook my head trying to pull myself away, not wanting to hear what he had to say because of the pain I knew I was letting myself in for.

"James, please don't," I said weakly, feeling my heart beating loudly in chest and tears fall slowly down my cheek.

"Hannah, you are all I think about." He started, smiling breathless looking absolutely gorgeous making my heart expand with every flutter of his eyelashes. "When I wake up and when I go to sleep. It is driving me insane that I can't be with you; kiss you every time I see, hold your hand, go on dates, be us. All I want is this and I can't and it is breaking me. I don't understand my feelings, I don't think I want to understand my feelings, but I know that I want to kiss you senseless and hold you. Does that sound like every either girl I've been with?" He asked placing his head on mine. I closed my eyes and didn't respond just being in the moment, taking in everything he said. I felt him move in closer, feeling his breath on my lips.

"James," I whispered softly, hoping my willpower would pull through. I opened my eyes to look into his, bringing my hands up to meet his that was still holding my face. I pulled back slightly, lowering his hands.

"Please Hannah," He said sadly. He looked so vulnerable, so broken, so pained. I just wanted to cry into his shoulder and hold him but I knew that one of us needed to be strong.

"Al," I whispered. The two letters were all we needed to pull us to our senses "We can't," I almost sobbed. This perfect boy had just poured his heart out to me, showing me every part of him and I was denying him, denying me what we both wanted. James took a deep breath and dropped his hands, taking a step back.

"Al," He said nodding slightly before walking out of the room without another word. I felt the tears come again as I saw him walk away and moved to the bench to sit down before I fell over. I held myself tightly and cried quietly into the empty tent.

"Erm…Hannah, are you okay?" A voice came from the door. I wiped my tears away and saw Danny peering at me apprehensively, giving me a questioning look.

"Yes, I'm fine," I lied pathetically, standing up and wiping my eyes. He didn't look convinced as he stepped further into the changing room. "Honestly," I said with a reassuring nod and trying my best to muster a smile which I'm pretty sure resembled a grimace, "Is there something I can help with you?" I asked a little harsher than I meant.

"No, no," Danny replied quickly, looking slightly taken aback. My emotions were so all over the place I didn't have any room left to feel guilty. I nodded in understanding and picked up my bag.

"Can I leave you to lock up?" I asked, moving past him to get to the door.

"Yeah sure," He said still looking at me with concern. He placed a hand on my arm as I walked past, "Is everything okay with you and James?" He asked, frowning down at me. I blanched, unsure for a moment how to respond.

"Everything is perfectly okay between me and Potter, why wouldn't it be?" I said, narrowing my eyes slightly and shaking off his hand. I knew I was being rude to my fellow beater but all I could think about was running straight up to the castle and wallowing in my tears for the rest of the day. My head was banging and my heart was broken, I didn't even want to think right now let alone still be in the room where it happened.

"I heard you arguing," He stated, the frown not leaving his face.

"No you must be mistaken," I replied coldly.

"Hannah," Danny started, his hand moving to the back of his neck awkwardly. "I came back to talk to you about practice and well…I heard you and James…and well you were quite loud…I didn't mean to listen but…" Danny couldn't even meet my eyes. My heart was banging in my chest; he knew.

"How much did you hear?" I asked quietly. He looked up and considered me for a moment.

"All of it," He said honestly. My mind was reeling. I took a deep breath and readjusted my bag on my shoulder.

"Well I would appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone," I said stiffly, not giving away any emotion. Danny's face creased in concern and he reached out again to touch my arm. I moved further away and didn't break eye contact. "Please, don't tell anyone," I repeated.

"I won't," He replied. I considered him for a moment before nodding shortly and handing him the keys to lock up. "Hannah," He said quietly, I turned around in the doorway trying to hide my annoyance. "If you need to talk to anyone-

"I won't need to talk to anyone," I retorted quickly.

"I know," He replied, "But if you did, you can talk to me." We looked at each other in silence for what felt like an age. I knew that talking to someone about everything that had happened would make it so much easier but at what risk. Losing Al? Losing Rose? Losing everything? I shook my head, mainly to myself.

"Remember to kill the lights," I said quietly, giving him one last look before leaving the changing room, the tears falling before I'd even stepped outside.

* * *

The past week had been awful. My mind was completely consumed by thoughts of James and no matter how hard I tried. The argument after practise on Saturday had wrecked me. I hid away the whole weekend lying to my friends that I wasn't feeling very well. The way he had bared his feelings for me had just made everything so much harder, I couldn't even bring myself to look at him during meal times and around school not trusting myself not to break down in front of him and tell him to forget Al and that I felt the same way.

My change in mood hadn't gone unnoticed. Rose had been keeping an eye on my all week and I would often interrupt Al and Rose in whispered conversation in the common room, shutting up hastily when I was around. Neither of them had approached me, however, something I was completely grateful for. Scorpius, on the other hand, had been keeping a wide berth. My distraction with try-outs the week before made it impossible for him to come and speak to me about what I told him. This week however, he had been actively avoiding me and as a result, I had barely seen him all week. When I asked Rose she gave me some excuse about him being busy with Quidditch and prefect duties, but I could tell that even she was confused as to why Scorpius was avoiding me. I tried not to let it bother me but in actual fact, it hurt more than I let on. Other than me and James he was the only one who knew something about what was going on and because of the way I had left things with James after try-outs I was so desperate to talk about it with someone; even if it was Al's best friend.

Danny had been watching me all week, sending me sympathetic looks whenever I caught his eye. It was driving me insane. I don't know why it bothered me so much, possibly due to the fact that I wasn't sure I could trust him, or because we were beating partners it was almost impossible to avoid him. It felt like everywhere I turned he was there trying to pull me to one side, making sure I was okay, reiterating yet again that I could come and talk to him. I hated knowing that someone knew my secret; it made me put up my barriers even more than I already was.

The following Saturday saw the first training session of the year and I made my way down to the changing room early to prep for what was going to be an extremely awkward session. It would be the first time in a week James and I would be in the same room and needing to talk to each other; I had been dreading it all week. Now, with the added pressure of Danny watching our every move, I was completely on edge. The team arrived one by one, all of them looking tired due to the early start. I froze up as I saw James walking in looking just as perfect as he did every day, even this early in the morning, averting my eyes from him when I saw Danny looking over at me with a strange expression.

The practise had been okay. I had thrown myself into training to distract myself from James who would barely even look at me the whole time, deciding to keep himself at the goal posts and only giving short answers whenever anyone asked him a question. I knew I could've let this bother me but I had to put the team first, so I decided to ignore him the best I could, trying to enjoy my first practise as captain. Once we had taken to the air, Danny and I had performed rather well and I was feeling somewhat better about appointing him. I called the end of practise and everyone took off to the showers, Fred landing by my side looking concerned.

"Capt, I need to talk to you," He said worriedly. I offered him a smile and nodded, starting to walk across the pitch waiting for him to start, "You need to talk to James," I knew this was coming. James had been in a foul mood the whole of practise, letting in stupid goals and making Darcy shout at him loudly for nearly knocking her off her broom. I knew the whole team were looking at me to get him to change his attitude but every part of me didn't want to go anywhere near him.

"I know," I sighed, trying to ignore the state my heart was in already knowing this conversation was going to make it all the much worse. Fred nodded and walked into the tent first giving me a minute to compose myself before I followed in behind him.

"Potter," I said loudly, interrupting everyone's conversations and looking over James who was keeping himself to himself. Everyone looked at me awkwardly and I tried my best to keep my composure, "A quick word," I said when the keeper finally looked up at me; his gaze burning into my soul. I moved into the office without another word sitting at the desk trying to ignore the pounding of my heart in my chest. James came in shutting the door behind him and standing up looking at me with an emotionless expression on his face, waiting for me.

"A few of the team haven't been happy with your performance today," I said stiffly.

"Okay," He retorted quickly.

"If we are going to work as a team, you need to change your attitude and work with us not against us," I continued, barely trusting myself to keep it all together.

"Okay," He repeated.

"We can't have another practise like that; we need you to be at your best." I frowned.

"Okay," He said again, "Is that everything?" I felt myself blush as his question, I suddenly felt like he was trying to undermine me and could feel my temper rising. I felt myself blush and look away from the boy in front of me.

"Yes," I whispered. He paused for a moment before moving to the door. "James," I said softly. He turned around with the same emotionless expression on his face. "Please don't let what has happened between me and you affect the team," I added against my better judgement. His expression didn't falter as he nodded stiffly.

"Trust me, what has happened between me and you will not be affecting anything in my life." He remarked. "Can I go now?" He added with a frown. I knew I couldn't even trust myself to say anything without breaking down in tears and so nodded, turning away from him as he left the room; silent tears falling down my face. Not long after he left I heard a knock at the door, knowing who it was before they even came in.

"Hannah?" Danny said pocking his head around the door, his face screwed up with concern when he saw me at the desk. I knew I must've looked pathetic, still in my kit, mud across my face after a nasty fall, tears streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't even bring myself to pull myself together as the beater walked in shutting the door behind him, wrapping his arms around me, letting me cry into his shoulder. He moved us over to the sofa in the corner, not pressuring me to say anything for a while, just letting me cry.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked once I had composed myself. He gave me a kind smile and patted my hand fondly.

"You are my beating partner; we've got to look out for each other." He smiled.

"I was awful to you the other day," I frowned. "I should've been so rude; it's not like me at all-

"Hannah," He interrupted, "It's fine, honestly. And besides, love makes people do the strangest things." I faltered slightly as his remark.

"Love?" I asked, giving him a confused look.

"You and James right?" I shook my head but his expression didn't change, "Does anyone else know?" He asked, changing the subject.

"My friend, Scorpius Malfoy knows something but not everything," I replied, feeling myself well up again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked simply. I bit my lip nervously, not sure what to say. I wanted more than anything to tell him everything. I know I needed to get everything off my chest before I exploded. I nodded and took a deep breath starting right at the beginning up to the conversation I had just had with James, telling Danny everything that had happened and all my feelings in between.

"Merlin, that's...a lot to process," Danny said once I was finished; I managed to keep the tears at bay while I was relaying everything to him.

"I know," I said dejectedly. He didn't say anything for a minute but took my hand comfortingly and offered me a soft smile.

"I really don't know what to say, other than you know what James is like." He said smiling sadly at me. I nodded and stood up.

"Well, I've known that from the beginning and I still managed to get myself into the mess. I don't know what I was thinking getting involved with him; it's not like me at all. Especially going against Al," I replied, leaning against the edge of the desk and turning to face Danny who was looking at me with a bemused expression on his face.

"Who said Al would be so against the idea?" Danny asked curiously. I gave him a look that said 'are you fucking kidding', "Oh right, so telling him is a no go."

"A big no go," I frowned, "I can't even explain what the fall out would be. Al would be heartbroken, never speak to me again; never speak to James. I could never do that to him," Danny nodded in understanding and walked over to me, standing in front of me.

"Are you okay?" I looked up at the seventh year that was looking at me with so much sincerity it made me want to start crying all over again. I nodded and gave him a small smile.

"I feel better now that I've told someone; sorry for putting it all on you but it did help. Is that really selfish?" I asked sheepishly.

"Not at all, I know what it's like being in love with someone and not being able to tell a soul. Lunch?" He asked, walking over to the door.

"I'm not in love with James," I said hurriedly, halting him in his tracks.

"Oh, sorry I must have misunderstood," He said quickly but offering me knowing smile. I rolled my eyes and laughed slightly in spite of myself.

"Who do you love anyway?" I asked curiously, trying to deflect the heat off me.

"Never you mind," Danny replied with a wink. "Come on, let's get some food." I rolled my eyes and locked up the changing rooms, following him up the path back to school feeling much better.

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed that Chapter. I think writing Quidditch scenes is one of my favourite things to write, hope you enjoyed it as much as I did writing it.**

 **Thanks for the follows and favourites, it means so much and I really hope you are enjoying the story so far.**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

The next few weeks flew by. Scorpius had not spoken to me once about James but had stopped avoiding me and I had regained some kind of friendship with Rose. We still weren't what we used to be and despite the fact that everything was getting back to some normality, I still felt like an outsider. Two weeks into term Al announced that he had a girlfriend, Kate, a pretty Gryffindor 6th year who I had spoken to a few times in the common room. They had been inseparable ever since, leaving me on many occasions, to be the awkward fifth wheel. I decided that it was best to let them get on with it and because of this Danny and I had become fast friends. We would often have dinner together much to Al's dislike, but we got on so well I didn't care.

James had been completely keeping his distance. We hadn't been alone since I had to reprimand him after training. He barely even looked in my direction most days, doing his best to avoid Rose and Al as well, keeping our interactions to the bare minimum. In Runes, he decided to switch places with Fred to avoid me further without explanation or excuse. Around school he and Cressida were always together, constantly kissing and being loved up, I knew he was sending me a message and so I kept my distance as well; but Merlin it was so hard. After talking to Danny I couldn't shake the idea that my feelings for James were deeper than what I had thought: Was I actually in love with James Potter? The idea seemed preposterous but I couldn't escape the inexplicable heartache I felt whenever I saw him and Cressida. Nor could I explain how much I missed the older Potter, finding myself longing for his company most days. My first few weeks back at Hogwarts had been awful, to say the least, and I found myself throwing everything I had into study and Quidditch, as a result becoming more withdrawn than I had ever been. It was taking its toll.

The beginning of October saw the first match of the season, Gryffindor v Ravenclaw. The pressure had been mounting for weeks and I felt myself near breakdown whenever someone had mentioned it. I had pushed the team harder than I probably should've but they understood more than anyone; nobody wanted to let the house down, we just had to win. The week leading up to the match, everyone was avoiding me. My stress levels were at boiling point and everyone knew it, apart from Al who decided to constantly push my buttons.

"Seriously Hannah, you need to relax," He said one evening in the common room. Rose and Scorpius were on rounds and so I found myself stuck with Al and Kate who were wrapped up in each other on the loveseat near the fire. I was sitting on the rug surrounded by parchment that was covered in moving diagrams of plays. Kate had made the stupid mistake about asking me how it was going. I think she was trying to be nice; however, I all but had a break down telling her. This was when Al decided to offer his sound advice.

"Al, don't start" I snapped at him, drawing my attention away from the play sheet I had been trying to correct.

"I just don't get why you are getting so worked up about all of this," He said off handily, picking up a pile of sheets and looking through them. I snatched them back and groaned loudly.

"Bloody hell Al, it was organised." I retorted hotly, kneeling and trying to put things back in order.

" _That_ was organised," He scoffed, looking down at the mass of papers across the rug.

"Al, leave her alone you can see she's stressed and I don't think you're helping," Kate said quietly trying to pull Al out of an argument that was inevitably coming.

"No way, she's been in a mardy all week. It's getting on my last nerve," Al snapped. Kate shook her head and stood up.

"You are doing great Hannah," She said placing a hand on my shoulder as she walked away. Even though I was stressed I did appreciate her comment and she was growing on me, especially how she didn't stand for any of Al's crap, for that I loved the girl.

"Look at yourself Hannah, no one even wants to be around you right now you're being a nightmare," He said loudly. I tried to ignore him, sensing that people were noticing the situation. "Are you listening to me?" Al said grabbing the sheets of paper out of my hand. I stood up quickly, my face like thunder.

"Give them back, now." I spat, staring down at him. He smirked and pulled them out of my reach.

"No, I don't understand why this is so important to you. It's making you crazy," He said standing up as well.

"Give them back," I repeated a little louder. People were watching us closely now, I saw James move towards us from the other side of the room. I so desperately wanted this situation to calm down before it got worse.

"No, I won't. You have been so weird recently; this is just the tip of the iceberg. You aren't the same as you used to be Hannah and I don't like it," He shouted, his face flushed in anger.

"Al, what's going on?" James said walking over to us. I looked between the two brothers my mind reeling; I suddenly felt my anger reach boiling point. I snapped and brought my attention to the older Potter. I glared at him so much venom and pain that he took a slight step back, his normally perfect composure faltering slightly.

"It has absolutely nothing to do with you Potter, so just fuck off," I snarled at James. He looked taken aback for a moment before his face drew into a tight frown.

"Marshall, do I need to remind you that I am your head boy?" He retorted. I glared at him, noticing Al was looking between the two of us with a confused expression.

"Is that a threat?" I snarled.

"James come on you idiot, just leave it," Al said to his brother, trying to pull him away by his shoulder. James didn't move and I saw Al's eyes flicker with worry as he looked between the two of us in complete bewilderment at what was going on.

"Fuck off Al; I don't need your help either," I shouted at him. I snatched the sheets from him and threw him a nasty look.

"Marshall, watch your language." James snarled, obviously not finished. Both of us were letting our anger get the better of ourselves. It felt like the tension was just exploding out of us, the frustration becoming too hard for us to cope with.

"Or what? You going to threaten me again?" I replied, feeling braver than I was. My mind trying desperately to stop my mouth running away with me, I knew I was stepping on thin ice.

"Hannah," Al said turning to me in shock, he had never heard me speak to anyone like this let alone his older brother. "What the hell has gotten into you two, just leave it." He frowned trying once again to move James away.

"No, you've been an absolute prick to me Al; I won't just leave it. You wouldn't understand why this is important to me because you never look past your own shit, or Rose's or Scorpius'. I'm sick of it, being the fourth most important all the time. You just don't like the fact that I actually have something now other than the three of you and you know what Al if you don't like it then don't be my friend," I yelled, praying the tears would stay put. Al just stared at me in complete shock, not saying a word. The whole common room was silent and I dared to look at James. His façade had finally disappeared and he was looking at me with so much pity and vulnerability I wanted to cry.

"Hannah," He said softly, his eyes pleading with me. I couldn't handle it. He had been vile to me for nearly a month and now here he was again baring his soul to me. My heart was beating loudly in my chest and I felt like I couldn't breathe as I looked into the older Potter's eyes, completely oblivious of everyone around us. I could feel myself melting once again, longing for him but my mind was screaming at me.

"This is all your fault," I whispered in realisation. "Is this what you fucking wanted?" I screamed, moving towards him and pushing him. He didn't move or say anything; he just took it as I threw all of my emotions out on him. It felt like an age until I felt a strong pair of arms around my shoulders pinning me in place and guiding me towards the staircase. I cried openly as the Danny pulled me into his dormitory and wrapped his arms around me.

"Hannah," He said sadly.

"What have I done?" I sobbed into his jumper the realisation of what happened in the common room hitting me, making me feel even worse.

"It's okay. It's going to be okay," He said hugging me tighter. He let me cry for a moment before moving me to sit down on his bed. He poured me a glass of water and handed me some tissue.

"Feel better," He said giving me a soft smile as I drank the water and wiped my tears away.

"Not really," I whispered, lowering my head and looking at the floor. "I've messed up so badly,"

"No you haven't," Danny replied, sitting next to me on the bed.

"How can you say that? Al knows," I spat, glaring at him.

"Hey, I'm just trying to help, don't shoot," Danny said, jokingly putting his hands up in surrender.

"I'm sorry," I apologised hanging my head in guilt.

"I don't think Al knows anything by the way," Danny offered with a sympathetic smile.

"How could he not, I basically beat up James right in front of him," I remarked incredulously.

"Well if Al knows, then the whole of the common room knows," Danny sighed, "and I don't think that's the case. I think you could probably say you were talking about Quidditch or something. I'm sure, despite the meltdown, everyone would be happy to see their captain passionate about the team," Danny offered.

"Passionate or unhinged," I sighed.

"You said it," He winked; I offered him a weak smile and hit him playfully on the arm.

"Merlin I'm such an idiot," I said wrapping my arms around myself.

"You have had a difficult few weeks, no surprise you broke down, you can't keep it pent up like that and not being able to tell your best friends what is happening will be taking its toll," He said wisely. I looked at him for a moment.

"Why are you always so nice to me?" I asked simply, "Honestly, I think I trust you more than my best friends right now," Danny chuckled slightly and shook his head.

"Well, I have always had the belief that for two beaters to be great on the pitch then it needs to resonate in their relationship off the pitch." He said simply, "And I think you are brilliant so that helps,"

"You think I'm brilliant?" I said genuinely smiling.

"Yes I do, I mean you have the Potter boys fighting over you so you must have some good qualities," He grinned.

"I don't have anyone fighting over me," I sighed. "Just a big confusing mess that is playing with my emotions. Sometimes I think it would be easier if we just dated, then I wouldn't have to bother with all of this shit." I rambled.

"Marshall if I thought any differently, I might think you were coming on to me," He smirked. I gapped, spotting my error but caught sight of his expression and rolled my eyes.

"Don't flatter yourself," I quipped, winking at him jokingly.

"You're not my type anyway," He said dryly.

"Are you more of a blonde, big boobs, no personality type as well," I asked grinning.

"Don't mind really, as long as they are a guy," He said winking. I looked at him for a moment before laughing.

"If that's you coming out to me then I must say that's bloody fantastic," I said between laughter. Danny smiled and shook his head.

"Did you not know?" He grinned. I shot him a look.

"I don't think anyone knows," I replied.

"Well I don't exactly wear a bloody sign," He said dryly making me laugh again, "I just thought you had realised, especially when I agreed that James' chest was modelled by the gods," He added, which started me off again. Just then the door opened and an annoyed looking James Potter walked in. Our laughing stopped suddenly as he stared at us.

"Al is looking for you," He said sharply, his eyes going between me and Danny. I shrugged at him like a petulant child. He considered me for a moment before sighing.

"Danny, do you mind giving us a minute?" He asked.

"He can stay, he knows," I said sharply, glaring at him. I saw James face fall for a second.

"Hannah, I think it's best if I wait outside," Danny said moving to leave before I could say anymore. The door shut behind him and James and I were left in silence.

"Are you fucking mad?" James spat after a minute. I stared at the ground to avoid his eyes. "I asked you a question?" He said moving towards me. "I've got Al thinking all sorts of things and you fucking run off and leave me to deal without. What the hell were you thinking? That could've been it, end of," James yelled at me. His words ringing in my ears and I immediately felt guilty. I knew that we were both at fault but I was the one who had let my emotions get the better of me and nearly blow everything.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly, looking up at him. I felt tears pooling in my eyes as I watched James' expression soften slightly. He sighed and came and sat next to me on the bed.

"I'm sorry too," He said after a moment. He reached across for my hand and I allowed him to take it; enjoying the contact and relishing in the way his thumb was running softly on the back of my hand.

"Are you and Danny an item?" He asked after a moment, his forehead creased in concern.

"No, just friends," I said softly. He didn't look convinced but nodded.

"Good, you know jealousy doesn't suit me," He said sadly. We were both quiet again.

"We need to stop arguing," I said quietly.

"I know, it's just so frustrating not being able to…you know." He sighed.

"I know," I replied, giving him a sad smile. "I best go and speak to Al," I said standing up and moving towards the door. "What do you tell him?"

"I said it was about Quidditch, that you were annoyed that I burdened you with the captaincy," He replied.

"Do you think he brought it?"

"Probably, I think he just felt guilty about making you so angry." James shrugged. I sighed and opened the door.

"Hannah," James said, touching my arm to stop me from leaving. "You don't really feel like the fourth best do you?" He asked sadly.

"At times I do." I replied, "It's hard to explain and…" I looked at him for a moment, "and…I don't know how much I trust you to tell you everything," I said quietly. If he was hurt he didn't show it, he nodded and brought his hand to my face.

"I understand," He whispered. We were both quiet for a moment, looking at each other with such sadness.

"You aren't you know, fourth best" He smiled, dropping his hand.

"I think I'm starting to realise it, yes." I smiled back and walked out of the door.

I made my way back to the common room feeling somewhat calmer than I had in days. It was the first time in a long time James and I had been able to have, what could only be described, as a reasonable conversation. Neither of us shouting, no one was crying and there was no kissing. Although we hadn't really talked about anything it resonated that we were both on the same page. Both of us were so frustrated by the situation we found ourselves in that denying our feelings was taking its toll. I wasn't sure where I stood with him now but I knew that we couldn't go on like we were, not after nearly telling the whole common room what was going on.

I had been so close to telling Al the truth that the thought of it made me sick. I loved Al with all my heart and I knew that the truth would break him completely. If I felt like fourth best with my friends over the past few years then it's nothing on what Al has felt being compared to his Dad and his brother his whole life. He had opened up to me on many occasion about how much pressure he had felt to be at their level, that everything he did he second-guessed, that he was never happy or proud of anything he accomplished as it was overshadowed by their achievements. It's what made the situation even worse. Al thought that James got everything he ever wanted and if he knew that James had got me too, he would be beyond devastated. I made my way down the stairs and saw Al, Danny and Rose sitting around a table in a heated conversation.

"She can't just take her anger out on us every chance she gets, it isn't fair," I heard Rose say as I walked over to them, obviously having just been filled in on what had happened.

"Rose, Hannah's going through a lot at the moment, just cut her a bit of slack," Danny said kindly.

"How are we meant to know what she is going through when she won't even talk to us?" Rose complained loudly. "We are meant to be her best friends," I saw Al's eyes find me as I walked over to them. In a second he was striding over to me and wrapping his arms around me. I heard Rose tut from behind him.

"I am so sorry," He mumbled into my hair. "I'm just a big child who needs attention and I feel as though I haven't been getting any of yours recently and that's why I acted the way I did," I patted his back and sighed deeply, letting him pull me in tighter. "I hate arguing with you Han, I feel like that's all we've been doing recently." He said pulling away and looking sadly into my eyes.

"I know," I replied, dropping his gaze, "I'm sorry I reacted the way I did, but it's just important to me," I said with a soft smile.

"I know," Al said grabbing my hand, not dissimilar to what James had done moments ago. I felt guilt come over me at the mere thought. "I know how important being captain is to you and I should be helping not making it worse."

"Don't worry about it now, it's finished," I said smiling.

"Poor James got the brunt of it though didn't he," Al said with a chuckle. I felt myself blush and tried to laugh along.

"Yes, Merlin knows what came over me," I said as we moved towards Danny and Rose.

"You've got a nerve," Rose spat as we approached.

"Excuse me," I asked raising my eyebrows at her in shock. For a minute I thought she knew everything, that Scorpius has told her.

"You can't treat people the way you do and think you can get away with it," She said spitefully, "And besides I don't buy the Quidditch story with you and James," She added her eyes narrowing. I felt my heart drop to my stomach and hoped my face didn't give anything away.

"Honestly Rose, stop trying to create drama where there isn't any. You weren't there, you didn't see what happened so just drop it," Al replied before I could answer. Rose glared at him before storming off to the dormitories. "What does she bloody think, that you and James have been having a secret relationship behind everyone's back, give me a break," He said chuckling to him and burying his head into a book. I caught Danny's eyes, which mirrored the shock in mine before I shook my head and composed myself.

"Well you know she likes drama," I said trying to keep my voice level as I pulled my notes out of my bag and started doing some homework.

* * *

It was the morning of match day. Rose hadn't spoken to me in three days, instead took to glaring at me every chance she got. I tried to corner Scorpius on more than one occasion but she seemed to be with him every second of the day. Al had had enough of her too and was instead spending his time with me and Danny, who he was starting to get on with quite nicely. Al had thankfully not mentioned anything else about the incident between me and James, but my guard was up and I was certain not to be in close proximity with James at any one time no matter how much I missed him.

"You need to eat," Al said when I arrived into the dining hall for breakfast as the Gryffindor table burst into cheers and applause. I sat down with the rest of my team, flanked by Al who had come along for moral support.

"I've been part of the team since fourth year and the morning before doesn't get any easier," Fred said to the group. No one responded instead nursing their drinks all of them worrying about what was to come. I knew I had to lead the way as their captain and try and pick them up so I put on a smile and intended to do just that.

"Come on team, everyone is to have at least a piece of toast otherwise I'm dropping you," I threatened, grabbing some toast for myself and forcing it down. The command was met with some groans but everyone obliged.

"Good luck today Jamie," A sickly sweet voice called from behind us. We all turned and saw Cressida running between the tables, throwing herself at the older potter. She then proceeded to attack his face much to everyone's disgust.

"As if I didn't feel sick enough, now I definitely think I'm going to throw up," Lily said glaring at the two of them.

"If you do throw up, make sure your aim is good," Roxy said to her with a winking. Everyone laughed, and I tried to ignore the jealous feeling that had started coming through me.

"Okay, let's hit the changing room then," I said, trying to pull myself away from the awful situation.

"After you Capt," Lily said smiling at me. We walked down towards the changing room as a group; Danny, Darcy and I in a discussion about the match.

"Danny, wait up," A voice called from behind us. I saw Hugo Weasley running towards us, red in the face trying to catch up. I frowned at him slightly confused at why he was asking after Danny.

"What do you want Weasley?" Danny asked bitterly. I tried to hide my shock at Danny's harsh response to the young Weasley. I had never known him to be rude to anyone. I looked at Darcy and her expression mirrored that of her brothers, they were both glaring at Hugo who looked slightly taken aback but unfazed.

"I…er…just wanted to wish you good luck, that's all," Hugo said bashfully. I saw Danny's expression soften slightly before Darcy stepped between them, the two boys towering over her.

"He doesn't need your luck Weasley, now piss off," She spat pocking his chest. Hugo looked over her head to Danny who was trying to avert his eyes. Hugo turned to me and sighed.

"Good luck today, Hannah," He said sadly before turning on his heel and making his way back to the castle.

"I hate him," Darcy said staring after him.

"You don't need to hate him," Danny said softly.

"Even after everything, I can't believe you," Darcy said storming off to catch up with Lilly. I stood there in shock at the conversation I just witnessed.

"What the hell was that?" I asked Danny who hadn't moved and was staring at the doors where Hugo had just vanished.

"It was…it was a long story," He said matter of factly, turning to face me a half convincing smile on his face. "But for now Hannah, we have a game to win and we can't lose focus on that." I didn't want to push him further so let him guide me to the changing room distracting me with talk about plays that we were going to do in the game.

As we approached the stadium we could hear the sound of two people arguing coming from around the other side of the tent. I ushered Danny inside and went to check out what was happening.

"I swear to Merlin if I find out something has happened between the two of you I will kill you," A voice said. I recognised it immediately as Rose and held back out of sight to hear more of the conversation.

"Nothing has happened. I don't know where you have got this idea from Rose but it's ridiculous," James Potter's voice bit back, blatantly lying to his cousin.

"It better not have, Potter. You know how Al feels about her if he finds out something is going on between you two it will ruin him. He will never speak to you ever again," Rose yelled back. I took this as my queue to come around the corner and saw the two of them, with stony expressions, turn to face me.

"Potter, we need you for the team talk," I said, masking the panic that was slowly rising inside of me.

"I'm coming now, just having a lovely chat with my dear cousin," James said sarcastically. He moved past me and into the tent leaving me and Rose standing there in an awkward silence.

"Hannah, don't forget that I know you like a sister. Whatever is going on, please, please don't hurt Al," She said her eyes pleading with me.

"He is my best friend," I said confidently, "I would never intentionally hurt him, you know that Rose," she shook her head and sighed deeply.

"Good luck today," She said patting me on the arm as she walked up to the stands. I all but wanted to break down and cry as she walked away from me. I hated lying to her, she was meant to be my best friend but neither of us had been acting like it recently, all because of this stupid mess I had gotten myself into. I took a deep breath before walking into the tent and putting my game face on, trying to forget everything that had happened and focusing on what was to come.

* * *

"And Ravenclaw gets another point past Potter," Lysander's voice rang across the stadium. "The score is now Ravenclaw 120 and Gryffindor 50 points, Merlin knows what has gotten to Potter today but he is not on form,"

"Not at all Lysander, defiantly something on his mind, good job Ravenclaw is taking advantage of that and here they go again," Lorcan's voice echoed. I whirled around to see their Captain and Chaser having another attempt at goal. I grabbed my bat and called over to Danny who was flanking a nearby bludger. As if he read my mind, he hit it straight towards me and I was able to hit a punishing blow to the chaser who dropped the Quaffle and swore loudly. The Gryffindor's erupted as Fred flew down the centre of the pitch with Darcy on his tale, passing the Quaffle to her at the last second to score. The crowds erupted again.

"Another ten points to Gryffindor, at least the rest of the team are awake, the new additions looking on top form this afternoon," Lorcan shouted. I hit a rouge bludger towards their keeper as my chasers brought on another assault, this time Roxy with the Goal.

"70 points now to Gryffindor," Lysander yelled, "This is a close game…and another ten points to Ravenclaw, what was Potter thinking," I spun my broom around and saw James' head hung in defeat. I groaned and flew over to him quickly whilst Darcy and Fred took the Quaffle up the other end of the pitch.

"What the fuck is going on?" I shouted as I approached. He didn't respond, however, his face said it all. "Pull yourself together otherwise you are going to cost us the game," I said sternly flying away as the Gryffindor's cheered Roxy's goal through the hoop.

Another half an hour passed by and James had let through another 5 easy saves. I was all but aiming the bludgers at him, whilst the rest of the team battled on relentlessly scoring three more. We were trailing by 60 points and I was getting increasingly concerned that if Lilly didn't catch the snitch soon then she would have to wait for the point difference to actually matter, and with James playing the way he was, I didn't see it happening. I flew over to Danny whacking a bludger aimlessly at the Ravenclaw keeper as I passed.

"Danny, I'm going to flank Lilly and give her some support we need this game to end now. Cover Darcy as she is the leading goal scorer, tell the twins to get that Quaffle to her as quickly as they can and stop any bludgers that head their way." I barked as I flew past him.

"On it," Danny said, his game face poised.

"Okay, I'm all yours. We are finding the snitch and no one is stopping us." I said determinedly. Lily did a strong salute and flew up above the field of play. I frustratingly hit a bludger away from her as I flanked her, glaring at the opposition's beater who winked back at me. Lilly's eyes were drawn and almost immediately I saw her eyes focus on something just behind our goal. In a second she was gone, flying directly towards the goal and through the hoop, the Ravenclaw seeker hot on her heels. I circled around now not paying any attention to the game just watching the two seekers zoom towards the golden ball that I could barely see. A bludger flew from as if out of nowhere and I all but threw myself off my broom to reach out and hit it. As I turned around I saw their seeker getting an advantage and flying slightly ahead of Lily. In a rush of adrenaline, I saw a rouge bludger head towards me as I took my aim towards the player, hitting his broom full on and knocking him off course. Lilly, completely undeterred saw her advantage and reached out wrapping her hand confidently around the tiny ball.

"Potter has caught the snitch, GRYFFINDOR WINS!" The Scamander twins cried through the microphone. I felt my heart leap out of my chest as relief came over me; Lily flew at me beaming wrapping her arms around me as we flew to the ground. The cheers around the stands were electric and I soon found myself being hugged and pulled in every which direction. I broke free from the crowd and ran across the shake the hand of the Ravenclaw Captain. As I went back over to join my teammates and noticed James walking alone back to the changing rooms, his head hung low and avoiding everyone that had stormed the pitch. Before I could do anything Danny and Darcy had ran over to me pulling me back into the crowd.

Before long there were talks of a party in the Gryffindor Common room and the crowd on the pitch slowly fizzled out. Most of the team had gone by the time I made my way back to the changing rooms. I walked in and sat on my bench pausing for a moment to take in my first win as captain. I was overjoyed and very relieved that we hadn't messed it up. I decided to make a start on my pre-match notes, showering and changing back into my normal clothes. I moved to the office, switching on the lights and saw James sitting in the chair behind the desk.

"Shit, you nearly scared me half to death," I said taking a step back in shock. He looked up, his eyes were red and he was still in his kit. "You okay?" I asked softly.

"I'm sorry," He sighed. "I'll go," he made to leave, standing up from the desk and moving around it to stand in front of me. He looked so broken and guilty I wanted to wrap my arms around him and comfort him but I knew I couldn't.

"You don't have to go," I said deciding that I would compromise my urges and take his hand. He looked down at our enclosed hands and his face broke into a small smile.

"Okay," He replied, looking up at me

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"I fucked up didn't I," He said sadly moving to the sofa in the corner.

"How do you work that one out?" I offered, moving behind the desk and grabbing my notes.

"I nearly cost us the game," I gave him a soft smile and joined him on the couch.

"Nearly being the favourable word,"

"Don't act like you weren't thinking of aiming some of those bludgers at me," He chuckled sadly. I gapped at him, trying to hide my guilt.

"It wasn't your best game," I remarked.

"Rose got in my head, she knows there's something going," He sighed. I nodded and drew my attention to my notes, trying to distract my heart that was in over time. "Does that not worry you?" He asked when I didn't answer.

"Yes, of course," I started. "But there is literally nothing we can do about that, the damage is done,"

"Damage?" he repeated. I stared at him confused. "You think we are damaged."

"Not what I meant," I corrected quickly, putting my notes to one side. "You know that's not how I feel about us,"

"I have no idea how you feel about us," James started, I sighed.

"James, please let me finish," I said exasperatedly. He looked down at the floor. "We aren't damaged but we will be causing a whole ton of it when people find out," He nodded in understanding, sitting back and resting his head against the back of the chair, closing his eyes.

"You don't need me to tell you how I feel about you either," I said quietly, not looking at him. I heard him move slightly in his seat but didn't chance to look at him; I wasn't strong enough to resist him.

"It would be nice to hear it," He said. I looked up at him to see him grinning from ear to ear.

"I don't think that will help anything if I told you," I said sadly, smiling at him. We were quiet for a moment.

"I'm sorry about today," He said taking my hand in his, "It will never happen again, I promise."

"I know, I trust you," I said simply. "Now, can you help me write the rest of these player notes, I've not done it before and you are a pro so," James smiled and pulled the notes across his lap.

* * *

 **A/N: Hope you enjoyed this Chapter, had so much fun writing the Quidditch game. Thanks for all the follows and favourites it means a lot that people are invested in this idea I had for a story. Chapter 7 will be alone tomorrow and I'm planning on getting at least 8 and 9 up on Tuesday, just need to do some fine tuning.**

 **Thanks again for reading,**

 **Jadeannkneeky.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

"So, you and Rose aren't friends at the moment," James stated as we made our way back up to the castle. It was a few hours after the game and we had spent the afternoon writing post-match notes. We talked more freely than we had in weeks, a huge pressure felt like it had been lifted off my shoulders and I just allowed myself to enjoy James' company and not worry about anything.

"Not really," I replied, biting my lip worryingly. He nodded but didn't respond as we walked up the path. "She can be difficult," I added after a moment.

"You're telling me," James scoffed. "I love her because she's my family but honestly I don't know how Al puts up with her so much,"

"They are basically the same person," I said with a fond smile as I thought about my two friends.

"I know," James smiled, "it's quite hilarious seeing them argue with each other. It's like them arguing in the mirror."

"Rose always wins though," I added. James nodded, his face falling slightly.

"That's why I'm so worried about her finding out," He frowned.

"Do you think I should talk to her about it? Maybe if I open up to her it might soften her up a bit, if I gave her an explanation," I offered.

"What exactly would you explain?" James asked his face screwed up in confusion. He was right. How would I even start to explain this to Rose when we couldn't even wrap our own heads around it?

"I have no idea," I sighed. James laughed, in spite of himself and wrapped an arm around my shoulder.

"I'm glad we are talking again Han," He said softly looking down at me with such sincerity it made my heart burst. In all the confusion and frustration I had been feeling over the past month, it all made sense when I looked at James. At that moment it felt like my mind was clearing like I could breathe, and all I could see was him looking at me with as much adoration as he was. In spite of myself, I felt a blush spreading across my face as my heart beat loudly in my chest.

"I've missed making you blush," James chuckled, moving his arm from around me and leading the way up the steps. As I watched him walk ahead of me I couldn't help but fall for him more and more. Despite every fibre of my being that was going against it, despite my head screaming at me to turn around and never look back, to bury the feelings, to ignore my heart; I just couldn't help it.

We made our way to the common room in a comfortable silence, both of us keeping a respectable distance from each other. As we stepped through the portrait hole people cheered and whooped and I was swept up with the crowds of people all celebrating winning the first game. I smiled as people congratulated me and handed me a drink, turning around to see where James had gone. He was leaning up against the wall, supporting a bottle of butterbeer and watching me fondly, a smile plastered across his face. I allowed myself to look at him a moment longer, returning his beaming smile as a very drunk Al came out of nowhere and threw himself on me, kissing me sloppily on the check.

"Al that's bloody disgusting," I grimaced wiping it away. He smiled broadly at me and pulled me onto the makeshift dance floor.

"Be thankful it wasn't on the mouth," Kate said appearing out of nowhere. I chuckled and saw Al's face fall a little before his grin came back.

"She loves my kisses really," He said making gross kissing noises towards her; she rolled her eyes and laughed giving me a hug.

"Well done today," She congratulated me happily.

"Look, my two favourite girls getting on," Al said fondly watching the two of us in awe. "I love you guys, you are so awesome." He said wrapping his arms around the two of us. I saw Kate's expression fall a little bit before she composed herself again.

"You need to go to bed," She said sternly. Al frowned like a child crossing his arms.

"But I want to stay with Hannah, she's the best." He said putting an arm around me.

"Hannah's also going," A voice said to the left of us. I turned and saw a very cross looking Rose staring at me, grabbing my elbow. "I need a word," She said, pulling me to the girl's staircase. I reluctantly followed her, pushing my way through the crowds of people.

"You will tell me everything now," She said sternly as soon as the door shut behind us. I stared at her in confusion for a moment before I understood what she was getting at. I decided to play dumb.

"Tell you what?" I asked.

"Don't do that Hannah," She growled, "You and James, don't act stupid. I want the truth." I hoped my face wasn't giving anything away as I lied through my teeth.

"I don't know what you are insinuating Rose, but James and I are friends that's it," I replied firmly. She was quiet for a moment staring at me.

"You're lying," She said confidently. "I know you. I watched the two of you walk in together smiling and laughing and I saw the way he was looking at you. The same way Scorpius looks at me." She said harshly, her eyes pleading with me to tell her the truth. "I mean for Merlin's sake Hannah he has a bloody girlfriend,"

"Rose," I started, trying to ease the panic that was building inside of me. I wondered whether it would be easier to tell her the truth, knowing the damage it could cause. "James stayed later than the rest of the team because he was upset about how he played during the match. We had a chat and then he helped me with the match reports and player notes." I said honestly. She just stared at me.

"I can't be friends with you anymore," She said simply. I gapped at her feeling my heart falter slightly.

"Why?" I chocked. She looked away for a moment, her sternness falling for a second.

"Because you are choosing to lie to me to save yourself, you are choosing James over Al, James over me." She said quietly. "You aren't the same as you used to be. You are hiding things and I can't stand it any longer. Come and speak to me when you want to tell me the truth but in the meantime, leave me alone," She said finally walking out of the room and slamming the door behind her.

The pain that I had felt over James Potter the past few weeks was nothing compared to how I felt when Rose slammed the door behind her. I sank to my bed and felt tears pool in my eyes; I willed them back stubbornly knowing full well I didn't deserve to be upset about this. Rose knew me better than anyone else; she was my best friend, my first friend in the wizarding world. She took pity on the tall first year that stood in the corridor on the Hogwarts express not knowing at all where to go or what to do, suddenly overwhelmed with everything that was going on around her. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and led me into a carriage with her and Al talking to me about anything and everything, not leaving my side until she knew I was happy. She had looked out for me from the beginning and she was now more of a sister than a friend; a sister I had just betrayed.

Yes, we had drifted apart over the past few months but up until now, I was reluctant to see my own part in that drift. I was lying to my friends daily about what was happening to me, keeping secrets from them and now completely lying to Rose's face when she asked me point blank for the truth. The worst thing about it was that she knew I was lying. I had caused the rift in our relationship and I had all but killed it completely. In six years of knowing Rose we had never fallen out and now here we were, Rose telling me that she didn't want to be my friend anymore; not that I blamed her.

Not being friends with Rose would now add strain to mine and Scorpius' relationship as well. Although we had never been as close as we were with the other two he had been a constant in my life and someone I would trust with anything. After I told him about James, our relationship had never been as it was, this was going to hurt it even more and I wasn't so sure we could recover from that. And then there was Al. In time he would inevitably have to choose between me and Rose and at the end of the day, Rose was his family and I was well nothing. I hadn't even told him anything and I was going to lose him.

I sighed and wiped the tears that had escaped, curling up on my bed and drawing my curtains around me not feeling in the mood to go back to the party. The game felt like ages ago now and the fleeting moment of happiness I had felt when we had won had all but disappeared. This was nothing more than I deserved for being as deceitful as I was, lying to everyone I loved, being so incredibly selfish. I had lost my best friend because of the mess I had gotten myself into. At some point, I feel asleep the image of James looking down at me swimming behind my eyes making my heart break just a little more than it already had.

* * *

October passed in the blink of an eye. The weather grew drearier and cold as the weeks drew on matching my mood perfectly. The past few weeks at Hogwarts had been my loneliest yet. Just as I had envisaged, Rose made sure that my interaction with Scorpius' was non-existent and I had had about enough of him sending me pitiful looks across the classroom. Rose avoided me like the plaque, she moved seats in all of our lessons together and I barely saw her in the common room. Not that I had expected any different, I had hurt Rose and she was as stubborn as they come, I knew that this wasn't going to blow over easily.

I barely saw Al very much nowadays as well, Kate, for whatever reason, was keeping him on a tight leash making sure that we were never alone together or making excuses for them to be elsewhere. I tried and failed on multiple occasions to talk to Al about Rose but Kate would always change the subject or never leave us alone to have a private discussion. Danny had been keeping me company, however, he had his own friends as well and I always felt as though I was encroaching anytime I was with them. Most days I kept myself to myself, trying not to think about how lonely and withdrawn I was becoming, instead throwing myself into my work and my captaincy.

The end of October saw my 17th birthday. Mum had always said that she wasn't surprised I was a witch considering I was born on Halloween; she always claimed that there was something magical about the night I was born. On the morning of my birthday, I was woken by the slamming of the door as one of my dorm mates left for the morning. Although it was Halloween, we still had normal classes but everyone was looking forward to the big feast that evening. Every year my friends had rallied around to make sure I had a fantastic birthday, showering me with gifts and love from the moment I woke up to the moment I fell asleep. As I stretched and sat up in bed I realised for the first time since being at Hogwarts, this birthday wasn't going to be like the rest. I swung my legs over the side of the bed and noticed Rose sitting in her chair already in her uniform, looking at me sadly. A part of me thought she was going to say something but as we both looked at each other in silence I knew it wasn't going to happen. I sighed and stood up to go to the bathroom.

"Hannah," She called after me. I stopped walking and turned around, waiting for her to say something. She looked awkward and nervous not meeting my eyes. "Happy Birthday," She said offering me a small smile. She walked over to me and wrapped her arms around my shoulders. I didn't move, surprised at the interaction. She looked at me again before sighing and leaving the room allowing me to get ready alone.

My mum, stepdad and brother had sent me some money and a card ready for me to open in the morning. I tore open the envelope and opened the card feeling incredibly homesick. My mum had written me a heartfelt message and had enclosed a picture of the three of them smiling happily with a birthday cake and some muggle money. I laughed to myself as I saw the three of them grinning up at me. We were such a close family it had been hard in first year to be away from them. I hoped that my younger brother, who was two years younger, would also by a wizard and would join me at Hogwarts and I would fill his head of stories about the place and the magic. But no letter came and I was sent off to Hogwarts in my third year alone, once again. My brother never resented me for my abilities inside looking forward to the day I could freak his friends out with some 'cool tricks.'

My parents had always been supportive of me going to Hogwarts. Getting excited when I would tell them about how well I was doing even though I knew they didn't fully understand. They tried the best they could but to them, I was their daughter regardless of whether I was a witch or not, they just wanted me to be happy. As I looked at my mum's face I felt myself welling up, was I happy at the moment? What would they say if they knew everything that was going on? More than anything in the world I wanted my mum to wrap her arms around me and tell me it was going to be okay.

I sorted myself out and placed the photo in my pin board next to pictures of my friends and my teammates. I looked closely at a photo of me, Al and Rose. The three of us laughing madly as Al jumped in between the two of us wrapping his arms around our shoulders making us fall out of frame as a result. I missed everything about that picture, the ease we had around each other, the joy and love we shared. I moved my gaze to the picture underneath, me and Scorpius, smiling broadly in our Quidditch robes not long after we had beaten them in a match. I had my arms wrapped around his middle and was squeezing him tightly as he sent a smouldering look to the camera, cracking up when I tried to copy him. I missed them so much, what was it all for, risking these friendships. Then my eyes moved to one of me and the Quidditch team from last year.

I was standing in-between a stunning Dom Weasley, who was talking to Fred making him laugh madly, and James Potter. He had leant down to say something to me making my smile even broader and a blush creep across my face. I watched him chuckle and straighten up a bit, throwing an arm around my shoulder and look straight to the camera. This photo was taken before everything had happened and even watching us both I could see how infatuated I was with the older Potter even then. I moved my hand to touch the photo James and knew that this was what I was risking it all for; the smile, the charm, the boy who had my heart completely.

I pulled myself together and sighed deeply, it was only half an hour until first lesson and I was hoping that some people would be looking forward to seeing me this morning. I placed my family's card on the dresser and picked up my bag. I made my way to breakfast alone and hoped my friends would be happy to see me when I arrived. Before I was even over the threshold of the great hall, Al had picked me up and spun me around.

"Happy Birthday, you old git," He laughed placing me down and throwing an arm around my shoulder. I couldn't help but smile as he led me to where Scorpius, Rose and most of the team were sitting adorned with balloons and banners. I suddenly felt happier than I had in weeks although I couldn't help the sinking feeling when I noticed James was nowhere to be seen.

"Happy Birthday," Scorpius said, standing up and giving me a gentle hug. I smiled at the Slytherin, who looked somewhat bashful as he made his way back to a stern looking Rose. I ignored her as I moved to sit next to Danny, who handed me a present.

"New beater gloves," I said grinning madly, "These are the ones I wanted as well, Thank you," I said throwing my arms around him.

"Happy Birthday," He smiled. Before long the rest of the collective handed me more presents. The team had chipped in together to buy me a new Quidditch model in Gryffindor colours, all the models in true likeness of their counterparts. Al had bought me a new Gryffindor scarf and notepad along with a collection of chocolates that would last me until Christmas. Scorpius had painted me a lovely picture of the four of us sitting by our favourite tree by the lake; it reminded me of the times before all this mess. Rose glanced at the picture and then to Scorpius who wouldn't meet her eye before standing up and storming off out of the hall, Scorpius thankfully didn't follow.

The rest of the day was fairly uneventful. My lessons passed by with relative peace and I had Runes last lesson of the day. I hadn't seen James all day and was almost nervous about seeing him. As I walked into the room I noticed his empty chair opposite me straight away, I felt my heart drop instantly. I knew now that he had been avoiding me, no one had even mentioned his name and this was the last confirmation I needed to know that he was actively avoiding me on my birthday. We had been keeping our distance over the past few weeks following my fall out with Rose, but he knew it was my birthday. I don't know what I was expecting from him but it defiantly wasn't this.

The rest of the lesson was a blur and it was the first time since I can remember that I hadn't enjoyed Runes. I blindly made my way to the Halloween feast that evening, taking my place with Al, Fred, Kate, Danny and Rose. I glanced briefly up and down the table scanning everyone to see if I could see him anywhere. Out the corner of my eyes, I saw Rose staring at me; I could feel her accusatory stare boring into the side of my head. I made eye contact with her and felt my cheeks go red instantly. I was making things to obvious, we had made some inroads today and I was all but jeopardising that by wearing my heart on my sleeve. Al brought me back into the conversation meaning I could avoid Rose's stare.

James didn't turn up at all that evening. After Rose caught me looking for him I knew it was risky asking after him and just hoped someone else would. The feast was wonderful and I tried my best to enjoy my friend's company but I couldn't help being upset about James not seeing me today. As we made our way back to the common room there was some talk of a party but any ideas of that were cut short when Professor Longbottom turned up in our common room demanding that we were to all go to bed that moment.

Rose and I went to bed in silence letting the voices of our roommates fill the awkwardness around us. I looked over to her as I pulled the covers over me offering her a warm smile that she returned. I pulled the drapes around the bed and felt happier than I had in weeks, knowing that I was finally getting somewhere with Rose. I waited for the room the go quiet before I stepped back into the dark cold dormitory, grabbing a jumper and putting my slippers on before sneaking back out into the common.

Since I had started Hogwarts, every year on birthday I would always wait until the common room was empty to see in the last few minutes of my birthday. Mum had always let us stay up until midnight on our birthday, telling us to take in every moment we could of our special day. She wouldn't do the cake until ten to midnight, making sure the last few moments were always the most special. During my first year, I had gone to bed and tried to stay awake trying desperately not to get upset that my family wasn't there and I was sitting alone in the dark. I had contemplated asking Rose to wait up with me but never wanted think I was completely weird. Instead, I pulled myself out of bed, careful to make no noise and sat near the dying fire wrapped in a blanket reading a book, enjoying the only peace and quiet I had all day. It was now something I did every year and as far as I was aware none knew about it; it was my own secret thing in a place full of people and I loved that.

I sat on the sofa in front of the dying fire and flicked aimlessly through a book that had been left on the chair next to me; enjoying the fire crackling in the background as I read about the history of the Goblin rebellion. I had become so engrossed in the book that I didn't notice the portrait hole opening and a dishevelled looking James Potter walking through it.

"Why are you still awake?" He said staring at me from across the room. I almost jumped out of my skin when I heard him. The book went flying and I was up out of my seat in a second. Once I released who it was my heart rate calmed slightly but as I took in his appearance I suddenly became very concerned.

"James, you scared the hell out of me," I said offering a slight smile. He didn't return it, he just stood there.

"Why are you still awake?" He repeated again. I frowned and shrugged flopping back in the chair and hoping he would leave me be. I heard him sigh frustratingly and walk over to the settee. He looked at me expectantly and I moved over to let him sit down. We were quiet for a moment as I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. He looked worn out and tired, let alone freezing as if he had been outside all day. My concern grew as he closed his eyes and sighed deeply; leaning back to rest his head on the sofa.

"Where have you been?" I asked harsher than I meant it. He sighed again and turned his face towards mine.

"Does it matter?" He said sadly.

"Yes, I suppose it does," I said firmly. He looked at me for a moment.

"I've been doing some thinking," He said after a moment.

"Don't hurt yourself," I quipped. I saw a sad smile escape from his lips and I suddenly felt an overwhelming feeling of happiness that I had been the one to make him smile, especially when he looked so forlorn. "Thinking about what?" I pushed.

"You know exactly what," He replied closing his eyes again. He looked so peaceful I wanted to cry, it took every ounce of me to not kiss him there and then. "It's been a difficult few weeks," He said softly. I gapped at him, feeling suddenly annoyed at his remark. Was he actually being serious? He'd had a difficult few weeks. I had basically lost all of my best friends because I was keeping _us_ a secret while he was still able to have his friends, his family, and cheat his stupid bloody girlfriend and behave as if nothing had happened. Not to mention he had not seen me all day and failed to wish me Happy Birthday when he saw me.

"You can't be serious," I said exasperated, turning to face him. He opened his eyes and looked shocked for a moment. "You have had it difficult, have you been so self-centred to even see what has been happening to me, all because of you," I almost yelled. He stood up suddenly and grabbed my hand.

"We can't have this conversation here," He said pulling me into the Head Boy's room off to the side of the common room. As we walked in, he dropped my hand and stood to face me waiting for me to continue. I tried to calm my temper but I knew there was no chance; I had gone past the point. I could feel my anger at Rose, at Al and Scorpius, at myself and at James bubble over and consume me.

"I have had the worst few weeks of my life all because of this shit we are in. Rose won't speak to me and I'm too bloody guilty to even fight against her falling out with me because she is right, I am lying to her, I am putting myself first, I am choosing you over them. I keep lying to everyone, to myself all because of you and you say you've had a difficult few weeks," I screamed at him, my anger slipping out of me.

"I know," He said softly, looking at me with a pained expression, not even attempting to argue back. It did nothing to calm me down, only wind me up more. I groaned in exasperation and moved towards him, pocking a finger into his chest harshly.

"What do you mean you know?" I yelled. "If you knew then why haven't you done anything about it? Why haven't you made sure I was okay? Why haven't you been there for me?" He hung his head and didn't reply.

"IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT," I screamed. My voice echoed around the room and I stood there staring at up at him, breathing heavily, daring him to say something. He finally met my eyes and moved to touch my hand, I pulled away not wanting to be anywhere near him.

"I'm sorry," He said, so much pain in his voice I felt my heartbreak. "It's been awful watching you go through all of this, knowing it's my fault. I don't even know where to start." He said sitting down on the sofa with his head in his hands. I waited for him to finish, my anger not subsiding at all.

"I'm sorry about not seeing you today, I've been trying to think of a way around this situation hoping to come to you today and say fuck it lets just go for it because I am fed up of seeing you in pain and I am fed up of not being allowed to kiss you and hold you when I want to." He said looking at me. I felt my heart beating loudly in my ears; I couldn't believe what he was saying.

"Hannah, I want to be with you more than anything in the world. I am falling for you," He said sadly. My heart skipped a beat. James Potter was telling me that he was falling for me and all I wanted to do was cry. I came and sat with him on the sofa reaching my hand out to hold his.

"I've already fallen for you James," I said sadly not daring to meet his eyes.

"Did you see a way that we could do it?" I asked softly, knowing what the answer would be. He was quiet for a moment.

"No," I felt my heart drop, "There is no way around losing Al." He said painfully, "And I just can't do that." I nodded and dropped his hand standing up once again.

"I best go back to bed," I said not catching his eye.

"Please don't go, Hannah," He begged, reaching a hand out to pull me back down.

"James…" I sighed, letting him take my hand. He stood up and placed a small box inside my hand, wrapped in red and gold, his handwriting spelling my name beautifully on the top.

"Happy Birthday Hannah," He whispered making me aware of our close proximity. I opened the box and pulled out the small silver necklace. The chain was delicate and beautiful; sparkling in the light, at the bottom of the necklace was my favourite Rune, the lines around the edge curving perfectly back across the centre circle, a swirl encompassing the whole symbol, Grace and beauty coming together in union.

I looked up at him, our eyes finding each other both mirroring each other's intensity. I knew what was going to happen before it did. We stood there for what felt like an eternity before he took the present from my hands and placed it on the side, our gaze not breaking. He brought his hands to my face holding them there.

"Beauty," He whispered across my skin as he kissed my cheek softly. I felt my hairs stand on end; everything was so intense I wanted to melt into him forever.

"Grace," He whispered, moving to kiss the other cheek, breathing across my lips as he did. He stared passionately into my eyes for a second before smiling so beautifully my heart melted.

"You," He said before kissing me on the lips, giving into what we both wanted.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading once again and thank you for following and favouriting, it means a lot.

Thank you for those who have reviewed this story as well, it means so much that you are engaging with this story whether you are enjoying it or not, I do appreciate it. Just want to add that this story is very much from one person's POV so it's difficult to gauge what James/Al/Rose are all thinking and feeling about the situation. I've always thought Hannah to be a people pleaser and so, what is happening to her, goes against her very character. She is really giving herself a hard time about all of this because she honestly doesn't intend to hurt anyone.

I've always thought it would be interesting to write this story from Jame's perspective because I think he would see things very differently to Hannah but I won't go into too much detail as it might spoil what is to come.

As for Al being a bit of an arse (or a snowflake as someone put it, which made me laugh so much. I completely agree!) that will hopefully make sense soon as well.

And to the person who anonymously said that the story didn't make sense and was very concerned about James cheating on his girlfriend. He wasn't with Cressida when he first got with Hannah and I thought I made it apparent that he was only using Cressida, not that that is right but as Al said 'He is dating Cressida as a front,' (Chapter 4)

Thanks again for reading,

Chapter 8 to follow soon.

Jadeannkneeky


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

I woke up to gentle kisses being placed down my back. My eyes opened slightly and I could see it was still dark outside, telling me that it wasn't quite yet morning. I closed my eyes again slowly drifting back to sleep, feeling the kisses trail up my back and to my neck. I felt a smile come across my face and I sighed happily, feeling so at peace.

"I know you're awake," James whispered into my ear pausing in his ministrations.

"I'm enjoying your kisses," I sighed, smiling as I rolled over to look at him. He was hovering above me, supporting himself on his arms. I made to move the cover over myself, but he frowned slightly pulling it away and before I could protest he kissed softly on the lips.

"You are so beautiful," He said sincerely, shutting me up. He continued to kiss my bare shoulders and chest, making me moan slightly. I heard him chuckle and, not wanting him to have all the fun, I flipped us over and began doing the same to him. He laughed freely, pulling me into his side; our bodies tangled together.

"You're amazing," He whispered making me blush slightly.

"That was the best night of my life," I said quietly running my fingers over his stomach, reminiscing about what had just happened between us.

"It was perfect," James said kissing me on the forehead.

"I best go back to my room before people start waking up," I said reluctantly. James groaned and tried to pull me back to the bed. I smiled and allowed him to pull me in for another kiss.

"Can I see you today?" He asked watching me get dressed.

"That would be nice," I replied pulling my hair back and trying to ignore the sirens going off in my head. "I'll be in the library at lunch," He smiled and nodded. I wanted to say more but I didn't want to ruin the moment we just had so I smiled back and leant down to kiss him again.

"Thank you for my gift," I said softly, picking it up from the side and placing it around my neck. "I love it," I said sincerely. James climbed out of bed and walked over to the door with me.

"It looks amazing on you," He smiled. He wrapped me up once again and kissed me passionately on the lips. "It's going to be hard not doing that every time I see you today," He said pulling away.

"Don't think about that just now," I said frowning slightly, "Can't we pretend for just a moment that it could be that way?"

"I wish we could," He said kissing me on the lips again, "But we can't think that way Hannah,"

"Then what was the point," I replied sighing, hoping the tears would subside until I left the room. "We have just made this a thousand times more complicated than it already was."

"The point was that I love you," James all but shouted, "And I wanted to show you that," I stood there in shock for a moment at what he had said. He looked at me nervously, neither of us daring to speak.

"I love you too," I said softly after a moment. James smile was the biggest I've seen it in a long time, he leant down to kiss me again. "Now it's a million times more complicated," I said sighing.

"We will work something out, I promise," He said wrapping me in a hug. "I'll see you in a few hours."

I left the room reluctantly, not wanting the night to end. I crept upstairs and into bed quietly hoping that nobody heard me come in. I didn't want to dwell too much on what would happen next. I knew it was stupid to sleep with James, he wasn't my first but it felt so much different to anything I'd ever done before, I didn't want to regret that it ever happened but I knew deep down it wasn't going to end well. For the moment, I decided to enjoy what had happened and for the first time in a long time, I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

"You came to bed really late last night," Rose questioned as we were getting ready the next morning. She had been surprisingly pleasant to all morning; I was hoping Scorpius had called her out about her attitude. I didn't want to lie to her again, not now we were on speaking terms.

"I lost track of time," I said smiling at her through the mirror as I did my makeup. I wasn't exactly lying, more withholding the truth.

"I thought you came to bed with me last night, why did you go back downstairs?" She continued, I knew she was trying to catch me out and I didn't want to give her reason not to talk to me again.

"I like to see in the last moments of my birthday," I started, "I was reading and lost track of time," She nodded and I hoped she brought it.

"Can we be friends again please?" I said after a moment, "I miss you," She looked at me and sighed.

"We can work on it," She said after a moment.

"That's all I want," I said smiling. After last night with James, I decided that in order for us to get anywhere I needed to be the best friend I could be, that meant not putting myself first and this was a start. "Let's get some breakfast,"

We walked down to the hall in an awkward but pleasant conversation, talking about homework and Quidditch, joining Albus and Scorpius for breakfast. Both of them just stared at us.

"What?" Rose asked pouring us some tea.

"You two are friends now?" Al asked warily.

"Yes, of course we are," Rose snapped.

"Thank Merlin for that," Scorp sighed.

"Will you ever tell me what you fell out about?" Al asked curiously.

"Nope, now drop it," Rose said sternly, giving Al a look that I knew would shut him up.

"Where's Kate?" I asked Al, trying to change the conversation. It was rare nowadays not to see them together all the time.

"We broke up," Al shrugged, grabbing a sausage. Rose rolled her eyes and pulled Scorpius into a different conversation.

"When? Why?" I questioned. I couldn't help but be slightly relieved that she wasn't going to be there every time Al and I spent time together.

"She was getting on my nerves, and she was always really jealous about you, it was doing my head in." He said blushing slightly and not meeting my eye.

"Why would she be jealous of me?" I asked chuckling slightly. Rose and Scorpius glanced at the two of us and Al was just looking at me intently. "Am I missing something?" I said to the three of them.

"No," Al sighed, "Did you have a good birthday?" He asked, obviously trying to change the subject.

"It was probably the best one yet," I smiled, thinking about James and the night before.

"Was that a present?" Al asked pointing to my necklace. Rose spun round to see what he was talking about and I hastily put it back inside my robes.

"Yes, it was,"

"From who?" Rose questioned, glaring at me. I smiled and tried to calm my beating heart that I was certain all three of them could hear.

"A friend from home," I lied, eating my breakfast and not looking at any of them, "It came late last night because it was through muggle post," I suddenly realised this wasn't going to be easy at all. "Anyway I best be going, I'm having lunch in the library so I'll see you later," I grabbed my bags and walked to lesson.

"Hannah wait up," Al called after me, "We have potions idiot, you might need you potions partner for that," He smiled bumping my shoulder. We walked quietly for a moment.

"Was your necklace from a boyfriend you aren't telling us about? Jake maybe," He said sheepishly.

"Don't be daft," I said tapping his arm slightly, "I don't have a boyfriend and Jake and I haven't spoken in ages. It's just from a friend." I lied again. But seeing the smile that appeared on Al's face made me realise that however twisted the logic was, lying to him was the right thing to do.

"Good," He smiled, "I'm glad you don't have a boyfriend," I frowned, "I don't mean it like that, I just mean...well...Merlin...do you want to go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend?" He asked rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly reminding me somewhat of his brother.

"Don't we always go together?" I asked confused at why he was asking me so formally.

"Yes we do but-"

"Then of course I will stupid," I smiled as we reached the dungeons and sat in our usual spot.

"Okay then, everyone turn to page 256; we are going to be looking at Antidotes today." Professor Slughorn called from his desk.

* * *

I had a free period after double potions and so bid Al farewell before setting up at the back of the library to give me and James some privacy. I started on my potions homework as I waited for him to arrive.

My head was still spinning after the night before. Everything had felt so right, so simple and I was surprised that even when reality had sunk in, I hadn't regretted anything. I loved James and he loved me. It sounded so simple, so easier and even though I knew it was far from any of those things, I felt a strange peace within myself; I had come to terms with my own feelings. I finally understood what all this mess was for. I was calmer than I had been in weeks and I felt like I could breathe again. Don't get me wrong, I was nervous about seeing the older Potter, but it was a giddy nerve. The kind of nerves that made you get butterflies in your stomach, the kind that made your heart beat a little fast and your cheeks go red. The bell for lunch went and there was no sign of him. I pulled a sandwich out of my bag and waited, watching the minutes drag on and with still no sign.

As the end of lunch came, I realised that he wasn't turning up. I reluctantly put all of my things away, trying to ignore the dreadful feeling that slowly subsided my happiness. I tried to convince myself that James could've just been caught up somewhere and was running late but even as I fed myself the excuse, I knew I was clutching at straws. I tried not to focus on the fact that I had made it easy for James to have a part of me, the thought that I was just another conquest made me feel sick. I hoped desperately that it wasn't the case as I moved to the next lesson, trying to ignore the feeling of dread that was seeping through my judgement.

Transfiguration and Charms passed quickly and easily that afternoon. I tried to forget about James standing me up and really hoped he had a reasonable explanation for why. The four of us walked to dinner; as always Rose and Al commanded the conversation. I was happy that the attention was from me for a while and tried to ignore Scorpius' concerned glances. Dinner was fine, Rose and Scorpius left me and Al to walk to Gryffindor Tower as they went to do rounds. Al was rambling on about some healing internship he was thinking about applying for. I listened half-heartedly to what he was saying, adding to the conversation when needed, but my thoughts were distracted by the other Potter. I hadn't been able to shake the feeling of dread after James didn't show at lunch-time, the feeling growing when I hadn't spotted him at dinner either. I was trying not to think the worst but something was telling me to expect the terrible.

As we turned the corner to take the familiar tapestry cut through I could hear giggling and talking coming from ahead. I could feel my heart pounding in my ears, part of me knowing exactly what we were about to walk in on and the other part telling me to run the other way. Al walked ahead and pulled the tapestry apart and just like before James and Cressida were in front of us wrapped up in each other. It was hard to tell where she started and he finished. I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces; it took me every fibre of my being to not break down on the spot.

"Bro, that's fucking disgusting," Al grimaced, bringing me back to the situation. His face was crumpled in disgust but a smirk was also present underneath it. James and Cressida broke apart turning to face us. James looked straight at his brother matching the smirk; he just shrugged and tried to pull her back in.

"Get off me James, I need to go I've got rounds. I'll catch up with you later." She kissed him again on the lips and walked past Al.

"I really don't get it mate," Al said holding his hands up.

"She's hot and I suppose she has nice qualities," James laughed. I wanted to throw up at what he was saying. He wasn't even trying to hide it; he was showing off for his brother. Al laughed and moved past him up the stairs, James' eyes fell on me the second Al moved out of the way and a look of horror came across his face. His eyes widened and met my now tearful ones. He hadn't seen me. I closed my eyes briefly for a second trying desperately to compose myself before I followed Al.

"Hannah," James started, pulling my hand into his, desperation ablaze in his eyes. I snatched it away and tried desperately to hold in a sob that I knew was coming.

"Come on Hannah, I need to get on with some work," Al called at the top of the stairs.

"Get rid of him," James whispered despairingly. I shook my head violently, not trusting myself to talk and moved up the stairs. "Please hear me out," James pleaded quietly, tears in his own eyes. I couldn't breathe. I looked down on him; hopelessness and heartbreak all over his face. This was it, we both knew it. He had my heart completely and he broke it. The only solution he could come up with, to avoid hurting Al was to hurt me. I realised as I looked at the pain in his eyes that that was the decision he had come to the day before. He had allowed himself one more moment of weakness, knowing full well I would comply and succumb to his advances, knowing that it would make the hurt even worse. I turned my back on him and followed Al upstairs, my heart completely broken.

* * *

I faked an illness the next day to avoid everyone and everything. Rose insisted I go to the hospital wing but I was adamant that I just needed some sleep. I cried myself to sleep the night before, watching the same moment over and over again every time I closed my eyes. I snuck to the kitchens at lights out to get something to eat, hoping to avoid everyone but knowing that probably wasn't going to be the case.

The elves had given me a bowl of soup and bread before I heard the door open behind me. I didn't dare turn around knowing exactly who had followed me here.

"Can we talk?" James said sitting down opposite me. I didn't answer; I barely looked up at him noticing that he didn't look in a good shape either. "Hannah please, I'm going out of my mind." He said trying to hold my hand across the table. I sighed and placed my spoon down. I stared at him for a moment, trusting that my mask was in place not wanting him to see any of the pain I was feeling.

"You are off the team," I said after a pause. His face fell instantly and I knew I had hit a nerve. It wasn't a decision I had come to lightly. We had a game coming up in two weeks and he was already causing me a distraction. I couldn't even look at him let alone play with him. For the good of the team, it was me or him and I was captain so the decision lay with me.

"What do you mean?" He asked composing himself again.

"You are off the team," I repeated standing up. "You are not welcome at practises; I've already found a replacement." I moved toward the door.

"Can we just talk please?" He pleaded following me.

"I wanted to talk, I was waiting for you and you didn't show. Instead, you broke my heart." I said, venom laced through my words. "Don't follow me and stop watching me on that stupid map otherwise I will hand it in. Leave me alone James, we are done here" I said opening the door and leaving him standing there.

* * *

I woke up the next morning feeling awful. We had a practise first thing and I had asked the second Keeper, a 5th year called Sam Walkins, to join us. I had not told the team yet that James was no longer playing knowing that there would be some serious complaints and being well aware that Rose would be on our backs again. Practise was before breakfast so I knew none of the team would be aware of what had happened yet. I asked Sam to help me bring some food to the field as avoid questions in the common room when people realised James wasn't coming.

The team piled into the changing room loudly, grabbing some orange juice and a muffin as they started to get changed. A few of them asked Sam what he was doing there, fortunately, I hadn't told Sam in detail why he was there, not wanting the news to spread before I had a chance to tell everyone. Once everyone was changed I took to the floor writing the Hufflepuff team sheet on the board feeling everyone watching me, waiting.

"Shall we start?" I asked sheepishly, trying to avoid everyone's confused looks.

"Hannah, James isn't here yet," Lily smiled.

"He must've overslept," Fred chuckled, "Shall I go and get him Capt?" I didn't answer; I just sighed and shook my head.

"Hannah, what's going on?" Danny asked.

"James is off the team," I said. There was a pause for a second before uproar ensued.

"He made you captain and then you kick him out," Fred yelled.

"He was the best Captain since Oliver Wood, what are you thinking?" Roxy called out.

"Guys, I'm sure Hannah has her reasons," Lily frowned, Darcy and Danny nodding in agreement.

"He no longer had the team's best interests at heart," I replied calmly. "I felt, and he agreed, that his head duties were taking precedent and I'm sorry but in my team that's not good enough. It was a mutual agreement and I won't hear any more about it." Everyone was quiet, "Now, we have Sam from the reserves playing with us who would inevitably replace James once he left anyway so there are no issues." I waited for them to all agree and continued with the team information.

The rest of the practise was a nightmare. It was absolutely hammering it down, so nobody could see a thing. Everyone was playing shockingly and no one was concentrating. I felt bad for Sam for coming into the team in such disarray but he seemed to get on with it best he could. I had to call off the rest of the session due to Danny accidentally hitting Lily in the face causing her to have a really bad nose bleed. Everyone was relieved to be going into the warm and I closed myself in my office hoping no one would approach the topic of James again.

I heard them all leaving one by one, knowing that Danny was waiting for me outside. I bit the bullet and opened the door seeing him sitting there alone, waiting for me.

"What did he do?" Danny asked as soon as he saw me, concern written all over his face. I sat down next to him and sighed.

"He broke my heart," I said, barely holding it together before bursting into tears. Danny wrapped me in his arms as I explained everything that had happened. He listens quietly, taking it all in, letting me cry into his jumper.

"Do you think it was a good idea to kick him from the team though?" He asked hesitantly once I'd finished. I sighed deeply and wiped my tears away.

"Probably not but it's done now," I sighed. "I just couldn't even imagine having him around right now, I can't even look at him,"

"It does get easier you know," Danny said with a sad smile.

"I bloody hope so because I feel completely broken," I said half chuckling half crying. Danny exhaled loudly and considered me for a moment.

"I think you're ready," He said quietly. I looked at him confused for a moment. "For my heartbreak," He said with an unreadable expression on his face. I felt my eyes widen slightly. "It might give you some clarity, it might help or it might make you want to go and punch Hugo like Darcy did," He laughed slightly and sighed.

"Am I heartbroken enough now?" I joked bumping shoulders with him.

"Just about," He winked, "So you obviously didn't know that Hugo and I were an item towards the end of last year,"

"I don't think anyone knew," I remarked. Danny smile and nodded slightly.

"Neither of us had told anyone that we were gay, so you can imagine there would be some resistance to letting the whole school know," He smiled slightly and persevered. "I was tutoring him in a few subjects last year. Professor Longbottom had paired us together as he knew I wanted to go into teaching and would like the opportunity,"

"Professor Longbottom the matchmaker," I added. Danny laughed softly, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks.

"Exactly, Hugo always said we would have him officiate our wedding if we ever got married," Danny was quiet for a moment, a sad look coming across his features. He sighed and continued, "We meet once a week and then it was twice a week and it kind of snowballed. We would meet in the Room of Requirement on the 7th floor as Hugo didn't want people to know he was being tutored. It was our space to just be us you know,"

"We fell in love pretty quickly and spent most of the summer together. He was my first proper relationship, my first boyfriend. I came out to my family and introduced him to them. Luckily my mum and stepdad are both Muggles, my dad was a wizard but left when Darcy was born, so neither of them knew the Weasley family. I made Darcy swear she wouldn't tell anyone when we got back to school. I knew when I brought him round he was unsure about Darcy knowing and tried to reassure him that it would be okay, I thought he believed me until…" he went quiet for a moment. I put my hand around his to comfort him and gave it a squeeze shooting him a supportive smile, which he thankfully returned.

"We had plans to come back to school and make our relationship public knowledge but for Hugo, it was too soon," He sighed and shook his head. "I caught him the first day back in the Room of Requirement, in _our_ space, with a busty blonde girl from the year above and let's say they left nothing to the imagination. He told me that he didn't love me and he wasn't gay and that I had tricked him into everything. He screamed at me, destroying the room and my heart in the process."

"Oh Danny," I said pathetically, feeling myself well up.

"It was awful, as you can imagine but I can now tell you without bursting into tears so I'm getting there," He added with a soft smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"I'm sorry that happened to you," I said softly grabbing his hand.

"I'm sorry it happened to you," He said smiling back at me.

"Have you spoken to him since?" I asked not sure if I wanted to hear the answer.

"Yes I have," Danny said a genuine smile breaking across his face, "We've talked about it, about everything. I'm still not fully ready to forgive and he knows that but we are getting back on track. Despite everything, despite the heartbreak, I still love him." I sighed and shook my head, mainly to myself rather than Danny. He gave me a knowing look. "When you are ready you should hear him out," He said after a moment. "But only when _you_ are ready,"

"What if I'm never ready?" I asked sadly, dropping my eyes.

"If you love him then you will be," He said wisely.

"Merlin it would be a lot easier if you could fancy me," I joked.

"Tell me about it, we would have beautiful babies with fantastic Beating skills," He laughed. "Come on, let's get some food."

* * *

The next two weeks flew by. The news that James Potter had been cut from the Gryffindor Quidditch team had spread like wildfire, as I knew it would. For a whole week I was approached by countless angry Gryffindor's shouting at me, telling me how bad I was at Quidditch, informing me that I was an awful person and that I shouldn't be captain as I was an incompetent leader. I could barely spend five minutes in the common room without being sneered at. Although I was confident in my decision, it didn't help my poor heart to have to hear his name mentioned to me every second of the day. The team, thankfully, decided to support my decision and would try to shut up anyone who would try and argue with me about it. James Potter had been keeping a really low profile; I had barely seen him apart from in Runes, where we actively avoided even looking at each other. From what I had heard he was supporting my decision and would ignore anyone who tried to engage him in a conversation about the issue.

On Sunday evening I found myself at the library with my three of my friends. With them alternating rounds it was often difficult to get any time together in the evenings so we always made a habit of spending time together in the library when there was a rare occurrence. Rose had thankfully not even tried to approach the topic of James with me again; hopefully sensing that whatever she believed was happening was undoubtedly over. As Slytherin captain, Scorpius was selfishly happy with the decision and although he was trying to make light of the situation, he couldn't help but hit a nerve any time it was brought up. Al, on the other hand, did not understand why I had dropped James from the team and obviously didn't buy the conflict in duties excuse I had told him.

"It just doesn't make sense though," He said quietly under his breath for the millionth time that week.

"Al, leave it," Rose warned him glancing at me slightly.

"Come on, even you have to agree with me on this one," Al said closing his book. I tried to carry on reading my work but I could feel my annoyance at the younger Potter rising steadily.

"Al, Hannah obviously doesn't want to talk about it so let's leave it." Scorp said. I shot him a grateful look.

"But it doesn't make sense. You and James were all pally not long ago and now you are kicking him off the team, it doesn't make sense. I know his a pain in the arse but what the hell did he do to piss you off that much," Al asked exasperatedly. I looked up and all three of them were looking at me. I sighed and closed the textbook I was reading from.

"Look," I started, "I have already told you, he wasn't fully committed to the team. We had a chat about it and it was a mutual decision. Can you just trust that I am making the right decision here?" They were all quiet for a moment.

"You're lying," Al stated harshly, his eyes narrowing slightly. "I know you Hannah and I know there is something you aren't telling me."

"Al, leave it alone," Rose warned again.

"Please, just trust me on this on Al," I said gently hoping he would drop it. I hated lying to them, I hated that Scorpius knew I was defiantly lying to them and Rose had some idea, but Al was different. He brought all the lies and all the stories I had fed him because why would he have any reason to believe otherwise. I was so scared that this one might have been one lie too many.

"I know how you feel about Quidditch. James is the best Keeper since Oliver Wood, why in Merlin's name would you sack him off. It doesn't make sense and you are covering something up." He said confidently, looking to the other two for support. I shook my head and packed up my things.

"If you want answers you need to speak to you brother. I won't talk to you about it anymore." I snapped, grabbing my things and storming out of the library.

* * *

I woke up the morning of the next Quidditch match more nervous than I had ever been since starting Hogwarts. The practises leading up to the match had been a nightmare. Everyone was playing awfully and no one was playing as a team, I tried not to think that it was my fault but I knew it was. I already knew that unless Lily made a fantastic early catch today, we were going to lose and everyone would hate me. Al had thankfully dropped the James situation, I think Rose had something to do with it, but there was a clear shift in our relationship. Due to Quidditch practise I wasn't able to go to Hogsmeade with him the following weekend and he didn't take it well even though I had cancelled on him before. It resulted in him not speaking to me at all for three days, without really understanding what I had done wrong.

I decided to forgo breakfast that morning and make my way down to the pitch alone, enjoying a moment's peace before the madness ensued. I entered the changing rooms and noticed the office door ajar; I already knew who it was before I walked over. James Potter was sitting behind the desk his head in his hands, looking as though his world had ended. I almost wanted to feel sorry for him, but as his eyes caught mine the heartbreaking feeling returned and it took all of me not to run away crying.

"Can I help you?" I said loudly, more confidently then I felt.

"No, I was just leaving," He sighed standing up from the chair and walking past me into the tent.

"This is the first match at Hogwarts, since joining the team, I won't be playing in," He said sadly, stopping at the door.

"I don't know what you want me to say. Do you think it was in the team's best interest for us to keep playing together?" I asked scathingly. He considered me for a moment before sighing and sitting on one of the benches.

"Hannah, I understand completely why you cut me from the team and quite frankly I deserved it a long time ago. I am not angry or annoyed with you in the slightest." He said sadly.

"Well you have no reason at all to be angry with me," I spat, wishing I could be anywhere but in this situation.

"I would never be angry with you Hannah. I love you," He said quietly. My heart skipped a beat for a second and I knew the shock at how blatantly he had just said that was written all over my face.

"You don't get to say that anymore," I said quietly, trying to will the tears away. "You need to leave. I have a game to play and you are nothing more than an unwanted distraction," I turned away from him and tried to look busy sorting out the play board. I felt him come up behind me.

"I am so sorry," he whispered in my ear. I closed my eyes and let myself enjoy the closeness, enjoy him but my heart was screaming at me to run away and never go near him again. I felt a tear fall down my face and I shook my head not trusting myself to speak. James got the message and left the tent without another word.

"Why was James in here?" Lily asked as she walked in the tent, "He looked angry, is everything okay?" She said. The rest of the team followed in behind her and started to get changed. I fixed my face before turning around and smiling at her.

"He wanted to wish us good luck," I lied. Lily looked at me curiously for a moment before shrugging and taking a seat.

"Missed you at breakfast," Fred said looking concerned.

"I wasn't hungry. Now, I just want to go over a few plays before we go out." I said trying to move the conversation on to the match.

Not a moment too soon we stepped out of the tent kitted up, brooms in hand. It felt awful being so unprepared leading my team out, I felt like I was going to be sick. I took a deep breath and plastered a look of determination on my face. I made it very clear to Lily to make sure she caught the snitch as early as possible and if that worked then we may be in with a chance.

We walked onto the pitch with the same deafening roar I had become so used to; a noise that would shake me to the core with fear, but would also fill me with determination and adrenaline. Today it just made me feel sick. Before too long we were up in the air and waiting for the whistle to start the match. My bat felt so unnatural in my hand and I could barely concentrate on flying. I looked at the team and all of them were mirroring my look of panic and worry. What had I done? I had let my feelings and personal issues get in the way of something I cared deeply about. I had been dam right selfish and placed Sam in a position he wasn't ready for, I had left the team out in the open without a chance in hell. I had fucked up badly and I was going to pay the price. I tried to hide my decision behind a picture I had painted myself, one that fooled me into believing James and I wouldn't play well together, a selfish decision and one that inevitably was going to lose me my team and my captaincy.

The whistle blew and the game started, I could barely move. My mind went blank and my hands wouldn't move the way I needed them too. Hufflepuff gained an early goal and I hadn't even hit a bludger yet.

"Marshall, look alive," Roxy called from above me scooping the Quaffle and racing down the pitch. I nodded and soared above the game looking for a rouge bludger I could send someone's way. Before long Sam had let in three awful goals and we were trailing 40 to 10 after 5 minutes. It was awful and I had only managed to hit a bludger correctly at one player. I glanced over at Sam who looked beaten and dejected. I soared over to him and nearly smacking into him.

"What is the problem?" I yelled over the noise of the game. "Sort yourself out. I chose you to play for a reason, get on with it and do your job." He nodded and looked up at me, his eyes widening in panic at the sight behind me. I whipped my head around to see both bludgers soaring straight at me. The pain was excruciating. Everything went black.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading once again and for your continued support it means so much!**

 **I think this may be my favourite chapter, it's got everything right; blood, sweat and tears! I hope you enjoyed reading it just as much as I did writing and editing it. A few poignant moments in this chapter, kind of a turning point in the story, lots of drama from here on out. I hope your ready!**

 **Thanks again for reading the next chapter of Turning Page. If you have any questions don't hesitate to drop me a review or message, really like hearing what people think.**

 **Till we meet again in Chapter 9,**

 **Jadeannkneeky.**

 **Replies:** Guest reviewer - _Lots more whiplash to come I'm afraid (bloody teenagers and their drama, I swear I want to bang their bloody heads together) But it's going to get a lot more intense from here on in (if that's even possible!) Also your first review wasn't harsh at all, it was really interesting to see how other people are reacting to the characters. Thanks for reading and for your comments it really does mean a lot :)_


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

"She looks bloody awful," It was definitely Fred or was it Al, everything was so confusing.

"I can't believe they both hit her at the same time," Darcy's voice murmured from somewhere near my feet.

"Fucking cheating Hufflepuff's that's why," Definitely Fred that time, a few people responded in agreement.

"Will she be okay?" Lily's worried voice came from near my head.

"Healer Thompson said she got hit really badly and will have to stay here a few days to make sure there is no lasting confounding and for her face to heal properly. I'm sure she will be okay." Rose said from the other side, she sounded really worried. Similar to when Scorpius was in a mood with her because she wouldn't tell him that she loved him. She can be really stupid sometimes, he made it so obvious.

"Let's hope so," Al replied, Merlin he sounded so broken. I could feel that he was sitting on the bed next to me holding my hand. Suddenly I realised what had happened, the match, the bludgers, the pain. I winced, alerting them all that I was awake.

"Should we get someone?" Danny asked, seeing me stir. I tried to move but it was useless. I tried to open my mouth but it wasn't working. After a few attempts, I felt my face come alive again.

"Did we win?" I croaked. I opened my eyes and saw all of the team plus my three friends standing over me as though I was at death's door. "Did we win?" I croaked again, ignoring the pain I could feel on the left side of my face.

"Lily's your superstar, so ask her," Al said smiling at me. My eyes shot to Lily who was holding the fluttering golden ball in between her fingers, smiling proudly back at me.

"Thank fuck," I mumbled, hearing a few people chuckle around me. "Love you Lils," I said happily closing my eyes and giving back into to the sleep I had woken up from.

* * *

When I woke up again it was pitch black. I tried to sit up but could barely move from my pillow. My face was hurting badly, giving me a constant stream of a dull ache. I tried to reach over to get some water but my arm couldn't quite manage it. I felt hopeless.

"Do you need some help?" A voice said out of the darkness. James Potter took off his invisibility cloak and walked over to my bed pouring me some water and handing it to me. I stared at him unbelievingly.

"What are you doing here?" I hissed, ignoring the pain that was searing across my face.

"I needed to see you, I'm sorry if I woke you up," He said sadly moving to the vacant chair next to my bed.

"You shouldn't be here, I don't want you here," I tried to sound threatening but it came out more like I was gasping in pain, which I was.

"Then tell me to leave," He said staring at me so intensely I had to look away. I hated him so much but I didn't want him to leave. My emotions were just so conflicting all of the time and all I could really focus on at that moment was how much pain I was in. I didn't have the energy to argue with him.

"I wanted to come earlier but I didn't think it was appropriate," He started. "I needed to make sure you were okay," He added painfully. I didn't respond, just looked straight ahead and hoped my expression was scathing enough to piss him off. The truth was I had a lot of things ready to say to him when the moment came but the pain was getting too much and talking made it so much worse.

"Are you okay?" I didn't respond again. He sighed and made to hold my hand, just as Al had done earlier. I snatched it away spitefully but he got the better of me and took my hand in his. I wavered for a moment allowing him to bring my hand to his lips enjoying the contact again before I shook my head and pulled it out of reach.

"Merlin Hannah that was one of the worst moments of my life seeing you lifeless on the ground. The rational side of me knew you would be okay but for a moment I thought the absolute worst. I don't want to lose you ever and I know I probably already have but even if you are in my life as a friend I will take that over not having you there at all," James rambled his eyes shining with pain and desperation. I sighed and looked away from him trying my hardest to remain stubborn but I could feel my walls breaking as he spoke.

"I am so sorry for what I did to you. There are no excuses; I was a coward and a fucking idiot. The night of your birthday was perfect but after you left I stupidly allowed myself to think about what would happen and all I kept seeing was my family falling apart and you losing your best friends. I got scared and I acted the only way I knew how. I don't know if you'll ever forgive me Hannah but seeing you on the ground made me realise that how I feel for you is worth losing everything for, it is worth fighting for. I want to be with you Hannah, more than anything in the world." He finished his spiel learning across and taking my hand in his. This time I didn't pull away, I allowed him to entwine our fingers together and enjoy the contact between the two of us. I sighed and looked at the broken boy in front of me.

"I am in too much pain to think about this right now James," I whispered, I saw his face fall immediately. "Please don't look at me like that it's not fair," I started.

"I'm sorry, it's just so hard. I have never felt this way about anyone before and I've screwed it up so badly," He said, resting his head in his hands.

"You haven't screwed up," I said after a moment, he looked up at me hopefully. "But you have broken my heart James and now I don't know what to do. I don't want to let you hurt me like that again. I need to protect myself," I said honestly.

"Hannah, I will never ever hurt you again," He choked. "I don't expect you to give me another chance Hannah, but please can we try and be friends again. I don't want to lose you completely. I love you too much." He said kissing the back of my hands.

"I need to rest James, my face is broken and they are worried I might have serious confounding. I am in no fit state to even be having this conversation with you right now. Please let me rest and I will come and find you and speak to you then," James nodded and stood up getting his cloak ready to cover him over again.

"Sleep well Hannah," He said softly, offering me a small smile. I considered him for a moment before returning one back, ignoring the pain in my cheek. He covered himself over and disappeared into the darkness. My mind was reeling from the conversation we had just had, I was so confused about everything and right at that moment, all I wanted to do was sleep. I sighed deeply before closing my eyes and falling back into the darkness.

* * *

"Are you sure you are okay? Do you need me to get you anything?" Al said faffing around me for the millionth time that day.

"Al, just stop. I've said I am okay please just sit down and relax a bit." I snapped, moving the cushion over for him to sit next to me. I had come out of the hospital two days later, my face fully healed and the healers confident that there wouldn't be any long-term effects to my memory or senses. Al had been skipping around me like a worried puppy, checking on me every five minutes and trying to helping me even when I didn't need it. I would find it completely endearing if it was so bloody annoying. Rose had gone back to the Rose I know and love and had been joining me in my annoyance at Al, all but ringing his neck on a number of occasions. I had missed all of Monday's lessons due to my injuries and was currently trying to copy people's notes to get up to speed once again. Rose was trying to help me with Transfiguration, however, Al's fretting was getting completely in our way.

"Let's go to the library," She said, as Al tried to speak to me again.

"Great idea," I smiled, closing my work and picking up my bag. Al made to move with us and tried to take my bag from me to carry.

"Al, go and find Scorpius and distract yourself for a few hours," Rose snapped, snatching my bag from him and handing it back to me. "Hannah will be fine, now go." Al looked like he was going to say something more before he sighed and walked out of the portrait hole.

"Thank Merlin he's gone, he is causing more pain than he is helping it," I said following Rose out of the common room.

"I know his intentions are good but seriously he treats you like you are made of glass," Rose said rolling her eyes.

"A bit like Scorpius would if you got hurt," I offered offhandedly.

"Yes I suppose, boys in love are pretty deluded let me tell you," She said flippantly. I paused for a moment touching her arm as she made to walk on.

"Boys in love?" I questioned looking at her curiously. Her eyes widened in shock and I could feel my heart beating loudly in my chest. There is no way she meant what she said.

"No, I didn't mean… Come on Hannah, you know I didn't mean Al," She said trying to backtrack. I didn't buy it.

"Then what do you mean, because it sounded like you were insinuating Al was _in love_ with me," I said crumpling my face up slightly at the thought. I loved Al to bits and he was my best friend but I couldn't even imagine anything other than a platonic relationship with him.

"No not at all, please just forget I mentioned anything. I meant Scorpius being in love with me," Rose said smoothly, gaining her composure. I stared at her for a second before breathing deeply.

"Okay, I mean its Al. I couldn't even imagine it," I said offering an unsteady chuckle. Rose looked worriedly at me for a moment.

"Oh shit its true isn't it," I whispered. She closed her eyes and nodded. "Oh fuck," I said sitting down on a bench and trying to get my heart rate to slow down to normal speed.

"I am in so much trouble," Rose said shaking her head and joining me on the seat.

"My head is spinning," I said, "How, when…why?" I stammered.

"He's liked you for a long time but I think he's only been in love with you for a couple of months." She answered. "Merlin, he is going to kill me. You should probably speak to Al about this," She said shaking her head.

"And say what exactly," I said standing up and pacing, "Oh hey Al, by the way, Rose let slip that you love me and well I don't exactly know what to say about that,"

"Well yes that works, but please leave my name out of it," She replied cringing slightly.

"Shit, that's why he was so annoyed about me cancelling on Hogsmeade the other week," I said smacking my head in disbelief. "I thought we were going just as friends but I think he actually asked me out,"

"Al asked you out?" Rose said shocked, "And you cancelled?"

"I didn't realise," I replied sitting back down next to her. "What am I going to do?"

"How do you feel about it?" Rose reasoned, "You can't do anything unless you think about how you feel."

"I've never really thought about it, to be honest, I mean its Al, he's like my brother-

I cut off midsentence and felt my heart miss a beat; his brother, James, James Potter who I am completely madly in love with. Fuck.

"I need to go," I said standing up and moving to walk away. "I'll catch up with you later Rose,"

"Hannah, please don't hurt him." She called after me. I turned around and looked at her sadly.

"I really think it might be too late for that," I said sadly, she nodded knowingly as if she knew exactly what I was getting at, before walking over to me and wrapping her arms around me.

"Just remember that he was and is your friend before anything else, you'll sort it out." She said wisely. I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and gave her a much-needed hug.

"I'll see you later," I said, before taking off down the corridor.

I found him in the great hall doing some homework with friends; laughing and joking without a care in the world. My heart did the usual flip it does every time I look at him, but this time was so much more different. Everything was tainted, everything so wrong. I feel in love with the wrong brother and that was it.

"James, can I have a quick chat?" I said interrupting their conversation. He turned around and gave me the biggest smile possible.

"Of course, I'll see you later guys," He said, biding his friend's goodbye and following me outside and into an empty classroom. We sat across a desk from each other both of us waiting for something, anything to happen.

"So have you been thinking about what I said," James asked as the silence drew on.

"Al is in love with me," I blurted out, unable to stop myself. James was surprisingly calm.

"Shit, did he finally get the courage to tell you?" He said after a moment. I frowned, confused at his reaction.

"What?" I asked.

"He finally told you. Merlin, he's been talking about it none stop for the past three years, I never thought he would actually do it," James said, his brow creasing with worry.

"You knew?" I completely startled at his revelation. James stared at me for a moment before shaking his head.

"Hannah, please don't get the wrong idea-

"You knew all this time," I said my temper rising slightly. I was so shocked. It was bad enough going behind Al's back when we were friends let alone there being the possibility of something else and he knew all along. He knew that his brother loved me and he still did what we did.

"I can explain-

"He will never forgive you," I said scathingly. James nodded and covered his face.

"I know, why you think I've been fighting against it so much. Merlin Hannah, I am a fucking awful person. This was never meant to happen; do you think I wanted this to happen? I thought that's great. Al and Hannah with get married and have babies and it will be really nice because they're best friends and Al is completely in love with her. But no, I am a selfish pig and can't let anyone be happy," He said shaking his head. I gapped at him in shock. I was so annoyed at him but I could see that whatever turmoil I had been going through, it was nothing compared to James'.

"I don't know what to do," I said after a moment. He looked up at me shocked that I didn't push him further.

"What did you say once he told you?" He asked.

"Al didn't tell me, Rose let it slip." I explained. "This is truly messed up."

"You're telling me," James sighed. "Do you feel the same way?" He asked looking at me worryingly, "If you do I will completely back off and support you guys 100%, even if it kills me," He said sadly.

"But you would be so unhappy; why would you do that too yourself?" I said shaking my head at what he was saying.

"Because first a foremost, he is my brother and I love him," James said sounding dejected. I wanted to cry and hide away from the mess I had gotten myself into.

"I can't feel that way about Al," I started, "He is my best friend, he has never given me any clue that he likes me let alone loves me. I love him so much as a brother and besides my stupid heart already belongs to someone else and I think it has for a long time," I said putting my head in my hands.

"What are you saying Hannah?" James asked leaning across the table and pulling my hands away from my face.

"It means that I love you, you idiot," I shouted, "But for fuck sake, you broke my heart and now I am messed up. I still want you in my life but I also want to absolutely kill you." I said slamming my hands down on the table. James moved back a bit startled and was staring at me like I was going crazy. I sighed and leant back, thinking about what to say next.

"If I tell Al that I don't feel the same way then you know what that means?" I said sadly looking at James; he nodded and leaned forward to grab my hand.

"It means that we can't be together," He said defeated. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak without bursting into tears. "For Al," James said simply.

"For Al," I agreed, pulling my hands away and standing up.

"Friends?" He asked hopefully.

"Always," I said smiling at him. I made to leave before turning back to him, "Quidditch practise 7 pm on Friday, don't be late." I said giving him a soft smile which he returned happily. "See you later, Potter," I said closing the door behind me and feeling a sad sense of closure as I walked away.

* * *

The next week passed by without any issues. I decided against speaking to Al just yet knowing full well it was going to cause a serious shift in our relationship. Rose was grateful that I hadn't approached the topic with him yet as she was still guilty about telling me. She told me that every opportunity she got that she was trying to encourage Al to tell me as soon as, as well as preparing him just in case I didn't feel the same way.

The team was beyond delighted when James joined us for practise on Saturday, most of all Sam who, despite being incredibly grateful for the opportunity, was relieved to not have to play another first team game. I insisted that he was to stay with our practises and told James to work with him in order to get him up to speed for next year. Our first session was amazing, everyone was playing better than they had all year and we were all looking forward to playing (and beating) Slytherin when we came back from Christmas break.

James and I had been keeping a respectable distance, trying to adjust to the boundaries that came with just being friends. It was really nice being around the James I fell in love with again, although desperately sad, it was good to see him back to the charming, egotistical arse that won me over. We walked back to Gryffindor tower on Friday evening after practise together, staying longer than everyone else to go over some notes. We spent the evening enjoying each other's company again without there being a giant hippogriff in the room. We both knew where we stood and we were somewhat okay with that.

"Have you spoken to him yet?" James asked as we approached the common room. I sighed, hoping that the topic wouldn't come up.

"What do you think?" I said sadly.

"You need to do it Han, you can't lead him on it will only hurt him more." He offered.

"I know," I snapped, "Sorry," I said quickly, seeing his face fall slightly. "The longer I leave it the worse it gets. I don't want to hurt him," I said as we paused outside the fat lady.

"He will be hurt, it's just inevitable," He said simply.

"No shit," I said rolling my eyes.

"Language," The fat lady snapped. I stuck out my tongue and James chuckled. "Are you going to give me the password or what," She said rudely.

"But Hannah," James said ignoring her, "He loves you, he will get over it and you will be better friends than you already are. He is stronger than you give him credit for," He said offering a smile.

"I know," I agreed. "I'm going to Hogsmeade with him tomorrow so I'll talk to him again,"

"Good," James said smiling sadly. "I've got rounds so I'll see you later," He said. I nodded and paused for a moment before throwing my arms around his neck and hugging him closely.

"I've missed you," I said. He looked at me in surprise for a moment before his signature smirk came across his face, "Don't get too cocky," I warned narrowing my eyes slightly, "I still haven't fully forgiven you for the Cressida thing," His face fell.

"Hannah-

"Relax," I said offering him a slight smile, "My mind is too caught up with Al to focus on my own heartbreak and besides I am the other woman, what did I expect," I added sadly, frowning slightly.

"Hannah you know that isn't true," James said reaching out to hold my hand. "You deserve so much better," He said hanging his head slightly. I considered him for a moment before sighing.

"Probably, but we don't really get to choose who we fall in love with do we?" I replied with a sad smile which wasn't returned. We stood there in an awkward silence for a moment. He looked like he was going to say something else before shaking his head and turning to the Fat Lady.

"Liquorish wand," He said, the Fat Lady tutted before opening the door.

"I'll see you later," I smiled as I let go of his hand and walked into the common room resisting the urge to turn around and look back at him.

* * *

I woke up the next morning dreading what was to come that afternoon. I pulled on my clothes trying to take as long as I could, desperately trying to avoid the situation I was going to deal with. Rose popped her head around the bathroom door, looking annoyed.

"What in Merlin's name is taking you so bloody long," She asked stepping into the room and leaning against the basin to face me. I tied up my trainers and sat down on the stool.

"I'm going to talk to Al today," I said sadly.

"Oh," Was all she could respond with.

"Exactly," I replied. We both sat there in silence for a moment. "Rose, how do I do this without hurting him? I don't want to lose him." She sighed and came and sat next to me.

"Is there no possibility that you could make it work with him?" She asked sadly. I shook my head dejectedly, "Then, unfortunately, you will probably hurt him. But he will understand in time, you know that."

"I really don't want to do this," I said as she stood up and offered a hand.

"Well the quicker it's over the quicker it's done. I'm here for you when you need me," She said wrapping her arms around me in a tight hug.

We walked into the Great Hall with some friends from Ravenclaw, everyone talking about the Christmas presents they were going to buy from Hogsmeade. I barely offered anything to the conversation, however, Rose kept checking on me looping her arm in mine and calming my nerves the best she could. We stood at the top of the tables, Al waving us over as soon as he entered; he was sitting with Fred and James who gave me the biggest smile. I couldn't return it, I felt awful.

"I'm going to go and meet Scorpius. We will be in the three broomsticks at two so if either of you need anything come and get us," She gave my arm a small squeeze, "You will be okay Hannah, he loves you regardless of anything else. He will just need time, please remember that." I gave her a short nod and walked off down the middle of the table.

"Marshall, you look like you are going to be sick," Fred said as soon as I sat down. I look at James who gave me a sympathetic glance.

"I'm alright, just didn't sleep very well," I offered, trying a small smile but failing miserably. Fred shrugged and got talking to James about a girl he was meeting later on. I poured myself some juice and tried to calm my nerves.

"Are you okay?" Al whispered next to me.

"Not really," I said sadly, not wanting to lie to him anymore than I already was.

"We don't have to go today if you don't want to, we could just stay here." He offered, his voice slightly giving away what option he would prefer to do.

"No it's okay; I'll be fine after some food." I offered him a smile and tried to change the topic on what shops we would go to. James kept sending me worried glances every five minutes that were driving me insane. I was almost relieved when I saw Cressida walking towards the four of us. James had decided against breaking up with her, despite all the problems it caused, I wanted to be annoyed but I knew that really I had no reason to be. He said I should try and find a boyfriend as well as it would be a welcomed distraction for me and make it easier for him and now Albus to get over me. The idea of adding a third boy into the mix at the moment made my head hurt, so I thought against the idea.

"Shall we make a move?" Al said standing up. I nodded and followed him out of the entrance hall. We started walking with the crowds of students towards Hogsmeade in a relatively comfortable silence. It was then that I realised that Al was not acting like himself at all, he seemed just as nervous as I did which did nothing but worry me more. We walked into Honeydukes, picking up our favourite sweets and chocolates, trying to navigate around the third years who were trying to buy everything and everything.

"Sorry, can I just reach behind there...got them!" Al said turning to me triumphantly, his hand full of sherbet lemons. I shot him a smile and looked past him the group of girls who he just spoke to. All four of them were staring at him adoringly.

"Looks like you've got some fans," I whispered as he made his way back over to me at the till. He looked around to where the third year Hufflepuff's were standing and blushed slightly.

"Shut it you," He murmured paying the sales lady. The girls were currently giggling like mad and I couldn't help but laugh at how embarrassed Al had become by the attention. Al had never been one for enjoying the attention that came with his name, instead, he would become embarrassed and try and play down the situation. James, on the other hand, lapped up the attention. He was like a moth to a flame and it was very rare to not see him talking to a group of admirers. They were so different in so many ways. Al quietly endearing and stubborn, James obnoxious and loyal and yet they both, for some unknown, reason fell for me.

"You're Albus Potter," A voice came from behind us. Al and I turned to see one of the girls had walked over to us. Al looked like a deer caught in headlights. The girl didn't wait for a response. "My friend thinks you're really fit," She said pointing to one of the girls in the group, who was now going a deep shade of red. I took to hiding my giggles behind a display of fizzing wizzbies trying really hard not to laugh out loud.

"That's very kind of you thank you," Al stuttered, "I need to go now," He said grabbing my hand and dragging me out the door. As it swung behind us I couldn't help but burst into fits of laughter.

"It wasn't that funny alright," Al said trying to be annoyed but chuckling slightly as well.

"That was bloody fantastic," I said laughing even harder. I gained some composure and stood up straight looking at Al who had a funny expression on his face.

"What?" I asked breaking the tension.

"Let's go for a walk before they decided to go for round two," He said smiling looping my arm in his and pulling me up the high street.

The situation in Honeydukes had calmed down both of our nerves. We were speaking a lot more freely than we had done all week and it was like being back to the old us. I tried desperately not to think about what was to come and just enjoy being with my friend. We came up to a clearing that looked over the hills were you could see one of the towers of Hogwarts in the distance. Al led us over to a bench that was near by and sat down, looking like a man with the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"Can we talk?" He said after a minute. I nodded, not trusting my words, and sat down beside him. "I know you know," He said sadly. I gapped at him like an idiot.

"How-

"Rose had been encouraging me more than usual to tell you and I knew something must be up. James confirmed it when I corned him this morning." He said not meeting my eyes.

"Oh Al," I said reaching out to hold his hand. He entwined his fingers in mine and we sat in silence for a moment.

"I didn't want you to find out that way," He said sadly, offering me a small smile which I returned feeling my eyes well up, "I had all these great ideas about how I was going to declare my feelings for you and you would fall into my arms and we would be even happier than Rose and Scorpius, when really I should've just told you back in third year when I fell hard for the Quidditch mad blonde who shouted at me for being mean to his sister who just wanted to hang out with her brother and his friends." He smiled again.

"Has it really been that long?" I asked sadly.

"You are my girl Hannah Marshall," He said grinning at me like a buffoon. I looked at him worriedly, biting my bottom lip and not knowing what to say next. "Please don't worry about anything, I'm not daft." He said running his thumb down the back of my hand. "I know you don't feel the same way, I think I've always known really, but don't write us off straight away," He said, a hopeful glint in his eyes.

"Al, please-

"Just don't give up yet," He said his eyes lowering to my lips and leaning in. I felt my heart beat quicken in panic. I needed to get out of the situation before he kissed me. I jumped back so quickly I nearly fell off the bench; I stood up and wrapped my arms around myself.

"Merlin Al, you are making this harder than it needs to be," I said feeling the tears falling from my eyes.

"I'm sorry Hannah...I just..." He sighed dejectedly, shaking his head and composing himself again.

"Why didn't you say something before?" I all but shouted at him. He looked taken aback for a second before he stood up to face me.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You have liked me, loved me for so long and didn't act on it. How was I supposed to know any different? You are my best friend, why would I even try to look at you another way and now it's too late," I yelled, tears falling freely down my face.

"I'm too late," He stated sadly looking at me in confusion. I covered my mouth with my hands trying to hold back the sob that was bound to escape as the realisation spread across Al's face. "You love someone else," I nodded sadly and wrapped my arms around myself moving to sit back down on the bench. I didn't dare look at Al; I didn't want to see the pain I was causing him. I heard him sigh and come and sit next to me.

"Do you think we would've ever have worked out? Do you think you could've ever loved me that way?" He asked after a moment.

"Oh Al, I do love you," I said turning to face him offering a watery smile. "You are my best friend, my favourite person in the whole world," He smiled sadly at me. "You had my heart the first time we met on the train; you are the only boy I would ever trust with anything ever. You are my Al and I love you so much."

"But-

"But I think we would've probably killed each other," I said offering a small laugh which he mirrored. "We are too alike, too stubborn, too foolish and far too good at winding up Rose for us to ever work as a couple."

"You're probably right," He said sadly.

"I'm always right," I replied bumping shoulders with him. We sat quietly for a moment.

"I don't want to lose you Al," I said quietly leaning my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around my body and kissed my forehead gently.

"I'm not going anywhere Hannah," He said softly, "But I am going to need some time, please understand that," I nodded into his chest and we sat quietly again.

"You are my soulmate do you know that?" I asked looking up at him.

"Of course I do," He replied offering me the cheeky grin that I loved. "Shall we head to the Three Broom Sticks, I think our friends are waiting for us there, no doubt expecting World War 3," We stood up and Al pulled me in for a hug before we made our way back into town. My head felt a lot lighter but my heart ached for the pain Al was going through. Sometimes I just wish I could do things the easy way, but no I have to fall in love with the wrong brother.

"Hey guys," Al said, pulling the chair out for me. Rose and Scorpius looked at us hesitantly for a moment, "Do you want a Butterbeer?" Al asked me. I nodded and watched him walk towards the bar, taking off my layers of winter clothes and trying to avoid my friend's glares.

"How did it go?" Rose asked me after a moment.

"Painful but as well as can be expected under the circumstances." I reasoned looking at Al at the bar. He was doing well not to show how hurt he was but I knew him better than most people, I could see the pain he was in, it made me want to start crying all over again. He walked back over to us with a fake smile plastered on his face and handed me my drink. The four of us sat in an awkward silence for what felt like an eternity.

"Rose, stop looking at me like that," Al snapped out of nowhere. I had been fiddling with my beer mat to even notice what was going on between the two cousins. Al's face was like thunder and Rose looked taken aback for a moment. "I'm sorry, I thought I could handle it but it's too difficult. I'll see you later," Al said standing up and grabbing his coat. My heart broke right there watching him walk away.

"I'll go," Rose said sadly, "Hannah please don't worry about this. Remember, he just needs some time," She said squeezing my shoulder and chasing her cousin out of the door. Scorpius and I sat there quietly for a moment; I could feel my eyes welling up as each moment drew on.

"Have you ended it with James?" Scorpius' asked. I looked up at my friend to see him frowning at me slightly. I wiped my tears away with the back of my hand and sighed.

"Yes, it's over," I replied sadly, taking a sip of my drink.

"Then why can't you be with Al?" He asked sadly. "Do you know how much he loves you?" I tried to ignore the accusation in Scorpius' voice, I knew he meant well but he could clearly see I was upset as well.

"I didn't plan for all this to happen you know," I snapped at him. He looked shocked for a moment, his face softening at my broken expression.

"Hannah, I didn't mean-

"Yes, you did. I wish I could love Al the same way he loves me Scorp but I just can't and now I can't have either of them so please just drop it," I said grabbing my coat and running out the door. It had started absolutely chucking it down and all the Hogwarts students were running for cover in the shops. I stomped my way down the high-street, getting soaked in the process; enjoying the coldness on my skin, drawing my focus away from the pain in my heart.

"Hannah, wait up," Scorpius called behind me. He had magiked his wand to turn in to an umbrella and was running to catch up with me. I paused, against my better judgement, waiting for him. "I'm sorry for what I said. I just don't like seeing any of my friends upset," He reasoned covering us both with the umbrella. "I feel like I've been a shit friend recently," He started.

"I haven't been fantastic either you know," I offered. He smiled at me and we continued walking back up to the school.

"He will be okay you know," He stated.

"I know he will, I just didn't want to hurt him." I sighed.

"Let's hope he never finds out about you and James then," Scorpius said. He had never been one to hide his feelings or opinions, the Slytherin had to come out in him somewhere. Sometimes it could be refreshing but other times, like this one, all I wanted to do was punch him in the face.

"Not helpful," I replied.

"I know," He smiled bumping shoulders with me. "So what happened with you and James?"

"The simple version, he broke my heart, I found out about Al and then we agreed to just be friends," I stated, making it sound a lot less complicated than it was.

"Do you love him?" Scorpius said after a moment. I didn't know what to say to such a blunt question. He had been actively avoiding the topic of me and James since I told him, obviously I realised now because he knew about Al, but even so, I was cautious at his new found interest.

"Why are you so interested all of a sudden?" I questioned. Scorpius sighed and shook his head.

"I've been a shit friend. I knew about what was happening and I was so concerned about Al I didn't for once consider how you must've been feeling in all of this," He said simply. I considered him for a moment.

"Did you tell Rose?" I asked.

"No, she worked out that something was going on and I made dammed sure I didn't confirm her suspicions. I did try and get her to calm down about the situation though and maybe consider your feelings for a change, I think she listened." He said offering me a smile.

"Thank you, I missed her when she wasn't talking to me," I smiled at him.

"So do you love him?" Scorpius asked again. I rolled my eyes at him.

"You don't do subtle do you Scorp?" I joked.

"What gave you that impression?" He said winking at me. I chuckled and remained quiet. "Come on Hannah it's an easy yes or no question," He pushed.

"Yes, I do love him," I sighed. Scorpius let out a heavy breath.

"Oh shit," Was all he could say.

"I know," I replied not daring to meet his eyes.

"Does he love you?" He asked me curiously. I nodded and Scorpius shook his head in what I hoped was despair and not disgust. "What are you going to do now?" He asked as we walked up the steps of the castle.

"Nothing," I replied taking cover in the Entrance Hall.

"But you love each other," He scoffed.

"I know but he broke my heart," I replied trying to get him to understand the situation.

"And yet you still love him?" He said his face screwed up in confusion.

"Saying no to Al meant saying no to both of them. I could never do that to Al and neither could James." I explained. Scorpius sighed and shook his head.

"My father didn't want me to be with a Weasley. He threatened all sorts when he found out, he even threatened to kick me out but he came around and now he loves Rose and he is happy for us," Scorpius said.

"What are you getting at?" I asked him.

"Don't put some else's happiness before your own. Al would want you both to be happy he would come around...eventually," Scorp reasoned flashing me a smile

"And that's why you're in Slytherin and not Gryffindor," I laughed as we walked into the great hall.

"And that's why I'm happy and in love and you're not. You are too darn loyal for your own liking. It would be better to have control over a situation then let it get out of hand like it so easily will," Scorpius said before walking off to sit at the Slytherins table.

He had had such a shift in opinion it completely threw me off. What he said had made sense but I couldn't get the image of Al's face as he left the pub earlier leave my mind. It broke my heart knowing I was the one who had caused that pain and I never wanted to do that again. I sighed and decided against joining some friends on the table, deciding, instead, to go back to the common room and find my broken friend.

* * *

 **A/N: Phew what a bloody Chapter that was! I think it's the second longest in the whole story. Thanks again for reading, I really appreciate all the support.**

 **Did anyone know that Al had feelings for Hannah? I kind of wanted it to be out of the blue, just like it was for Hannah, so apologies if you felt like it came from nowhere but hopefully Al's jealousy makes a bit more sense now.**

 **Next chapter to come soon.**

 **Thanks again for reading,**

 **Jadeannkneeky.**

 **Replies:** BigBangVIP - _thankyou for your review, I'm glad you are enjoying the story so far :)_


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

"He's gone to bed," Rose said when I stepped into the common room that evening. It was barely five o'clock and not even dark outside yet.

"What about dinner?" I asked sitting next to her on the sofa. The room was filling up now with other Gryffindor's chatting about their afternoons outside of the castle, the younger students looking at their purchases longingly.

"You know what he's like," Rose said offering a sad smile. "It's a shame you guys couldn't work it out, you'd have been great together," She said added. I tried to ignore the blame I could hear in her voice.

"Believe me, the easier option would be to go for it but down the line, it wouldn't be fair," I sighed. "Should I go and make sure he's okay?"

"Not yet, I think James is with him at the moment anyway," Rose said giving me an odd look, obviously waiting for my reaction. What must she think of me playing the brothers against each other like she thinks I have? I almost wanted to reach out to her, tell her everything that had happened but I knew she would've taken it well. Confirming her suspicions could potentially make me lose her forever and I'd already lost one friend tonight, I didn't want to lose another.

"I'll try and catch up with him later; it might be nice for us two to get back to normal straight away." I said, more to myself than to Rose.

"Well, he might need some space. He was really upset when I caught up with him," Rose said sadly. I breathed deeply and leant back against the chair.

"What a fucking mess," I said quietly. "Can we change the subject please?"

"Yes actually, there was something I wanted to speak to you about," Rose said closing the book that was open on her lap. "Can we go upstairs? It's a bit private." She said, spiking my curiosity. I followed her to the dorm, remembering the countless times we would do this when we wanted to talk about boys. She sat on her bed and crossed her legs which I mirrored the other end, our knees touching. I gave her a smile and cast a muffliato charm around us and turned to face her.

"Do we need chocolate for this?" I asked. We could always tell the type of conversation it was going to be depending on the amount of chocolate the other person requested. Rose looked at me hesitantly.

"No chocolate," She said looking nervous all of a sudden. I felt my eyes widen in shock.

"Oh shit. Are you breaking up with Scorpius?" I asked.

"No, no, no," She said immediately. "Quite the opposite actually," She said giving me a strange look like she was trying to get at something. I gapped at her.

"You're getting married?" I asked in bewilderment.

"No, oh merlin you are going to make me say it," She said taking a deep breathe, "Okay, so we have been talking and we've been together for nearly 10 months now and we have both agreed that we want to take it to the next level," She said really quickly. I stared at her incredulously for a moment before laughing.

"Oh my god Rose, how did you make sex sound like a business agreement," I said laughing loudly.

"Stop laughing, it's not funny," She said laughing slightly and hitting my knee, "Seriously Hannah, I'm really nervous."

"I know I'm sorry," I said composing myself. "Okay, what is there to be nervous about?" I asked.

"Well first off have you seen Scorpius, it's like his cross between a bloody unicorn and a vela, he is seriously beautiful," She rambled.

"Yes and?" I asked trying to suss where she was going with it.

"And? I mean look at me," She said spreading out her arms as if to make the point.

"I still don't see your point,"

"How can I live up to that?" She said sadly.

"Oh merlin, come on Rose you are bloody stunning and Scorpius is nothing in comparison to you and he bloody knows it. He loves you so much Rose, he thinks you are the most beautiful thing to ever walk this planet, trust me there is nothing to be nervous about." I offered, grabbing her hand and smiling madly at her.

"You've had sex?" She asked me bluntly.

"Yes, you know that." I said, thinking about of much I divulged in the letters between us over the summer.

"How was it?" She said looking hopefully at my response. I tried to consider my answer before I told her. I wanted to tell her that with someone you don't love it is fantastic, with someone you love it's out of this world but I knew that telling her this she would know about my true feelings for James and the levels of our relationship together. I didn't want to lie to her; I wanted it to be honest as I could manage. I took a deep breath.

"Okay, please don't read too much in what I am about to tell you because you'll only hate me," I said biting my bottom lip and thinking about my next words carefully.

"Hannah, I would never hate you," She said honestly, "and you don't need to tell me anything you don't want to, I do understand you know." She looked at me with so much honesty I wanted to cry.

"Okay, sex is amazing. When you have sex with someone, like with Jake, it is unbelievable especially when you are both deeply attracted to each other. It does hurt the first few times but it does feel amazing as well." I said explained remembering my first time with Jake, "But merlin Rose, when you love someone and they love you, I can't even put that into words." I said quietly, trying not to meet her eyes. She was silent for a moment.

"When you love someone?" She repeated. I looked up at her to see her staring at me in confusion and nodded.

"Yes, when you have that connection with someone it is the most natural, most beautiful moment," I bit my lip as I saw her comprehend what I was saying, "Please don't read too much into it," I said quietly reaching out to squeeze her hand, she didn't pull away which I saw as a good thing.

"Okay," She said nodding, probably more than she needed to. She was quiet for a moment. "Do you know any spells or anything?" She said obviously trying to change the subject. I allowed myself to relax slightly and shot off the bed over to my own.

"Aha, this is it. The saviour of women everywhere," I said handing her an old copy of Witch Weekly. "Page 24 will tell you everything you need to know, you can thank Dom for that," I said chuckling.

"Oh god, if she knew I was having sex I would never hear the end of it," Rose said flicking through the magazine.

"Oh that's funny actually I was going to write to her this weekend, I might have to include that short anecdote," I said shooting her a wicked smile. She rolled up the mag and hit me on the arm with it.

"Hannah Marshall you wouldn't dare," She said laughing, continuingly hitting me with it.

"Okay, okay," I held my hands up in surrender and moved out of reach. "Anyway, I want to finish my potions essay before dinner so I might head to the library for half an hour if you fancy it?" I said picking up my books and bag.

"I'll meet you at dinner later, I think I have some reading to do here," Rose said holding up the magazine.

"Enjoy," I said with a wink moving to leave the room.

"Hannah," Rose called out. She walked over to where I was standing. "Love?" She asked biting her bottom big nervously.

"Yes, love." I said sadly. I saw her face fall slightly and she let out a sad sigh and wrapped her arms around me.

"Thank you for your help," She said moving back to the bed. I stood there in shock at what had happened but decided to take it as a good sign that she hadn't questioned me further.

"You're welcome, see you later," I replied leaving her in peace.

* * *

"Thought I would find you here," James said sitting down opposite me and pulling out his books. It was Sunday afternoon and I had decided to try and catch up on the piles of homework that had built up as the teachers rushed us through the final topics before Christmas. I hadn't managed to speak to Albus the night before; instead he spent the night holed up in his room refusing to come out. I spent the morning with Rose and Scorpius before I got the hint and made my excuses about doing homework, giving them some space. With everything going on with Albus I hadn't had a minute to see James at all, I missed him greatly but every day was getting easier just coping with the pain of not being together instead of trying to act against it or with it, both of us just sitting in the middle.

"Hi," I said smiling at him. It was nice to have no pressure now on our relationship, correction friendship. It allowed the intensity to drop and for us to relax around each without thinking people were going to find out or read too much into us. He offered me a cheeky smile and tossed his hair the way that I loved. I felt my heart pick up the pace and my cheeks blush.

"I like making you blush," He said winking. I rolled my eyes and threw a piece of screwed up parchment at him.

"Friends don't speak to each other like that," I said scowling but offering a reluctant smile.

"They do when they find each other cute," He replied winking again. I shook my head and brought my attention back to my work deciding not to respond.

"Al is okay you know," James said after a minute. I looked up at him.

"So I keep hearing; he still won't speak to me though," I said shrugging, remembering how Al had turned the other way that morning when he saw me coming down the corridor. James sighed and pulled out his work.

"He will," He said sincerely. "Now, Runes essay. I swear to merlin the old bat is losing her mind, do you know how hard that translation is," He moaned.

"Oh give over," I said shutting him up, "I've done harder ones for fun. Weren't you one of the only other students, other than myself, to get 100% in the OWL's exam?"

"Yes but-"

"Is there actually something James Potter can't do, let me call the Prophet immediately," I said loudly, alerting the people around us who shot me a look for disturbing their work.

"Shut up you mad witch," James chuckled. "Help me please,"

"I don't help people who go around calling me a mad witch just to let you know," I said flipping through the book in front of me.

"Pretty please," He begged, his hands clasped in front of him and his bottom lip sticking out. I rolled my eyes and sighed.

"Give it here," I said with an hand open. He handed me the work he already had done. "Easy, you've translated these two sentences completely wrong, look up the translations for Nordic weather and Ancient Egyptian alchemy it might back a bit more sense," I said circling the parts in his work I was talking about. I handed him back his essay and he gave me an odd look.

"I really want to kiss you," He said after a moment, offering me a sad smile. I stared at him, taking in his expression seeing the desire in his eyes. My thoughts moved to what Scorpius had said the other day, about taking control of the situation. I wanted nothing more than for James to lean across the table and kiss me. Could I have that if I wanted it? Could it be possible? Just as I considered the idea Al's face came into mind, the heartbreak in his expression brought me back to reality.

"James, you can't speak like that. It's not fair," I sighed shaking my head and looking around to make sure no one else had heard. "I'll just go," I said starting to pack up my things, knowing that the situation could get out of hand if he carried on that way.

"I'm sorry, please stay. I'll try harder I promise, I just want to spend some time with you, as friends," He reassured. I looked at him cautiously for a moment, "I promise," He repeated. I nodded and reopened my work, glancing at him now continuing with his essay. He looked so beautiful I wanted to cry but I knew it was for the best. I was lucky to have him here at all, I would much rather have him here as a friend than not at all. I just hoped everything would work out okay in the end.

"James, there you are I've been looking for you for ages," Cressida's shrill voice called from across the hall. We had been in the hall for about two hours sitting in a relatively comfortable silence both of us getting on with our work and enjoying the others company. It felt so refreshing being so close to James for such a length of time without the pressure we had piled on ourselves. We had enjoyed chatting about anything and everything and helping each other with work when we were stuck. It was the first time since all this mess I felt so incredibly relaxed, all for it to come crashing down as Cressida wrapped her slimy arms around the boy in front of me.

"You couldn't have been looking that hard, he's been in here in the whole time," I snapped, letting my mouth run away with me. James glanced at me with a slight smile, Cressida's expression…well if looks could kill.

"I didn't ask for your opinion did I," She said looking me up and down with a hint of disgust. I suddenly felt extremely aware of how disgruntled I looked. My hair thrown bag in a messy bun and I was basically wearing sports clothes. I shot her a look back, not showing her any vulnerability. "You can go now?" She said sitting practically on James lap and dismissing me with her hand.

"Cress, Hannah was here first. We can go somewhere if you want to," James said moving from underneath her and starting to pack his things. He looked like a deer in headlights. He was purposefully not meeting my gaze, obviously feeling as awkward as I was.

"James, it's okay. I want to find Al anyway," I said, not thinking and reaching across to touch his hand to stop him putting his things away. I knew as soon as we made contact I had done the wrong thing. I looked up to see Cressida seething.

"What the fuck is going on here?" She spat between her teeth. I shook my head incredulously and didn't bother responding. "James, why is see touching you?" She said turning on her boyfriend.

"Come off it Cressida, she's my friend," James said rolling his eyes.

"I'll see you later James," I said giving him a small smile. He looked at me sadly before nodding and biding me goodbye. I was almost out of the entrance hall making my way back to the common room when I felt a blow to my back and went flying across the floor, my bag splitting and causing my books, parchment and ink to spill everywhere.

"Shit," I exclaimed, moving around to pick up all of my things. I looked around to see who had hit me and saw Cressida standing down the empty hall her wand drawn on me. She almost ran at me causing me to cast a protection spell which stopped her in her tracks.

"Stay away from him," She snarled, glaring at me on the floor. I just stared back at her in bewilderment. I understood that she felt threatened, with good reason, but she had just attacked me in the middle of school, I was pretty certain that she could lose her headship for that.

"You can't tell me what to do," I said, trying desperately not to sound like a petulant child.

"We'll see about that," She spat, turning around and going back into the hall. I sighed and cleared up all my things, cursing at her for ruining my brand new ink wells. I hastily threw it all back into my bag and made my way back to the common room, trying not to let Cressida's threats get to me.

* * *

The first time I saw Albus since the three broomsticks, was when he walked into Transfiguration Wednesday afternoon. I had listened to my friends and decided to give Al the space he needed, with the added hope that I would have bumped into him by now. But alas, no such luck. Hogwarts, in all fairness, was a pretty big place but even so, to avoid someone for five days, even when you have the same meal times is incredible. I sat in my usual space when I arrived, the desk myself and Al shared. I hadn't seen him at all that morning and wasn't holding out hope he would be here. Professor Abbott was about to start her lesson and I had given up all hope when he walked in, looking tired and unkept offering her apologies for being late.

"That's quite alright Mr Potter but you will be spending half an hour with me this evening to make up for it," She said sweetly. He nodded before moving hastily to his seat next to me. I was in so much shock to see him; I didn't know what to say. I mean I had about a million and one things I wanted to say, but I just sat there dumbfounded. Not paying attention to anything Abbott was saying.

"Miss Marshall?" She called a little louder. I pulled my concentration away from Al, who had not even looked at me.

"Yes, sorry," I said trying to remember what the question was.

"Not quite the answer I was looking for, now as interesting as Mr Potter's arrival is I must ask that your attention is on me and not him for the foreseeable future. That is to say unless you want to join Mr Potter in detention this evening."

"No Professor, sorry," I said quickly, trying to ignore the sniggers I could hear around the room. It was very rare that a teacher would berate a sixth year in such a manor, and I could feel my cheeks blushing slightly in embarrassment.

"That's quite alright dear, but final warning. Now I asked you to remind everyone the spell we learnt last week," She said smiling at me sweetly. I liked Professor Abbott a lot but sometimes I did think that she was quietly evil, especially how sweetly she went around handing out punishments; definitely psychotic.

"I can't remember the name of it but I could explain the theory," I said honestly. Even from first year, Abbott always encouraged us to be honest with the gaps in our knowledge.

"Okay, go ahead," She said offering me an encouraging smile.

"We were learning about the history behind transformation in terms of clothing. We learnt the non-verbal spell for changing complete outfits on request, as well as the first three laws of changing appearance which included the sizing, colour and restrictions in materials when changing one's outfit." I explained. She smiled at me and nodded.

"Very good Miss Marshall, five points to Gryffindor, sees what happens when you pay attention," She said giving me a wink, "Now Mr Potter can you help Hannah out with the spell we were practising." I felt Al shift in the chair beside me.

"Mutatio Vestinmenta," He mumbled quickly, without any hesitation.

"Superb," She exclaimed, "Another five points to Gryffindor now…" I glanced to my left and saw Al writing his notes down half listening to what Abbott was saying half doodling in the corner of his page. I looked at his unkept hair and sad expression and wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around him.

"Okay, now split into pairs and get practising. Also please try and concentrate, I don't want anyone to be standing there in their underwear," A few people chuckled, "I'm being serious, it happens more than it should. Okay get practising," Abbott clapped her hands and the tables and chairs moved to the other sides of the room out of the way. Al and I stood their awkwardly, both of us wondering if it was a good idea to be partnered up. I looked around and Rose and Scorpius had already moved to the other side of the room, Rose already supporting a green jumper.

"Let's just get on with it," I mumbled, knowing that there was no way I was mastering this spell with how distracted my mind was. Al nodded in agreement still not looking at me and went about practising his spell. We managed to work in complete silence for around ten minutes, Al's jumper now half a t-shirt and my shirt had turned from white to pink but that was it. I tried to make conversation but Al was having none of it. I was getting increasingly frustrated at the situation, not in the least Al's attitude.

"Al, for Merlin's sake, just look at me," I said pulling on his arm as ignored me for the thousandth time.

"Leave it Hannah," He said warningly, still not looking at me.

"Al, please this is killing me," I all but begged. He ignored me again, this time successfully managing to turn his whole top into a t-shirt.

"Al, for fuck sake," I shouted. The class went silent and everyone looked at me, everyone but Al.

"Miss Marshall, I did warn you. You will have detention with me this evening and tomorrow evening for your foul language, 10 points from Gryffindor." She said sternly, moving across the room towards us. "Now I can see Mr Potter is getting there but all you have managed to do is look as though a red sock was washed with your shirt, can I see a demonstration please?" She ordered. I sighed and looked at Al who was still avoiding me. I tried to focus all my attention on the spell but thoughts of Al and James kept popping into my head. I cast the spell knowing exactly what was going to happen before it did.

"Shit," I said quietly looking down at my lack of clothing, my bra doing nothing to hide my dignity. The class was in hysterics. I looked sadly at Al who had finally looked at me, he wasn't laughing and instead just looked at me with so much pity I wanted to smack it out of him. Professor Abbott tutted and undid the spell.

"Every year," She moaned, "I think that's enough spell work from you today Miss Marshall. As extra homework I want you to practise the spell, preferably in your own room, and show me a complete outfit change next lesson. For the rest of the lesson, I want you to copy up in detail the laws of appearance and tell me why we need them. Mr Potter can you go and join another group please." She said moving on to another pair. The rest of the class and calmed down and were continuing their magic, Al and I just stood there looking at each other.

"What are we going to do?" I asked sadly.

"I don't know," he replied after a moment. He sighed and walked over to Rose and Scorpius, both of them staring at us with a pained expression. I shook my head and walked over to an empty desk to start my work.

* * *

"Hey Hannah," Rose called out from behind me. I had just finished Ancient History Club and was making my way to dinner before going to my detention that evening. I stopped and waited for her to catch up to me. "Are you okay? I didn't get a chance to speak to you after Transfiguration."

"What do you think?" I said, continuing to walk to the Great Hall.

"It was pretty bad, I'll give you that," She agreed.

"You're telling me. Al wouldn't even look at me let alone speak to me," I protested.

"He will come around," She started.

"Everyone keeps saying that but he literally didn't want to be near me today," I moaned.

"It will be okay, I'm sure of it. You two are such good friends." She said sadly. "I've already eaten so I'll catch up with you in the Common Room later?" She said walking in the direction of the Gryffindor Towers.

"Sure," I called after her, thankful to be left alone.

I hurried through my dinner, grabbing on apple as I left and ran to the fifth floor trying desperately not to be late for my detention. I nearly ran straight into Al as I plummeted down the hall way to the classroom.

"Hi," I said nervously.

"Hi," He replied, not smiling but not frowning either. "Abbott has set a timer in the classroom and we aren't allowed to leave until it's over. She has about 100 books that need cleaning so we best get on with it." He explained bitterly before moving into the empty room. I followed him in and sat on the desk next to him, both of us making a start on the books.

We continued like this for nearly 20 minutes before the tension was becoming unbearable. I pulled my book over to Al's desk slamming them down in front of him and dragging a chair so I could sit opposite him. He stared at me dumbfounded for a moment before continuing to ignore me.

"Look, we are going to be in here for at least another half an hour so we might as well clear the air," I said sitting down and continuing with my books.

"I don't want to talk," Al snapped quickly.

"Al, stop being so bloody stubborn," I snapped back at him. He threw me a look and continued to ignore me. I sighed deeply, regretting instantly having a go at him. "Look, I am so fucking sorry." He glanced at me, "I never want to hurt you, Al, ever. This is the last thing I wanted. Do you not think I wish I could feel the same way? Do you not realise that I know how perfect it would be for us, but you know me Al, when have I ever done the easy option." I bit my lip nervously, not knowing whether or not to continue, not knowing how far I could push him.

"It just hurts," Al said sadly. "I have been crazy about you for a long time and all for nothing,"

"Not all for nothing Al," I said offering him a small smile, "In a perfect world yes it would've worked but Al you know full well we would never work. You're too stubborn and I'm too whiny, we would've driven each other insane and then we run the risk of losing each other completely and I don't want to lose you Al," I said sadly reaching across and holding his hand. He studied me for a moment.

"I think I knew you didn't feel the same way." He revealed. "I think I was trying to kid myself for the most part, but deep down I knew. Remember how Rose and Scorpius would always talk to us about each other and we would sit there laughing about how stupid they were that they hadn't realised?"

"Yes, I remember," I said with a small smile, remembering the evenings me and Al would just sit there and talk for hours on end.

"Rose never once even hinted that you had spoken to her about me and I know she would've told me. I think she wanted us to get together as much as I did," He explained.

"I'm so sorry Al," I said again.

"You don't need to be," He replied giving me a small smile, "I'm sorry for ignoring you today and making you lose your clothes, it was pretty shit of me to leave you in the dark like that."

"Well yes, but it was also bloody hilarious," I said with a smirk.

"You'll never live that one down you know," He smiled.

"I know, I would be embarrassed but I was so caught in how you were feeling I didn't have any room to feel anything else," I offered, continuing to clean the pages of the books.

"Maybe that was for the best," He joked. I tapped him lightly on the arm and gave him a beaming smile.

"I'm glad we're speaking again," I smiled.

"Me too," He said with a wink, "Anyway, is it too soon for me to ask about the guy that beat me to it?" He said with a wink. I felt my face pale instantly and tried desperately to regain composure.

"You don't know him and you have nothing to worry about. It's never going to happen," I rambled quickly.

"Don't say that on my behalf, I'll get over it," He offered.

"It's not that," I paused trying to choose my next words carefully, "It's just complicated,"

"Okay," Al replied, thankfully leaving it at that and changing the topic onto something else.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading and all the follows and favourites, it means so much you guys are enjoying this story. We are about halfway through now, so loads more drama to come!**

 **Thanks again,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Before I knew it, it was the end of term. The last few weeks saw deadlines for coursework and my apparition test, which I passed with flying colours. Being the first of my friends to do so, I made sure to gloat about it at every opportunity. The end of the term had been much better than the start. My friends and I were getting somewhat back to normal, with Al and I doing well to move past the awkwardness and regain our strong friendship. James and I had managed to spend the last few weeks without arguing or kissing, which was a victory in itself. Our friendship was blossoming, although it did come up against some resistance.

"I just don't get how you two are such good friends," Al said one dinner time after I told him and Rose that I was going to the library with James to study for Runes. "You've never been friends before, why this year all of a sudden."

"Al, just drop it." I snapped. "He's my friend, we have a lot in common and believe it or not I can have friends outside of our group you know," I exclaimed. Rose shot me a look of approval for shutting Al up. Al sighed.

"Can I come along?" He asked after a moment.

"Of course you can, but please don't argue with him. I hate it when you do," I smiled, secretly wishing it was just me and James but relieved that Al seemed to be coming around to the idea of us being friends.

"Deal," He smiled, grabbing a chip from my plate.

James and Cressida were still dating, unfortunately. I didn't want to probe too much about their relationship from James. One, because I didn't want to come across as jealous and two, because I'd rather not know. I understood why he had decided to stay with her rather than break it up; hoping that having her there would help him get over me easily. It didn't stop the pain I felt when I would see them kissing or holding hands. Cressida was also not happy about mine and James' friendship and there had been a number of occasions where my bag was split open in the corridor in between lessons and she would be standing the other end of the corridor shooting me a sickly sweet smile, letting me know exactly who had done it.

I had decided to spend the days over New Years at the Potters House. My mum had all but insisted I was too spend longer than few days with her, still upset about not seeing me too much over the summer. Although Al had extended the invitation over the duration of the Christmas break, I was looking forward to some time away from the two Potter boys and I was really looking forward to seeing my family. It had been a difficult term and I was looking forward to my mum making a fuss out of me again and taking a step out of the wizarding world for a few days. It was the first time since I started Hogwarts I was able to do magic outside of school. I felt like my brother was more excited than I was, asking me all sorts of questions about the spells I could in his letters. The best reaction being when I told him I could bake a cake without an oven. I was beyond excited to show my family what I had been learning since the last time they had seen me do magic without a wand, where I could barely control it and nearly set the house on fire.

Before long we were all piled onto the train getting into a very heated game of exploding snap. Al, Rose and Scorpius went off halfway through the journey to complete rounds leaving me in peace to read for an hour. Before long I heard a knock on the compartment door and looked up to see a very handsome James Potter smiling at me from the other side. I beckoned for him to come in and closed my book, wrapping my legs underneath myself as he sat on the bench in front of me.

"Hi," He said smiling madly. After all the madness that had been the start of term, we were in a place at the moment that I thoroughly enjoyed. It meant that he could look at me like that without me running for the hills.

"Why are you acting so weird? Has Fred been spiking you with firewhiskey again because you could lose your headship for that you know," I nagged at him with a slight smirk. He chuckled and shook his head reaching into his cloak pocket and pulling out a neatly wrapped small box.

"Merry Christmas," He smiled. I smiled back and reached out to accept the gift.

"I think we need to be careful, the last time you gave me a gift well we ended up…you know," I said stuttering over my words and feeling myself blush.

"I would not be annoyed if that happened again," James winked throwing me a cheeky smile.

"Sod off, I should've never even brought it up," I said shaking my head.

"I like that you did, it reminds me that I didn't just imagine everything." He said sadly. "That it was real,"

"Of course it was," I said looking at his vacant expression. "Is everything okay?"

"Not really, it's better pretending that it never happened right," He said dryly. Obviously, I had hit a nerve.

"James, please talk to me," I said sadly, wondering how exactly the conversation had turned so sour. He sighed and shook his head.

"I just don't understand how you've managed to switch off your feelings so quickly. Merlin, it kills me every day pretending to be your friend especially when you make it look so easy; like it's not fazed you at all like you have forgotten everything that happened between us." James replied his face screwed up in frustration.

"Well getting your heart broken makes it somewhat easier," I sighed, dropping my gaze to avoid meeting his eyes.

"Hannah," He groaned, "You know how sorry I am about that," I looked up at him to see his eyes shining with tears.

"I know you are, but you understand that to protect myself I can't allow myself to think about those feelings," I explained.

"I do understand, you don't have to explain anything to me Hannah," James said offering me a sad smile, "I just wish I could find it as easy to switch these feelings off,"

"You think I find this easy?" I asked incredulously, he nodded. "James, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. When I wake up I'm sad, when I go to sleep I'm sad. I have constantly worn this mask showing the world how happy I am when inside I am dying because I can't be my true self, I can't be with you." I admitted to him, to myself. I voiced the words I had been so reluctant to even think over the past few weeks, catching us both off guard. He looked at me sadly, lowering his gaze away from mine, "Don't sit there and think that I don't find this difficult as well because I do. One of us needs to be strong though," I said more confidently than I felt.

"I know I'm sorry." He said after a moment.

"It's okay," I replied picking up my bag and looking inside for his present. "Merry Christmas," I offered it to him with a smile.

"Thanks," He said accepting it from me and smiling sadly. We sat there quietly for what felt like an eternity before James stood up. "I should probably go; I'll see you for New Years?" He asked me.

"Yes, I can't wait. Can I write to you?" I asked hopefully. He smiled at me.

"Of course you can, I would like that," He gave me another look before moving to the door.

"James wait," I said. I moved across the compartment and wrapped my arms around his waist allowing myself to enjoy the contact and the smell of him. He wrapped his arms around my body and held me there tightly, kissing me softly on the top of my head.

"I love you," I said softly looking up at his brown eyes. Even after everything, even after Cressida and Al.; I still loved James Potter. He smiled sadly at me.

"I love you too," He said. It took everything not to kiss him there and then; instead I leant up and kissed him softly on the cheek before returning back to my seat. "Merry Christmas Hannah," He said finally before leaving the compartment. As soon as the door shut behind him, I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. It felt like ages ago since we had kissed on the train at the end of the year, how nervous and confused I was at everything but how amazing and natural it all felt. I would give anything to go back to that now, but everything was tainted and ruined and I didn't trust my heart to go through it all again. I saw the tears falling down on the pages in front of me and tried my hardest to pull myself together, picking up the small wrapped box next to me. I turned over the label and read the neat cursive that was printed there.

"Grace and Beauty," It read, making me well up even more. Not long after James had left my friends bustled in the carriage laughing and joking about something that had happened on duty. I gave them a smile, making sure they didn't think for a moment that anything was wrong.

The rest of the journey back to London was surprisingly fun. About half an hour towards the end of the journey the rest of the Weasley clan came barrelling in the compartment as was the tradition. A chorus of Christmas songs and arguments was all that could be heard down the rest of the train. Ever since I had started Hogwarts this mad family had welcomed me with open arms. I had a big family at home who I loved very much, but being welcomed to a family in a world where I felt like I actually belonged was something else. It was like having twenty brothers and sisters and I felt lucky to be able to be a part of it.

The train eventually pulled into Kings Cross and I was wrapped in a million hugs with the Weasley clan bidding me goodbye as they ran off to their family. James gave me a short hug under the watchful eyes of his brother, but it meant the most out of everyone. Having him so close to me after everything we had gone through was a miracle in itself and I knew that it was going to be difficult not seeing him for the next week and a half, almost regretting my decision to go back home for the length of time that I was. I pulled away, a slight blush on my face as James smiled at me before leaving the train.

"So," Al said helping me with my luggage, "I guess I'll see you in a week or so," He said giving me a soft smile.

"I'll see you soon Hannah," Rose called out ahead running off somewhere with Scorpius before their parents showed up. I smiled and waved at her as she ran down the platform through the thickening crowds.

"Bye Hannah," Scorpius called giving me a cheeky smile. I laughed as I watched them disappear around a secluded corner and catching sight of Al looking after them with a pained expression on his face. That could've been us. I sighed and before I could think about it anymore I leant up on my tip toes and kissed him softly on the cheek. He looked surprised for a moment before gaining composure and smiling madly.

"You're always doing it to me, I thought it was about time it was reciprocated," I said winking. He laughed and threw his arms around me wrapping me in a giant bear hug.

"I'm going to miss you," He said to my hair. "It's been a challenging term," He said letting go.

"You're telling me," I nodded in agreement. "Anyway, I best go," I said leading us through the barriers to go to the allocated apparition station. "See you soon," I said squeezing his hand.

"Merry Christmas Han," Al said happily.

"Merry Christmas Al," I smiled turning on my heel and walking into the crowds of people.

* * *

 _Dear Hannah,_

 _Okay, so my first letter to you and I've suddenly gone brain dead. It's like having a one-sided conversation and trying to fill in the blanks, this is why I never write letters. Anyway, I shall give it ago._

 _How are your holidays going? I'm knee deep in NEWT revision currently and using this letter as a means to procrastinate, not in a bad way, in a very good way. I would've written anyway but you know what I mean, you are a lot more interesting than potions. I am a rambling mess and I'm also leaving all of this in because this is my third attempt writing this and it's probably the most eloquent I've been so far, would you believe. (Also I really hope I'm making you laugh because I love your laugh, it's so beautiful, like you. Now I hope I'm making you blush…okay okay I'll stop)._

 _Shall we see if I can actually manage a reasonable topic?_

 _I hope you are enjoying Christmas with your family in the muggle world. What kind of things do you do for Christmas in the muggle world? I know Rose and Hugo go to their grandparents for some of Christmas day but I've never thought to ask them. Is it really boring? Do you get lots of presents as well?_

 _I hope you're enjoying your time with you parents and aren't missing me too much. I hope I haven't put you off me forever with this awful letter because that would suck completely. I can't wait to see you in a few days and I hope you like your present._

 _Yours always,_

 _James._

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _Wow, that letter was truly something. Honestly, a work of art. I think I'm going to treasure it forever. (I now hope you are blushing in embarrassment, but I don't think that has ever happened has it? And now you're smirking like you normally do. Also, I am not going to disclose whether or not you made me blush or laugh. I'll keep you guessing Potter)_

 _I'm also deep in NEWT work, not quite knee deep, maybe ankle deep (now I'm rambling) I don't understand why they give us so much work over the break. At least let us have an actual break. Also, I'm glad you're using me as a reason to get out of studying; how romantic of you._

 _I love being at home with my family, although I do miss Hogwarts and the Wizarding World a lot, I am a muggle at heart I suppose. Sometimes, when I'm at home for a long period of time I feel as though I've made the whole thing up and I'm some crazy person that's suddenly woken up from believing in this world, mad right? But then I walk into my room and see all my things and it brings me to my senses._

 _It's been different this year though, being able to do magic outside of school. As soon as I got home Tommy, my younger brother was getting me to do all kinds of things. I think my mum and stepdad enjoyed seeing me send the plates flying around until I lost control of the gravy boat and sent it smashing into the window. Unfortunately mum has now banned me from using magic in the house, saying when I've got my own house I can do what I like but under her roof, there was to be no 'wand waving' even after I mended the broken gravy boat and apologised a thousand times._

 _Muggles don't do it overly different from Wizards I believe. I think there's a fair bit more drinking and chocolate but everything is the same. We go to Church in the morning (it's a long story I won't explain) and sing carols and yes we tend to get loads of presents, I think more than you guys get but that's because we are greedy. Hehe. My family tend to all meet up on Christmas Day evening and have a party but everyone is so tired around 10pm, but I do love it._

 _I do miss you, a lot and I don't think you could ever put me off you. I'll keep you updated on the present; I'm looking forward to it. I hope you like yours too._

 _Yours always,_

 _Hannah._

* * *

 _Hey Hannah,_

 _I hope you're having a good Christmas. Sorry I haven't written sooner, as you can imagine it's been a mad house around here. We all stop at the burrow over Christmas and Nan has been making us clean everything like the bloody Ministers coming around, which apparently he has done in the past, but I don't buy it. James bloody loves watching us work with our hands while he peels the potatoes with his bloody wand, why was I born in June?_

 _Speaking of James he has been acting really weirdly recently. I saw him writing a letter the other day, a bloody letter, I don't think he's ever spent one in his life. I think it's a girl, not Cressida, someone else. I tried to probe over dinner but he told me to fuck off, charming, I think that says it all don't you. Mum went barmy at him which was bloody hilarious and now he isn't allowed to do magic in the house. Sweet revenge I tell you._

 _I've missed you. Scorp's been around but he and Rose just hang off each other. I love them both but I swear to Merlin if I am the third wheel again I will smack them both in the face. I just miss you, I hate it when we've been close all term to get pulled apart at Christmas, Merlin I sound whiney._

 _I best sign off before I start saying things I know will haunt me forever._

 _Hope you're having a great time at home,_

 _Love,_

 _Albus_

* * *

 _Hey Al,_

 _It was great hearing from you, I've missed you too._

 _I won't write an essay as I am literally seeing you in three days. Thanks for the beater cleaning set and new Runes dictionary, I love them. I hoped you liked your presents, I swear you get harder and harder to buy for each year._

 _As for James, well I doubt he is two-timing Cressida, that girl would kill anyone that went near him. He could've been writing to her?_

 _Not surprised about Rose and Scorp, they do get a bit intense sometimes, especially when you're third wheeling. Not long until we are back together and we can call them out for snogging all the time._

 _Thanks again for the presents, can't wait to see you,_

 _Love,_

 _Hannah_

* * *

 _Dear Hannah,_

 _I was like a boy on Christmas Day (literally) when I received your letter. Thank you for writing back to me, even after the broom crash that was that work of art you mentioned._

 _The comment about being romantic, I thought we were meant to be just friends for the foreseeable future, surely it wouldn't make sense to be romantic (also that's a load of shite and I'm winding you up because I bloody love being romantic with you, we will just have to be romantic friends)_

 _I hope I get to spend Christmas with your family one year, it sounds amazing and I would love to meet them but even if that never happens, it's a nice thought (also please don't get annoyed at that comment, I know I'm not meant to be saying things like that but a boy can dream right?) Although you obviously haven't seen my Uncle Charlie drink. One Christmas he managed to drink 2 bottles of firewhiskey to himself without even throwing up, Merlin knows how he managed that._

 _You would be pleased to hear that my mum has also banned me from using magic in the house. Al kept bugging me and…well, I told him to fuck off. Not my finest moment and I know full well you are rolling your eyes but he is so bloody annoying. Honestly, don't know how I haven't killed him over the years. As for the gravy boat, your mum must've been bloody attached to it to ban you completely._

 _About my presents…I bloody loved them. I love love love love love my famous Quidditch Keepers book (although Uncle Ron was pretty annoyed he wasn't mentioned in it) and I really love my watch Hannah, it is just perfect. I love the initials etched into the middle of the face, it's just amazing and by far my favourite gift. You didn't have to get me anything though, Merlin knows I don't deserve it. (Also don't worry, I didn't tell anyone you got me the watch before you panic. I did say the book though, I think Al was a bit put out by it but when is he not.)_

 _I really hoped you liked your present,_

 _I can't wait to see you on Monday; I've missed you so much._

 _Yours always,_

 _James_

* * *

 _Dear James,_

 _Al knows that you are writing to someone and he has a hunch it isn't Cressida, I know that I will be there pretty soon but please be careful around him. It's different at Hogwarts, we can avoid him easily, but there aren't as many distractions when you live with him. Just be careful otherwise it will all be over, and I really don't want that. I'm enjoying where we are at the moment, where ever that is._

 _I am so happy you liked your presents and I don't think it's much at all. I can't wait to see you wearing the watch; I was so excited to give it to you. Ha, Rose's dad does make me laugh;_ _I think we may need to sing a few verses of Weasley is our King to put him back in place._

 _I like the sound of romantic friends, I'm intrigued to find out what boundaries are set with that label (and yes I am blushing as I write that smart arse, I hope you are too). My family would love you; I think my aunties would prefer you over me. I like the idea of you spending Christmas with us, even if it is just an idea; I would like that very much indeed._

 _I love my earrings James, they are so beautiful. How did you know my birthstone, they match so well with my necklace as well. I haven't taken them off since opening them. My mum took an avid interest into who sent them and I told her it was just a friend and she said oh Hannah that boy is very much in love with you if he's buying you such beautiful jewellery. Well I know I shouldn't say it anymore but I am very much in love with you too and thank you for the present._

 _I can't wait to see you,_

 _Yours always,_

 _Hannah_

* * *

"Maybe next time don't smash the gravy boat," Tommy laughed, wrapping me in a huge bear hug and ruffling my hair. I poked him in the stomach and pulled away. He had grown up so much over the past few months it made me sad to miss everything that was happening at home, but it made it all the more worthwhile when I came back.

"Please stop bloody growing, you'll be a giant the next time I see you," I laughed wrapping him in a hug again.

"Stop shrinking you'll be a hobbit the next time I see you," He laughed.

"Maybe not a hobbit, they don't exist. Possibly a goblin but honestly don't say that around them they would probably kill you with their bare hands," I winked at my brother who was now gaping at me.

"Sometimes I'm glad I am not a wizard, goblins are real." He exclaimed.

"And Giants," I added, watching his mind explode right in front of me.

"I have so many questions," He said quickly.

"And I have to go, bye bro," I hugged him again and moved into the kitchen.

"I really wish you didn't have to go so soon," My mum moaned when I appeared. "I've enjoyed having you around, you sure you don't want to come with us?" She asked again for the millionth time.

"I need to go back to normality before I start back at Hogwarts," I explained again, for the fifth time that day. "I'll be back at Easter," I smiled, walking over to her and hugging her closer. "Miss you mum," I said softly, into her hair. She relaxed slightly and squeezed me tighter.

"Miss you too Hannah," She said pulling away and dabbing her eye with her tea towel, "You've been at that school for six years and it still doesn't get any easier," She chuckled softly. Tommy came over and round and arm around her shoulder. I hugged my dad tightly.

"Have a good term Hannah," He said.

Even though I have been at Hogwarts for six years now, I still missed my family terribly. It was especially hard after such a lovely Christmas. I took one more look at my family, smiling at them fondly before turning on the spot and heading to the Potter's house. It was the evening before New Year's and I was meant to be meeting Rose, Al and Scorpius at the Potter's. We went back to school on the second so it meant I had a few days to readjust to the Wizarding World once again, and I couldn't wait.

I apparated on the doorstep of Grimmauld Place, the lights were on and there were Christmas lights in the window. I smiled and knocked sharply on the door and hearing someone approach. James Potter stood in front of me, dressed in casual bottoms and an old Gryffindor Hoodie, his hair was askew and he had a tub of ice-cream in his hands. He looked so handsome my heart was beating wildly in my chest. His face lit up when he saw me, his eyes widening and his mouth spreading into the biggest smile I think I'd ever seen. It took every ounce of my being not to kiss him on the spot.

"Hi," I managed quietly, feeling myself blushing instantly. He smirked and opened his mouth to speak to me before Al barged past him and picked me up spinning me around. I caught a glance of James' crestfallen face and my heart sank quickly, bringing me back to reality. The letter's had been just for us, we could pretend, if not for a moment, that we weren't burdened with our loyalties to Al but now, with him in between us and showing me affection that James couldn't, it was apparent to see we had been stupid to believe otherwise and it broke my heart all over again. It was beginning to get too hard and that worried me.

"Hannah," Al said putting me back on my feet. "It's so good to see you," I put my mask back on and shot Al a big smile wrapping my arms back around him.

"It's really good to see you," I said laughing.

"Are you going to let her in anytime soon James?" Al said shooting his brother a quizzical look. "We're bloody freezing on the doorstep,"

"Oh shit, yeah sorry," James said moving out of the way so we could get past. I allowed my hand to brush past James' as I went past him making him smile slightly and sending my heart into overdrive once again. Al was none the wiser.

"Did you have a good Christmas Hannah?" James said closing the door behind us and regaining his composure.

"Yes, it was great thanks. Did you guys?" I asked them both waiting mainly for James' response. Before he could say anything Al talked over him.

"Yes, it was brilliant. A bit hectic at the Burrow but still great to see all the family again, it's difficult to get everyone in the same place now that everyone is starting to leave Hogwarts, you know. Teddy and Victoire are planning their wedding, which of course is all anyone can talk about, got a boring after five minutes." Al rambled grabbing my case and bags from me. "I'll put these in your room,"

"It's alright Al, I'll do it," James said with a smirk casting a charm on the cases sending them whizzing upstairs. Al glowered at his brother looking like he was going to hit him, James just laughed and moved past him to get into the drawing room.

"You shouldn't let him get to you," I said to Al, annoyed at James for always trying to one-up his brother even in the circumstances.

"I know. He knows exactly how to push my buttons." Al said with a heavy sigh. We stood there in an awkward silence for a moment.

"I'm dating Kate again," Al blurted out all of a sudden. I was so taken back I felt my jaw drop suddenly.

"Erm…congrats," I said unsure of what else to say.

"I know, I know. I'm well aware, thanks to Rose, that it is a weird situation but I thought it would help…you know getting over you," Al explained with a slight blush.

"Is that very fair on Kate?" I asked frowning at Al's reasoning.

"That's what Rose said. I don't think it will be an issue, I know it seems really shitty of me but I do actually like Kate and I don't think I gave her a proper chance before because I was so hung up on you, at least this way I will be going in with a clear mind," He explained. I wasn't convinced but didn't want to bring him down in flames so I gave him what I hoped was a convincing smile.

"Well then I'm happy for you, I really like Kate and I think she's great for you," I said.

"That's what everyone keeps saying, I don't get it. All she does is call me out all the time," He said frowning.

"I think that's the point Al, maybe why she's a good influence. Someone needs to call you out and besides I think she's the only woman, besides your mum, that you actually listen too," I said with a laugh. Al considered this for a moment looking perplexed.

"You've got a point there," He replied.

"What are you guys doing in the hallway? Hannah, you've been here ten minutes and not come and said hello yet," Rose said coming out from the drawing room with a frown. She pulled me in for a hug which was accepted warmly and the three of us moved into the room where Scorpius, Lily and James were currently sitting talking.

"Hey Hannah," Scorpius said giving me a big smile. Rose walked back over to where he was sitting on the love seat and resumed her place next to him, curling up into his side. I had never been so jealous of the two of them. All I wanted to do was be near James but instead, I sat on the opposite side of the room from him next to Lily who put her feet up on me as soon as I sat down.

"Hey Capt, have you had a good Christmas?" She asked me offering me some of the chocolate that she was eating, which was accepted with great enthusiasm.

"It was lovely, how was yours?" I asked politely. What I didn't expect was for the entire room to erupt and tell me the hysterical tale that was Christmas Day at the Burrow involving Uncle Percy, George, Teddy and a Chicken. Everyone was in fits of laughter when the door opened.

"Dinner's ready, Lily Potter I told you not to eat anymore Chocolate," Ginny Potter said her eyes narrowing on the empty box by her daughter's feet.

"I wasn't the only one Mum," She moaned glaring at her brothers. James hastily tried to hide the half-eaten tub of ice-cream and Albus' glowered at his sister.

"Snitch," He scathed under his breath.

"I'll speak to you all later," She said narrowing her eyes at all of them. "Hannah it's good to see you again, you'll be in with Lily this time, that is if she doesn't stop getting herself into trouble by eating all the chocolate in the house,"

"Thanks Mrs Potter and thank you for letting me stop over again," I said politely following everyone into the kitchen.

"Not at all dear, it's the least I could do for putting up with all three of my children all year round," She said with a wink. I gave her a smile and sat in a seat at the table.

* * *

Dinner passed and everyone was sitting in the living room when Mr Potter walked in after a late night at work. He said hello to everyone before following his wife into the kitchen and leaving us all to eat sweets and play games.

"What did you have nice for Christmas?" I asked Rose when the two of us were the first to get knocked out of a rather intense game of exploding snap.

"Malfoy you best not be bloody cheating otherwise I will blast your face off," James shouted throwing his cards down in defeat.

"Speak to him like that again and I'll blast your face off Potter," Rose scathed, kicking her cousin in the side.

"I was joking," James replied holding his hands up in defeat and moving off the floor to the armchair. It was slowly becoming bearable to be in the same room with again without needing to be near him. We had been backed into a corner at dinner, ending up sat next to each other. I felt like I was blushing every time our elbows knocked together.

"Sorry Hannah," She said pulling her legs underneath herself and turning to face me, "I had loads of nice things, obviously the classic Weasley jumper," She said showing me the item she was currently wearing. It was emerald green, a gold letter R standing out in the middle of it. "My muggle Grandparents brought me some books and stationery and Scorpius got me a beautiful necklace and some perfume." She said showing me the necklace Scorpius had bought her. "Did you have anything nice?"

"I had this really nice Gryffindor Hoodie from someone but I can't remember who," I said giving her a smile, "Thank you by the way. I had some pyjamas, makeup and books from family. Al got me a brilliant Quidditch book and new parchment and I had some beautiful earrings from a friend back home," I was so close to saying James that I had to really stop myself. I saw Rose shoot a glance over to James and then back to me with a slight smile.

"Are they the ones you're wearing?" Rose asked with a smile. I nodded and pulled my hair behind my ear to show her properly, turning my head noticing James look at me worriedly. I saw Lilly, who had also been knocked out of the game, looking at me curiously. I glanced back at James who was staring between me and Lily in complete horror.

"They are so pretty are they your birthstone?" Rose asked. It was like everything happened in slow motion. I saw James shaking his head at me warningly and Lily looking between me, James and Rose.

"Yes, pink opal," I confirmed before realising what I had done. I saw Lily's eyes shoot open and James put his head in his hands just as Al beat Scorpius and the cards started exploding everywhere. I could feel my heart racing in my ears about what had just happened and was trying really hard not to look at Lily who was now very openly staring at me.

"Alright, that is quite enough of that," Mrs Potter said banging the door open and silencing her younger son who was cheering louder than the cards that were exploding from across the room. "I swear I don't know how my parents put up with us playing that game all the time," She said vanishing the cards from the floor. "Bed now please, it's late enough. Rose, Scorpius the floo is ready for you and I've told your parents that you are on the way home." Ginny said before leaving the room.

"'Night guys," Rose yawned holding out a hand to Scorpius pulling him up from the floor. "See you tomorrow." They left the room leaving the four of us there. Lily was still staring at me as if she had never seen me before and James looked so worried he had gone pale; Merlin knows what my face looked like. Al was none the wiser to it all.

"Night guys," He said standing up and stretching, "See you in the morning," He said leaving the room without another glance.

"You are fucking kidding me?" Lily all but yelled once Al had shut the door. James rushed over to her and placed a hand gently across her mouth.

"Please be quiet," He pleaded with her removing his hand after hearing Al climb the stairs.

"How can I be quiet? This is insane, you two are together." She said loudly again standing up and looking between us.

"Please try and calm down Lily. I know this is a shock but Al doesn't know and I really want for it to stay that way," James pleaded with his sister.

"A shock? James this is bloody insane! How can I calm down?" She whispered harshly pointing a finger at her brother.

"I know but please sit down and let me explain," He said as calmly as he could manage. I sat there dumbfounded; watching the interaction in front of me like it was from a movie. I couldn't understand how Lily knew, I just couldn't believe it.

"What is there to explain? You made your feelings perfectly clear when we went to get the earrings. The whole time I thought you were talking about Cressida but no, it was about Hannah. Al's best friend, the person Al adores most in this world." Her eyes widen as she realised the true impact of her words. "Al is going to fucking kill you James." She shouted at him.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks again for reading, hoped you liked this chapter.**

 **So people are slowly finding out, so much drama to come!**

 **I hope you don't feel like I've skirted over the Cressida/James situation after Hannah's birthday. I've been really conscious, whilst editing, that it seems like all is forgiven when that's not quite the case. Hannah and James have a very complicated relationship and in the grand scheme of things, Hannah is putting her heartbreak on the back burner for Al's heartbreak. At this point in the story, it's been nearly two months since Hannah's birthday and she had needed that time to learn to trust James again. Also just because he broke her heart doesn't mean she stopped loving him. It's such a difficult relationship to convey and I really hope it is making sense as you read.**

 **Thanks once again for all the support it means a lot. I think there are like a hundred people reading the story as it's being uploaded and that alone is amazing, so thank you so much.**

 **Only ten chapters to go!**

 **See you soon,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

"DO YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT," James said loudly standing and squaring up to his sister. "Don't you think I know what I've done is going to break my brother's heart," He yelled.

"Guys, please we need to calm down," I said finally finding my voice and standing between the two of them.

"Al loves you Hannah," Lily said turning on me and looking at me in disbelief.

"I know." I sighed.

"I just don't understand how this has happened," She said falling back down on the sofa and putting her head in her hands. "You were meant to end up with Al; everyone had been saying it for years. But now…merlin this is going to break his heart," I glanced sideways at James who was still pacing the room, his anger slowly fading. He looked up and caught my gaze, his eyes full of hopelessness. He sighed and moved to sit with his sister, placing a hand on her knee.

"This was never meant to have happened Lils," He said sadly, hearing the pain in his voice completely broke my heart. Lily looked up at her brother and then back at me.

"Is it true?" She asked. "Do you love her?"

"I do," He said, glancing up at me and giving me a sad smile.

"What about Cressida?" Lilly frowned. I glanced back at James who shifted uncomfortably in his seat.

"It's a difficult situation," I said quickly. Lily shook her head at her brother and moved to stand in front of me.

"Do you feel the same way?" She asked me. I didn't trust myself to speak; I nodded, averting my eyes to the floor. "This is insane," She whispered, shaking her head. "Al is going to be destroyed when he finds out,"

"Al isn't going to be finding out," James stated harshly.

"What? You're telling me that you are going to keep your relationship a secret forever." She said in astonishment.

"No because we aren't in a relationship," James retorted. Lilly glared at him.

"You had me fooled when we were picking out the earrings," She scoffed. "Are you really stupid enough to believe that Al won't eventually find out?"

"He has no reason to find out. We aren't acting on our feelings; we don't want to hurt Al or anyone for that matter," I explained sitting on the armchair opposite the pair.

"The damage has already been done," She stated simply. I took a glance at James who shook his head in disagreement.

"Al doesn't ever need to know Lily," James said, "We both love him too much and are too loyal to him to act on our feelings,"

"How many people know?" She asked.

"The three of us, Rose and Scorpius are aware and Danny," I replied.

"I still don't understand why you told Danny," James frowned. "It's none of his business," I glowered at the older Potter.

"He's my friend and I needed to tell someone, it was eating me alive." I snapped.

"How do we know we can trust him?"

"He hasn't said anything so far has he?"

"Yes but-

"Guys," Lily interrupted. We both turned to face her, "Does anyone else know?"

"Fred," James muttered under his breath. I shot him a dirty look, "What? He's my cousin." James started.

"Anyway," Lily said quickly before I could reply, "So that's what, seven people that knows," She asked. I bit my lip and nodded nervously as her, wondering where she was going with it. "Seven people have to keep that a secret from Al, he will eventually find out and if finding out doesn't destroy him knowing that his two best friends, his brother, sister and cousins have all been lying to him might actually kill him off for good," Lily said hysterically waving her arms around, imploring us to understand what she was saying.

"Please don't tell him Lils," James begged her.

"I can't promise that James, someone needs to be on Al's side in this." She said sadly.

"But he will never speak to me again," James whispered painfully, she considered her older brother for a moment.

"I can't lie to him James you know that, if he asks me outright I will tell him," She offered, "But okay I won't tell him."

"Thank you," I said softly to her, she nodded back at me.

"Both of you need to tell him though and soon before this gets even more out of hand." She said strongly.

"I know we do," I agreed sadly. James looked at me in shock, "Lily's right, too many people know for it to remain a secret and it's not fair of us to ask our friends, _Al's friends_ , to lie to him anymore." I sighed and stood up. "It needs to be fully over and the only way for that to happen is to tell him," I reasoned calmly considering what I proposing.

"I can't do that Hannah," James said shaking his head and standing up. "I can't break my brother's heart,"

"Then we'll put it all on me," I said more confidently than I felt, still trying to maintain some of my composure. "When we tell him, we'll put everything on me. Say it was me who started it, me who begged you to carry on behind Al's back, say it was me who fell in love and pressured you into keeping a secret until Lily made me see sense," James looked at me in complete shook, Lily looking between the two of us.

"There is no fucking way that is happening," He said quietly.

"But James-

"No Lils. That is not happening, if we are going to tell him we tell him everything, no more lies." He said simply.

"If you're sure," I said deciding not to press the issue again.

"We'll do it when we get back to Hogwarts," He said sadly.

"This is how it has to be," I stated.

"I can't believe this," James whispered, not meeting my eyes. I moved my arm to wrap around his shoulders, to try and comfort him but knew I would change my mind if I went anywhere near him. I glanced at Lily who was looking between the two of us with a strange expression and tried to offer her a smile, knowing it was more like a grimace. "I'm going to head up," I said trying to escape before I broke down and begged them both to change their minds. James looked up at me with so much pain in his eyes I just wanted to run away.

"We'll talk tomorrow," He said simply. I nodded in response and climbed the stairs to Lily's room, hurrying to get ready for bed and pretend to be asleep when she came up, not wanting to talk to her about it anymore.

"Hannah?" She whispered softly when she entered the room. I didn't respond, keeping my eyes closed tightly and hoping that I wouldn't let any sobs escape. I heard her sigh before climbing into bed and turning off her lamp. She was sound asleep when I cried myself to sleep, once again, over James Potter.

* * *

"You scrub up well Capt," Lily smiled as I walked out of her bathroom ready for the New Year's Party at the Potters. As per tradition, all the adults went to the Burrow and the 'kids' went to the sensible-ish party at the Potters. I had been to every party for the past four years and something mad always happened; this one was going to be no different.

"Thanks, you look lovely," I replied giving her a smile and glancing at her midnight blue dress. I walked over to the mirror to put in the earrings and necklace James had brought me. I wasn't one to admit to myself when I looked nice but I felt amazing in the dress I was wearing. My mum had bought it, especially for the party, telling me to 'dazzle' the boy who bought me the earrings. It loose, deep red that synched in at the waist, flattering me in the right way. I had always been conscious of my figure, not being as small and petite as Rose and Lily, more tall and curvy. Being active at Quidditch was a big help and normally I was 'okay' with the way I looked, tonight, however, I had to admit to myself I looked amazing. I fixed my hair that was in a loose bun, curls hanging down to frame my face, and applied some last minute lip gloss and fixed my earrings in place.

"They really suit you," Lily smiled as she came over to the mirror handing me my gold heels. I slipped them on and turned to face her. "Thank you, shall we go downstairs? People will be arriving soon," She nodded and grabbed her purse leading the way out of the room. I suddenly felt ridiculously nervous. I hadn't spoken to James properly since the evening before when Lily found out about us. In the lead-up and preparation to the party, we didn't get a moment alone all day. Now, I found myself nervous, giddy, and desperate to impress him, to make him go back on the decision we both agreed on. Lily and I entered the drawing room where Albus and James were sitting drinking Butterbeer talking animatedly about Merlin knows what.

"Thanks for getting us a drink," Lily moaned alerting them to our presence.

"Well it took you bloody long enough to get ready, people will be arriving soon," Al replied back to his sister before turning his gaze back to me. "Hey not fair Hannah, it's hard enough trying to get over you. Now it's even bloody harder when you look that good," He groaned jokingly. I laughed and walked over to him planting a small kiss on his cheek,

"You're a taken man Mr Potter; I now have to impress all the other eligible wizards," I joked dramatically, leaving it as long as I could before I took a glance at James. I met his eyes briefly. He was staring at me adoringly. His eyes were sparkling as he took in my outfit, making my heart beat widely in my chest. He wore the biggest smile I'd ever seen and my heart soared knowing that it was for me. He looked stunning in his dress robes, his unkempt hair slicked back.

"Well I hope you don't find anyone at this party, I'm related to most of them and I don't think my poor heart could manage you dating someone in my family," Albus said bringing us both back to reality. We both stared at him, taking in what he was saying. "Merlin, I freaked out when you and James became friends, imagine if you were actually seeing each other." He laughed loudly before moving into the kitchen to get another drink. James and I just stood there in shock about how close Al had come to actually calling us out. I let out a nervous laugh that James reciprocated, taking it as his cue to start a conversation.

"You look so beautiful," He said quietly, loud enough for me to hear. I felt myself blush at his compliment making him smile even more.

"You don't look too bad yourself," I replied bashfully trying to move away before the conversation took a turn. He touched my hand lightly, a serious expression coming over his face.

"No Hannah. You look breathtakingly beautiful. This isn't fair." He said sadly. I looked down at where our fingers were barely touching, relishing in the contact for a second longer.

"It never has been fair," I sighed following Al, not trusting myself to be around the older Potter any longer.

* * *

The party slowly started to fill up and was in good spirits before the New Year was brought it. Rose and Scorpius turned up not long after James and I had spoken. Rose looked stunning in an emerald green dress that clashed beautifully with her hair, Scorpius look dashing in his matching dress robes. Al had invited Kate who arrived not long after everyone else looking beautiful in a blush pink dress. She smiled kindly at me when she arrived and I decided to bite the bullet and go and speak to her when she had a moment away from Al.

"Hey," She said as I approached.

"Hi, how are you?" I asked her, taking Albus' vacant seat.

"I'm okay. Did you have a good Christmas?" She asked politely making small talk.

"It was good," I offered, trying to ignore the awkwardness in our conversation. "Did you?"

"Yes, it was brilliant. Although I was quite surprised when Al decided to ask me out again," She answered honestly. I always like that about Kate, she would always say exactly what she was thinking, that's why she was a great match for Al.

"I was too, although I am beyond pleased that he came round to his senses," I replied with a smile.

"Well I thought he dumped me to be with you," She said simply, I almost choked on the mouthful of drink I had just taken. Kate rolled her eyes, not unkindly, more unbelieving. "Oh come on Hannah, don't make me out to be a fool. I knew how Al felt about you," I wasn't entirely sure how to respond. "I'm assuming those feelings weren't reciprocated." She said without malice.

"No, they weren't" I sighed. "If you knew all of this why are you back with him?" I asked curiously.

"I know what you're thinking, why would I want to be second best?" She stated. "I don't feel that way for Al, I like him a lot and I like having fun with him but I don't love him. I enjoyed being with him before and I'm a big girl I can handle being someone's rebound." She said with a shrug. I considered her for a moment, not really sure whether I bought into the cool façade she had made.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"Very sure, I enjoy being with Al but I wasn't broken hearted when he broke up with me last time and I'm sure neither of us will be the next time. Don't worry; we are both on the same page." She said with a smile.

"Then I'm happy for you," I said sincerely, "I like you being around when Al's being a knob, you are the only woman he properly listens to other than his mother," She laughed and nodded.

"You're telling me," She looked at me for a moment, turning her head slightly to the side. "So you and James…Does Al knows yet?" I almost spat out my drink, coughing furiously trying not to choke. "I take that as a no," I wasn't sure whether or not to play dumb and decided that Kate would almost definitely see right through me.

"How do you know?" I asked nervously.

"I had a hunch," She shrugged sipping her drink, "Also James has been staring at you like a lost puppy all evening. It makes sense as to why you don't feel the same way about Al because you've been fucking his brother," She stated simply, I coughed loudly at her vulgar remark.

"Excuse me? That is not that case," I said feeling myself getting slightly annoyed. She winked at me with a chuckle.

"Calm down Hannah, I'm only messing. Although by that reaction, I hit the nail on the head." She smirked. I blanched wishing that the ground would swallow me whole.

"Please don't tell him," I asked softly.

"Not my business to tell," She said with a shrug, "Although, if you keep making it this obvious then he will catch on eventually,"

"I know, we are planning on telling him," I frowned.

"How did you manage to bag yourself James Potter anyway, the most eligible wizard ever," She asked curiously.

"I haven't bagged anything. We aren't together," I snapped. She looked taken aback for a second before she offered me a kind smile.

"Stop stressing Hannah, I'm sorry if I've overstepped the mark. I never intended to," She said kindly putting a hand on my arm. Just as I was about to reply, Al came bumbling over to us both throwing an arm around Kate.

"What are you two talking about?" He slurred, obviously having drunk far too much

"None of your business," I said standing up, "I'll catch up with you guys later," I said deciding that I need some air and heading out of the back door.

"Well, well, well if it isn't little Hannah Marshall," A voice said from the darkness. I squinted slightly to see the figure of a tall beautiful blonde woman walking towards me, scantily clad as usually but looking so effortlessly classy it put all the girls to shame.

"Dom," I called out, running at my old friend and throwing my arms around her.

"Hey Han," She laughed wrapping her arms around me.

"I've missed you," I said feeling like the vulnerable third year again that was in awe of her fifth year beating partner.

"I've missed you too," She said wrapping an arm around my shoulder and guiding me to the bench at the bottom of the garden. "How's Hogwarts? Sorry I haven't written to you, it has been so busy with everything happening I haven't had the time."

"It's okay," I smiled, "Hogwarts is the same old."

"What about the new Beater? Not as good as me I hope?" She smirked.

"Danny, he's great. We work well together but I still miss you loads," I said with a smile.

"Is there any boys on the scene? Albus was moaning about a boy called Jake the last time I heard from him and who's Danny?" She asked wagging her eyebrows. I sighed and shook my head.

"That bad huh?" She said with a concerned look on her face, "What happened?"

"Jake was a summer fling whilst I was working with your Dad in Egypt," I stated ignoring the look she was throwing me. "And Danny is gay so…" Dom laughed loudly.

"So what's the sigh all about? Has someone broken your heart?" She asked frowning.

"Not quite," I said biting my lip nervously, not sure whether or not to tell her everything.

"I hear Al finally told you," She said with a smile, "Rose said that you didn't feel the same way, I think Al said you were in love with someone else, is that that the sigh was for?" She questioned, shooting me a knowing look.

"Yes, it was. It's been a confusing term at Hogwarts without you being there," I said pouting my lip slightly at her. She laughed and threw her arm around my shoulders.

"I'm here now Hannah, now tell me about this guy you're in love with," She said, making herself more comfortable on the bench. "Do I know them?"

"Yes you do," I said without thinking, regretting it the moment it left my lips. I hoped she wouldn't guess but I knew she wouldn't stop until she had found out.

"Are they at this party?" was her next question.

"Merlin, yes there are." I replied shaking my head.

"It's not Scorpius is it because that would be really fucking awkward," She said with a chuckle.

"No it's not Scorpius, I don't think I like this game anymore," I said sitting back with a sigh.

"Okay, am I related to them?" She asked with a cheeky grin on her face. I didn't look at her, instead just settling for a nod and hoping she would stop there.

"Louis?" She said, almost hopeful.

"No not Louis," I said quietly.

"That would've been so great, we could've been sisters in law," She said shaking her head. Just as she was about to guess again, I saw James leave the house looking around outside. I prayed that Dom wouldn't stop him and that he wasn't looking for us.

"Jamie," She called out loudly towards her cousin, he looked over at us, "Come here and help me for a second," She said beckoning him over. I wanted the ground to swallow me whole; there was only one way this was going.

"What are you guys doing out here? It's bloody freezing," He said casting a warming charm over the three of us.

"So Hannah is apparently in love with someone at this party and she won't tell me who it is, it's someone we're related to which narrows down to nobody really," She said glancing through the window to spot her next guess. I looked at James who was seriously regretting walking over to us.

"Actually Dom," He said finally, drawing Dom's attention back on to him, "Am I okay to borrow Hannah for a moment, just need to speak to her for a second." Dom shrugged and stood up.

"Be my guest, I'm going to do some digging inside." She said walking off before stopping dead in her tracks. "You are fucking kidding me," She said turning back around and squealing like a little girl. "Hannah Marshall you little minx," She said walking over to me and tapping me on the arm.

"Dom…"James warned.

"Oh be quiet little cousin, I'll leave you two lovebirds to it. Hannah I want the gory details later," She said walking off laughing to herself loudly.

"People keep finding out," I said frustratingly. "I feel like the whole party is going to know before the end of tonight."

"I want to kiss you at midnight," James said, ignoring what I had said. I blanched at him and shook my head.

"Well if that happened then the whole bloody party would know," I scoffed.

"Hannah, I'm being serious." James sighed. "You look too beautiful and I want to kiss you so bad,"

"That can't happen and you know it, did you not hear what I said? People keep finding out." I said standing up and pacing around.

"I want to kiss you at midnight," He said again standing up and holding onto my arms, stopping me in my tracks. "I don't care who knows now, we will tell Al in two days when we are back at Hogwarts. But tonight is going to be our last chance to be together without scrutiny, without hurting anyone. I want to kiss you so badly Hannah; I want to be with you. Please, can we just pretend for once that we aren't hurting anyone, that we can just be us," He said placing his forehead on mine. I glanced nervously at the house, hoping nobody could see us. "Please Hannah," He said desperately.

"Okay," I whispered, closing my eyes and sighing deeply. "I will make my excuses and go back to my house; my family are out of town until next week," I replied opening my eyes and taking a step back. James smiled at me and nodded.

"I'll hold off for as long as I can and I'll ask Fred to cover for me, tell people I've gone to Cressida's," James said excitedly.

"I'll let Dom know, she will be able to cover for me," I sighed, placing a hand on his cheek. "I'll see you soon," I said walking back into the house trying my best to hide the guilt I was feeling. Dom was waiting for me at the door, she looped her arm into mine and pulled me into the hallway.

"What the fuck? James?" She smirked. "He would've been my last guess,"

"Please keep your voice down," I hissed, moving further up the hall as Hugo and Molly walked past us.

"I didn't think you had it in you," Dom said with a wink.

"It's a long story," I sighed leaning back on the wall.

"Have you done it?" She asked bluntly, showing me a cheeky smile. I decided not to answer.

"Hannah Marshall you absolute slut," She laughed. "I've taught you well," She added with a look of approval.

"Please Dom, keep your voice down. It's not like that, it's not just a bit of fun," I said sadly.

"Do you _love_ him?" She asked incredulously. I closed my eyes and nodded. "Does he feel the same?" I nodded again. "Oh man, you guys are so fucked!" She said smirking.

"You're telling me," I sighed.

"Al is going to kill you," She hissed as the realisation set in. "Merlin, he will never speak to James again," She added worryingly.

"I know, we are planning on telling Al," I explained.

"What that you're together," She said bewildered.

"No we aren't together, we never have been. We are just going to tell him everything that's happened. Too many people know, he will find out eventually and I'd rather he finds out from us," I explained.

"Are you mad?" She all but shouted.

"Please be quiet," I hissed pulling her into the downstairs toilet.

"You can't tell him Hannah," She said when I shut the door.

"I have to, he will find out," I replied.

"He'll never speak to you again; you will lose him,"

"Dom, I will lose both of them," I said sadly.

"Merlin, you've had it tough." She said wrapping her arms around me.

"Can you do me a favour?" I asked finally. "I'm going to go home and James is going to join me later. Can you cover for me? Just tell them I'm ill,"

"Of course I can," She said finally being serious. "I'm here when you need me Hannah," She said grabbing my hand.

"I've missed you," I said smiling at her.

"I've missed you too," She replied wrapping me in a hug.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading and all the lovely reviews and follows and support. I'm so pleased so many of you are enjoying this story.**

 **A bit of a filler chapter but I hope you enjoyed it none the less. I absolutely love writing Dom as you could probably tell. Just a heads up, you might get a whole lot of whiplash over the next few Chapters but try and stick with it, they are made up humans after all, what do you expect!**

 **Thanks again,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

I apparated onto my front step, looking around making sure I hadn't alerted any of the neighbours. I opened the front door using my wand, making quick work of the alarm system as I stepped through the door. The last time I was here I made a point of showing my mum just how easy it would be for a wizard to break in and offered to put up further protection, she refused point blank and was completely bewildered as to why I thought a wizard would want to break into a normal muggle house. I shook my head at her wishing sometimes she would trust my judgement, even if it was so I could sleep easier at night.

I made my way into the kitchen, kicking off my heels and filling up the kettle hastily trying to distract myself. I waited for the kettle to boil and sat on one of the kitchen stalls in the half-light, playing with the necklace around my neck feeling relatively calm about what was happening. I knew that what we were doing was dangerous and would definitely cause some suspicion at the party, and I just hoped that Albus would be too drunk to realise that both his best friend and his brother had left the party without reasonable excuses. This was our final chance to be unapologetically together, to pretend one more time that the cards we had been dealt were in our favour and what we were about to do wouldn't damage the one person we both loved dearly.

The kettle boiled, the noise making me jump out of my skin. I pulled to mugs out of the cupboard and made tea the muggle way, not trusting myself to use magic when I was so distracted. I placed both mugs on the side and sat back in the stall waiting for James. It was half an hour to midnight, to the New Year, time was moving so slowly it was driving me insane. The more I sat there alone, the more my mind wondered making me doubt everything, bringing up unwanted memories and heartbreak. I sighed deeply and took a swig of my tea, nearly dropping it when I heard the front door open.

"In the kitchen," I called out into the darkness. I waited with baited breath as the kitchen door opened. "Rose, what are you doing here?" I asked shocked as the redhead appeared in the doorway; Scorpius behind her looking worriedly at the situation.

"Did you really trust Dom to lie for you? You know she's rubbish at keeping her mouth shut, thankfully it was only us she spilt the beans to," She sighed sitting down on the stall in front of me and grabbing the tea that was meant for James.

"But why are you here?" I repeated again, not really in the mood to hear the lecture she was bound to give me.

"Why couldn't you just tell me?" She asked sadly. "I've known for so long and yes I was fucking fuming when I first realised, but Merlin Hannah I am your best friend. I've told you everything about Scorpius, I trusted you enough. Why couldn't you just tell me?" She said shaking her head. I could see that she was quite upset and leaned across the breakfast bar to grab her hand.

"I didn't want you to have to lie to Albus for me," I said sincerely. "And I was so scared that I would lose you, that you would hate me forever. In my head I just needed to keep you, Al and James separate, for my own sanity," I explained.

"You wouldn't have lost me Hannah," I rose my eyebrows at her unbelievingly; "I'm here now aren't I?" She retorted.

"Yes, but only to tell me to come back to the party," I mumbled.

"Not true," She frowned, "Hannah…I want you to be happy." She said reaching across the table and pulling my hand back into hers. "We had a chat last night," she admitted, glancing at her boyfriend.

"You told her," I said turning to Scorpius, not really annoyed but still on the defensive.

"No, he didn't. You know how loyal he is," Rose explained, "We just got on the topic and I told him that I knew that he knew and I basically guessed everything,"

"I would never break a promise Hannah; I just wish I had been more supportive to you. I was so conflicted with you and Al and wasn't sure what to do. But then you told me that you loved James and now…well...my opinion, our opinion has changed." He explained with a soft smile. I looked confusedly between the both of them.

"If I couldn't be with Scorpius Hannah, I don't know what I would do," Rose said softly. "Even if that meant breaking someone's heart I was close to, I would because what I have with Scorpius is more than I could ever have imagined. Sometimes, we have to put ourselves first." She explained so sincerely, so honestly, it made me want to cry.

"What are you saying Rose?" I said wearily.

"If you love James, if you want to be with him, then you should and I will support you in that decision," She said quickly.

"But Al-

"Albus isn't sure what he wants, we both know that." She sighed. "You will break his heart that's for sure and he and James will struggle for a while but I have no doubt he will see how much you love each other and he will come around eventually," She said with a soft smile.

"But I can't do that to him Rose, he's my best friend, he's James brother," I said feeling tears falling down my cheek. "We are going to tell him," I said finally.

"That's good, it will be better out in the open," Scorpius said nodding.

"No, no. We are telling him everything that's happened, but in order to do that, in order to get him back we have to end it." I explained sadly.

"But, Hannah, what we're saying is that that doesn't have to be the only option," Rose implored.

"It _is_ the only option Rose. If I can't have both of them then I can't have either of them, it's the only way that will make their relationship work." I sighed, wiping my tears on the back of my hands. "It's the way it has to be," I saw Rose and Scorpius glance at each other looking somewhat defeated.

"Well I'm here for you when you need me, always," Rose said moving around the table to wrap her arms around me. We both heard the front door go and James Potter came walking through the kitchen door.

"Oh," He said, his face falling in shock at Rose and Scorpius.

"It's okay," I said offering him a watery smile. Rose sighed and kissed the top of my head, moving back to her cousin.

"You are so bloody stupid," She said wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him in for a hug. James looked surprised for a moment before reciprocating the hug. "I swear to Merlin James Potter if you break my girl's heart again I will curse your dick off," She said frowning at her older cousin, who looked worried for a moment, before gaining composure again.

"I love her Rose," He said sincerely, looking down at his cousin who pulled him back in for a hug.

"Please just consider what we've said," Scorpius said walking over to me and hugging me tightly, "We want you to be happy as well,"

"I know, just you guys being here for me is enough," I said simply smiling at the two of them.

"Okay let's go Scorp, let's leave them to it," Rose said holding her hand out to Scorp. "I'll see you tomorrow Hannah," She said kindly bidding me goodbye. They moved into the hall and we heard them disapparate together. Silence fell between the two of us.

"What was that about?" James asked moving around the kitchen and leaning against the work surface. I sighed and jumped off my stall to stand in front of him.

"It's a long story, I'll explain in the morning," I said wrapping my arms around myself, suddenly feeling the nerves that had subsided come over me again. James pushed off the counter and moved towards me pulling my arms free and holding onto my hands, leaning his forehead onto mine.

"Hi," He whispered softly, giving me the biggest smile possible.

"Hi, yourself," I said back, unclasping our hands and wrapping my arms around his neck.

"Is this even real?" He said closing his eyes briefly. "You are so beautiful," He said opening his eyes again and looking at me with so much passion and intensity it made my knees go weak.

"Do you know how long it's been since we've even kissed?" I asked quietly, glancing down at his lips.

"The worst two months of my life," He smiled, seeing me blush slightly. "I've missed you Hannah," He said quietly.

"I'm right here," I said, lifting his head to meet his eyes. "I love you," He brought his hands either side of my face.

"I love you," He whispered. I felt my eyes drift close as he moved closer to my lips, catching mine in his and kissing me softly, carefully, lovingly. It was all so perfect I wanted to cry. I wrapped him tightly in my arms and moved my hands into his hair, intensifying the kiss making us both breathless. We pulled away for a moment just looking at each other before I held out my hand and guided him to the stairs. He pulled me into my room, kissing me so passionately, so perfectly. Our hands hurried to pull at each-others clothes, not wanting to break apart for even a moment. He moved me to the bed, moving over me as he peppered my shoulders and neck with kisses just as the fireworks went off outside.

"Happy New Year, Hannah," He smiled down at me.

"Happy New Year, James," I said pulling him down and catching his lips into mine once more.

* * *

Light shone through the window, stirring me awake. I was very aware that I wasn't wearing any clothes and that there was another person lying next to me. Thoughts of the night before shimmered behind my eyes making me smile as I opened them and saw a sleeping James Potter lying so close next to me, our bodies intertwined, our breathing in sync. I sighed, so content I thought my heart was going to burst. I leaned over and kissed up and down his arms, a beautiful smile coming across his face.

"Morning," He whispered, not opening his eyes but smiling contently.

"Morning," I whispered into his shoulders, carrying on kissing him softly on every bit of skin I could manage.

"You're stepping in dangerous waters if you carry on kissing me like that, Marshall," James said, waking up and flipping us over.

"Hi," He smiled, looking down at me.

"Hi yourself," I giggled, leaning up and kissing him softly on the lips.

"How is it, you are even more beautiful in the morning," He groaned, rolling over onto his back staring at the ceiling in bewilderment. I giggled again and climbed on top of him.

"How is it that your hair can get even wilder, I didn't think that was bloody possible," I said laughing ruffling his hair.

"You cheeky sod," He said leaning up and tickling me. I screamed loudly, laughing madly, falling onto the bed beside him. "Take it back and I'll stop," James laughed, pinning me down and tickling me more.

"Okay, Okay, I take it back you idiot," I cried breathlessly from laughing. He punched the air in triumph and lay back on the pillow just looking at me fondly. I pulled the cover over us both and rolled over to face him. He reached across to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear leaving his hand pressed against my face affectionately. I kissed his palm gently and sighed happily.

"I love you," He said softly, his eyes ablaze with passion.

"I love you too," I said, without missing a beat. I leaned onto my arms and kissed him softly on the lips, relishing in the feeling, "Breakfast?" I asked jumping out of bed and throwing on an over-sized top.

"You took the words right out my mouth," He smiled.

We moved downstairs, James wrapping his arms around me from behind making it difficult to walk but I didn't complain. I started making breakfast as he sat on one of the stalls watching me with a strange expression on his face. I grabbed the eggs out of the fridge and stuck my tongue out at him, making him chuckle.

"I could get used to this," He said softly. I smiled at him and tried to ignore the pressing worry of the reality we were going to have to face.

"Me too," I said finally, deciding to not break the dream just yet. I served us up eggs on toast with a glass of orange juice. We eat in comfortable silence both of us only approaching light topics, both of us avoiding the elephant in the room. We cleaned up together, being sure to make it look like no one had been there as to alert my parents.

"Did you mean what you said?" I asked, putting the clean plates away in one of the cupboards and sitting up on the work surface.

"I've said a lot of things, you might need to be more specific," James said, pushing himself off the cupboard to stand in between my legs, kissing my gently on the lips.

"That you could get used to this," I said quietly; deciding to look more at his chest than his face, not wanting to see his expression. What Rose had said the night before had resonated with me and waking up this morning with James made me realise just how much I wanted this to be my future, regardless of who it hurt. For once, I was questioning whether or not to put myself first.

"What do you mean?" He said pulling back slightly frowning, looking confused.

"I mean, do you think that we could have this one day?" I asked, meeting his eyes trying to decipher what he was thinking.

"Hannah, you know full well we can't think like that-

"I know, I know. But if you could have it would you want it?" I asked lowering my head again. He placed a finger under my chin and tipped my face up to his.

"More than anything in the world," He said simply, offering me a sad smile that didn't quite reach his eyes. "But-

"I know, I know. It's just what if we held off for a bit, telling Al that is, and instead of telling him what we have done we just tell him that we love each other and that we are together," I said quickly. James frowned and stepped back from me, making me regret my words completely.

"Where is this coming from?" He asked.

"When Rose came to see me last night she just opened my eyes to different options that we might have. She told me that if it's worth fighting for then we should put ourselves first. I want to fight for us," I said confidently, hoping that James would feel the same way.

"But we can't," He said shaking his head, "I don't understand where this is coming from. You said literally days ago that when we told Al then that was it, you couldn't have either one of us without losing the other," James said frowning at me, looking at me like I was speaking a different language. I felt my stomach drop, cursing myself at why I decided to open my mouth in the first place.

"James-

"No Hannah," He interrupted, moving across the kitchen away from me. "No Hannah, we can't think like this, it isn't fair to anybody." He all but yelled across the room.

"What about us James? Why is any of this fair on us?" I shouted jumping off the counter and squaring up to him, angry tears in my eyes.

"We can't have this conversation," He spat trying to move around me.

"No, we need to have this bloody conversation," I yelled moving in his way, "Look at me god dam it," I shouted. He stood still and glared down at me. "Am I not worth fighting for?" I cried, my voice echoing around the room, us both standing there breathless. I was so scared about what James was going to do next, but I stood my ground and waited for him to speak.

"Fuck," He yelled. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist. In a second he was kissing me widely, passionately, leaning me up against the door, grinding into me, pulling at my hair, kissing down my neck. I felt like I was going to explode. He leaned his forehead against mine, both of us trying to catch our breath. "Of course you are worth fighting for," He said kissing my lips softly. I smiled and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck, jumping down from where he had pinned me against the door.

"That's all I was looking for," I said standing on my tip toes to kiss him again. "Can we just hold off a few days telling Al? Just so we can decide exactly what it is we are going to tell him, whatever we decide." I asked.

"Okay," He sighed. "I should probably head back, mum and dad will be wondering where I went. Are you coming back around later?" He asked.

"Of course, I think Dom just told everyone I was poorly. So I'll just make something up," I said shrugging. Just then I heard the front door go, I frowned at James looking past him to see the shape of Albus Potter standing outside my front door. "Shit!" I cursed, looking back at James whose expression mirrored the panic in mine.

"Hannah are you there?" Al called through the door. I was so fucking thankful he couldn't do magic outside of school yet otherwise he would've walked straight into the kitchen.

"Just a second Al," I called, hoping my voice came out as normal as possible. "Go upstairs, grab your things and apparate from the cupboard in the bathroom, he won't be able to hear from down here," I said to James, trying to gain some composure. He nodded and ran up the stairs as I walked to the front door, taking a deep breath before opening it.

"Hi," I smiled, hoping that I was successfully masking the panic I was feeling.

"Hi," Al said frowning at me as he took in my appearance. "Do you always forget to put trousers on when you answer the door?" He laughed moving past me and into the kitchen. I cringed inwardly, pulling on the bottom of my top in hope to gain some modesty.

"You've seen me in my underwear, so personally I feel like this is an improvement," I said smoothly. Al chucked and considered me for a moment.

"You don't look very ill, you know Dom is a shit liar," He said helping himself to an apple from the fruit bowl.

"I know, I just wasn't feeling up to the party. It was too loud and I was so tired, I thought it would be best to come home rather than be a buzzkill," I said with a shrug. I started feeling a panic rising in me, something told me Al knew something and it made me feel sick.

"So you spent the night alone," He questioned, staring at me with a blank expression.

"Of course I did Al, what are you actually getting at?" I frowned.

"So why are there two mugs," He said pointing at the countertop where mine and James coffee cups were still left out. I felt my eyes widen in shock and I reached across the counter to get them, washing them quickly as if to get rid of the evidence.

"Rose came to check on me last night, I made us a drink," I said smoothly, hoping he hadn't seen my immediate panic.

"Okay, I'm going to ask you outright." He said frowning and moving towards me. "I won't be angry but I want to know the truth."

"Okay," I replied nervously, biting my lip in worry. My heart was beating out of my chest with panic, I felt like a deer caught in headlights.

"Do you have a secret boyfriend you aren't telling me about?" Al asked seriously.

"What…what makes you think that?" I stuttered.

"Well, the two mugs, the necklace and earrings from a friend from home, the fact that you told me that you were in love with someone," He said with a sad smile. I thought for a moment whether or not to deny the whole thing, tell him that he had got the wrong end of the stick, but I knew that I could use this to my advantage, so I nodded in response. "I knew it," Al said triumphantly.

"You aren't annoyed," I asked.

"Well I'm annoyed you didn't tell me, but no not that you have a boyfriend Hannah, I'm happy if you're happy," He said smiling at me. I felt my heart beat return back to normal again. "Do I know them?" He asked raising an eyebrow.

"No you don't; no more questions." I snapped. Al looked crestfallen but didn't push. "Is that why you're here?" I asked him.

"I was worried about you," He said honestly, "Dom and Rose said you were okay but I wanted to check myself." He said smiling. "Also I missed you last night," I wanted to die on the spot. I couldn't even believe I was considering breaking his heart into a million pieces. I could feel the tears filling up in my eyes, I suddenly felt so guilty about everything; it hit me in one go. Would I really be able to put my own happiness before Al's, knowing that in doing so, I would break his heart completely?

"I missed you too," I said with a smile, hoping he didn't notice my tears. "I'll go and get ready and then we can go back. I've only done side along apparition once so it might be a bit rusty," I said offering him a smile.

"No need, I've got a Portkey," He said. "We've got about 15 minutes before it goes back," Al said checking his watch.

"How have you got a Portkey?" I asked incredulously.

"Hannah, are you forgetting who my dad is?" He said rather embarrassedly. I offered him a warm smile and shook my head.

"Might need to remind me of that one again," I said with a smirk.

"We've now got twelve minutes and if you don't want to be standing in front of the said father not wearing any trousers I suggest you get a move on," Al joked. I laughed and ran up the stairs to grab my things, checking that James had gone home and trying to ignore the feeling of dread in my stomach.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks for reading, hoped you liked this chapter.**

 **I think this chapter is one of my favourites, especially for the James and Hannah scenes. I think we definitely see them at their best here.**

 **Also, thank you for all your lovely reviews on the last chapter, I'm glad so many of you enjoyed it!**

 **Chapter 14 to follow soon.**

 **Thanks again for reading,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Just a heads up and warning!**

 **There will be some scenes in this chapter that people might find upsetting; scenes of moderate violence and abuse (bullying) and quite a lot of swearing so please take caution.**

* * *

 **Chapter 14**

"Merlin, I am glad to back here," Al sighed as he stretched out across the sofa in the Gryffindor common room. I pushed at his side to get him to move over before sitting down next to him. We had had a fairly relaxed day at the Potters after the party, playing games and packing once again to return back to Hogwarts. Since I had arrived back to the Potters, James and I had barely been in the same room let alone had five minutes alone together. Lily had realised that we had left the party together the day before and made it her mission not leave me alone all day.

Once again, my mind was all over the place. Before Rose and Scorpius had opened my eyes, I had never even envisaged James and I being together. It was something I had always dreamed of but the idea that we could make it a possibility had always been beyond the realms of reality. Backing James into a corner that morning, asking him whether or not I was worth fighting for, made it all the more real. Hearing him say those words was the news I didn't know I wanted to hear. I thought back to the morning and the night before, the idea that we could be something, that we could be together, was something I couldn't even comprehend. If only I could stop thinking about Al.

Only a month ago Al had told me that he had been in love me. I couldn't help but think that it was far too soon to tell him that I was actually in love with his brother; I just couldn't bring myself to cause Al that much pain. When he walked into my house that morning, knowing that James was upstairs, knowing he had been seconds away from walking in on us, I couldn't help but think that what we were doing, had been doing, was so unfathomably wrong. Should we fight for something that is so _wrong_? Should we fight for something that would cause Al so much heartache, so much pain? Could I do that to my best friend?

"What the fuck is going on?" Rose demanded, corning me in the bathroom on the Hogwarts Express. She had been glaring at me the whole train journey and I had been avoiding her like the plague; she knew something was wrong.

"I needed the toilet," I quipped, walking around her to wash my hands.

"Don't be silly Hannah, why are you sitting in that carriage like the weight of the world is on your shoulders." She said. "You're bumming me out, what is the problem?" I sighed and shook my head.

"I don't know what to do?" I exclaimed. "I spoke to James about giving us ago and we both agree that want to fight for this but when Al came around this morning to check on me, I couldn't do. I could never do it to him Rose, it would kill him." Rose sighed loudly and shook her head.

"You sound like a bloody broken record," She snapped. I shot her a look and her face softened slightly. "But what if James moves on and finds someone else to love. That would kill _you_ ," She stated simply, even the idea of James loving someone else made me feel sick. It was bad enough seeing him with Cressida, let alone someone he actually cared about. "Exactly," She said taking in my expression.

"I don't want to deal with this," I said running my hands over my face in frustration.

"The Hannah I know would not admit defeat to this, the Hannah I know would go very much out of her way to get what she wants," Rose said with a frown, "If you want him Hannah, get him." She said. She made it sound so simple. I shook my head and sighed, deciding against arguing with her further and moving back into the carriage. I sat next to Albus, knowing that no one would be able to talk to me about James if he was around.

"I hope it's a better term than the last one," I said throwing my feet across his lap and stretching across the sofa. The common room had begun to fill up as everyone waited to go to dinner.

"If you stop having a go at everyone it might be," He laughed. I kicked him gently on the leg causing him to laugh more.

"You guys coming to dinner?" Rose asked as she walked past us.

"Yep, coming," I said, jumping up and grabbing my cloak.

"I'll catch you guys up, I think mum put my cloak in James' case, I'll go and check his room," Al smiled, holding a hand out for me to pull him up off the couch. I smiled and took his hand, heaving him up as he wrapped his arm around my shoulder. "See you in a minute, don't miss me too much," He said with a wink as he made his way up the stairs. I gave him one last look as I walked out of the common room with Rose, trying to ignore the uneasy feeling that was settling in my stomach.

Rose thankfully didn't bring up our conversation on the train instead deciding to quiz me on my plans for the Quidditch team, we didn't have an official match until after Easter only having friendlies with our reserve team, which weren't overly important but always good fun. We made our way into the hall saying hello to people we hadn't seen over Christmas and sat down in the middle of the table, joined by a pleather of Weasley's and Potters including James who came and sat right next to me. Lilly shot us a look but thankfully didn't say anything as the feast began.

"I've broken up with Cressida," James whispered to me as everyone started to help themselves to the delicious food. I nearly spat my food everywhere from the shock. I turned to him, my eyes wide. "I'm serious about this Hannah," He said with a soft smile, I returned it wearingly.

"We'll talk later," I said softly. He nodded at me and turned his attention to Rose.

"Where's Al?" James asked as the deserts were being served, alerting us both to the fact that he hadn't turned up yet.

"He said he was going to your room to find his cloak or something, he must've been side-tracked," Rose said glancing towards the doors. I frowned, also looking to see if he had appeared, my stomach turning slightly as the uneasy feeling grew. Something was wrong.

"I wonder where he's gone, it's not like him to miss dinner," I frowned. James shrugged and helped himself to a slice of apple pie. I looked down the table to see if I could spot Kate, she was sitting up the other end with her friends. I glanced over at the Slytherins to see if he was with Scorpius but Scorpius was sitting with the usual group. He glanced over to me and Rose and saw our worried expressions.

"Al?" Rose mouthed to him. Scorpius glanced around the room briefly before shrugging and continuing to eat his food. "He's probably just been side-tracked, you know what he's like," Rose said out loud, her forehead creasing in concern. I nodded in agreement but couldn't help the unnerve I could feel running through me, something wasn't right. As the last of the plates were cleared away, the Weasley/Potter clan and I walked back up to the common room, joined by Scorpius who had rounds with Rose that evening. As we turned onto a busy corridor where the Ravenclaws and Gryffindor's went their separate ways, I spotted Al standing in the middle of everyone his face clearly upset, staring down at whatever was in his hand.

"James," I said pulling on the older Potter's arm and pointing at Al ahead of us. The panic in me making my heart beat widely. James followed my gaze and his face went white immediately, both of us frozen to the spot.

"What's the hold up?" Rose said, coming up behind us. I pulled on James' arms bringing his attention back to me as the hall filled up.

"James, what is it? What's he got?" I said desperately, knowing the answer before the words even left his mouth. James shook his head in disbelief, his face white in panic.

"The letters," He whispered. I stared at him, my heart beating so loudly I could barely hear what was going being said around me.

"Guys, what's going on?" Rose said impatiently.

"He knows," Was all I could manage, I saw her face drop instantly. We both stared up the corridor to where Al was watching me and James, his eyes red and puffy and his face screwed up in pain. He knew, that was it, I had broken his heart.

"We can't do this here. Scorpius you need to try and move Al, this doesn't need an audience. We'll find you on the map." Rose said sternly trying to take control of the situation. Scorpius nodded walking over to Al who still hadn't looked away from me and James. Al refused to move as the corridor filled up around us, he continued to stare at the two of us like he'd never seen us before. I so badly wanted to wrap him in a hug, to be near him and tell him it was going to be okay. I started to walk towards him as James held out an arm stopping me in my tracks. Everything was in slow motion as James made his way over to Al, looking as though he would rather be anywhere else. People around us had started to sense that something was wrong and were looking between the two brothers with interest.

"Al," James said hesitantly. "It isn't what it looks like," He said sadly, hanging his head in shame.

"And what the fuck does it look like exactly, big brother," Al snarled, the students in the corridor had all stopped to listen now. Lily rushed across to her brothers, standing between them.

"Al, you don't want to do this here," Lily reasoned with her brother. Al looked at her in disbelief.

"You knew," He said quietly, she looked taken aback for a moment before nodding guiltily and turning to face James, glaring at him.

"Happy now," She said sadly, stepping out of the way and into the crowds. Al looked even more broken than before.

"Who else knew?" Al said quietly to James.

"It doesn't matter," James despaired.

"OF COURSE IT FUCKING MATTERS," Al shouted, his voice echoing around the corridor. He looked about ready to hit his brother, "Of course it matters, who else has been lying to me, besides my best friend and my brother," He yelled. I felt the tears falling down my face in utter disbelief at what was happening. It was so much worse than I could ever have imagined. James didn't respond just stood there staring at his brother.

"Al," I said quietly, moving in front of him reaching out for his hands. He snatched them back quickly and glared at me. "It isn't what it looks like," tears falling down my cheeks.

"What so you haven't been fucking my brother?" Al spat. I closed my eyes and hung my head in shame as I heard the gasps from the students around the hall way.

"Please let us explain," I begged desperately.

"I don't want to hear what you have to say, you fucking liar." Al hissed glaring down at me. My body was screaming at me to run, telling me that this was never going to end well. But stupidly I tried to stand my ground knowing it was no good, knowing he would never listen.

"Al, please let us explain," I pleaded with him.

"Guys, we should probably move this somewhere more private," Fred Weasley said walking over to us, eyeing the crowd we had drawn around us with concern.

"I'm not going anywhere, let me guess you knew as well," Albus spat at him. Fred sighed and glanced at James who looked on the verge of tears.

"I did Al, but it wasn't my business to say," He explained holding his hands up.

"Who else knew?" Al sneered at me. I shook my head, refusing to say anything else. "They did, didn't they?" Al said his voice breaking slightly as he turned to look at Rose and Scorpius. I closed my eyes and didn't respond. "I asked you a fucking question, stop the fucking lies," He yelled, I jumped at his aggression and nodded. "Fucking brilliant," Al said, tears falling down his face. I tried to reach out for him again, he pulled away and I ended up falling into a heap on the floor. James helped me up off the ground and glared at his brother.

"Al that's enough now," He growled, I could feel the anger radiating from him.

"James, leave it." Rose said wearingly, placing a hand on his arm.

"Please Al, please just hear me out," I cried.

"What exactly is there to hear? The truth? It's a bit fucking late for that now isn't it liar." He spat. " _I do miss you, a lot and I don't think you could ever put me off you,"_ He read out loud from the letter in his hand, "Or a personal favourite, _Al knows that you are writing to someone and he has a hunch it isn't Cressida_ and _Just be careful otherwise it will all be over, and I really don't want that. I'm enjoying where we are at the moment, where ever that is._ I bet you had a great fucking laugh at that, stupid Al doesn't have a clue that the person he loved most in the world was fucking his brother," Al shouted.

"Al please, it wasn't like that," I cried, trying to move closer to him, Scorpius holding me back. "Al, this isn't how I wanted you to find out, I never wanted to hurt you, I never wanted this to happen." I gasped between sobs. Al stared at me with so much disgust it made me cry even more. He ignored me and continued reading the letter out loud, for everyone to hear.

"Oh and my absolute favourite, the cherry on top of the fucking cake; _Well I know I shouldn't say it anymore but I am very much in love with you too."_ Al laughed hysterically, stubbornly wiping away the tears that were falling from his eyes.

"Al please," I begged, breaking free from Scorpius and grabbing onto his hands, resisting his fight.

"Get the fuck away from me," He shouted, "I loved you and you preferred my brother," He cried, tears falling down his cheeks. "If you think he loves you then you are fucking deluded, he only wants one thing and apparently _you_ were an easy target," Al spat looking at me with the same disgust, "He only goes for easy slags, don't you James," Al sneered glancing at his brother.

"Al, that's enough," James growled, his anger boiling over. "Don't speak to her like that,"

"And what fucking right do you have to tell me what to do," Al shouted, "The one girl, the one person I loved, the one person you couldn't have and you decided to have her anyway. I hope she was fucking worth it," Al yelled.

"Al, I love her," James said pitifully. I knew it was the wrong thing to say as soon as James said it. It happened so quickly. Al had broken free from my arms, pushing me to the floor and went for James, fist raised. The words were out of my mouth before I realised what I'd done.

"Protego," I screamed, blasting them apart. I stood up and walked in front of Al, he looked at the two of us from where he had fallen, his eyes swimming in pain. James and I on one side of the force field, while he was on the other side alone.

"Al," I cried, tears streaming down my face. I undid the spell and crouched down next to him.

"I hate you," He spat, "I hate both of you, stay the fuck away from me," He hissed, before standing up and moving through the crowds of students who were starting to disperse. I made to run after him but felt a hand on my arm holding me back and looked up to see a broken James Potter standing above me. I broke down again and shook my head, moving out of his reach, feeling as though I had been burnt.

"We'll go after him," Rose said finally breaking the silence. "Do you have the map so we can find him?" She said, holding her hand out to James. He pulled the map out and gave it to her. She looked at the two of us and sighed. "I don't even know what to say," She said sadly, squeezing my hand tightly and following Al down the hall, Scorpius in her wake. Most of the students had disappeared, besides some of the Weasley's and Danny, who was standing there looking at me with so much pity.

"James?" Fred said wearingly. James looked at him briefly before moving closer to me, reaching out to touch my face, I pulled away again.

"Hannah, please," He said, tears falling down his face now.

"We can't," I said sobbed, "Look at what we've done to him, he will never forgive us."

"What about fighting for us?" James asked painfully. I shook my head.

"We can't now, it's done, it's over. We've turned our backs on the one person we care the most about in the world and we can never take that back," I cried moving further away from him. I could see all of the Weasley's looking at me but I didn't care, I just needed to leave.

"But…I love you," James said, wiping his tears away.

"It's over," I said through my own tears. I took one more look at the boy I loved more than anything in the world, before turning on my heel and running off down the corridor.

* * *

I woke up the next morning with an awful headache. After the incident in the corridor, I hid out in an empty classroom until I was sure I could get to the common room without speaking to or seeing anyone. Not for the first time this year, I cried myself to sleep, drawing the curtains around myself and casting a silencing charm as to not alert the other girls in my dormitory. I had a full day of classes; Albus was in all of them. I just wanted to curl up in a ball and disappear for the rest of the week but I knew I had to face to music. I pulled myself out of bed and went to the bathroom, thankful none of my dorm mates had woken up. I made quick work of my hair, not bothering with any make up and threw on my uniform, leaving the bedroom before anyone had even stirred.

The common room was thankfully empty when I made my way downstairs; however, I was too early for breakfast. I decided to go for a walk around the greenhouses before breakfast, to get some fresh air and clear my head, really just to avoid any early risers. The castle was empty as I made my way through the corridors, walking down the steps heading onto to the familiar path to the greenhouses. It was bitterly cold and I could feel the frost through my thick winter cloak and scarf but it was a happy comfort to the searing pain I could feel in my heart. I didn't dare think about the events of the night before; I knew that my heart wouldn't be able to handle reliving it all. I felt like I had lost everything in a matter of seconds. Scorpius had been right, it would've been so much better to have been in control of that situation.

I sat down on a vacant bench that over looked the lake and the Quidditch stands, a low mist covering most of the grounds making it look eerily beautiful. It was so peaceful and welcoming; I could've stayed there all day. As I made to move I heard the sound of footsteps walking towards me up the path and saw the silhouette of Scorpius Malfoy walking towards me, James' map in hand. I sighed and stood up abruptly, heading in the opposite direction as to avoid him.

"Hannah, wait." He called out running to catch up with me. I continued walking, hoping he would get the message but instead he caught up and stopped right in front of me catching his breath.

"Scorp, I really don't want to talk about it," I said sadly, my voice breaking slightly. He shook his head and offered me a warm smile.

"I know," He smiled. "I just thought you might want some company to breakfast." I stared at him for a moment before nodding and turning around. He wrapped a comforting arm around my shoulders, his tall form towering over me making me feel immediately calmer. I willed myself not to break down to him and tried to just enjoy my friends company. "You're freezing," He said looking down at me with concern.

"I'm okay," I mumbled against my chattering teeth, letting him guide us inside the castle. We made it into the entrance hall that was somewhat busier than half an hour before. I tried desperately to avoid people's stares but I could feel everyone looking at me as we entered the hall. One thing about Hogwarts was that news got around fast, especially if it was to do with the Potters.

"Just ignore them," Scorp said sitting down on the bench opposite me and pouring some tea.

"Thanks," I said kindly as he handed me the drink. I stared at the food around me, nearly all of it making me feel even sicker than I already did. I settled on trying to force down a dry bit of toast, knowing I would be thankful later when I inevitably would avoid lunch.

"So," Scorp said, making himself a bowl of cereal. I glanced up at him, noticing the hall had become a lot busier now. "What have you got this morning?" He asked with a smile.

"Double Potions and Charms," I recited taking another bite of toast.

"You and Al are partners in both right," He asked, trying to sound casual but not daring to meet my gaze. My heart sank at the mention of his name, making my stomach turn. I nodded, not trusting myself to speak. "Okay, you will be with Rose in Potions and me in Charms for the next few weeks. Rose has spoken to the teachers, they said it was fine." Scorp said simply as if he was talking about the weather, "You'll be with Rose for Transfiguration and Herbology as well, and me for DADA. I think that covers everything." Scorpius said giving me a sad smile. I felt myself becoming really embarrassed at the need of getting the teachers involved, especially when they knew Al's parents really well. News that I had caused an argument between their sons was soon going to reach them and they would hate me forever. It was such a mess.

"Is he okay?" I asked Scorpius quietly. He stopped eating and reached across the table to grab my hand, staring at me with such sadness in his eyes it made me want to cry. "No Hannah, he isn't," He said honestly. I nodded and felt my eyes welling up, I glanced up the table and saw all of the Weasley family sitting with James who looked dishevelled and like he hadn't slept for a week, all of them kept glancing at me in disbelief. I wanted nothing more than to go over to him and hold him tightly but I knew that I would never get that chance again. I saw Fred whisper something into his ear and he sat up and looked down the table at me, he's expression mirroring Al's last night. I felt a tear fall down my cheek. I broke the gaze and looked down at my pathetic half eaten piece of toast, suddenly feeling like I was going to throw up.

"I've got to go," I said quickly to Scorpius, grabbing my bag and running up the length of the great hall, tears streaming down my face, pushing past everyone in my way. I made it into the girl's toilets just in time as I threw myself into a cubical and emptied my stomach into the toilet. I sat on the cold stone floor and sobbed into my knees. I stopped abruptly, hearing the door go and voices filling the room.

"I know you're fucking in here, so you might as well come out now," Cressida's voice yelled, echoing around the room. I could hear my heart beating rapidly in my chest as her friends laughed from the other side of the door; I was terrified. Wiping my tears, I stood up and tried to pull myself together as to not show her any vulnerability. I opened the bathroom door and saw Cressida standing opposite me, surround by four of her friends. She had a stupid smirk on her face that made me want to throw up again, I felt for my wand in my pocket and made to move around her to get to the sink, trying desperately not to show them the panic I was feeling.

"Excuse me," I said sweetly, "I need to get to the sink,"

"Not a fucking chance, slag." Cressida spat. I rolled my eyes at her as a few of her friends laughed again. "I knew that I should've put you in your place when I had the chance." She said looking me up and down with disgust.

"I know your annoyed, but I'm not the one you should be annoyed at," I said defensively knowing there was no chance I was getting out of this unharmed. She had been making my life difficult before she even knew anything; merlin knows what she was going to do now.

"Do you really think I would believe that James Potter would come on to someone like you? You aren't even in the same league as me," She spat. "The only way he would've even touched you is because he knew you were an easy fucking slag."

"Believe what you want, I'm done here." I sneered, feeling myself becoming increasingly angry at the situation. Her expression turned deadly, she closed the distance between us, raised her hand and brought it down sharply across my face. The noise echoed around the room as I stood there in complete shock at what had just happened. I slowly felt the searing pain across my cheek, tasting blood in my mouth where I had bit my lip. But she wasn't done; as I turned to face her again she pulled my hair and punched me twice in the stomach; leaving me to fall to the ground, coughing and groaning in pain.

"You best fucking watch yourself little girl," She sneered above me. She stood up to face her friends, fixing her hair and giving them a smile that they all reciprocated. They left the bathroom one by one, none of them giving me a second look as the door closed behind them leaving me completely alone.

I had about five minutes before the first lesson so knew I needed to get myself sorted quickly. I spat the blood out of my mouth and cast a soothing charm across my stomach to ease the pain slightly, making it easier for me to stand up. I moved over to the mirror and stared at myself. I was a fucking mess. My eyes were red from crying so much and my hair was everywhere. I quickly threw my hair up, splashed my face with cold water and swilled my mouth watching my blood go down the sink. I was shocked at how calm I was being after just being attacked. I think deep down I felt like it was completely justified. What I had done, to Al, to Cressida, to James was awful; if anything I thought I deserved worst. I noticed the side of my cheek and eye was already red from the slap, I tried to cover it using a spell but it was no good. I sighed and tidied myself up the best I could, casting another soothing spell as the other one quickly wore off, hearing the bell ring around the corridors as I ran to my first lesson.

"Sorry I'm late Professor," I said entering the room a few minutes later. The whole class turned to face me, a few of them sniggering.

"Hurry up then Miss Marshall, grab a seat now dear," Professor Slughorn said happily. I walked across the classroom to my usual seat, spotting Rose in Al's seat. I didn't dare turn around to look at Al, who was now behind me. I sat down quickly pulling out my book, wincing slightly as the soothing spell wore off again. Slughorn got through the demonstration for the draught of living death fairly quickly and set us on task. Rose went to get the ingredients as I set up the equipment, trying desperately to ignore the pain coming from my stomach and my face.

"What the hell is wrong?" Rose said irritably, as I winced for the fifth time that lesson. She had barely said two words to me since I had walked in so I was taken aback by her annoyance. "Shit Hannah, what happened to you face?" She said looking at me for the first time, her brow creased in concern.

"I don't want to talk about it," I said hastily, "Can we just get on with the work?" I said wincing in pain again, casting another spell on my stomach.

"Has someone attacked you?" She said quietly as to not alert the tables around us.

"Rose, please can we just get on with the work. It's a welcome distraction. I just don't want to think for a few hours," I said sadly, allowing myself to glance across the room at Al for the first time. He was concentrating far too hard on cutting up a Sopophorous bean. His eyes flickered across the room to mine, emotionless and empty. I felt myself shudder as he continued to focus on his work, he was just broken. "Let's just get on with this and then you can help me sort out my face," I said emptying the contents of the chopping board into the cauldron. Rose nodded, reaching across to squeeze my hand comfortingly.

"I love you Hannah," She said quietly, not meeting my eyes. I felt my heart lighten softly for a moment, a small smile crept on my face, "I'm always here for you," She said looking at me with a sad smile. She patted my hand fondly and continued to stir the cauldron.

Slughorn was impressed by our potion at the end of the lesson giving us both an E, setting us homework on areas where we could've improved. Rose had been chatting to me freely all lesson, making it easy to just listen and not have to offer much to the conversation. She was extremely careful to not mention Albus or James which allowed me to bring down my guard slightly. She helped me cast a stronger soothing charm on my stomach, not asking any questions and pulled me to the bathroom in between lessons to fix my face. I glanced at myself in the mirror and noticed an obvious black eye starting to appear. I was normally fairly good at covering up bruises but for some reason, this one didn't want to be covered.

"Did they use a permeant spell or something?" Rose asked, tutting again when the spell she tried had no effect.

"It wasn't done with magic," I sighed, staring at myself in the mirror. I looked awful, my eyes were still red from crying and the right side of my face was beginning to turn purple. Rose glanced at me and shook her head.

"We should go and tell Neville or someone," She said frowning.

"Not a chance," I said turning to face her, "I don't want any teachers to know. The situation is already shit; getting teachers involved will make it worse,"

"Hannah someone attacked you, they can't get away with it." She said staring at me incredulously.

"I deserved it okay," I said finally, ending the conversation. "Do you have any make-up on you?" She sighed and handed me a powder. I quickly applied it to my face barely covering the mark but knowing that it would stop people questioning it as much. "Let's get to lesson before Flitwick gives us a detention because that would top off my day nicely." I said grabbing my bag. Rose stopped me placing a hand on my arm.

"Hannah, you do not deserve someone attacking you, please go and tell a teacher," She said pleading with me. I shook my head and sighed moving out of the bathroom without another word.

Charms passed quickly, Scorpius using the same tactic as the morning, causally approaching topics as if we were talking about the weather. He tried to ask me about my eye five times before I glared at him and told him very rudely where to go, resulting in Flitwick docking me 10 house points, granted it was a bit obscene and I apologised to Scorpius straight away. Thankfully he dropped the subject. Al sat the furthest away from me that he could, like in potions, concentrating unnecessarily hard on his work not talking to anyone around him. As the bell rung out across the castle I grabbed my bag and followed Scorpius out the room.

"Lunch?" He asked as I started walking in the opposite direction.

"You go and have lunch with Rose and Al, you don't need to babysit me all day, I'll be okay," I said, not meaning to sound as ungrateful as I came across. He's face fell slightly, "Sorry, I mean thank you for sorting out the lessons, it would've been unbearable if you hadn't and thanks for this morning." I said sincerely, offering him a smile. He walked over to me and wrapped me in his arms. It was the much needed hug I was desperate for, I wrapped my arms around his waist and felt my heart lift again slightly at my friends understanding and kindness.

"James wasn't good enough for you, now you're moving onto Rose's boyfriend." A voice sneered from behind us. We both turned to see Al standing there, glaring at me.

"Al, don't be daft." Scorpius said shaking his head.

"Leave it, I'll see you later," I said to Scorpius shaking my head as I walked away, hearing Al and Scorpius arguing in the background.

* * *

The rest of the day passed relatively smoothly considering the events of the night before and the morning. My stomach had given me issues all afternoon but I was starting to live with the pain rather than deal with it. I knew dinner was going to be awful so I left it as late as I could to make my way down to the Great Hall, avoiding the stares and whispers that were going on around me. A ballsy third year came up to me on the way and asked me how I had managed to get both Potter boys fighting over me, I just stared at her in shook as Lily Potter ran up behind me telling her rather loudly to fuck off. The third year backed off instantly, running to her friends.

"Thanks," I said as she turned to face me, offering me a small smile that didn't quite reach her eyes.

"Are you okay?" She asked sincerely.

"As well as can be expected," I sighed.

"Fred wanted me to tell you that he doesn't mind leading the practise on Saturday if you need some time…you know…away from certain people," She said with a frown.

"To be honest Lil's I'm more worried at how I'm going to get through the rest of the week, I'll think about Saturday when it comes, tell Fred I said thank you," I said with a sigh. She nodded and patted my arm kindly.

"I'll see you later," She said. I nodded as she walked off down the hall.

"Lils," I called after her, "Is he okay? Is James okay?" I asked against my better judgement. Her face fell for a second before she frowned and shook her head.

"No Hannah, he isn't." She said simply before walking away from me. I stood there for a moment watching her walk out of sight, allowing her words to add to the pain I was already feeling.

The hall was not overly busy when I walked in. I spotted Al, Rose and Scorpius half way down the table, Al had his head in his hands and Rose and Scorpius were looking beside themselves with worry. I hated what this was doing to our friends, it was only the first day and it was already awful. I knew we weren't going to be able to keep it up for very long, something was going to give eventually and I knew it was me that was going to take the impact and rightly so. I couldn't see James anywhere in the hall so I sat down alone and fixed myself a plate of food, ignoring the whispers and stares of the people around me.

"Hi," a voice said from across the table. I looked up and saw the very beautiful face of Louis Weasley staring at me with a kind smile. As he was in Ravenclaw he was probably one of the only Weasley's I wasn't on speaking terms with. He was Keeper on the Ravenclaw Quidditch team and we would sometimes talk about that at family parties but otherwise, I found we didn't have much in common, unlike my relationship with his sister. "Can I sit down?" He asked politely. "I told Dom about what happened last night," He said answering my confused expression and sitting down opposite me.

"I bet she was jealous she missed all the action," I said bitterly. He chuckled softly and nodded.

"You would think so." He sighed and shook his head, "No she was really worried about you," He said sincerely. "I think a lot of us are," He added.

"Shouldn't you be checking on your cousins," I asked, feeling myself getting irritated by the pity party he was throwing me. I knew I was being completely irrational but nothing about today was making sense and I just wanted to be left alone.

"Look, I don't know the ins and outs of what has been happening between you and James and I'm not really interested about sides." He explained, "All I know is that if Dom found out you were eating alone at any point and that I knew about it, she would come to Hogwarts herself and, to quote, slap me sideways," He said with a smile. I found myself smiling in spite of misery; Dom's indefinite loyalty would never cease to amaze me.

"That sounds like her," I said sadly. "I wish she was here now," I said out loud not really meaning to.

"I know you do, she wishes she was here as well, fortunately for you, you have the next best thing and might I add the funnier of the three," he said with a wink. I smiled at Louis feeling more relaxed than I had all day. He was like Dom in so many ways, it was almost impossible to be annoyed around him. He started chatting to me about Quidditch as I finished my food, keeping me company the whole time. "I need to run," He said as I finished my drink, "I'm here if you need me Hannah," He said with a smile, "Also if you are writing to Dom anytime soon be sure to let her know, she won't believe it coming from me." He said with a chuckle leaving me alone again but a lot happier than I had felt all day. I glanced around the hall noticing that it had emptied a lot, my three friends still sitting down the other end of the table though, Rose and Scorpius trying to talk to a defeated-looking Albus.

I sighed and grabbed my bag, moving to stand up before feeling a searing pain in my stomach, hitting me sharply and rapidly. There was no one around but I knew who it was immediately. I gritted my teeth through the pain and started walking out of the great hall trying not to draw attention to myself. The sensation stopped as I left the hall, instead, being replaced with a searing pain across my abdomen. I paused for a moment down an empty corridor, trying to catch my breath and calm down the panic I could feel rising in me. The pain started to mellow as I cast a quick soothing charm across my stomach and made my way to Gryffindor Tower.

I stumbled through the portrait hole, wincing as the charm slowly worse off and the pain worsened. The common room went quiet as I entered, no one daring to breathe as they looked between James and I. Our eyes met and my stomach dropped instantly. He was sitting in the corner, surrounded by his friends, his broken expression making the pain so much worse. I felt myself redden as I averted my eyes and found everyone to be staring at me. I made to move but my stomach rooted me to the spot, I knew it was too risky to move without falling over and crying out. I heard the portrait hole open again behind me and turned my head to see Rose and Albus walking in. This was not going to end well.

I tried to move again but knew it was no good; I was going to have to deal with the situation what ever happened. Just another thing to add to my line of punishments the day was throwing at me. I heard Al whispering furiously to Rose behind me and Rose trying her best to calm him down but it was no good. I chanced a glance at the two of them and saw Al glaring at his brother, angrier than I'd ever seen him. I heard James sigh loudly and saw him move across the room to his private quarters. Still, no one had dared to speak, everyone waiting for round two. I felt sick with dread, with pain.

"Oi," Albus shouted to his brother, the noise of it vibrating around the room making everyone catch their breath.

"What do you want Al?" He asked, not hiding his annoyance of the situation. Merlin, I wanted to disappear forever as the two brothers glared at each other. Knowing I had caused all this anguish was making everything so much worse.

"You're a fucking prick," Al spat. Everyone was looking between them. I stared at Rose who was completely beside herself with frustration.

"Look Al, I wanted to speak to you earlier, in private, and you refused. I don't want to talk to you when we have an audience so if you'll excuse me," James said turning around again. Al growled in frustration pulling out his wand and aiming it towards James. Despite the pain, despite the heartache, despite every fibre in me telling me that I should be running the opposite way, that this was the worst idea I've ever had, I threw myself in front of Al's wand. I heard people gasp around the room as I saw a flicker of shock and hurt across Al's face, before the anger returned once again.

"Get the fuck out of my way," He sneered at me.

"This stops now Al," I said quietly, ignoring how light headed the pain in my stomach was making me feel. "You're better than this," I pleaded with him. I could sense James moving behind me.

"Don't even try and flip this round on me," Albus shouted. "This is your fault, I trusted you…both of you…and now look at me," Al said breaking down in frustration. "Move out of the way Marshall," He said again his anger towards James returning.

"I can't do that Al," I said breathlessly. "I can't let you hurt him," I felt tears stinging my eyes once more.

"Move now," Al demanded. I shook my head furiously.

"Hannah," James whispered behind me, "It's okay, you can move," He said so gently, so softly I wanted to melt into him. I shook my head once again not taking my eyes away from Al who was shaking with anger.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY WAY," Al shouted. I still didn't budge; Al lowered his wand and walked straight towards me squaring up to my face, "Do you not get it?" He yelled, "I need him to hurt as much as he hurt me and I can't because you won't fucking let me," Al sobbed. I cried with him wrapping my arms around him, holding him without a fight. I felt Rose guide us up the stairs as Al sobbed into my shoulder. We sat him down on his bed, both of us sitting either side of him letting him cry as much as he needed to. I was so surprised at everything that had happened that I almost forgot about the pain in my stomach, casting a quick soothing charm to calm it down again.

"You need to leave Hannah," Al said finally, not daring to meet my eyes. I nodded and glanced at Rose who threw me a sympathetic look. I walked over to the door, letting the tears fall quietly down my cheeks. I turned around and looked at the broken boy who was lying on his bed looking the other way.

"I'm so sorry Al," I cried softly, before closing the door on what had been the worst day of my life.

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks again for reading! Such a long chapter but obviously the most pivotal moment in the story.**

 **Thank you for all the support and love on the previous chapters, it means a lot. Let me know what you think about this one, lots to take in and I would love some feedback!**

 **See you in the next chapter,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Warnings:** **There may be scenes in this chapter that some people may find upsetting. Scenes of moderate violence and abuse as well as allusions to depression and quite a bit of swearing so please take caution.**

* * *

 **Chapter 15**

The week slowly got worse. As the days progressed, more and more people found out about the sixth year that had the Potter boys fighting over her. The whispering worsened, turning into sneers that turned into taunts. It was pretty much impossible to walk between lessons without someone calling me some kind of name. Breakfast time on Friday morning was the worst yet. The Daily Prophet caught wind of the gossip and had done a front page spread on my avid affair with both Potter's, making out like I was playing one against the other. If the whispers and taunts weren't bad enough, my face shining from every paper in the hall as people digested the lies, was the worst kind of hurt I could have ever imagined. Explicit details of the arguments on Monday and Tuesday were there for everyone to read; I couldn't escape.

Scorpius' had joined me every morning for breakfast, the conversation revolving around lessons and Quidditch as I had become accustomed to shutting down completely whenever the Potter's were mentioned. He had spotted the newspaper before I had and tried desperately to get me to leave with him but it was too late, I felt my heart sink as I realised what they were reading.

"Just ignore them," Scorpius said trying to sound casual, "If they believe the crap that's written in there then they aren't worth your time," He said with a sad smile, which wasn't returned. I stared down at my half-eaten breakfast, suddenly losing my appetite once again that week. I made my excuses and left to go to the bathroom to clear my head. Like clockwork, much like every day so far, Cressida walked in with a few less of her cronies. She took one look at me and pointed her wand at my stomach making me hunch over in pain once again. The feeling of being punched repeatedly was overwhelming and I could feel my head spinning. Just when I thought I was going to pass out, she stopped as I fell to the floor. She leant over me with a smirk and pulled out a copy of the Prophet.

" _The Boys who fought_ ," She read out loud with a spiteful chuckle, " _Hannah the heartbreaker_. Trust me, little girl, I don't think you've been breaking any hearts," She sneered throwing the paper down on the floor next to me. She left the bathroom, leaving me on the stone cold floor not daring to move. My own face was staring up at me from the front page, Al and James either side of me, all three of us smiling and laughing with our arms around each other. The photo was taken from a party last year, just after we had won the Quidditch Cup. The picture had been cropped to show just the three of us, whilst Rose and the rest of the team were cut out.

I stared at Al. His arm was wrapped around my shoulder and his face screwed up with laughter. He looked so happy standing there with me, so content. James stood the other side of me, cup in one hand the other leaning on my shoulder, smiling proudly and looking more relaxed than I had seen him in a long time. I caught sight of myself standing between the two brothers smiling widely. I was still in my Quidditch robes, my hair was all over the place and I had mud down one side of my face. My one arm was wrapped around my friend while my other was still holding my beater bat. I was laughing madly, like Al. I remember James saying something hilarious just as the photo was taken, making us all crack up with laughter.

I pulled myself up into a sitting position and cast a pain relief charm on my stomach, wincing as the charm spread across my sides and abdomen allowing me to feel some relief. I leaned against the stone wall and picked up the newspaper, staring at our happy faces. I wished more than anything to go back to that day when Al was my best friend and James was just my Captain. I would have both of them in my life and none of this would've happened, not to mention I wouldn't constantly be beaten up by a Slytherin hag who was going out of her way to back my life miserable. My stomach was black and blue from whatever spell she was using. I hid the pain as much as I could but people were starting to think that something was going on.

Later that evening, after the week's lessons were finished, I made my way down to dinner after hiding out in the library for a few hours. I sat in my usual place wincing in pain as my bag swung around and knocked my bruised stomach. I saw Danny frowning at me from further down the table.

"Hi," He said sitting down opposite me. "Good day?" He asked pouring himself some pumpkin juice.

"What do you think?" I asked frustratingly, throwing my bag under the table and getting some water.

"What's wrong with your stomach?" He asked bluntly, his eyebrows creased in concern, ignoring my sarcasm.

"Nothing is wrong with my stomach," I said too quickly, not meeting his gaze and helping myself to some dinner.

"Tell me what's going on?" He said sadly.

"What apart from the fact that my heart is broken and I'm currently Hogwarts number one slag," I said scathingly. Danny looked at me sadly.

"You aren't a slag Hannah, please don't say that," He said reaching across the table to grab my hand. I pulled back and shot him a dirty look. "Please talk to me Hannah," He pleaded. I sighed and shook my head.

"There's nothing to talk about, it's done now Danny," I said bitterly, putting my barriers up and refusing to talk about anything once again.

"Hi guys," Louis said, coming over and sitting down next to Danny. "You okay Hannah?" He asked kindly, grabbing a drink.

"Why do people keep asking me that?" I said my voice rising, "Of course I'm not okay," I glared at the two boys opposite me, knowing full well that I shouldn't be taking my anger out on either of them. They had both been amazing the past couple of days. Louis had kept to his word and sat with me every dinner time, talking about utter rubbish making me smile when I didn't think I would be able to. Danny had been there for me in the evening when I sat in his dormitory doing some work as to avoid the common room and another fiasco like the other night. He never forced me to talk if I didn't want to, just offering a comforting hug when I eventually broke down in tears after an awful day.

"Hannah, I know you're going through a lot but don't take it out on us," Danny said with a frown. I shook my head, the pain in my body causing me to be more irritated than normal; all I wanted was for them to leave me alone.

"Merlin, I'm not made of glass, I won't break you know," I scathed.

"Dom wants you to write to her," Louis said looking at me worriedly, "She said she hasn't heard from you at all,"

"Tell Dom to leave me the fuck alone, didn't she get the message after ignoring the eighth letter," I spat, wincing at the pain slowly got worse. My hand went down to my stomach automatically, I noticed both boys looking down with concern.

"What is wrong with your stomach?" Danny asked sternly.

"You look in pain Hannah, what's the matter?" Louis asked worriedly.

"Merlin nothing, please leave me alone," I all but shouted. A few people looked around at the three of us, sensing a commotion. "It's not fucking round three you can get back to your dinner's in peace, nothing exciting happening here folks," I shouted at the people who had turned around.

"Hannah, you need to calm down," Danny said softly, trying to catch my hand.

"How can I?" I said feeling my eyes welling up out of frustration and pain. I glanced to the doorway and say James Potter walking down the table with Fred, heading right towards us. They stopped just behind me and I closed my eyes wanting desperately to disappear.

"Hey guys," Fred said warmly to us all, "Can we join you for dinner?" He asked moving around the table to sit next to Danny. I heard James hesitate before sitting down next to me; I could see the three other boys looking between us with worried expressions. I shook my head at how unbelievable the situation was. I didn't want to be anywhere near James currently, so why the fuck had they sat down next to me. I stood up grabbing my bag, not daring to look at James.

"Where are you going?" Danny asked.

"I just want to be left alone, nobody follow me," I said looking at all of them. I turned around to see Cressida smiling at me from the Slytherin table. I saw her flick her wand and felt the familiar sensation hit my body. It was worse than I'd had before; it took me everything not to pass out right there and then. I gritted my teeth and practically ran through the hall, the feeling getting worse with every step. I knew everyone was looking at me but I didn't care, just needing to get as far away from Cressida, from everyone as I could. I turned the corner gasping for air, practically screaming as I ran down the corridor. The pain getting worse with every step; I could barely see where I was going. I saw a figure ahead of me and I knew it was too late to stop as I barrelled into them.

"Hannah," A voice called out from what felt like miles away. I turned away from the person and saw James' face clearly coming towards me looking worried. I tried to run the other way before I saw Al's face staring down at me. Then everything went black.

* * *

I sat up suddenly gasping for air, my heart beating widely in my chest, my head banging against my skull. I realised that I was in the hospital wing and not drowning in the black lake as I had dreamt. It was dark and I was very away of a server pain shooting through my stomach. I managed to get my breathing back to normal and looked around for some water realising that I wasn't alone. Albus Potter was currently sitting in the chair next to my bed fast asleep. His long legs were stretched out in front of him and his head was resting on his hand, threatening to be jolted awake at any moment. I smiled for a moment at the sight before seeing his harsh expression and realising that his eyes were red and his hair was more out of place than usual. Everything came flooding back to me at that moment; the awful week, Cressida, the heartache, the pain, the fainting. It made me just want to go to sleep again and never wake up. I quietly threw my legs over the bedside, trying and failing to stand up to get some water, crying out and falling in a heap on the floor.

"Hannah?" Al called out having been woken up. He was around the other side of the bed in a second and leaning down to help me up off the floor. His touch was almost electric on my skin as he helped me off the ground, I hadn't realised how much I missed Al's closeness as his body leaned over mine, surrounding me with his scent. It made me want to cry at how much I missed my friend but I was so confused as to why he was here I didn't want to spoil the moment with too much outward emotion. I let him guide me to the bed, wincing at the overexertion on my body.

"Healer Thompson said that if you woke up, you needed to have the flask of skeligrowth." He said sternly handing me the potion. I looked at the bottle in confusion, he sensed my hesitation and sighed, "You had three broken ribs Hannah," He said sadly, sitting back in his chair his face showing the obvious worry he was trying so desperately to hide.

"Surely it wasn't that bad?" I asked genuinely surprised at the revelation. I opened the flask and drank the contents screwing my face up at the awful taste, "Merlin that is fucking awful," I said looking at Al who had let his guard down enough to show me a sad smile.

"How have you got three broken ribs Hannah?" He asked seriously, leaning forward in his chair and staring at me with concern. I shrugged and took another swig as to avoid talking. "Don't give me that bullshit," He spat. "What's going on?"

"Why are you here?" I said quietly, trying to change the subject. He sighed and sat back again, running his hands over his face in frustration.

"You fainted practically in my arms Hannah," He said, his voice breaking slightly. "James was here too," He said after a moment. I felt my heart quicken and I looked at him surprised, wondering if he had had a change of heart. "Don't read too much into Hannah, I just thought you would like to know," I nodded showing my understanding, not wanting to push the issue further.

"I'm glad you're here," I said sincerely, smiling at my friend. It wasn't returned.

"I just wanted to make sure you were alright," Al said not meeting my eyes, "I should probably go," He added standing up.

"No Al, please," I begged, feeling myself getting upset at his sudden change, "Please don't go, please don't leave me," I said grabbing onto his arm. He looked down at me looking so helpless and sighed, sitting back down in his chair.

"Thank you," I said, calming down. He didn't respond, just stared at me, his eyes not giving away whatever emotion he was feeling. "Do you know how long I need to be in here for?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"Should be okay to go tomorrow," Al replied, "I think Neville is going to come and talk to you though, about where you've got the injuries from." He explained. "You need to tell him the truth Hannah," He finished.

"There's nothing to tell," I replied petulantly. We were both quiet for a moment; Al was staring at me so intensely I had to look away.

"We can't be friends anymore Hannah, you understand that," Al said finally. I looked at him, feeling my eyes welling up. "I can't watch you two…" He trailed off, unable to finish.

"We aren't together Al," I said quickly, desperately trying to get him to understand. "You are too important for us to act on our feelings Al, please understand that."

"You've broken my heart. I don't think I'll ever understand that." He said sadly, not meeting my eyes. I just stared at him, unable to string a sentence together without the fear of bursting into tears. He was so broken, so honest; I'd give anything for him to just be angry at me again. This was so much worse. "I just want to apologise for how aggressive and hurtful I have been towards you this week."

"I deserved it," I said quickly. He looked up at me with a frown but didn't argue.

"What Rose and Scorpius do is up to them I suppose, but I don't want to put any strain on their relationship," He said.

"I agree," I nodded.

"So perhaps you should just speak to them in lessons and then they won't have to try and split their sociable time between the two of us," He offered. I stared at him bewildered at the thought of him basically asking me not to friends with them, he didn't look like he was joking. I gulped and nodded again.

"If that's what you want," I replied trying to not let my emotions get the better of me.

"It's just easier that way," He answered, the frown not leaving his face. "You can understand. As for the rest of my family, this is a difficult time for everyone and we all need to sort this mess out together so it's probably best if you don't interfere," He finished.

"Okay," I didn't know what else to say. I just sat there listening to him pull away everyone that I was close to; making it very clear that I wasn't part of his family anymore, making it very clear that I wasn't to be in his life anymore. I just sat there and took it. I knew it was inevitably going to happen but this was so formal, so unlike Albus, it completely threw me.

"I hope you feel better soon," He said standing up. This time I didn't ask him to stay. "See you around." I thought he was going to say something else but instead he just sighed.

"I'm so sorry Al," I said quietly. He looked at me with a pained expression.

"It's done," He replied walking out of the hospital wing without a second look.

* * *

"So Miss Marshall, I just want to have a chat about your injuries and just make sure you're okay," Professor Longbottom said sitting on the bed opposite me. It was the next morning, I hadn't slept all night. Not only had the skeligrowth kept me awake, but the conversation with Al had been on constant replay in my mind. I practically begged the healers to let me go in the morning but they were insistent that I waited for Professor Longbottom to come and speak to me. He came just after breakfast; I was fully dressed in my Quidditch kit as I wanted to show my face at practise that morning. He smiled kindly when he saw me, making me feel at ease.

"There's nothing really to chat about, Professor." I said, plastering what I thought was a reassuring smile across my face, "I've just strained myself in practise over the holidays and overdone it this week," I lied, hoping he was buying it.

"That's not what some of your friends have told me, Miss Marshall," He replied with a frown.

"Sir, honestly you know how dramatic some people can be. I was training hard over the holidays and took a nasty fall. I tried to heal it myself but obviously didn't do a very good job, making it worse during training this week." He considered me for a moment.

"Okay, but please come and speak to me if there are any issues at all," He said. I nodded with a smile, knowing full well that I wasn't going to. "Now as for what's being said in the papers," I felt my face drop, feeling my mask slip away. "Do you want to talk about it Hannah?"

"No," I replied more sternly than I meant, "Sorry Professor, I'd just rather not talk about it at the moment, especially in the circumstances," I rambled.

"And what circumstances are they Miss Marshall?" He asked frowning slightly.

"Just how close you are with the Potter's Sir, I wouldn't want to put you in a difficult situation," I explained, hoping he understood.

"First and foremost Hannah, I am your teacher, just like I am Albus' and James'. Regardless of how well I know people outside of Hogwarts, I am your teacher equally. I don't have favourites and I don't tell anybody anything a student has told me in confidence." He explained. I nodded uncertainly. "Now are you sure you don't want to talk to me about anything Hannah?" He asked again.

"I'm sure Professor," I said quietly. He considered me for a moment before nodding.

"Okay, please come to me if you change your mind," He added. "Now take it easy at practise, no more injuries." He added with a smile.

"Of course Sir," I replied, plastering the fake smile back on my face. I stood up and left the hospital wing without another word, racing down to the Quidditch pitch.

* * *

"Sorry I'm late," I said rushing into the tent. Luckily for me, my ribs healed perfectly during the night and I was now only left with bruising. Healer Thompson gave me the okay to continue with Quidditch, however, I was not to overdo it. I dropped my kit bag on the floor and turned around to face everyone; no one looked happy, all of them looking at me with concern. I was all too aware of James busying himself with his bag, the only one not staring at me. I tried my best to ignore him.

"Are you sure you're okay to do practise today Capt?" Fred asked after a brief awkward silence. I frowned at him but noticed everyone else was matching his worried expression.

"Of course I'm okay to do today's practise," I said not trying to hide my irritation. "I know everyone is well aware of my private life, but I can assure you that I won't let it affect my dedication to this team," I said hoping to end the conversation there.

"But your private life did affect this team," Roxy pipped up. I looked around and saw every looking extremely awkward. "You cut James from the team, are you telling me that that had nothing to do with what has been going on?" She asked folding her arms almost daring me to argue back. I gapped at her for a moment, speechless.

"Roxy, leave it," James said glaring at his cousin. I whipped my head around to look at him properly for the first time since Monday. His eyes were narrowed on his cousin and he looked so angry, it was unbearable. I brought my attention back to Roxy who was still waiting for me to answer.

"Shall we just get on with practise?" Danny said standing up and wrapping an arm around my shoulder, trying to calm the situation down.

"No, I think we deserve some answers from our captain," Roxy said crossing her legs and leaning back to get more comfortable.

"She doesn't have to answer to anyone if she doesn't want to," Darcy pipped up, glaring at Roxy. I felt my heart warm instantly at the support the brother and sister were giving me. It felt nice to have someone on my side and I instantly felt guilty about having a go at Danny the day before.

"Yes she does, especially when it jeopardises the team," Roxy explained. I don't think she intended on being horrible to me but I couldn't help think it was a personal attack. She was a lot friendlier with Al than she was with James and I knew that that would've had an effect.

"I'm sorry if you felt like I put the team in jeopardy after cutting…James," I said, barely managing to say his name. This didn't go unnoticed; I saw most of the team shuffle uncomfortably in their seats. "But I made the call and I still stand by that, if that isn't a good enough explanation then what I can say,"

"That's no explanation," Roxy replied. "How can we be sure that you won't let your own issues affect the team again after all James is still on the team as is his sister and two of his cousins, how can we be sure that you won't cut us," She said frowning. I could see she was getting more and more wound up. I gaped at her, not sure what to say or how the situation was getting so out of easily out of hand.

"Roxy, don't you think you're being a little harsh," Lily said, looking wearingly between the two of us.

"Not at all, I think it's about time someone called her out for her actions, Fred agrees don't you Fred," She said turning to her twin who looked like a deer caught in headlights as everyone turned to state at him.

"Well…erm…no, not quite what I meant…I just…well…I," He said trailing off and looking down at the ground. Roxy rolled her eyes and faced me again, gunning for me.

"What exactly do you want me to say Roxy?" I said, feeling myself getting more irritated by the second.

"I think we should have a vote of no confidence," She said finally, standing up and looking around the rest of the team who looked back at her with shock.

"THAT'S ENOUGH," James shouted standing up and facing his cousin. "You're overstepping Roxy and you know it. You're accusing Hannah of letting her personal issues get in the way of her decisions but you are doing exactly the same. Your loyalty to Al is worthless here, so back off," He growled.

"At least I have loyalty to Al," She said glaring at James and Lily.

"Okay, okay enough," I called, finally finding my voice after watching the interaction. My anger was boiling over and I was trying so hard not to let my emotions get the better of me, but I knew there was only one way I could solve this issue. It wasn't something I wanted to do, but I knew I had to. "I'll make it easy," I said walking over to Roxy and handing her my captain badge. "I quit,"

"Hannah no," James said in shock, his expression mirrored by the rest of the team.

"Leave it Potter; I don't need you sticking up for me. Do you understand?" I spat, feeling my anger boil over finally. He looked at me taken aback for a moment shaking his head.

"No I won't leave it, this is ridiculous. You're the captain of this team," He looked around at the others who just stood there watching the two of us. Danny just stared at me speechless and with so much pity; it was painful to meet his eyes. Lily and Darcy were just glaring at Roxy who looked just as shocked as the rest of the team.

"Hannah, come on, don't you think that's a little…extreme," Fred reasoned walking over to me.

"No, it's what needs to be done," I said finally, picking up my bag and looking around the room again. "Roxy is right, I have a lot going on right now and I can't promise that it won't affect how I captain this team," I sighed and looked at Fred, "I'll let Longbottom know that I have resigned and that I've made you Captain. I'll give you a list of suitable beaters to fill the spot and all my notes and plays are in the office," Fred didn't reply, he just stood there looking at me as if I'd gone mad.

"Hannah, don't do this," James said walking over to me and grabbing my hand, filling my vision with his pained expression. I felt the electricity running through me as our hands joined. I missed feeling his touch, his closeness. It took everything in me not to break down in his arms and cry myself into oblivion, but I didn't get to do that anymore. He wasn't mine and I wasn't his, so I pulled my hand away and shook my head leaving the tent without another word.

* * *

It took me two weeks to complete cut Al's family from my life. Not daring to go back on my promise to Al, I wrote a letter to Dom the evening after quitting the Quidditch team telling her very rudely to stop writing to me and to get Louis to back off. I received a concerned reply and was met with a very worried Louis Weasley at dinner on Saturday evening. News that I had quit the Quidditch team hadn't quite made the rounds yet, however, to avoid conversations I locked myself away in my room for the rest of the day and only decided to go to dinner when I knew it would be quieter. Louis was already sitting at the Gryffindor table when I arrived, talking to Rose and Danny who were both awaiting my arrival. I decided not to walk down to any of them, choosing instead to sit near some first years that were in hysterics when they saw me.

"You quit Quidditch," Rose said loudly slamming her hands down on the table in front of me. "Are you mental?" I looked up at her and shrugged half-heartedly, helping myself to some food. Rose didn't say anything, just sighed and sat down opposite me staring at me like I had three heads.

"Dom messaged me," Louis frowned, joining his cousin. "She isn't happy about the letter you sent her and well neither am I to be honest." I decided to ignore them and continued to eat my food. They wouldn't understand, even if I explained what Al wanted me to do, they would say he was being ridiculous. They wouldn't agree that this is what I deserved.

"Hannah, please talk to us," Danny said sadly. "I know you are going through a lot, but you shouldn't be beating yourself up like this, you haven't done anything wrong." I turned to face him and shook my head.

"How can you say that?" I said incredulously, looking at my friend in bewilderment. "I have broken Al's heart; I have ripped two brothers apart. How can you say I've not done anything wrong?" I wiped a stray tear away and averted my eyes away from the three people in front of me.

"Hannah-

"No, nothing you are going to say is going to make this any better. It would be greatly appreciated if you would just leave me alone," I said hotly, glancing at Rose who was beside herself.

"I have to go to practise," Louis sighed standing up, "Hannah please write back to Dom and let me know if you need anything. You have people on your side you know,"

"It's not about sides, it's about right and wrong," I mumbled. He shook his head in defeat and walked away without another word. He was the first to go, as I knew he would be.

"What the hell is going on Hannah? Why are you punishing yourself like this? It's bloody ridiculous," Rose snapped at me.

"Where's Scorpius?" I asked, narrowing my eyes at her and changing the subject.

"With Al in the Library, what does that have to do with anything?" She asked dumbfounded.

"Apart from rounds, how much alone time have you actually had with your boyfriend this week?" I continued.

"What does that have to do with anything?" She said frowning; I knew I'd hit a nerve.

"It has everything to do with everything. You've both been splitting your time with me and Al so much so that you are taking a backseat on your relationship, I don't want that to happen," I said simply, shaking my head at her.

"Our friends need us," She implored.

"Al needs you, don't worry about me," I said offering her a soft smile that I knew she didn't buy. She shook her head at me and stood up.

"I can't talk to you when you are like this Hannah, you won't see sense. Stop trying to cut everyone out of your life because it isn't going to work," She walked off without another word and although I knew it wasn't the end of it, I had chipped at the surface of losing Rose as a friend, it was a start. Danny waited for me to finish my dinner and we walked back to the common room in silence, he didn't try and stop me when I walked straight through the common room back upstairs to bed.

* * *

The rest of the week followed suit. I kept my contact with Rose and Scorpius at the bare minimum during lessons, not allowing myself to be drawn into conversations that strayed away from the topic of the lesson. I could see they were getting increasingly frustrated but didn't dare push me on it, in fear that I would up and leave as I would always do. I stopped going to breakfast all together as to avoid time with Scorpius. When he questioned me, I just shrugged and told him that I wasn't going to be coming for breakfast again and left it there; he knew better than to push further. My free time was spent in the library surrounded by my work, avoiding anyone and everyone. I woke up whilst everyone was at breakfast and spent lunchtime in the library heading straight back there after lessons before heading to dinner when I knew it was quiet. It was amazing how quickly I had come accustom to my new routine and how easy it was to hide from people.

One person, however, who always managed to corner me, was Cressida. Monday morning, between lunch and lesson four she locked me in the bathroom on the seventh floor, her and her friends penning me in making an escape impossible. After nearly getting caught, due to my stint in the hospital wing, I thought she would back off; I should've known it would've just pissed her off even more.

"That was a close one, wasn't it little girl. We can't be getting caught now can we; I think a change is in order." Her eyes flashed dangerously and she laughed manically as she pointed her wand down my leg. The pain shot through me instantly. I felt like I was being cut open with a knife as I cried out and fell to the floor in front of her. She laughed louder and beckoned her friends to leave with her. I could feel the blood through my tights and hastily threw myself into a cubicle, pulling them off to see three scratch marks all the way down my leg, as if someone had clawed at me. I winced as I applied some tissue to stop the bleeding slightly, casting a soothing spell all the way down it hoping it would keep the pain at bay until I could find some Murtlap Essence later. Just like everything else, the scratches had become part of my normal routine.

The news that I had quit the team reached all of the Gryffindor's two weeks after the event. As you can imagine, disloyalty did not go down too well with the rest of the house. Most of them keeping their opinions to themselves, the others airing their thoughts when they knew I was in close proximity making me aware exactly what they thought of me; not that I cared anymore. The weeks that followed my leaving, all of the team, including Roxy, had come up to me and tried to persuade me to re-join which I politely declined. Darcy even went as far as to follow me around the school all of Sunday, saying she wouldn't leave until I had said yes, thankfully Danny realised what was happening and managed to get her to leave me alone. James was the last one who hadn't tried to change my mind, corning me on Friday afternoon as I made my way to the library.

"Hannah, wait," He said as he stepped out of lesson just as I walked past. People around us took a keen interest as soon as they saw what was happening, making me increase my step as to avoid another embarrassment. "Hannah," James said breathlessly stepping in front of me and not letting me past. I glared up at him, taking in his appearance. He looked so sad, his eyes had bags underneath them like he hadn't slept in weeks and his hair was more unruly than ever. It made me concerned about how I must look, not in a vain way, more worried that people would suspect things were worse than I was letting on.

I was well aware that I wasn't looking after myself but it was difficult to do so when I was trying to avoid people. I would skip breakfast and lunch, grabbing snacks from the kitchens whenever I was able, meaning I was in a constant state of hunger. I knew I was starting to lose weight and not healthily so either, especially now I wasn't getting the same exercise I normally got with Quidditch. I'd given up on my appearance, not bothering with makeup and only wearing my hair tied back as to make my morning routine easier. I was also aware of how tired I must've looked. I was barely getting any sleep, tossing and turning all night as my mind would relive the day's events and thoughts of Cressida would haunt my dreams. I also couldn't remember the last time I had properly smiled.

"What do you want James?" I asked, not bothering to hide my annoyance.

"Please don't quit," He said desperately. I could tell that he wanted to say more but knew better than to push further. I rolled my eyes and tried to walk past him, he gently placed a hand on my arm to stop me. "Fred is putting the team sheet up this evening, it's not too late."

"It's done," I said, trying to hide my emotions.

"Hannah, this isn't fair," He let go of my arm and ran his hands through his hair, "Everything is so messed up, I don't understand how it's got this way," The corridor was empty now, everyone already heading to lunch.

"It's this way because we lied and deceived someone we cared about, end of," I said simply, desperately not wanting to have this conversation with James.

"I know, I know what we did to Al was wrong," He said walking over to me and grabbing my hands holding them between our bodies. It was the closest I had been to anyone in weeks and I allowed myself to enjoy the moment of closeness, relishing in James' touch, missing it so desperately. "But what happened to fighting for us," He said placing his forehead against mine.

"We were kidding ourselves," I whispered, closing my eyes not daring to see James' beautiful blue ones staring into my soul.

"I love you Hannah." He said breathlessly. I could hear the smile in his voice and tried to ignore how hearing those words made my heart soar; made me feel happier than I had in weeks. "Are we not allowed to be happy?" He whispered pulling me back to reality; we couldn't be happy, not anymore. I sighed and reluctantly pulled my hands from his and took a step back looking into his eyes.

"I don't love you James," I said, praying my voice wouldn't break. He looked at me for a moment before shaking his head.

"I don't believe you," He said, his eyes shining with tears. "Why are you doing this?"

"Because it's true," I said more confidently. He shook his head again and stared at me. In a second he had walked over to me taking my face in his hands and lowering his lips down onto mine. I was so taken aback for a second that instinct took over and I allowed him to kiss me, enjoying his lips caressing mine, allowing my hands to find their way into his hair. It was like an ice bucket had hit me when I realised what was happening. I used as much strength as I could muster to push him away from me, tears falling freely down my face.

"No," I said shaking my head, "No, I don't love you," I said loudly. "I never have and I never will, so leave me alone," I said glaring at him. He looked distraught, tears of his own falling down his face. I saw him look behind me and followed his gaze. Albus, Rose and Scorpius were standing looking at us in disbelief. The noise that came out of me took me by surprise let alone anyone else. I stormed over to Al, sobbing freely. He started down at me, his expression as cold as ever.

"IT'S DONE," I yelled, "They're all yours. I'm sorry that all of this happened, I'm sorry that I broke your heart, I'm sorry I fucked your brother, I'm just so fucking sorry," I cried, pushing him with every word. He just stood there and took it, looking down at me with the same coldness I was always met with nowadays. "I'm done," I whispered. I cried openly and looked at my old friend hoping he would wrap me in his arms like he used to; telling me he forgave me, telling me it would be okay. He didn't, he shrugged and walked past me breaking my heart again in the process. I looked around at Rose who was also crying and Scorpius who looked in distraught before I took one look at James. He was hunched over, silent tears coming down his face, staring at me with such a broken expression it made me want to scream.

"James," Al's voice called from down the hallway, "We should probably talk," He said looking at his brother. James' head whipped round to look at me again before he sighed and followed his brother.

"Hannah, are you okay?" Rose said sadly, wiping her tears away.

"No, but a least they will be," I replied, wiping my tears and watching the two of them walk out of sight. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding, feeling somewhat calmer, knowing that they were going to be sorting it out. I glanced at my friends who looked completely speechless and offered them a sad smile before walking away.

* * *

 **A/N: Phew, glad that one's over. So much angst and drama, I hope you're enjoying it!**

 **Thanks again for reading and for your continued support! I can't believe only 6 more chapters left now but still so much to come, so strap yourselves in!**

 **See you in the next chapter,**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16**

It was surprising at how quickly time passed when you were alone. I made my way to my favourite bench that overlooked the black lake, taking in the beautiful morning and enjoying the peace and tranquillity that surrounded the castle. It had been a month since Al had found out about me and James; thirty-one days, 744 hours, 44,640 minutes and my life had quiet never been the same. I'd never been more lonely than I had during the past few weeks and although I made it seem like I become accustomed to it, the reality was I missed my friends and most importantly I missed James.

The wind picked up as I pulled my scarf around my neck and secured my hat around my ears. I could see my breath in the air in front me as the frost settled on the grass around the bench. I'd always loved this time of year, before the rain washed winter away, the frost making everything glitter around me. I'd spent most of my Sunday morning's like this over the past four weeks, needing to get out of the suffocation of the castle and enjoying the fresh air that burst into my lungs. I'd learnt not to dwell on what had been and to enjoy the here and now, enjoy the peace before I would no doubt be cornered by Cressida. The bullying continued meticulously, the scratches down my legs making it look as though I'd been attacked by a savage animal. She learnt to use the spell on different legs, ensuring that the other scratches would heal somewhat before she would injure me again. I'd learned to live with the stinging pain, becoming a master of pain relief spells and dressing charms.

After I'd told James that I didn't love him, his relationship with Al had taken a turn for the better, just as I'd hoped. I could see that they were amicable once again and, even at the expense of my own heart, I was happy for them. About a week later the news was that James and Cressida were now an item once again. A part of me hoped that she would've stopped the attacks; however, she felt the need to make sure it never happened again and the bullying only got worse. Not only was she causing me physical pain, but I also couldn't seem to escape the happy couple. Wherever I went they seemed to be attached at the hip, Cressida usually plastered all over him.

The first few weeks back at Hogwarts had been awful. I was alone, unhappy and incredibly broken hearted, but I knew that this was the way it had to be. Rose and Scorpius tried their hardest to snap me out of the self-punishment I was inflicting but I wasn't breaking and I knew that they would give up eventually. Danny was the only proper company I would have in the week. He would often come and sit with me in the library to do his work, never pressuring me for conversation but knowing how desperately I needed the company. I don't think he would ever realise how much him just being there meant to me.

Al was Al again. He had mended his broken heart by throwing himself back into his relationship with Kate. He'd gone back to being loud and annoying, I would often spot Rose getting on at him at dinner and he would laugh the same way he always used to. The worst part about Al was that unlike the others, who I would often see looking at me sadly, he just acted as though I wasn't there. He never looked at me, never spoke to me, never acknowledged me in anyway. I understood that it was part of his healing process, but it just made me feel more isolated than ever, it made me feel like I wasn't there at all.

I pulled my cloak tighter around my shoulders, keeping the cold at bay a little longer, and pulled a book out of my bag. I became so immersed in it that I didn't notice Louis Weasley walking towards me until it was too late to avoid him.

"You're a hard person to find," He said breathlessly giving me a kind smile. "Can I sit?" He asked, gesturing to the empty bench beside me, I nodded and pulled my bag closer to me creating a barrier between us. "How are you?" He said turning to face me, he looked somewhat concerned and I couldn't spot the pity that I normally saw when everyone else looked at me. I decided to amuse him.

"I've been better," I said simply, my voice cracking slightly on account of not really speaking very much nowadays.

"Everyone's really worried about you Hannah," He said sadly. I frowned and felt myself wanting to run as far away from him as I could get. He must've known because his expression changed to panic and he held his hands up in surrender. "Please don't go, I won't say anything again I promise," I nodded and tried to relax but felt very on edge as we sat in an awkward silence for a minute.

"Look, I've just come to give you this," He said holding out a roll of parchment that had my name written on it. "It's from Dad," He said with a smile. I took it wearingly and broke the seal reading it quickly.

 _Dear Hannah,_

 _I was wondering if we are able to meet in Hogsmeade next weekend. I'm visiting my brother at his store and thought it would be the perfect opportunity to meet with you to discuss further internship this year and perhaps look into helping you apply for our apprentice programme when you leave Hogwarts._

 _Let Louis know if you can make it and I will see you in the three broomsticks at 2 o'clock._

 _Bill Weasley,_

"What did it say?" Louis asked as I wrapped up the parchment and handed it back to him.

"Your dad wants to meet me to talk about internships and work," I sighed standing up and grabbing my bag. Louis smiled and opened the roll back up to reread it.

"Shall I let him know that you can make it?" He asked.

"No, I'm not going," I said simply, starting to make my way back up to the castle.

"Wait, Hannah," Louis called, falling into step beside me, "You have to go." I rolled my eyes and tried to walk faster, intent on losing him.

"I don't have to do anything Louis," I said getting more annoyed by the second.

"Look forget Hogwarts, forget Al, forget James, this is your future," He said grabbing me by the shoulders and spinning me round to face him. He was frowning at me. I looked at him and sighed, shrugging like a petulant child. "Please think about it Hannah, I get that you feel like you need to punish yourself but please don't let this fall out affect your future," He sighed and walked away from me up to the castle. The words were out of my mouth before I could stop myself.

"Okay," I called after him; he turned around and gave me the biggest smile, "Tell your dad I'll see him then."

* * *

I decided to walk down to Hogsmeade a little later than everyone else as to avoid the awkward glances and whispers I knew I would hear. I set off from the castle at one in the afternoon, dressing smart and feeling the sudden need to impress what could potentially be my future employer. I had thought about backing out all week but I knew deep down that Louis was right, this was my future I was jeopardising, if I backed out now it would no doubt affect me when I was looking for college places next year. As the week drew on I found myself feeling excited about the prospect of Saturday, thankful for the much-needed distraction. Cressida hadn't cornered me once this week, which added to my relatively good mood. I also surprised Danny by engaging in a conversation about the weekend, something I hadn't done in a while. He was so happy when he left me he gave me the biggest hug.

I walked down to the three brooms pulling my cloak around me, keeping the cold at bay and giving my hands something to do. I was really nervous for whatever reason. I had worked with Bill last summer and I knew that I'd impressed him so I wasn't really sure where my nerves had come from. I hoped that news of what had happened between James, Al and I hadn't reached him, I didn't want him to think ill of me and prayed that Louis and Dom had kept the information between themselves.

I arrived quite early but decided to go into the pub to ensure a good table away from students who knew me, to make sure I was meeting him with a clear head. When I entered I couldn't see Bill but decided to look for a vacant table. I'd walked the length of the pub before seeing a sight that made my heart sink to my shoes. Around a table, talking animatedly all of their faces warped in concern sat Rose, Danny, Louis and Dom. I felt like a fucking idiot. I couldn't believe how stupid and naïve I'd been. One by one they all caught sight of me standing there, their expressions changing instantly. Dom stood up and before she could say anything I ran out the door.

I ran up the high street bumping into a mass of people as I went, not caring who I was hitting. I could hear Dom calling out behind me but it just made my legs speed up in a hurry to get away from my friends who had all lied to me. I couldn't believe they had tricked me into meeting them all here, using something they knew would get me to come. I felt so betrayed and broken, so pathetic at how excited I had been, all for it to come crashing down. It took me a moment to realise that I'd reached a clearing in the forest, a fair distance away from the village. Before I knew it I let out a broken scream and sank to the floor in floods of tears, letting out the weeks of pain that had built up inside of me.

"Well, well, well look who we have here girls," A sickly sweet voice called from behind me. I turned around and scrambled back away from Cressida and her friends who were entering the clearing all of them wearing disgusting smirks.

"Leave me the fuck alone," I screamed at her, rushing to stand up and suddenly feeling braver than I had in weeks.

"Tut tut little girl, we can't have you speaking to me like that," She said turning her head to one side, pointing her wand at my stomach and issuing the punishing blow that made me keel over. "Much better," She said once I was back on the floor, she walked over to me laughing as I stared at the dirt beneath her shoes. I'd had enough and knew that I wasn't going to let this bitch have the enjoyment of watching me suffer once again. I slowly pulled myself off the ground, gripping my stomach and trying desperately not to let the pain show on my face.

"I said, leave me the fuck alone," I spat, taking a step closer to her so we were face to face. Her expression faltered for a moment before she smiled once again and pointed her wand at my legs scratching deeper than she had before. I cried out in agony and felt my leg crumble at the pain. She laughed above me as I glared up at her; she bought her hand down across the side of my face so hard I could taste blood. I spat it out and tried to ignore the blood that was now trickling down my leg and the pain that screamed all over my body. I tried to pull myself up once again but this time I was met with another sickening blow to my stomach ensuring that this time; I wasn't able to get up off the ground.

"Much better," She laughed pointing her wand at my face. I closed my eyes and prepared myself for what came next. I allowed myself to think about James asleep next to me on New Year's Day, easing the pain and taking me far away from the awful situation I was in.

"Expelliarmus," A voice called out across the clearing as Cressida's wand flew out of her hand and into the hand of Dominque Weasley. "Get the fuck away from my friend," She growled at Cressida who looked more scared than I'd ever seen her. I hurled myself up into a somewhat standing position as Dom came and stood between us. "Turn around and take your pathetic selves back up to the castle before I can think of an awful hex that would do damage you couldn't even fucking dream of, and don't even think of asking for your fucking wand back…little girl," Dom spat, the angry Vela coming out, I was certain that her eyes had turned red.

"Wait," I called out, causing everyone to turn and look at me. Using Dom as support I walked over to Cressida and looked straight into her eyes, mustering as much disdain as I could manage. I relished in the fact that she took a step back. "James Potter will never be yours, get used to the face that he loves me and I love him," I glowered at her before bringing my hand across her face, slapping her harder than she had slapped me and enjoying the cry that came out of her mouth. She held onto her face and looked between Dom and me, running off out of the forest her friends following in hot pursuit. I fell to the ground exhausted, my body screaming in pain.

"Oh Hannah," Dom said sadly wrapping her arms around me.

"Ouch, be careful" I winced in pain, already feeling my stomach bruising.

"Sorry," She said with a sad smile, "Let's get you fixed up," She sat down next to me and pointing her wand over my body, pain relief washing over me making me feel immediately better. She fixed my face and held her hand on my cheek, looking at me with such concern it made my heart ache thinking about the pain I had been causing my friends. "How long has she been doing this to you?" She said after a moment sitting next to me on the ground.

"Since everyone found out. She didn't take fondly to the fact that James had cheated on her and didn't want to believe that James preferred me over her, hence it was my entire fault." I sighed. Dom nodded and took my hand. "Thank you for…well...saving me," I said awkwardly, not meeting her eyes.

"I couldn't believe what I was seeing to be honest," She replied, "I didn't think someone could be so evil, great slap by the way," She smiled.

"I shouldn't have hit her, it was stooping to her level," I said shaking my head.

"Bullshit, she deserved it," I smiled at my friend, "I'm sorry we had to lie to you to get you to meet us," She added biting her lip nervously.

"I wouldn't have come otherwise," I admitted, averting my gaze and looking off into the trees.

"Hannah, everyone is so worried about you," She explained. "I've had more letters from my cousins the past few weeks than I have ever, all of them telling me how worried they are about you,"

"I didn't want to make anyone worry," I sighed, hanging my head in shame.

"They didn't know what else to do and that's why we arranged today, everyone just wants the old Hannah back," She wrapped an arm around my shoulder comfortingly.

"But I can't be the old me," I explained, "I broke Al's heart, I don't deserve to have friends, I don't deserve to be happy after doing such an awful thing to my best friend." I felt tears pooling in my eyes and wiped them away hastily.

"No Hannah," Dom said standing up and pulling me up with her, "No more punishing yourself, I've had enough of it and I've only been around you for five minutes." She attempted a joke but with the state I was in it fell on deaf ears. "Listen to me," She frowned waiting for my gaze to lock with hers. "Al will get over it," She said strongly as if it was the simplest thing in the world. I shook my head furiously at her. She gripped my shoulders, forcing me to look at her again. "He will, I mean he already is for Merlin's sake. Yes you didn't tell him about you and James but who the fuck cares Hannah, the way he found out is awful but if he is your friend he should've heard you out by now and he should be happy that his best friend and his brother are happy," I gapped at her not really sure what to say.

"He told me that I needed to leave his family alone," I said quietly.

"Well that's a load of bullshit," She growled," "What his family do isn't up to Albus Potter. I can tell you that of a lot of his family would rather have you as a cousin than him anyway, not mentioning any names," She said with a wink, "Not James though, that would be weird," She grimaced at the thought. I found myself smiling at her.

"You have people here for you Hannah, people who love you and have been beside themselves with worry about you for the past month," She grabbed both my hands and squeezed them tightly.

"Al said I shouldn't be friends with Rose and Scorpius because of the strain it would put on their relationship," I said sadly, trying to ignore how ridiculously the demanded sounded having told someone else.

"Well, I think I need to have a fucking chat with my younger cousin you mark my words, he is being completely unreasonable. It's not like you've killed someone!" She exclaimed. "At the end of the day Hannah, Al is hurt because you chose his brother over him and trust me that would hurt anyone's ego, let alone Albus Potter's," She said.

"But I told James that I didn't love him anymore and he is back with that bitch and now he and Al are back to normal, I don't want to come between them again Dom. I can't, it would hurt them too much," I cried, feeling a tear fall down my cheek. She sighed and wiped it away with her hand, holding my face in her palms.

"Hannah Marshall, that boy is so in love with you, you could grow two heads and he wouldn't care. I have no doubt that he will be dumping Cressida on her ass very soon," She said with a soft smile. "No one has written to me more the past few weeks than he has, absolutely breaking his heart to me," She sighed and dropped her hands from my face reaching inside of her cloak and handing me a letter. "He'll probably hate me for giving you this but one day he will understand, this letter will put any doubts out of your mind trust me," She explained, I took it from her wearingly and stared down at the beautiful cursive I had missed so much. "Read it when you're ready, okay?" She said putting an arm around my shoulder once more. "Let's head back into Hogsmeade and come up with a plan for the next few weeks and also don't even get me fucking started on you dropping out of Quidditch, I was so close to coming up here and killing you myself," She said seriously. I rolled my eyes and let her guide me back into the village, feeling better than I had in weeks.

* * *

Dom and I had stayed in Hogsmeade as long as we could before I needed to get back to the castle. I'd had the best afternoon I'd had in ages suddenly feeling lighter and freer than I had since returning back to the castle. She gave me Cressida's wand instructing me very clearly to hand it to Professor Longbottom straight away and let him know exactly what she had been doing to me. I knew better than to argue with Dom when she was pissed off about something so I nodded reluctantly and took the wand from her, pocketing it against her letter from James. She walked me back up to the castle, wrapping me in the biggest hug possible when we reached the gates.

"Merlin I miss this place," She said with a sad smile, looking up at the magnificent castle.

"I would gladly swap with you right now," I grumbled, wanting to stay with her longer worrying about what would happen when I walked back through the gates.

"Hey, we agreed no more moping," She said frowning at me and putting her hands on her hips, "If I have to come all the way from Romina again to sort you out Hannah Marshall I will not be happy," She said sternly, but with a slight smirk.

"I know, I know," I said shaking myself out of it. "I'm really glad you did come today," I said, giving her the most genuine smile I had given anyone in weeks.

"I'm glad I did as well," She said throwing her arms around me again. "Okay, go before we start blubbering again." She said ushering me past the gates. I chuckled and started walking the familiar path back to school. "Write to me Marshall or I will hunt your arse down, I swear." She called from behind me. I turned around to face her, looking back at my amazing friend.

"I will Dom," I smiled, "See you soon," I gave her one last look before continuing my walk back up to school. Over the course of the afternoon, Dom had helped me get some much-needed clarity on the situation I was in. She made me realise that I was punishing myself for something that was inevitably out of my control and Al was unreasonably using that in his favour; making his life easier by making mine worse. She made me realise that, unfortunately, we can't choose who we love and no one in this world should make you feel the way I was feeling all because I loved someone. She held me as I cried into her shoulder and listened as I ranted about everything, allowing me to let out the emotions out I had been reluctant to feel, the emotions I needed to make sense of everything.

Dom also gave me strict instructions to go and find Fred when I returned back to Hogwarts and ask for my position back on the team, making it very clear that I was to not leave his side until that had happened. She also said that I was to find Rose and Scorpius and apologise for being a complete shit, before telling them everything I had told her today. Then I was to get them to help with devising a plan to stop Albus from being a fucking twat, her words not mine. As for James, all she said was to read the letter she had given me, telling me that I will know exactly what to do after that. I tried to push for more advice on the matter but she was insistent that I trusted her on this one. The only issue I had was that I wasn't quite sure when I would be ready to read the letter. I knew that there were things I needed to do before putting James and me at the forefront of my mind. Right now, I didn't need the distraction so placed the letter in my keepsake box when I returned to my dormitory, promising myself I would read it when the time was right.

Dinner wasn't for another hour, so I made my way downstairs to the common room, spotting Fred and unfortunately James and Al sitting in the corner having a game of exploding snap. I knew that Dom would never forgive me if I didn't bite the bullet so I took a deep breath, feeling everyone's attention drawn to me as they saw where I was going.

"Sorry to interrupt," I said loudly alerting all three boys to my presence. As they turned to look at me, I suddenly felt very warm and could feel myself going redder by the second. Why had I thought this was a good idea? I decided that the only way I was going to get through this was to embrace my inner Dom and get on with it. I threw my hair over my shoulder and turned to look at Fred, point blank ignoring the other two boys like they weren't worth my time. Exactly as Dom would, it felt fucking fantastic.

"Everything okay Hannah?" Fred asked glancing worriedly at the Potter boys who looked clearly confused at the situation.

"I was wondering if I was able to have my position back on the Quidditch team," I said confidently, my heart racing in my chest. Fred looked taken aback for a moment before the biggest smile spread across his face and he picked me up spinning me around.

"Yes, Yes, Yes." He said laughing. I couldn't help laugh with him as he spun me around, feeling freer than I had in a long time. "I've been waiting the whole month to come to your senses," He said placing me down and rummaging in his pockets looking for something, "Aha," He cried loudly presenting me with the Captain badge, "I've kept this on my every day waiting for you to come and get it back, here you go Capt," He said grinning madly.

"I don't think being Captain is a good idea," I said looking nervously at the badge. "And besides I made you Captain," Fred scoffed and pinned the badge to my jumper.

"The only way you can get back on this team is if you are Captain so there," He said sticking his tongue out at me and smiling. "Back in its rightful place," He wrapped me in another hug, "Glad to have you back Capt," He said sitting back down.

"Thanks Fred," I said bashfully glancing briefly at the other two boys. Al was avoiding me completely playing with his cards and trying his best to ignore the situation. James was wearing the most beautiful smile, something I hadn't seen on his face for a long time. Without thinking, without agenda, I caught us both by surprised and returned the smile feeling my heart beating widely in my chest. A part of me wanted to race back upstairs, rip open the letter and immerse myself in his words but I knew it was too early. I also knew, as I look him his beautiful smile, that I hadn't lost him completely.

"It's good to have you back," He said simply, his eyes shining with adoration. I felt myself blush slightly and saw him smirk briefly like he always would.

"I'll see you later," I said to Fred and moving away from the table. The common room had gone back to normal. No one was looking at us, no one whispering about me. I smiled at the normality of it all noticing Darcy giving me big thumbs up in the corner, grinning madly much like James had. I smiled at her and walked out of the common room to find Professor Longbottom before dinner.

I found him in his office, near the greenhouses. When I arrived he was squeezing the sap out of a peculiar looking plant, his face screwed up in concentration. Before I could knock he glanced over at me and beckoned me in with his head, being careful not to move his hands from the position they were in.

"Hi Hannah," He whispered, "Fantastic timing! Can you do me a big favour and grab the bowl over there on the side and bring it over here, I need you to catch the sap. Put those gloves on and be careful not to make too much noise. Cheryl doesn't like noise, she gets a bit temperamental." As if on cue the plant squirted its sap across the room hitting the wall and causing it to start smoking. "Quickly Hannah," He hushed. I followed his instructions moving around the table to catch the sap that he was now squeezing out of one of the pods. Once he was done, he grabbed a large glass casing and placed it over the plant, which erupted, squirting disgusting yellow sap all over the case.

"That was a close one," Professor Longbottom said wiping his brow and taking his gloves off. "Just place that on the side for me Hannah; I'll take it to Professor Slughorn when I have the chance."

"What was that Professor?" I said looking worriedly at the plant behind him.

"That was a _flavo armariudo mortis_ , roughly translated into a poisonous yellow death so not one of the nicest plants I've come across," He said frowning at the plant behind him. He saw the panic come across my face. "It sounds worse than it is," He said smiling at me, "The sap would just cause serve itching which is easily remedied nowadays. Professor Slughorn needed it for a potion for the first years, this one is actually a bit early in its cycle hence why I'm doing it in my office on a Saturday evening," He looked at me for a moment, "What can I do for you Hannah?" he asked, sensing I was getting slightly bored by his rambling.

"I need to give you this," I said pulling out Cressida's wand and placing it on the desk in front of me.

"Whose wand is that?" He asked frowning slightly. I took a deep breath and calmed myself down, readying myself to tell him everything.

"You know when I was in the hospital with the broken ribs," He nodded waiting for me to continue, "It wasn't a Quidditch accident, it was Cressida Zabini," I said. If Professor Longbottom was surprised he didn't show it. Instead, he let me tell him everything that had happened without interrupting me. Once I was finished he picked up the wand in front of me checking the last spells performed and seeing this afternoons attack in front of him.

"Are you okay?" He asked me when I had finished. I gave him a smile and nodded.

"I am now Professor," I reassured him.

"This will be sorted out this evening I promise Hannah," He said seriously. "I will go and speak to Professor McGonagall and Professor Slughorn immediately. Don't worry about it now Hannah," He gave me a sympathetic smile.

"Thank you Professor," I said standing up and leaving the room.

* * *

Cressida was seen the next day leaving Hogwarts, bags in hand. It turns out I wasn't the only one she had been bullying, her friends confessing that there was a least three more girls she had attacked over the year allowing McGonagall the easy decision to expel her indefinitely. The news that she had been expelled travelled around the school like wildfire, everyone wondering what had been the case. It was only a select few who knew the exact detail, and so in true Hogwarts fashion, by Sunday evening the whole school knew every detail. I think nearly every one of the Weasley/Potter clan came to hug when they found out, even Roxy who also followed the hug with an apology for her behaviour in the changing room.

After I had gone and spoken to Longbottom I went to find my two best friends, following the next part of Dom's plan; tell them everything. I found them in the library before dinner, doing some homework, sitting as close together as they possibly could. I watched them for a moment before I approached, enjoying seeing my friends so happy with each other, realising how much I'd actually missed them over the past couple of weeks.

"Hi guys," I said, walking over to the table and sitting down opposite them. They looked shocked for a moment before their expressions changing to guilt.

"I'm sorry if you felt like we organised an intervention today," Rose said quietly, not meeting my eyes.

"You did organise an intervention," I said bluntly, offering a small smile to try and calm her worries.

"I know it looked that way, but we are so worried about you Hannah," She said leaning across the table and holding my hand. "I didn't know how to help, I thought that maybe we were too close to the situation and I know how much you love Dom so went along with the plan, looking back it probably wasn't the most sensitive we've ever been," She bit her lip nervously trying to judge my expression. I smiled brightly at her and squeezed her hand tightly.

"I needed an intervention Rose, I needed some clarity and that's what I've had." I explained, "I'm not quite over the guilt that I feel, but the punishment has gone now I promise," I leaned back and looked at them both, they still looked unsure, "Hey, I've just gone and asked for my place back on the team,"

"Dam," Scorpius said smiling, "We could've beaten you guys if you hadn't been there, now you're back to full strength,"

"Quit it Malfoy, your team couldn't even beat our reserves," I smirked at him.

"Is that a challenge Marshall?" He asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

"You're dam right it is," I replied grinning madly. I held out my hand which he shook vigorously.

"Bring it on," He smirked.

"Guys," Rose said drawing out attention back to her, "Please focus,"

"Sorry, I am truly sorry for the way I have been behaving recently. You two have been nothing but supportive and I've just allowed myself to not accept that; the truth is I didn't think I deserved it," I mumbled looking at the table.

"Hannah, all you've done is loved someone," Rose said with a sad smile, "Be it the way you went about wasn't fantastic, but don't berate yourself because you loved someone too much,"

"I think I understand that now," I said giving her a small smile, "If I'm going to be honest though, Al hasn't been all that great recently." I sighed, wondering if it was best to tell them Al's requests.

"To be expected," Scorp said frowning slightly.

"Merlin, of course," I replied hurriedly, "I know that I have broken his heart and betrayed him, I know that and I feel that more than anyone. But he told me that I should leave you guys alone as to not put a strain on your relationship and that I shouldn't speak to his family anymore as they needed some space through all of this. You saw what he did when I told James…" I trailed off hanging my head, trying to not let my emotions get the better of me.

"He said all that to you?" Rose said incredulously. I nodded, suddenly feeling extremely awkward.

"He knew that I would agree with him, he knew that I would do anything he said because of the guilt I was feeling. He knows exactly how I work, he knows how much of a hard time I give myself and used it against me…not that I didn't deserve it-

"Not a chance," Rose interrupted, "Don't you dare sit there and tell me you deserved to be cut off from all of you friends just because Al has a bruised ego," I looked at her and saw she was fuming, Scorpius lay a hand on her arm in comfort.

"Rose, calm down a minute," He said soothingly, "You know Al can be a little rash sometimes, he doesn't think things through at the best of times. He probably thought that this would solve the issue overnight and realised that it just prolonged the inevitable, hurt his best friend and made the situation a million times worse, all because he is too bloody stubborn to admit he was wrong," He reasoned, I nodded in agreement.

"I don't care, I could fucking kill him right now," She said slamming her book closed, "How could he do that to his best friend?" She cried. The librarian poked her head around the corner shushing us rudely.

"Rose and the end of the day, how could I fall in love with my best friend's brother and then lie about it, how could _I_ do _that_ to my best friend?" I said sadly. She considered me for a moment, sighing and shaking her head.

"He has been moping around the past month, asking us what was wrong with you when it was him all along," She said shaking her head.

"It wasn't all Al's fault," I said quickly, I didn't wait for a response. "Cressida has been attacking me for weeks," I heard Rose gasp and Scorpius shake his head.

"Fucking bitch," He growled.

"Is that why you had the black eye and the broken ribs?" Rose asked, shock written across her face. "It was her all along?"

"I don't really want to go into all the details but yes, she's been using punishment spells on me, cornering me when I was alone and attacking me," I replied sadly. Rose stood up abruptly and walked around the table wrapping me in a hug.

"I'm so sorry all this happened to you Hannah," She said, I could hear her welling up, "It's going to be okay now." I nodded and enjoyed the comfort of my friend, finally believing that it was going to be okay.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading and sticking with this story!

Apologies for the delay in this chapter, been a bit of a mad few weeks so really sorry to leave it for so long!

I hope some of you enjoyed the lack of Al in this chapter, I think a lot of you could've killed him after the last chapter and I don't blame you.

Thanks for all the reviews and support on the story so far, it's amazing to hear people are enjoying this story.

Until the next chapter,

Jadeannkneeky.

P.S: Happy Birthday Hannah! (And it's mine as well! Yes, I was that imaginative and gave the main character the same birthday as me!)


	17. Chapter 17

**Chapter 17**

As the cold weather was replaced with a regular downfall of rain, things at Hogwarts seemed to have taken a turn for the better. It had been a few weeks since Dom interceded on my life and things were starting to look up again. Rose was back at my side, much like most the Weasley/Potter family. Unfortunately, Al had not taken too fondly to this change and in turn, we had not spoken in over six weeks, the longest we hadn't talked in six years. Rose had not looked kindly on what Al had asked me to do and was currently in the middle of giving him the silent treatment herself. The evening after I had told her and Scorpius everything, she had a blazing row in the common room with Al. Albus was not happy about some of the home truths Rose had yelled at him and as a result, he was now even more pissed off at me than he already was, I knew this because Scorpius thought it was best to keep me updated on the emotions of Albus Potter.

On the plus side, I was back to training with my team and we were looking stronger than ever before. Scorpius and I had approached Professor Longbottom and Professor Slughorn about the prospect of having a first team vs reserve team competition between Gryffindor and Slytherin and they both we really encouraging, hence it was going ahead on the last week of the term. I had two weeks to train my reserve team and my full team, to kill off Slytherin once and for all. The team was overjoyed to have me back as Captain, although I insisted that Fred and I were now joint Captains. Danny couldn't hide his excitement when he found out I was back on the team, running across the hall to me the evening after I had asked Fred and scooping me into a bone-crushing hug.

James Potter was James Potter. He was beautiful and considerate at every opportunity. He knew that my opinion had once again shifted on our relationship (I think he was more clued in than me sometimes) but still didn't press or put any pressure on anything to happen. He allowed me to take the wheel and was just always happy whenever I was there. We were amicable during training as I didn't want him to cloud my judgment and I think he understood this without me needing to say anything. The week after Dom had visited he started of just saying hello and smiling at me in the hallway. Every time he did I felt my heart flutter and almost always I blushed, knowing full well that he would love every second of it. As the days drew on, him, Fred and Danny took to sitting with me and Rose for lunch, being careful not to be too attentive on me, especially under the eyes of Al and the entire school. But he still spoke to me politely and often enough for me to fall more and more in love with him every second he was near me. Every time I spoke I could feel his eyes on me, looking at me with adoration and affection.

It was now Sunday afternoon and a very guilty Rose had gone off with Scorpius for the day, even though I assured her it was more than fine. A lot of the Weasley's and their friends were having a games tournament in the common room, including Al. I walked in and Lily caught my eye, looking between the two of us before sighing and walking over to me.

"Come and join us," She said softly, giving me a sincere smile which was reciprocated.

"I'm okay Lily," I said, reassuring her. "I have some work to be getting on with anyway, but it means a lot that you have asked me," I smiled again. She nodded in understanding.

"Just ignore him," She said, looking at Al who was obviously trying very hard not to look in our direction. "He's stubborn at the best of times but this is getting out of hand, even mum and dad are getting annoyed at him." I shot her a worried glance, "Don't worry," She reassured, "They don't think bad of you at all. In fact, mum said she already knew about you and James and was waiting for something to happen, they both said you and Al would never have worked anyway. I think mum's secretly hoping you and James will, she really likes you," Lily said with a bright smile, squeezing my hand.

"Good to know," I said blushing, she laughed slightly. "I best get on with my homework, I'll catch up with you later," I moved towards the portrait hole.

"Hannah," Lily called after me, "He's doing some work in the hall," She added. I was taken aback for a moment not really knowing what to say. "Just thought you'd like to know," She said shrugging before joining Roxy on the hearth. As I made to leave again my eyes caught onto a pair of green ones that I hadn't seen in a while. Al was staring at me with an unreadable expression on his face, I felt my cheeks go warm and my heart beat a little faster. I knew he had heard what his sister had said and I knew that he was waiting to see what I would do next. It was all I needed to push me out the portrait hole and into the hall, looking for James Potter for the first time in nearly two months.

I walked into the entrance hall, suddenly feeling nervous and worried that we weren't ready for this but I had gotten this far and Merlin I missed him so much. The hall wasn't as busy as it normally was on a Sunday, which calmed me down slightly. I spotted him halfway down the Gryffindor table his head buried in a book, surrounded by parchment. I took a deep breath and walked down the other side of the table towards him, praying he wouldn't look up knowing that if he did I would run the other way. As I got closer I saw a few students glance in our direction and tried to ignore them the best I could, I knew it was too late to turn around.

"Hi," I spluttered, "Can I join you?" I said almost breathless, feeling as though I'd run a marathon. He glanced up from his work; the shock was evident in his face. He gapped slightly at me and ran his hand through his hair like he did when he was nervous.

"Yes," He said quickly, standing up and moving some of his work to make space.

"Thanks," I said quietly sitting down opposite. I pulled my books out my bag knowing full well that he was staring at me, not very discretely at all. I looked up to see him grinning from ear to ear; I felt my cheeks go red.

"I've missed that," He said smirking slightly. I rolled my eyes, he hadn't changed. "I've missed you," He said simply. I felt my heart beat madly in my chest and tried desperately to stop my cheeks from going red again. I wanted to throw my arms around his neck and cry into his shoulder about how much I'd missed him, but my barriers had been set and although they had come down slightly over the past few weeks, I still wasn't quite ready to let them down completely. A look of panic came across his face as he sensed I was becoming uncomfortable. "Sorry, I didn't-

"No," I interrupted, "It's okay." I took a deep breath and paused for a moment. "I've missed you too," I smiled, he smiled too.

"So, what about that Runes essay? I would say it is the hardest she's ever set but no doubt you wouldn't think so," James laughed, changing the subject and trying to gain some balance again, something I was extremely grateful for. I rolled my eyes and smiled at him.

"You are such a wuss when it comes to these essays," I joked, not quite believing how easy it was to go back to normal with him again.

"And you are such a nerd when it comes to these essays," He smirked, I shot him a look and he laughed.

"So," He said his expression changing slightly and I could tell he was actively avoiding looking in my direction, trying to busy himself with rearranging his work. "Have you gotten anywhere with Al?" I felt myself wince at his question. I knew that he would eventually ask about Al or Cressida, I just wasn't sure which one would be first. To be honest, he had surprised me completely by not mentioning Cressida sooner, I was almost certain he knew by now.

"What do you think?" I replied sarcastically.

"He is so stubborn," He said shaking his head.

"At least you two are back to normal," I said hopefully. A dark look came over his face and he shrugged.

"Nothing's normal anymore Han," He said sadly.

"What does that mean?" I asked my curiosity spiking. He sighed deeply and shook his head. I frowned at his response. "James?"

"He hates me, Han," He said quietly, not meeting my eyes.

"But I thought-

"So did I," he interrupted. "He just expects a lot," He frowned.

"Look, I don't really want to talk about Al," I said after a moment, "I know he's meant to be my best friend and I have, we have hurt him, but right now I want to spend some time with you without feeling guilty or worried about what Albus Potter thinks." James looked at me for a moment, I thought he was going to continue but instead he sent me a cheeky smile and ran his hand through his hair.

"I've never noticed how sexy you are when you get worked up," He said cheekily, winking at me and smirking.

"You, James Potter, are unbelievable," I said trying to hide my smile, not quite believing how quickly he can change tact. "No more Al, please."

"Deal," He smiled, "Now this essay…" I laughed and grabbed my notes, rolling my eyes.

* * *

I caught up with Rose at dinner. We sat alone for the first time since starting Hogwarts and it was difficult not to notice the gapping Al shaped hole in our conversation. After spending the afternoon with James it made me miss Al even more. They were so alike and I found myself realising more and more how much I need both Potter boys in my life.

James and I walked back to the common room together speaking more freely than we had in weeks. Our conversations didn't really move away from school work and Quidditch, both of us knowing that we weren't quite ready to dig up the repressed emotions of the past few weeks. Despite this, I felt more relaxed than I had in weeks. I found myself needing to be closer to James. The more I was around him the more I needed him. As we approached the portrait hole I took us both by surprise and wrapped my arms around his middle, hugging him tightly. If he was surprised he hid it well, leaning his chin on the top of my head and wrapping me tightly in his arms. The portrait opened behind us and I knew exactly who was standing there without needing to look.

"James?" Al's confused voice said. We pulled apart and both of us looked at the younger Potter who was standing looking at his brother. James glanced at me and sighed shaking his head and walking off down the corridor without another word. I turned back to Al who was avoiding my gaze.

"This needs to stop now Al," I said after a moment. He looked up at me and for a brief moment, I thought I saw my old friend before he replaced his mask, moved around me and went after his brother.

"I heard you spent the afternoon with James," Rose asked me helping herself to some potatoes. Her expression was unreadable but I knew she was happier than she was letting on.

"Yes I did," I found myself smiling slightly and she nodded mirroring my smile.

"It's been a too long since I've seen you smile Hannah," She said after a moment looking down the table at James who was sitting with Fred and Al. "I don't know what you see in that boy but Merlin I'm glad he makes you smile like that," I followed her line of vision and saw the two brothers sitting together barely talking, James' face like thunder.

"What are we going to do about Albus?" I asked after a moment.

"I have an idea but you won't like it," She replied looking sheepish. I shot her a confused look, "Scorpius and I were talking earlier and basically, we thought, the only way we could get this sorted was by locking you in a room and not letting you out until it was."

"Not a chance," I exclaimed, "He is so stubborn; he would refuse to speak on principle if we did that,"

"We know that," She explained, "So we thought that perhaps if you both got into serious trouble and got a detention then he wouldn't realise that you were being forced together." I stared at her in bewilderment.

"You're mad," I said after a moment, "He would see right through that and even if we got the detention, he still wouldn't talk to me."

"I know you Hannah," She said with a sad smile, "I know that you miss Albus Potter like you would miss your right arm. I know that you would get him to talk to you one way or another. He won't do it in a normal situation but then again this isn't a normal situation. I just feel like this would work if you gave it a chance," I looked at her and then glanced towards Al who was looking hopelessly at his dinner, ignoring the conversation that was happening around him.

"Fine," I sighed, Rose smiled at me. "What have you got in mind?"

* * *

Rose decided that there was no time like the present and decided to plan her attack on Tuesday afternoon. She thought that we would get in the most trouble in Transfiguration and so I found myself sitting at my old desk near the front waiting for Albus Potter to walk through the door and realise that he would be sitting next to me this lesson. Rose's plan was simple, piss him off and have a fight in the middle of the classroom. She thought it would be enough to get us a detention for the week let alone an evening. I wasn't looking forward to getting into trouble or spending my evenings doing something horrid but I wanted Al back and knew that it was probably the only way to sort things out on my terms.

I turned around in my seat to see Rose staring at me looking worried and Scorpius shaking his head. He hadn't agreed with Rose on her plan but commended her on how very Slytherin it was saying he was proud of his girlfriend. Now I could see they both knew that this was a shit idea but it was too late to back out. He walked into the room and stared at the empty seat next to me.

"I think you're in the wrong place." He spat, raising his voice across the classroom. Everyone turned and stared at us and I felt like my heart was going to beat out of my chest. I gulped and glanced at Rose who nodded encouragingly.

"No, I'm not Al," I said calmly, playing along and turning in my seat to get my books out of my bag. At this moment Professor Abbot walked in and tutted at Al.

"Mr Potter is there a reason as to why you aren't sitting in your seat?" She didn't wait for a response. "Go and sit next to Miss Marshall now please," I could tell she was getting annoyed already; I hated how easy this was going to be. Albus didn't move.

"Al, just sit down," I yelled standing up. Everyone froze at my words, nobody dared breathe. Al glared at me with so much hatred it made me want to disappear but I stuck to the plan and glared right back at him.

"Miss Marshall you are in a classroom not the Quidditch pitch, 5 points from Gryffindor and Mr Potter I'll make it another 5 if you don't go and sit down immediately." Professor Abbot said shortly, neither of us moved. I was surprised at how easy it was to tap into my anger for Albus. It felt like the past two months had been leading to this standoff and everyone in the room knew it.

"I am not sitting next to her," He growled.

"You don't have a choice, 5 points and if you carry on it will be a detention." Professor Abbot replied sharply.

"And why don't you want to sit next to me Albus?" I said feeling myself getting somewhat hysterical. He gapped at me for a moment, clearly in shock that I had challenged him before his expression changed and his anger got the better of him.

"Because you are a fucking liar and you fucked my brother!" He yelled. I knew exactly what to say next, exactly what to say to push him over the edge. I just hoped that it wouldn't mean the end of me and Al forever.

"No, you don't want to sit next to me because I preferred your brother over you, just like everyone else," I screamed back at him. I saw a flash of hurt in his eyes before the anger took over and his wand was out in a second. I was thrown back against the wall, smacking my head against the stone. The adrenaline and anger kicked in and before I knew it I was back on my feet and sending a hex towards Al.

"ENOUGH," Professor Abbot bellowed. She clicked her fingers and our wands flew straight to her, "50 points each taken from Gryffindor house and you will both be serving two-hour detentions with me every night for however long I see fit. Fighting in the middle of a lesson, have you both lost your dam minds? Sit down now and I don't want to hear another word from either of you for the rest of the term," I stared at Al who hastily made his way across the room and sat in the vacant seat. I sorted myself out and took up the seat next to him. I felt like I wanted to cry, it got so out of hand so quickly; Al still hated me as much as he had weeks ago. I felt a tear fall down my cheek and hastily wiped it away as Professor Abbott continued with her lesson.

* * *

"That was bloody awful," I moaned sitting down next to Rose at dinner having just received a further telling off from Professor Longbottom who cornered us both after the lesson and shouted at us for about an hour on how lucky we were that Abbott hadn't kicked us out of school.

"Yes but it worked," Rose said with a sad smile.

"Al's parents are going to be fuming when they find out," I said sadly. "We were both so angry at each other; I can't believe I said what I said."

"It's done now, you can speak to Al this evening, tell him what it was about and maybe he will feel better about it," Rose said hopefully but we both knew it was hopeless. Al had shut down completely for the day and was refusing to speak to anyone, let alone the person he hated the most in the world.

"I need to get a move on, I think they'll lynch me if I'm late," I said grabbing an apple and moving out of the hall to detention.

Albus was sitting on the floor, his back resting against the wall eating a sandwich when I arrived at Professor Abbot's room. He didn't look up when I approached, remaining engrossed in the book that was open on his lap. I sighed and tried not to let him get to me already, but that was easier said than done. This was going to be a long week.

"Come in you two," Professor Abbot summoned. I glanced at Albus who sighed and pulled himself up of the floor throwing his book into his bag, he didn't look my way once as he lead the way into the classroom. We were met with Professor Abbot and Longbottom standing at the front of the classroom and two empty seats in front of them, the rest of the room was empty. We took the vacant chairs in silence and waited for our instructions.

"I am extremely disappointed in the two of you," Professor Longbottom started, "As you know, Professor Abbot and I have both written to you parents expressing our concerns, both of them agreeing that your punishments should go on as long as we both see fit." Neither of us said anything, Neville sighed and glanced to Professor Abbot who nodded and left the room. "Talk now," He said sharply as she closed the door behind her. I glanced at Albus who just shrugged at his parent's friend. "Hannah?" Neville said turning to me.

"It was just a misunderstanding," I said sadly. Albus scoffed and I tried my best to ignore him, "I'm sorry it got so out of hand," I finished, Al scoffed again.

"Look, I have some vague idea of what had happened between you two but for Merlin's sake I thought both of you would be more sensible about letting your personal issues affect your school work." He sighed and moved around the desk to face us. "Until further notice, your Hogsmeade privilege has been revoked and you are to do a two-hour detention minimum every night of this week. The detentions will be over once I have seen progress in your relationship." I groaned inwardly and hoped desperately that all of this was worth it, that Al and I were able to sort through this mess.

Al sat there stony faced. "Okay, you are to copy out old transfiguration notes for Professor Abbott, they are quite old and need to be rewritten, no magic allowed and there is an endless supply of ink and parchment in the cupboard. I will come and get you in two hours," Longbottom said waving his wand and filling the room with stacks of old parchment. He left the room without another word and we both sat there for a moment before Al sighed and moved to get some equipment. I followed suit and we both made a start on the stacks of notes.

The silence was eating me alive. The whole point of getting into this mess was to start having some kind of conversation with Albus' but I suddenly found myself at a loss of what to say. He sat with his back to me making it extremely clear on where his boundaries were drawn, allowing me to sit there staring at the back of his head completely beside myself. The two hours dragged on slowly and I had written so much my hand felt ready to fall off; we still had not said two words to each other. Longbottom came in exactly two hours later and allowed us the freedom to leave. Before I even had the chance to grab my bag Al had made a beeline for the door, obviously wanting to avoid a further awkward five-minute walk back to the common room. I sighed inwardly and told myself to try better the next day.

* * *

"Hi," I said sitting down next to James at dinner three days later. After spending most of my evening in detention I found myself up late every night trying desperately to catch up on homework. I was now exhausted and realised that I did not want to walk the length of the table to join Rose and Lily, instead, without really thinking, deciding to sit down opposite James.

"Hi," He said brightly. "I haven't seen you around the past few days, where have you been hiding?" He asked smiling at me.

"Detention," I sighed helping myself to some dinner, "With your brother, which I have to go to in about ten minutes,"

"Rose mentioned something about that, how's it going?" He said sadly, "Any luck so far?"

"He has not said two words to me, barely even looked at me." I shook my head, "I don't think we're going to get anywhere to be honest unless I lock us in the room,"

"Not a bad idea, I could speak to Fred and we could sort something out," He said seriously, looking down the table for Fred.

"Merlin no," I replied quickly, "Being alone with him for two hours is more than enough let alone indefinitely," James laughed loudly and I tapped him on the arm grinning slightly. Albus decided to walk past us at that exact moment.

"Shit," I mumbled as he scowled at his brother. James sighed and shook his head.

"Maybe I should just fucking kiss you and then he would actually have something serious to bitch about," He growled. I stared at him in shock for a moment, his anger taking me by surprise.

"James?"

"What?" He said frowning at my shock, "We were just talking for Merlin's sake. I'm getting sick of having to look over my shoulder just in case I step on precious Albus' Potters toes."

"I'm trying to sort it," I said sadly.

"I know," He replied after a moment. We were both quiet, the relaxed atmosphere between us dissipating.

"I best go," I said looking at the time. James nodded and gave me a sad smile. I made my way to Professor Abbott's classroom my mind reeling at James' outburst. I knew that things would never go back to normal with us until I was back to normal with Albus' and I think James knew that too. However, in reality, I don't think I could ever see Albus being okay with me again. A small part of me accepted that our friendship was too far gone and, if that was the case, getting back with James would be choosing him over Al. I sighed and shook my head; I understood where James' frustration was coming from. We couldn't even speak to each other without upsetting him and I had no idea how I was going to sort it out.

"You're late," Albus snapped as I walked into the classroom. He had already made a start to the decreasing pile of notes. I was so shocked to hear him speak to me it took me a second to realise that the noise had actually come from him. He stared at me as I stood dumbfounded in the doorway. "Are you just going to stand there?" He said loudly.

"Sorry," I mumbled moving hastily to my usual seat. He didn't reply instead turning his back on me once again and continuing his work. I decided against pushing him this evening, knowing that he would be annoyed about me and James at dinner and not really fancying a full-blown row. An hour into the detention Al started shifting uncomfortably in his seat and sighing loudly. I glanced up to see him standing up and moving to the other side of the room to get some more parchment.

"What?" He spat when he caught me watching him. I felt myself blush and moved my eyes back onto my work. "That's what I thought," He said sitting back down.

"Do you have to be so bloody rude?" I said loudly, taking us both by surprise. I was getting annoyed at his attitude towards me but as soon as I had spoken I wish I could take it back. Al turned in his chair and stared at me.

"Did you have to fuck my brother?" He said coldly. I rolled my eyes and laughed sarcastically, feeling my anger towards Al spilling out of me.

"Yes I did actually Al, twice, and it was fucking fantastic," I smirked as his face paled. He composed himself slightly and shook his head turning back in his chair. "What? Don't like the truth Al, you seem to bring it up any chance you get. I thought you might want the details seeing as you're so obsessed with mine and your brother's sex life." I knew I should stop but my mouth was getting away with me.

"Shut up," He said quietly. I stood up and walked in front of his desk, slamming my hands down on the desk in front of him.

"Do you want to know how we fucked on my birthday after he gave me the most beautiful present?" I said my voice rising.

"Shut up," Al growled not daring to meet my eyes.

"Or how he was in the house on New Year's Day when you came to check on me?" I shouted, ignoring him.

"Shut the fuck up," He repeated.

"Do you not want to know exactly how much I love your brother?" I yelled.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" Albus screamed. He stood up and threw the desk out of the way and moved towards me. I felt like I wanted to take a step back as he stood over me, glaring at me with so much hatred it shook me to the core. But I stood my ground, the Gryffindor in me not allowing me to a move a muscle or break eye contact. I knew that I needed to stand up to my friend; I knew that it was time to stop running.

"You don't intimidate me Albus Potter," I whispered harshly, hoping I sounded more confident than I felt. "I know you too well."

"I thought I knew you," He whispered. I heard his voice break slightly, he was letting his emotions get the better of him, and I was finally getting through to him however painful it might be. He shook his head and took a step back his eyes not leaving mine.

"You do know me," I replied after a moment. He didn't reply instead just stared at me. I suddenly felt uncomfortable and moved to pick up the overturned desk and papers that had been strewn across the floor.

"I know that you're a liar and I hate you for that," He said after a moment. I looked up at him from the floor and shook my head deciding it was probably best if I didn't reply, knowing we would end up in an argument again. I continued to pick up the paper off the floor before I heard him bend down and help me. We worked in silence for a moment whilst we cleaned, I moved back to my desk to finish the notes I had started before we had argued. Another hour passed before Professor Abbott gave us the go-ahead to leave. As per usual Al was the first out as I collected my things trying once again not to let it bother me. I made my way through the quiet hallways, deciding not to rush back to the dormitory not wanting Rose to grill me once again about how I was getting on with Al.

"Marshall," A voice called out from behind me as I walked down the 3rd-floor corridor. I turned around to see Albus Potter leaning up against the tapestry; I had been completely oblivious to him standing there as I walked past.

"I thought you went ahead?" I said frowning in confusion as he stepped out of the darkness and into the half-light. He looked extremely conflicted as he walked in front of me.

"Do you love him?" He said after a moment. He didn't shout at me, he didn't swear. If I was shocked, I didn't hide it well; he waited for my reply, managing to hid his emotions a lot better than I was.

"I do, very much." I replied quietly, not really sure how the conversation was going to go. He nodded and considered me for a moment.

"Why didn't you just tell me? He asked in the same emotionless tone.

"I didn't want to lose you Al," I sighed sadly, feeling my eyes well up.

"You didn't have to lose me," He said simply. "You just can't have both of us,"

"Don't do this Al, please," I said tears falling freely now, knowing exactly where this was heading.

"Choose Hannah," He said simply as if it was the easiest thing in the world.

"Al, why are you doing this?" I asked wiping the tears from my cheeks and trying to take control of my emotions once again.

"You don't want to lose me; I'm giving you the chance to win me back." He looked straight through me as he spoke, he didn't allow any emotion to come across his face, whilst I was a blubbering mess.

"Al, please don't do this to me," I said after a moment.

"Give me your answer tomorrow," Al said sharply before walking back up the corridor away from the common room.

* * *

A/N: Thanks for reading once again! This was a really hard chapter to write so I hoped you enjoyed it. Please don't hate on Al too much, I know he's being a prick but a least we're getting somewhere and Hannah is finally sticking up for herself!

Let me know your thoughts as I love hearing from you guys.

Next chapter to come soon as I hate leaving you on a cliff hanger!

Thanks again for reading,

Jadeannkneeky


	18. Chapter 18

**Chapter 18**

"How did it go yesterday?" Rose asked at breakfast the next morning. She was on rounds when I finally got back to the common room after pulling myself together. I decided, as I fell asleep that night, I wouldn't tell anyone about what Albus was asking me to do. I knew that it was a decision I needed to make alone without anyone else's influence; no one else would understand.

"Better," I said, hoping she would buy the fake smile I had plastered across my face.

"Brilliant, I knew he would crack eventually," She smiled. "What pushed him over the edge?"

"We had an argument again but after things calmed down it went okay, we still have a long way to go though," I added, grabbing another piece of toast and shouldering my bag. "I need to go to the library before Charms, see you in lesson," I said rushing out of the hall before she could ask any more questions.

My mind had been reeling from what Albus had asked of me the night before. I had barely managed to get any sleep, overthinking the decision I needed to make. I had known, deep down, that this was coming. The only reason I had tried desperately to break James' heart was that I knew it was easier to lose both of them, then to choose between them. I hated Al for wanting me to make this decision, but I missed him awfully and would inevitably be throwing away six years of friendship over what could barely be called a relationship. I couldn't be certain that James and I would last if I chose him but I knew for certain I would have Al in my life forever.

As I walked back to the common room the night before, I knew the decision I needed make. I knew that Al was the safer bet, but then I walked through the portrait hole and saw _his_ face light up as he saw me. I loved James Potter more than I ever thought I could. Seeing him made me realise that whilst choosing Al was safer, was the option that made sense, losing James would break my heart forever. My head said Al, my heart said James. I walked the halls looking for the younger of the Potter brothers finding him stepping out of the boy's toilets near Charms. I grabbed his arm and pulled him into a secluded alcove ignoring his complaints and some nosy thirds years that spotted us.

"If I choose you what would that mean for me and James?" I asked harshly, frowning and folding my arms waiting for his reply. He studied me for a moment before answering.

"You wouldn't be able to be friends anymore and you would have to end it, properly this time. You would need to make him believe it,"

I nodded, "And if I choose James, what would that mean for me and you?"

"We would never be friends ever again, I wouldn't want you near me obviously hindering my relationship with my brother but he already knew all of this," Al replied flippantly.

"What do you mean he already knew this?" I asked surprised at his honesty.

"I made it very clear to James that if he would pursue you again I would never forgive him," He replied darkly. I studied my old friend for a moment and was suddenly aware of how different he had become. I couldn't remember the last time I had seen him smile which made my heart hurt for him. He was moody and serious all the time. We had broken his heart so badly that he was now trying to cover all bases before accepting me back in his life. He was protecting himself, ensuring I could never hurt him again; even if that meant hurting me and his brother.

"I miss you," I said sadly. Al just stared at me, his eyes not giving away any emotion. He sighed and shrugged.

"We should get to class," He said setting off without another word.

* * *

The conversation I had had with Al played on my mind all day. I found myself not paying attention in lessons, my mind desperately trying to figure a way to sort out the mess. I was surprised to find that I wasn't as upset at Al's question as I had initially been. I finally understood why he needed it to be this way; he needed to protect himself.

"What is with you?" Rose whispered during DADA, the last lesson of the day. I had barely spoken to her or Scorpius all day and I could tell they were concerned. I still hadn't told them about Al's lifeline, knowing full well they would hate him for it. I turned towards her and shrugged catching Al's eye as I turned back around to face the teacher. I knew the decision I needed to make but something in me knew it went against my better judgment. "Are you coming to dinner?" Rose asked as we moved out of the classroom.

"I'm going to head to the library and start this essay before detention," I lied. "I'll catch up with you later," I tried to give her a heartfelt smile as I walked up the corridor knowing full well she didn't buy it. I found myself suddenly needing to be alone, needing a clear head to make the biggest decision of my life. I moved to a secluded area of the library and sat down in the window seat looking out across the castle grounds. I needed to have come to a decision before I saw Al that evening otherwise I wasn't sure I'd ever get an opportunity again to get him back. I missed him so much, I wanted more than anything to have him back in my life but at the expense of my heart, I wasn't so sure.

"Rose said I would find you here," James' voice called from behind me. I sighed and turned to face the last person I wanted to see right now. He was standing awkwardly between the bookshelves, running his hand through his hair like he always did when he was nervous. He looked so handsome, so perfect; I just wanted to run into his arms and forget all of this ever happened. I needed to pull myself together; I was only making it harder on myself thinking those things. "She's worried about you, is everything okay?"

"I wish people would stop worrying about me, I'm stronger than I look." I snapped, throwing my legs off the side of the bench, leaving him space to sit down.

"I know that," He said softly taking the vacant seat, "I probably should've spoken to you sooner about what happened with you and Cressida-

"I know that we should probably talk about it at some point, but right now isn't the time," I said swiftly, interrupting him. He nodded and reached out to grab my hand.

"Okay," He replied simply. He looked down at our intertwined fingers and smiled sadly. "Do you ever think we could be together, properly?" He looked up at me and I suddenly realised how close his face was to my own; how easy it would be to lean across and kiss his soft lips. I turned my head and looked down at my shoes.

"Albus wants to be my friend again," I said after a moment, deciding it was probably best to ignore his question.

"That's great," He smiled, "What changed his mind?"

"He's given me some…conditions," I hesitated, not meeting his eyes.

"What kind of conditions?" I saw James frown; he dropped my hand and waited for me to answer.

"Nothing too bad," I lied.

"Hannah…"

"Look, I've been friends with Al for six years," I started, jumping off the window ledge and pacing the alcove. I could feel the tears I had been holding off all day coming back. "I need him back in my life, I need him to be Albus again," I said desperately turning to face the older Potter who looked conflicted.

"But at what expense," He said quietly.

"You know what," I replied. He sighed and looked down at the floor. "I don't know what to do," I cried desperately.

"It seems you've already made your decision," James said standing up.

"James please don't do this." He made to move past me but I grabbed onto his arm not letting him move away from me. "This is the most difficult thing I've ever had to do in my life."

"I know how I feel about you Hannah and I thought you felt the same way." He said quietly, looking down at me sadly.

"This is so much bigger than me and you. This is about Albus, about getting him back to how he used to be, about my friendship with him, about not destroying your family." I said, feeling the tears fall down my checks.

"And what happened to fighting for us," James hissed. I felt my breath catch in my throat as a quiet sob escaped my lips. James lifted my chin softly and wiped a tear from my cheek. "I want you, Hannah," He whispered. I could feel his breath against my lips and I looked up to meet his intense gaze. I knew at that moment the decision I was going to make and it took all of my strength to shake my head and pull away from him.

"I'm sorry," was all I could trust myself to say. I turned on the spot and didn't look back once as I left the library, holding it together as I turned around the corner finally allowing the tears to fall down my cheeks as James Potter's broken face flooded my mind.

* * *

Albus was already in detention when I arrived. Instead of having his back to me like normal, he had chosen a seat close to where I normally sat, facing me. I wanted more than anything to be happy about this change but all I kept thinking about was how broken James had looked when I left him. I sat down in my chair and grabbed my notes not saying anything to Albus, not fully trusting what would come out of my mouth. It was half an hour later when he bit the bullet himself.

"Have you made your decision?" He said quietly. I turned my head to look at him and was met with the same emotionless expression I had been seeing all week. I sighed and nodded but still didn't talk. "Do I get to know this decision?" He asked after a moment.

"I choose you, Albus," I said quietly, not daring to meet his eyes.

"Okay," Was all he responded, I wanted to take it back immediately but knew that it would only make the situation worse. "Have you spoken to James?"

"I've sorted it," I replied through gritted teeth.

"How do I know-

"Albus," I interrupted loudly, "I said I've sorted it."

"Okay," He said again and went back to his work. We continued the detention in silence once again, I didn't want to talk and I don't think Albus knew where to start. In any case, it didn't really feel like there had been any shift between us and I was trying desperately not to think too much into why. Professor Longbottom came and gave us our freedom an hour later reminding us that we had one more detention the next day and unlike he had all week, Albus waited for me to collect my things and we left the room together.

"It's been weird not speaking to you," He said as we walked down the corridor, I glanced at him not really knowing what to say.

"I know," I replied, keeping my voice level trying to hide my emotions the best I could.

"Do you think we will ever go back to normal?" He asked, stopping for a moment and looking worriedly at me. I looked up at my old friend and sighed.

"Honestly," I said in spite of my better judgment, "No I don't," I saw his face fall slightly. "Do you think you'll ever forgive me?" I asked.

"Do you think you'll ever forgive me?" He said sadly. I considered him for a moment, before sighing and reaching a hand out to squeeze his arm comfortingly.

"Baby steps," I said quietly looking at my friend once again. I tried to give him a soft smile but I knew it must've come across more of a grimace. Al looked down at my hand and then met my eyes, offering me the most genuine smile I had seen on his face in months.

"Baby steps," He agreed.

* * *

A month later, I found myself sitting on the end of Roses bed at her home in London on the last weekend of the Easter Holidays. A month had passed since Albus had made me choose between him and James and our relationship had gone somewhat back to normal to everyone's confusion except Albus, James, and I. I had spent the majority of the Easter Holidays at my parent's house enjoying the break away from the wizarding world and my friends. Rose had questioned me every opportunity she got on what had happened between me and Al, which had driven me insane. I was extremely close to not stopping at her house as agreed during the holidays but I think Scorpius had a word and she let it drop a few days before we broke up for Easter.

School was going well once again and the reserves vs first team games had been a success during the last week of term, Gryffindor winning every match of course. We had our last match against Slytherin the first week back and I had spent my holiday prepping for it. We were in with a big chance of winning the house cup if we won by a significant margin, something I was more than willing to do.

Although my relationship with Al had taken a turn for the better, my relationship with James was now none existent, much to the disgust of the entire Weasley clan besides Albus Potter. We had barely said two words to each other since the night in the Library, only remaining professional during practise and civil if we found ourselves near each other in a family setting. It had been painful and heartbreaking to let him go and a part of me wanted him back so desperately but it was too late. I knew he would never forgive me for choosing Al over him, for not fighting for us. Their relationship was better now, but I knew James hated his brother for making me choose and often I would see them arguing quietly together, stopping whenever I would come into view.

"Have you spoken to Al much recently?" Rose said grabbing the chocolates from in between us and stuffing one in her mouth.

"Not really. He wrote to me but I just needed some space. It is extremely intense getting Albus Potter back into your life after nearly two months. He has felt the need to update me on every part of his life since we feel out, including a very vivid sex dream he had about the giant squid in the lake," I rambled, grimacing at the memory.

"That's disgusting," Rose replied, screwing up her face at the thought.

"You're telling me," I smirked and helped myself to some chocolate.

"He wanted us to stop there this evening," She said after a moment. "Scorpius is going to be there and I was wondering if you wanted to go because I haven't seen Scorpius for two weeks and would really like to see him," She said quickly not meeting my eye. I sighed loudly.

"Rose we can go you know you don't have to go all high pitched and nervous on me. I don't mind going to see our friends for merlin sake; you aren't leading me to my death." I said jumping off the bed and grabbing my shoes.

"I just didn't want to make it awkward, I know you and James aren't getting on at the moment," She explained pulling on her own shoes.

"Well if Al has anything to do with it I don't think James will be around us much," I said without thinking. Rose stopped collecting her things and turned to face me.

"What's that supposed to mean?" She asked, a frown creased across her forehead.

"Nothing, I just meant Al doesn't like James hanging around us when we all together," I rambled, trying to backtrack.

"Hannah?" Rose said quietly, her eyes pinned on me.

"Rose, drop it please let's just go and see the boys."

We left the house, walking down the street to a more secluded area to apparate from. We appeared on the Potter's doorstep a moment later, Rose a little breathless as she hadn't become as accustom to the sensation since only passing the week before. I knocked the door sharply feeling Rose watching me hesitantly.

"Please talk to me Hannah," She said quietly. The door opened and James Potter stood in front of us looking between us with confusion. My annoyance with Rose quickly evaporated, being replaced by the same hopeless feeling I always had nowadays around James. I didn't dare trust myself to meet his gaze as I looked down to the floor hoping Rose would speak for the both of us. Not seeing James in two weeks had made me forget the effect he had on me and seeing him looking as handsome as ever only made me regret everything that had happened.

"Let us in James," Rose sighed after a moment. I felt him look to me once more before stepping aside and letting us pass.

"They're in the drawing room," He said shutting the door behind me. Rose smiled at him and moved to the door leaving us both alone in the hallway. I hesitated before following her; wanting to, needing to say so much to the boy in front of me. I heard him sigh and move towards the stairs.

"It's good to see you," I said quietly. I wasn't even sure he heard it but he stopped in his tracks, one foot on the bottom of the stairs.

"Al will be waiting," He replied not turning around to face me but continuing to walk up the stairs. His words echoed in my ears as I followed Rose into the drawing room, trying desperately to hide the pain that was so prominent in my heart.

"Hannah," Albus said coming over to me smiling madly. We both hesitated for a moment before he wrapped his arms around me, holding me tightly. The physical displays of affection we were used to showing each other before everything happened had not returned over the weeks leading up to the holidays but he had hugged me on the last day, something that made me nearly burst into tears. "It's good to see you," He said pulling away and looking down at me. I plastered on a fake smile and hoped he brought it.

"Hi Scorp," I said going over to my Slytherin friend who had Rose Weasley wrapped around his middle.

"You okay Hannah?" He said frowning slightly; he was always so observant. I nodded hastily and sat on the armchair near my friends. Rose started talking about the homework we had over the holidays and I was more than fine just listening to the conversation rather than participating. It had taken a few weeks for the four of us to fall back into our old dynamic, Rose and Scorpius confused at the complete sudden change of events; especially without any explanation. However, it had been a welcomed distraction to throw myself into sorting out our friendship group.

"Where are your parents Al?" I asked a few hours later. We had decided to stop over the night and go with the Potters in the morning. Mr Weasley had sent over our luggage ready for returning back to school. It had been a few hours since we had arrived and I hadn't seen either of the Potters.

"They are at some conference thing, they will be here in the morning but we are meant to look after ourselves tonight." He said shrugging, placing a card on the pile. I nodded in response and stood up.

"I'm going to get a drink. Does anyone want anything?" I said to my friends they all grumbled their responses as I left the room moving to the kitchen. The house was dark now and I was suddenly overwhelmed with the feeling that someone was watching me whilst I made myself a cup of tea. I turned around to see the youngest of the Potters standing in the doorway.

"Shit Lily!" I said jumping violently, "You scared me half to death," I chuckled nervously. She didn't say anything as she moved to sit at the table.

"Have you had a good holiday?" I asked politely trying to make conversation. Since myself and Albus had become friends again my relationship with some of the Weasley's had been strained, including the younger Potter. I dreaded to think what James had been saying to them about me, but whatever it was I knew it wasn't good.

"It was okay, better than James' anyway," Lily said with a frown, playing with the sugar bowl on the table. I shook my head and busied myself in the kitchen trying to ignore her comment.

"Do you fancy a tea?" I asked after a moment, she nodded and I worked in silence for a moment before placing her mug in front of her. I hesitated before sitting down opposite her.

"You and Al are friends again," She stated simply.

"Yes,"

"And you and James are…nothing now,"

"Yes,"

"What the hell happened?" She said her voice rising slightly.

"Sorry Lily, but I don't think that's any of your business," I replied, my annoyance getting the better of me.

"I thought you were going to fight for him," She said flippantly.

"Yes well…things change," I said with a shrug, trying not to let my emotions get the better of me.

"I thought you loved him, has that changed?" She asked softly. I broke her gaze and busied myself with my cup. "He's broken-hearted Hannah," She added.

"Well he's not the only," I said annoyingly, standing up to leave the room.

"Then why are you doing this," Lilly said standing up as well. At that moment Albus Potter burst into the room with a look of worry across his face, he looked between Lily and I and his expression softened.

"I wondered where you got to," He said with a fake smile plastered on his face. I felt my anger rise quickly and I rolled my eyes moving towards him, knowing what I was about to say was not going to help the situation one bit but it was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"I wasn't with James so you don't have to worry," I sniped. He frowned and looked at Lily who just shrugged at her brother.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked.

"It means I'm keeping to our agreement so you don't have to check on me Albus'," I snapped, walking past him.

"What agreement is she talking about Albus?" I heard Lily ask her brother as I walked into the hallway.

"Drop it Lily…Hannah wait!" Albus called from behind me. I ignored him and went to move into the drawing room only to find Rose and Scorpius standing in the doorway.

"I thought I heard shouting," Rose said frowning at me. I rolled my eyes and tried to look for my escape away from Albus but I was cornered.

"What agreement are you talking about Hannah?" Lily asked loudly from behind her brother. I looked at Albus and then at Rose who looked in shock. I sighed and shook my head.

"It doesn't matter," I said sadly.

"It obviously does Hannah," Scorpius interceded. James decided at that moment to come walking down the stairs, his face screwed up in confusion at the sight of us all standing in the hallway.

"What's going on?" He asked, looking between me and Albus.

"It doesn't matter, can everyone drop it now please," I said loudly.

"No, I won't." Lily defied, stepping around her brother and in front of me, "Hannah Marshall you tell us right now what is going on. I don't care if you hurt someone's feelings, this needs to be sorted once and for all. I'm sick of it," She said her face going slightly red and her hair swinging madly behind her.

"Lily, please don't make me do this," I said desperately. She glowered at me and I glanced at Albus who looked in a panic.

"If you don't tell us, I will lock all three of you in a room until it is sorted do you understand?" Rose snapped. I looked at my friend and then at the two Potter brothers; I was at a loss.

"That's probably for the best, I don't see how this fucking mess can be sorted out any other way," I said quietly feeling everyone's eyes on me.

"Albus gave Hannah some conditions," James stated after a moment.

"You told him?" Albus shouted incredulously.

"Not everything," I replied sheepishly. I don't know why I felt so guilty but somehow I felt like telling James what Al was making me do had betrayed Al further. Rose sighed and moved in front of me, blocking both of the boys from view and offering me what I assumed was supposed to be a supportive smile.

"What were the conditions Hannah?" She asked softly. I shook my head at her and bit my bottom lip nervously. I knew that telling everyone would make them all angry at Albus and I just couldn't bare that; they just wouldn't understand. I knew exactly why Al asked me to choose and in his shoes, I feel like everyone would have done the same.

"I can't tell you Rose," I whispered, looking past her to offer a sad smile to Albus who looked visibly upset. Rose stared at me and then to Scorpius who turned to Al.

"Albus, what did you ask her to do?" He said looking at his best friend. Al glanced at me for a moment and then to his brother on the stairs and sighed deeply, like a man who had the weight of the world on his shoulders. I wanted to wrap him in my arms and tell him it didn't matter what had happened. I wanted to take his pain and heart break away and tell him it was going to be okay. I wanted to take back everything that had happened and tell my best friend how much I loved him and how I would never ever hurt him again. I felt my eyes well up and I moved around Rose towards my friend who looked so broken.

"It's okay Al," I said softly, reaching out my hands to hold his. "I understood why you wanted me to do it and that's all that's important," He looked down at me and I saw the tears shinning in the green eyes I had missed so much. Everyone around us was quiet watching our interaction with bated breath.

"I just didn't want to hurt again Han," He whispered, letting a tear slip down his cheek. I reached up and wiped it away, leaving my hand in place, holding his face gently. "I'm so sorry Hannah," He said, a sob escaping his lips as he wrapped himself around my body and cried painfully into my shoulder. I felt my own tears fall down my cheeks as I held my broken friend, trying desperately to take away the pain I had caused.

"We'll give you two some time," Someone's voice said from behind us. I heard doors opening and closing and I knew that we were finally alone. I lost track of how long we stood there in the Potter's hallway, wrapped around each other, crying into each other's shoulder. Al pulled away from me and took my hand leading me upstairs to his room. We sat quietly on his bed looking at each other sadly. Al reached up to my cheek and wiped a tear away smiling slightly through his own.

"We need to get a grip," He chuckled, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.

"Tell me about it, I feel like I've cried enough for a lifetime," I said with a sad smile. He looked at me, his expression faltering slightly.

"That just makes me sad,"

"Cut it out, I thought we were meant to be getting a grip," I said tapping him slightly on the arm.

"I don't like that you've been hurting Hannah, you're my best friend,"

"I don't like that I hurt you, I hate that I hurt you," I retorted, ducking my head slightly in shame.

"I don't think I handled it well at all," He said softly. I looked up at him, his face screwed up in a sharp frown and his eyes still shinning with tears. I reached out my hand and took his, stroking the back of it with my thumb.

"I don't think anyone handled it well Al, especially me." I said softly, averting my eyes away from him to try and hide the shame. "I tried so hard not to hurt you and in the end, there was no avoiding the pain I was going to cause you. I was selfish and stupid and you paid the price."

"Don't be daft," He ducked his head to find my eyes. "You love him?" I bit my lip nervously and nodded, "Then I don't think you were being stupid." I looked at him in shock for a moment; he gave me a weak smile.

"I'm so sorry Al," Was all I could bring myself to say.

"I know you are," He replied, "I forgave you the moment I found out but I am so dam stubborn," He chuckled. I felt tears in my eyes once again and gave him a watery smile. He looked at me for a moment before taking a deep breath and leaning over to rummage through his top draw. He pulled out a screwed up piece of parchment and flattened it out in front of us. "When I found the letter, I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces," He started.

"Al…" I said shaking my head and reaching out for the letter.

"Please just let me talk Hannah," He gave me a soft reassuring smile. "I'm not having a go, I promise." I looked at him for a moment before pulling my hands back onto my lap and nodding. "When I found the letter, I felt like my heart was breaking into a million pieces." He continued, "Everything he wanted he got: Captain of the Quidditch Team, Head Boy, good grades, popularity, favourite son and now...you. He finally had everything he could possibly want." Al frowned slightly, not taking his eyes off the parchment in front of him, like it was his lifeline. "I was so angry. I actually thought I was going to kill him." He looked up at me, guilt swimming in his eyes. "How could I think that Hannah? What kind of monster believes that he would kill his own brother," A tear fell down his cheek and he wiped it away hastily. I reached out and took his hand back in mine, squeezing it softly; telling him I was here, telling him I was listening.

"I've been trying to make sense of all my feelings. I've been so angry and so broken; I thought I was going mad. But through it all, I knew the one person who could make me feel normal, feel like me again, was the one person he took from me." I felt my own tears falling down my cheeks again at Al's confession. I thought he was just angry because I feel in love with his brother and we hid it from him, but it was so much deeper than that.

"He didn't take me, Al, I'm still here." I gave him a soft smile which, thankfully, he returned.

"I know that now, but it has taken time." He looked at the letter again. "I shouldn't have kept it, I know that, but it has helped me try and make sense of all this mess, helped me make sense of my feelings. I don't think my love for you was what I thought it was and I understand that now."

"How do you mean?" I asked.

"I think I loved the idea of me and you. I loved the idea of us being like Rose and Scorpius when we are nothing like those two. I think I talked myself into being in love with you because it was the only way I could understand exactly why you meant so much to me. Losing you made put everything into perspective," He gave me a sad smile, "I don't think I could ever live without you Hannah, I tried to and it all but killed me." He said softly. It took me everything not to break down into hysterical crying right there and then. I gulped and bit back the sobs that I could feel building in my throat.

"I can't live without you either Al, you are my best friend how can I?" I replied quietly. We were both quiet for a moment.

"I shouldn't have asked you to choose," He whispered, "I knew you would choose me and that's why I did it. I didn't care about breaking your heart or James'. I cared about protecting my own and having my best friend back. I'm so sorry Hannah," He ducked his head in shame.

"Al," He looked up and met my eyes, "I told you downstairs that I understand. I know exactly why you did what you did and don't blame you or hate you or need you to apologise," I said softly. "I just needed you to be Al again; I would always choose your happiness over mine."

"I know you would," He took a deep breath and shook his head glancing at the ceiling before meeting my eyes with a smile, "I don't want you to do that anymore Hannah," I frowned slightly.

"What do you mean?"

"I want you, Hannah Marshall, to put your happiness before mine, before anyone else's." He gave me the biggest smile, but I was still so confused.

"I want you to be happy Hannah, I love you and I want you to be happy." It finally clicked; he was giving me his blessing. I shook my head.

"At what expense Al; your own happiness; our friendship; your own family?" I replied in disbelief.

"At no expense Hannah," He took my hand in his, "You aren't ever going to lose me Hannah Marshall, even if you grow three heads. I can't live without you." He looked at me so intensely I wanted desperately to look away. "You are my soulmate Hannah and you deserve to be happy. If it is my brother that makes you happy then…okay" I studied his expression for a moment, waiting for him to start shouting or crying but instead he just looked at me, so honest and full of hope. I felt the tears coming back.

"What changed?" I said quietly, still not quite believing what I was hearing.

"Apart from realising that I was a fucking selfish idiot?" He joked. "Your letter Hannah, _I know I shouldn't say it anymore but I am very much in love with you too,"_ I felt myself blush slightly. "We both agreed that we couldn't live without each other but here you are laying that all on the line because you love someone, Merlin, even I'm not an idiot to know that that doesn't count for something." He smiled at me softly and I tried to judge if there was any resentment or bitterness left there, but all I could see was his smile, "I want you to be happy."

"And what about James, do you want him to be happy as well?" I asked quietly. Al sighed and leaned back slightly.

"That is for me and him sort out," He said after a moment, his tone changing slightly. "But Hannah, we will sort it out and no doubt it will make us stronger than ever. I mean we both love you for crying out loud, we're just too bloody similar for our own good," He smiled kindly at me and lay down pulling me into his side. We were both quiet for a while as I watched his chest move up and down with his breathing, feeling incredibly happy to be lying there with him again, trying not to let the niggling reminder that James still hated me spoil the moment.

"I feel like I can breathe again," Al whispered. I smiled into his chest but didn't offer a reply, just content to be in Al's happiness. We lay there for what felt like an eternity before I heard Al's breathing getting deeper and deeper, looking up and seeing he had fallen asleep, thankfully with a smile on his face. I slipped off the bed quietly and grabbed a throw to cover him with. I turned the light off and stood in the doorway watching my friend sleep more peacefully than he had in months.

"Everything okay?" Rose asked as I walked into our shared room, Scorpius was lying on the end of her bed when I arrived and sat up as I walked in.

"Everything's okay," I said with a soft smile. Rose sighed deeply and came over to hug me tightly.

"I knew you would sort it eventually, you love each other too much." She said wisely.

"What has he said about you and James?" Scorp asked walking over to us. He wrapped an arm around my shoulder as Rose pulled away.

"He wants me to be happy," I replied softly, looking up at my blonde friend who beamed down at me.

"About bloody time," He said with a smile. I shrugged and pulled away from him, moving to sit on my bed. I could hear the two of them communicating wordlessly behind me and rolled my eyes.

"That's good isn't it Hannah?" Rose said coming to sit next to me on the bed. I looked down and my lap and sighed deeply.

"I suppose so but-

"But nothing, go and be with him Hannah," She grabbed my hand and squeezed it encouragingly.

"I can't," I sighed, feeling a tear fall down my cheek.

"Why? Al's giving you the go ahead, go and take advantage of that." Scorpius said sitting the other side of me and wrapping an arm around my shoulder.

"I chose Al over him," I said finally, they both looked at me confused. "The condition that Al wanted was for me to choose-

"I swear to Merlin that boy is making it very difficult for me not to kill him," Rose muttered under her breathe.

"No, it's okay. I know why he wanted me to and it's sorted now its fine. But-

"But now you choose Al over James," She finished sadly. I nodded and tried to wipe the tears away.

"I didn't fight for us, I let us go." I whispered, "I don't think I can get him back from that." They were both quite for a moment, nobody really sure what to say.

"Have you read the letter yet Hannah?" Rose asked. I shook my head. "Read the letter before you start jumping to any conclusions," She offered.

"But I broke his heart-

"And if I remember rightly he broke yours," Scorp offered, I frowned remembering back to catching him and Cressida in the stairwell.

"He loves you Hannah," Rose smiled, "Don't give up just yet."

* * *

 **A/N: Thanks again for reading!**

 **I can't believe there is only three more left! I am currently toying with the idea of a prologue, not quite ready to give these characters up. We'll see how it goes.**

 **There might be a delay in getting the next chapter up as work is building up and I think I need to add a few things to the next chapters for better continuity overall. Hopefully, it will be with you in the next few days.**

 **Thanks once again for all the love and support!**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


	19. Chapter 19

**Chapter 19**

The next morning we piled on the train as Mrs Potter and Mrs Weasley waved us off, making our way to an empty carriage. The morning at the Potters was an awkward one too say the least. Scorpius had made his way to Albus' room not long after I'd left, leaving Rose and me to get some sleep. I'd spent the night tossing and turning over the day's events. My heart felt more stable than it had in weeks now that I had righted things properly with Albus. His honesty and understanding had been a refreshing change compared to the past few weeks of complete uncertainty. I suddenly felt at ease again, knowing I had my best friend by my side, but all I could worry about was my situation with James. In spite of everything, I had turned my back on him and this time I wasn't so sure he would forgive me so easily.

We made our way into an empty carriage, Lily rushing off to find her friends leaving the rest of us standing there awkwardly. I had barely even looked at James all morning, let alone spoken to him and I knew he was picking up on it. Despite Al basically giving me his blessing and Rose and Scorpius reassuring me that I shouldn't give up, I was still beside myself with doubt at what the future held for us.

"I should probably go and find Fred, got rounds soon anyway," James said after a moment.

"You could stay," Al offered. He glanced sideways at me and smiled broadly like he was suddenly trying to be my wingman or something. I glared at him, hoping he had suddenly become an expert at Legilimens and would shut up immediately. But no, this was Al we were talking about and he was an expert at putting his foot in it. "If you want to I mean," I saw James glance towards me and then back to Al, he gave his brother a smile that didn't quite reach his eyes.

"Maybe not today, I've actually got quite a bit to do. Catch up with you guys later," He replied, leaving the carriage and walking off up the train.

"What the hell," Al said in disbelief, turning to face me. "We did not go through all of this for you to suddenly not be interested in him," He said grabbing my shoulders forcing me to look at him. I rolled my eyes and shook my head, pulling myself out of his grasp and throwing myself into an empty seat.

"Drop it Al," I sighed.

"No, I won't drop it," I gave Rose a sideways look but she merely shrugged.

"I happen to be with my cousin on this one Han," She said pulling a book out of her bag. I glared at her and turned to Scorpius who was nodding in agreement, bloody couples.

"We didn't speak for nearly three months over you and James and now you get what…cold feet," He said staring at me in disbelief. I glared at him trying desperately to bite my tongue.

"Look Al," I started, "I am beyond happy that we have finally sorted our shit out and are now back to being friends again but a lot has changed-

"That's bullshit and you know it," He interrupted. I gave him another death glare but continued.

"It's not bullshit Al," I sighed, "I'm glad that we're friends and I understand that you want me to be happy but if I'm going to be honest, you doing a whole 360 on the me and James thing is creeping me out," He frowned and sat down opposite me. "I understand you're trying to be supportive but it's just so sudden and I don't know how comfortable I am about it."

"I just want you to be happy Hannah, I think I owe you that," He explained.

"I know you want me to be happy and you don't owe me anything," I smiled, "I just think that this is something I'm probably going to have to sort out myself," I finished. He considered me for a moment before his face broke out into a wide smile.

"Okay then," He bounded over to my seat, lying down with his head in my lap, "Test me on Potions please. I haven't really been revising too much over holidays."

"Al we have the test tomorrow," I scorned, grabbing his notes and hitting him with them on the forehead.

"I know, I know, I know," He laughed, batting me away. "Please help me," He said sticking his bottom lip out and giving me puppy dog eyes. I tutted but obliged anyway, happy to be off the subject of me and James.

"You give in too easily," Rose said smiling over at us. I stuck my tongue out at her and looked down at the notes.

"It's because she loves me," Al said with a wink.

"I will hit you on the head again," I threatened. He winked at me again and started recalling the potion on the cue card.

* * *

"Can someone please explain to me why the fuck we have a training session on the first day back at nine o'clock in the bloody evening?" I heard Fred moan as he entered the changing room.

"I think she's finally lost it," Lily joked, coming in behind him. I walked out from the office and they all shut up abruptly.

"We are having a training session on the first day back because under no circumstances are we losing the fucking match next Saturday," I said standing in front of my team.

"Hear, hear," Danny called, beaming at me from the other side.

"It's so late though," Fred moaned.

"I thought you wanted to win the cup this year Weasley," Darcy piped up taking us all by surprise.

"Well yes-

"So shut the hell up then," She spat. All of us looked between the two of them before laughter broke out across the changing room.

"What did I miss?" James Potter asked as he came strolling into the tent.

"Fred got his ass handed to him by a second year," Lily said between fits of laughter.

"You would've known that if you were on time," I said sternly, feigning confidence and glaring at him. Everyone stopped laughing and looked between the two of us.

"Not again," I heard Roxy mumble under her breath. I choose to ignore her, instead not breaking my gaze with James who was looking extremely conflicted standing in the doorway.

"Sorry, I had head duties," He explained sitting in his usual spot.

"I thought you gave up Captaincy as to not have conflict between the two," I knew I was being harsh but I wanted to win so badly next week that I knew I had to set an example.

"I'm sorry, it won't happen again," Was all he responded, looking at me with sad eyes.

"No, it won't. You were ten minutes late so ten laps around the field," I looked at my watch and tried to ignore the shock of the rest of the team.

"We want to win the cup don't we," I said looking at all of them. They all nodded, "Okay then, no more fucking around. This is going to be the most intense Quidditch week of your life, I don't want people messing around or being late. We're in this to win, do I make myself clear?"

"Yes Capt," Fred said standing up and saluting.

"Great, then you can join Potter with his laps, everyone else on the field." Fred groaned but I heard him chuckle as well. I grabbed my broom and lead my team out for our first practice of the week.

* * *

"You look shattered," Al said as I threw myself down on the sofa on Wednesday evening. It had been the only night I hadn't been able to book the Quidditch pitch and whilst I had been annoyed at the time, I was probably more thankful than anyone else on the team for the break.

"Everyone hates me," I moaned putting my hand to my head and closing my eyes, trying to keep a banging headache at bay.

"I don't hate you," Al said cheerfully. I shot him a look, "Okay not anymore. Why does everyone hate you?" He said changing the subject.

"I'm like the bloody dragon lady. Winning has gone to my head." I grimaced remembering the evening before where I had had a full on screaming fit in the middle of the Quidditch pitch about a poor pass that wasn't really anyone's fault, but I lost my shit, pissed everyone off and made an utter tit out of myself.

"Just think how happy everyone will be when you guys win on Saturday," Kate said from the other side of Al.

"I suppose," I agreed not really believing it. "Have you guys managed to sort everything out now?" I asked them both changing the subject. They had broken up at some point during mine and Al's fall out, Kate telling Al that he needed some much-needed space to sort through everything. Thankfully Al had had a brainwave over the holidays and realised just how much she meant to him and so found her the first night back, neither of them leaving each-others side since then. I was happy for Al and thankful for Kate being there to boss Al around again.

"We're just seeing how it goes at the moment," Kate told me with a smile, I glanced at Al who gave me a mischievous wink in reply. "I best head to the library, I have so much revising to do. How did you guys cope with OWLs last year, I swear I'm just about ready to pack it in now," She said standing up.

"Honestly, I think it's one of those things that was so bloody awful your brain blocks it out," Al said grabbing her hand and rubbing it gently. "Like childbirth or something." She smiled at him and leaned down to kiss his cheek softly.

"See you later Hannah," She said with a smile walking out the portrait hole.

"I'm glad she's back," I said, watching Al look after her with a dopey smile on his face.

"Me too," He smiled; he kicked his shoes off and threw his legs across the seat and onto my lap. "She told me she knew about you and James by the way."

"I was shocked when she mentioned it at New Year," I sighed, "Honestly it felt like the whole party knew."

"Apart from me," Al said with a smirk. I smacked his leg and threw him a dirty look. "I'm joking, I'm joking." He chuckled. "Have you spoken to him?"

"Kind of," I said biting my lip.

"Shouting at him during practice doesn't count," Al smirked. I rolled my eyes and grabbed a book out of my bag.

"We're both busy at the moment," I explained.

"Did you hear he got an apprenticeship in Egypt?" Al asked, his forehead creasing to a frown. My head shot up and I found myself gapping at the younger Potter. "I take that as a no, he goes the day after graduation," That was only two months away, I felt my heart sink. I thought, for some unknown reason, that I had all the time in the world to sort things out between us but in reality, he was leaving Hogwarts this year and now he was moving country. I could feel him slipping away from me day by day and I was letting it happen. "Hannah, are you okay?" Al asked, concern written across his face.

"I think I need some air," I said suddenly standing up, Al scrambled to move his legs.

"Hannah?"

"I'm okay, just not feeling great. I'll catch up with you at dinner," I said giving him a fake smile and walking out of the common room, trying desperately to ignore Al calling after me. I wasn't really sure where I was heading but I knew I needed to be alone. I found an empty classroom on the fourth floor and hastily threw myself into a seat taking a few steady breaths to calm my heart that was threatening to burst from my chest.

The whole year had gone by me at an alarming rate and whilst two months sounded like a long time, I knew that between his exams and my coursework it would be no time at all. I was beyond terrified to think that I had let the love of my life slip by and I'd just stood there and watched it happen. I steadied my breathing and tried to make sense of everything in my head. I wanted to fight for us, I knew that now but I couldn't ignore the fact that I might be too late. I was also annoyed at James for not telling me that he was applying for jobs in Egypt or letting me know that he had got it, leaving it down to Albus to break the news. I knew I had to get a grip and so pulled myself out of the chair, sorted myself out and made to leave the classroom, pausing when I heard voices outside. I stood frozen to the spot as I saw James Potter enter the room, his arm wrapped around a sixth year Ravenclaw. He was too busy talking to the blushing girl to notice my dumb ass standing in the middle of the classroom.

"Oops, looks like this room is already taken Jamie," The girl, Poppy I think her name was, giggled as she spotted me. I could've thrown up there and then; _Jamie,_ bloody disgusting.

"What do you- oh," James' eyes locked onto mine, the shock evident in his face.

"Hi," I sputtered. I could've smacked myself on the head for how stupid I sounded. Why did I have to say anything? I knew I should probably be running for the hills and crying my eyes out by now but also I knew that if I left they would be alone to do whatever they were going to do in the first place. That's when it sunk in; he was with a girl, someone who wasn't me.

"Let's find somewhere else," Poppy insisted, ignoring me and trying to pull James out of the room. He didn't move, instead staring at me with the same surprised expression.

"What are you doing here?" He asked sternly.

"I could ask you the same question," I replied, more confidently than I felt.

"I don't think that's any of your business," Poppy answered for him, turning to face me her hands on her hips.

"I'm not really feeling it now Poppy, I'll catch up with you later," James said to her, his eyes not leaving mine. I saw Poppy frown before throwing her brown hair over her shoulder and storming out of the room, slamming the door behind her. After months of avoiding each other, we were finally alone and Merlin I desperately wished I could be anywhere else.

"Are we seeing other people now?" I asked scathingly, feeling my anger bubbling under the surface.

"Well we aren't seeing each other," He replied. In my head, I knew he made complete sense but my heart couldn't help but break slightly at his words.

"Is she your girlfriend?" I asked, not really wanting to know the answer.

He shrugged and sat down on the edge of one of the desks. The idea of James being with someone else made me want to punch him and throw up all at the same time. I frowned and pulled my eyes away from him to the floor. I didn't want him to see how upset the two of them had made me, but I was fooling myself to think that he didn't already know.

"You're going to Egypt," I stated, deciding it was probably best to change the subject before my emotions got away with me.

"Yes."

"When were you going to tell me?"

"Why would I need to tell you?" He said looking at me with a strange expression on his face. I knew he was being awkward because of everything I had done but I was too tired and too heartbroken to keep my anger at bay.

"BECAUSE YOU ARE MEANT TO LOVE ME," I shouted, finally allowing the tears to fall down my face. He was quiet for a moment, studying me as though he'd never seen me before. I could feel my heart beating widely in my ears.

"You were meant to love me," He replied softly, his voice cracking slightly, his façade slipping.

"I do love you," I couldn't understand why I was putting my heart so on the line but the words were out of my mouth before I could even think about it.

"You chose Al," He replied.

"It's not that simple," I said, calming down slightly and wiping my tears away with my sleeve.

"OF COURSE IT IS," He yelled standing up and coming over to me, his anger getting the better of him. "I LOVE YOU, YOU LOVE ME. WHAT ISN'T FUCKING SIMPLE ABOUT THAT?" He stood in front of me, breathing heavily, his face screwed up in pain and tears filling his eyes. He looked so breathtakingly beautiful it made me want to cry even more than I already was.

"You know it's not that simple otherwise you wouldn't be bringing girls into empty classrooms," I yelled back at him, my temper getting away with me once again.

"Why does it matter what I do now?" He growled.

"Because…" I sighed, staring into his brown eyes and feeling myself slowly letting my barriers fall.

"Because of what Hannah," He said moving closer to me and staring at me with so much intensity I felt like my knees would give way.

"It's such a mess," I whispered, lowering my head and letting a sob escape my lips. I felt him move closer to me, feeling him place his hand softly on my chin and lifting my head slowly. I closed my eyes tightly feeling his breath on my lips. "James," I said softly.

"Open your eyes Hannah," He whispered. I opened them and saw his shining brown eyes staring down at me with so much passion. "Why didn't you fight for us?" He asked painfully.

"I had no fight left," I whispered. He sighed and placed his forehead on mine, dropping his hand from my face. "And now we're out of time," I finished. He nodded at my words and stepped away from me turning around so I couldn't see his face.

"I didn't mean for you to see me with someone else, it was selfish and just really shit of me so I apologise," He said turning around and putting his mask back on. I could only trust myself to nod in understanding. "I guess I'll see you at dinner or practice tomorrow," He said moving to the door.

"James," I called as he left. He stopped in his tracks and I took a deep breath, "I don't want this to be over," I said sadly. He considered me for a moment before sighing.

"Then don't stop fighting," He left the room leaving me standing there feeling more confused than I was when I entered.

* * *

I could feel my heart banging in my chest as I walked down to breakfast the morning of our last game. Every Gryffindor that saw me cheered and came over to wish me good luck, only adding to the permanent state of nausea I had felt all week. After the encounter with James on Wednesday, I threw myself even more into planning for the game, working the team harder than ever in our last two training sessions, even going as far as to not speaking to Scorpius and even Rose all week. I wouldn't allow myself any distractions, I needed to win the game, and I needed to win the Quidditch cup.

As it stood we were second with Ravenclaw out in front with a bigger winning margin. They had played all of their matches before the Holidays and everyone was waiting on the game today to decide who would win. We needed to beat Slytherin with a 200 point lead meaning we needed to be at least 50 points ahead before Lily could catch the snitch, a tall order by any means. Losing didn't even bare thinking about.

I walked into the great hall hearing sneers from the Slytherins and Ravenclaws and a deafening cheer coming from the Gryffindor's; I could've thrown up there and then. I took a deep breath and walked down to my team who were sitting in silence, all of them staring into space looking about as pale as I probably did. I sat down in between Fred and Danny, grabbing a cup of coffee and taking a big gulp, trying my best to concentrate on the hot liquid burning my throat over the noise of the students around me.

I knew I should be rallying the troops but anything motivational that came to mind was lost in my throat. James came in not long after me and looked as worried as everyone else. He looked at Fred who moved across to allow him to sit next to me. I was too worried about the match to even be anxious about James Potter sitting next to me. It was only when I felt a soft hand wrap around mine under the table did my heart pick up the pace. I glanced at James and he gave me the warmest smile, squeezing my hand tightly. It was all I needed to put my worry at bay; I returned a small smile and slammed my hands down on the table making everyone jump.

"You've got ten minutes. Have some food or I'm cutting you and get your butts down to the field. I don't want to see anything other than smiling when you enter that tent, understand?" Everyone looked at me in surprise but nodded in response. I grabbed a piece of toast and banana and made my way down to the field. The Gryffindor's cheering as I went by, I faked my confidence and gave them all a smile before rushing out the door.

There were only ten minutes left until the match began. The team was already in the changing room, not really talking, everyone focusing on the task ahead. I took a deep breath before closing my book of notes for the last time that year and walking out of the office. Everyone looked up at me when I entered and I tried to offer them a smile of confidence knowing that it didn't quite reach my eyes.

"Okay," I started, standing in front of them. "This is it. For some of you it's your last ever match at Hogwarts," I looked at the four seventh years, "For some of you it's your first year of Quidditch," I looked at Lily and Darcy who both still looked a bit pale, "I have had the best year ever with you lot," I said, smiling genuinely for the first time that week, "And win or lose, you are my team and you have fucking smashed it and I am so proud of you all,"

"Hear, hear," Lily agreed. I could see everyone relaxing slightly, even seeing a few smiles.

"You know what needs to be done," Everyone nodded, determination written across their faces. "Let's smash these slimy gits and get ourselves a fucking trophy," I said grinning madly. Everyone cheered and stood up grabbing their brooms and heading out of the door. I followed suit before feeling James hand clasp round mine once more and saw him smiling down at me.

"You're wonderful," He smiled, looking at me with so much intensity I felt myself blush, "I'm so proud of you," He said leaning down to kiss me softly on the cheek. I blushed again and heard him chuckle as he followed the rest of the team out of the tent. I grinned stupidly and followed behind walking across the field as the rest of the team took to the air. The noise from the crowd was deafening as I walked over to Madam Hooch and Scorpius who were in the middle of the field.

"Okay," Hooch shouted over the noise, "I want a nice clean game please; any issues will be dealt with promptly. I don't want anyone to be hurled off in a stretcher so no dirty tactics." We both nodded. "Captain's shake hands please," I looked to Scorpius and smiled at my friend who was smiling back at me.

"Good Luck Hannah," He grinned.

"And you Scorp," I said genuinely. Who would have thought two captains getting on as well as we did? We mounted our brooms and took to the air waiting for the whistle.

"Madam Hooch releases the bludgers and the snitch," Lysander's voice rang across the stadium. "She releases the Quaffle and they're off."

* * *

We were losing, badly. I tried not to let myself get disheartened as Slytherin scored another goal but it was inevitable. It was 80-40 and the game had only been going on for ten minutes. I was busting a gut hitting bludgers at the players, feeling as though it wasn't helping at all. Lily had been a star keeping an eye on the snitch, signaling a number of times when Danny and I needed to hit a bludger towards Scorpius, Slytherin seeker, to veer him off course. It was about the only thing that was going right.

"Weasley coming up on goal now, she passes it to her brother who swerves the rogue bludger nicely dropping the Quaffle down to Darcy Frank who SCORES! 80-50." The Gryffindor end erupted into cheers. I raced across the field hitting the bludger as hard as I could towards an opposing chaser, getting them to drop the Quaffle and for us to gain possession once again. I saw Danny manage to steer Scorpius off course with a powerful hit, which was really close to knocking him off his broom entirely. It was horrible to watch but we needed to score at least 8 goals, without letting in anymore, to win the cup. I knew we needed a change of tactic as Roxy went and scored another two, Fred managing to score seconds later bringing the score level once again. 50 more points and Lily could catch the snitch and end the game.

"Nott passes it to Burgess who rushes towards Potter in goal. She shoots but her shot is easily intercepted by Roxy Weasley who lobes it to Darcy Frank at the other end of the field, Marshall's bludger knocking Smithers out of the way leaving Frank with an open shot at goal. 90-80; Gryffindor lead for the first time this game," Forty more points.

I raced across to Danny, blocking a bludger that was about to hit Roxy.

"Danny, you go and help James. Stop them getting goals at whatever cost, I defend the Chasers and Lily when the time comes," I yelled. He nodded and flew off to the other end just at Slytherin scored again; fifty more points.

"HANNAH," Lily screamed pointing in the direction of Scorpius who was in hot pursuit of the snitch, he was too darn good that boy. I scanned the area for a bludger to hit at him but I was coming up empty. I saw him lifting his hand out as Fred managed to get another past their Keeper. Forty more points, we were too close to give up now.

"Catch the fucking snitch as soon as the last goal goes in," I screamed at Lily who nodded. I looked at Scorpius and before I could change my mind, I flew as fast as I could straight at him. The impact was awful; I heard my arm break before the searing pain burned through me. Roxy managed to score another goal just as Madam Hooch was blowing her whistle. Thirty more points. We fell to the ground as play was halted, Scorpius landing awkwardly on top of me as I screamed in agony.

"Fucking hell Hannah have you lost your dam mind," Scorpius yelled at me. I opened my eyes and saw him looking somewhat annoyed but mainly worriedly at me.

"Miss Marshall what are you thinking flying into another player like that," Madam Hooch shouted.

"Sorry," I winced, pulling myself up and trying to ignore the pain in my arm. "I lost control of my broom." I looked at them both, neither of them believing me but neither of them disputing it.

"Penalty for Slytherin, Marshall give me your arm," I held it out and Madam Hooch looked at it closely. She uttered an incantation which numbed the pain and allowed me to move my fingers again. "That will do for now, are you okay to continue?" I nodded and took to the air. "Yellow card for Marshall," She yelled there were a few boos as we all flew to the goal posts ready for the penalty. I managed to break my batting arm meaning I was now going to be batting with the wrong hand; I prayed this game would finish soon.

"Nott steps up to take the penalty, remember if this goes in it is fifty points to Slytherin," I could barely watch as he threw the ball through the air before James smacked it away and into the arms of Fred Weasley who took off to the other end of the pitch. I could've kissed him there and then for saving our arses. "Weasley picks up the ball from Potter and is followed closely by Danny Frank who bats away danger leaving Weasley to SCORE! 120-90," Twenty points.

"Nott intercepts a nice throw from Weasley who is in hot pursuit, flanked by his sister. Nott passes to Burgess who has a feeble attempt at goal that Potter scoops up easily, throwing it back out to Frank who shoots from close range. 130-90," Lysander called, I could barely hear him over the noise of the Gryffindor's cheering madly.

Ten points, one goal this was it. I smacked the rogue bludger towards their group of chasers who dispersed leaving Danny to aim one at Nott who dropped the Quaffle into the arms of Darcy who took a wild shot at goal from the halfway line. It flew through the air in slow motion slipping past the keeper's fingers and through the hoop.

"LILY NOW," I screamed, hurling myself at her side and following her every move as she scouted for the snitch. "CHASERS BLOCK THE GOALS, DANNY GET TO JAMES AND HIT TOWARDS ANYTHING GREEN," I barked at my team. I scanned the area spotting a bludger heading our way and praying my left-hand practise was going to pay off. I took a swing and although it wasn't my best hit the bludger flew towards Burgess who dropped the Quaffle leaving it in open play for Darcy to scoop up. I saw Lily lean further down her broom as she zeroed in on the golden ball the other side of the pitch. Scorpius was hot on our heels and I zeroed back around leaving Lily to fly freely towards her target. I saw her reach out her hand, barely spotting the bludger heading her way. I flew faster than I ever had, hitting the bludger with the tip of my bat sending it in the other direction just as Lily closed her hand around the fluttering golden ball.

"POTTER HAS CAUGHT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WIN QUIDDITCH CUP," I whipped my head around and saw Lily hovering in front of me, beaming madly holding out the snitch as if I needed the proof. I felt my eyes widen in shock before we were encased in our team wrapping their arms around us, cheering and yelling madly. We had won the Quidditch Cup.

* * *

"You're free to go and celebrate Miss Marshall," Healer Thompson said coming out of her office. Madam Hooch had ushered me straight up to the hospital wing as soon as the final whistle rang out, completely ignoring my complaints at wanting to get the cup and be with the team, saying I should've thought about that before flying at Scorpius. I told her it was completely worth it, which thankfully made her laugh. I practically ran up to the castle, still in kit, hoping Healer Thompson wouldn't take too long to fix my arm. She gave me two potions telling me to rest for an hour before finally allowing me to go. I ran through the corridor, barely containing myself with excitement as I skidded down the corridor running up to the Fat Lady.

"Fizzing Wizzbies," I said breathlessly, she beamed at me.

"Congratulations dear," She said swinging open. The noise was immense; all I could see was a mass of red and gold. I smiled madly, feeling happier than I had in ages. I took a step in and was immediately encompassed in hugs and cheers. I somehow made my way to what seemed like a makeshift stage, the rest of the team throwing their arms around me when they saw me.

"Finally," Fred yelled over the noise, "We didn't want to do the trophy without you Capt," He said throwing his arms around me.

"I mean I don't think any old captain would literally fly into the other Seeker to stop them from winning, only an absolute barmy one," Danny said laughing. I threw my arms around his neck and let him spin me around.

"Where's this trophy then?" I asked my teammates looking around, before noticing James Potter walking towards me, trophy in hand, beaming from ear to ear.

"Captain," He said pushing the cup towards me, the crowd were cheering widely as I grasped the handles and lifted it over my head, Fred and Danny picking me up on their shoulders and the rest of the team and the common room cheering madly. This was the second time I had won the cup but this meant so much more than the first. After everything that had happened this year, I needed this for myself. I had put everything into getting to this moment and I couldn't believe I had actually done it. I was hastily put down as a team photo was taken, James throwing his arm around my shoulder and the team crowding around us laughing and cheering. I couldn't wait until that picture was on my wall. Eventually, someone started playing some music and Butterbeer and Firewhiskey was being handed out. I was reliving the match with Lily and Darcy when I was wrapped in a massive hug by two pairs of arms.

"We knew you could do it," Rose squealed pulling back and kissing me on the check. "I'm so proud of you Hannah," She beamed. Al grabbed me by the waist picking me up and spinning me round wildly laughing madly.

"You're fucking fantastic Hannah Marshall," He laughed, putting me down and kissing me on the other cheek. He handed me a Firewhiskey and joined in our conversation about the match.

"Sorry I flew into Scorp, Rose," I said cringing slightly. She laughed and shook her head.

"Are you kidding? It was bloody amazing, he was fine anyway, a bit of a bruised ego though," She laughed.

"You're mad," Al said wrapping an arm around my shoulders again.

"I honestly would've died before losing that game," I replied.

"Oh I don't doubt it," He laughed, "You are still a maniac though," I tapped him on the arm playfully.

"I'm glad you two are back to normal," Lily said looking at us fondly, "Have you sorted things out with James?" At the mention of his name, I glanced across the room and saw the boy I loved talking happily with his friend, smiling more honestly than I had seen in weeks.

"Not yet," I said finishing my drink only for it to be replaced with another straight away.

"I thought you two were going to kiss on the stage when he gave you the trophy," Rose said absentmindedly.

"You so should've done that," Lily agreed.

"Done what," James Potter asked sitting down with us. I choked on my drink glaring at Rose and Lily who were in fits of giggles.

"Rose said that Hannah should've kissed you when you gave her the cup," Al said smirking at me. I could've died on the spot.

"Can we drop it please, I'm in a good mood and I don't want it ruined by stupid remarks," I glowered at them, blushing slightly and offering James a half smile.

"Hannah's right, probably wouldn't have been the best idea," James agreed sternly. I felt my face fall slightly and frowned at him. He pulled his eyes away from mine and distracted himself with his drink. I could feel the others staring at us and so decided not to say anything.

"I swear I could bang your heads together," Lily said standing up, "I need a bloody drink,"

"I'll join you," James said following his sister. I watched them leave the table before shaking my head and turning to my friends.

"Why did you have to put your foot in it Al? I specifically asked you not to," I moaned seeing the smirk that still hadn't vanished from his face.

"I like winding you up," He said putting his hands up in surrender. I looked to Rose who laughed but shook her head all the same.

"You need to sort it out Hannah," She offered, "If you aren't going to be with him then you need to get some closure before you go stir crazy," I sighed but understood what she was saying. I hadn't allowed myself to think about my argument with James on Wednesday, the distraction of the match keeping my mind away from it. We were slowly running out of time and I still had no idea what to do. I loved him so much and he told me he felt the same but yet he was bringing girls into empty classrooms to do Merlin knows what. I knew I had hurt him by not fighting for us but here he was giving up on us as well. I was so confused and conflicted and my buzz from winning the match was slowly disappearing.

"I don't want to think about this right now, I need to get a drink and to enjoy the celebrations," I said to my friends standing up. "I'll catch up with you guys later."

* * *

As the hours passed by I felt myself becoming more and more intoxicated. My hand was never empty as Gryffindor's kept handing me drinks, pulling me over to talk to them and giving me their own rundown of the winning match. I felt myself relax more as the evening went on, my confidence level growing and suddenly feeling the need to dance like I never had before. I found Danny sitting in the corner and pulled him into the circle to dance with me. He was pretty drunk himself and we laughed together as we moved to the music.

"As if you flew straight into Malfoy," He laughed in my ear. "You're mad do you know that," He said his hands wrapped around my waist. We were surrounded by bodies of people dancing with us.

"I needed to stop him, I had no choice," I laughed looking up at my friend. "How are things with Hugo?" I asked quietly seeing him blush slightly.

"It's going really well actually," I saw him look over to Hugo who was watching Danny with a fond smile on his face. He blushed in embarrassment when he saw us looking at him. Danny laughed softly.

"I'm glad you guys are sorted now," I smiled as Danny spun me around. "Do you think we would've got together if you were straight?" I slurred, "I mean there is no denying you are a hot piece of ass Mr Frank," Danny laughed madly and I felt myself go red as my mouth ran away from me. "I mean…you know…oh, who cares you're hot," I laughed, falling into Danny who was doubled over from laughing.

"Oh Hannah, you do have a way with words," He gasped, pulling me into him again.

"Don't flatter yourself Frank," I smirked. Danny laughed madly before learning into my ear so I could hear him.

"Hannah Marshall, if I loved women then you would no doubt be my first choice. But-

"There's always a but," I giggled, feigning annoyance and pulling away from him dancing widely once again.

"But, I am afraid I love another and your heart is taken by certain Mr Potter who, can I add, is looking at me like he's going to kill me right now," He said glancing over my shoulder.

"Probably because your hands are on my ass," I giggled. Danny's eyes shot open in horror and I laughed madly once again at his reaction. "Let him look, he can't have it both ways."

"What do you mean?" Danny asked with a frown, spinning me around once again as the music picked up tempo.

"Doesn't want me dancing with guys but still pulls girls into empty classrooms," I said trying to stand still and tumbling slightly to one side. "Merlin I've had too much to drink,"

"Well if he's going to play that game," Danny smirked, his eyes drawn in determination, his game face poised. "Then we should make him really jealous," He said glancing at me with a mischievous look in his eyes. He brought his hands to either side of my face and kissed me briefly on the side of my mouth. I barely had time to react before I felt a strong pair of arms pulling me out of the crowd. I looked to where I'd left Danny standing there with a stupid grin on his face. "You're welcome," He called moving over to Hugo who looked as confused as I was at the situation. I turned around and saw James Potter leading me away from the common room, his face screwed up in anger.

"James let go of me," I said pulling away from him. He dragged me into the heads room, slamming the door behind us and turning to face me, anger radiating from him. "You can't manhandle me you know," I slurred, adjusting my clothes and trying to stand still as to stop the room from spinning.

"What the hell are you playing at?" He spat. I looked at him, suddenly seeing three of him.

"My head," I groaned sitting down on his bed and shutting my eyes tightly.

"I thought there was nothing going on between the two of you, why are you kissing him?" James shouted. I groaned and suddenly felt my stomach lurch.

"He kissed me," I moaned. "James seriously, I don't feel so good." I grabbed my stomach.

"Bullshit, you're just trying to get out of this." He yelled. I stood up and walked over to him, ignoring how dizzy I felt.

"What does it matter if I see other people, we aren't seeing each other?" I yelled, using his words against him. I saw him frown as he understood what I was getting at. "You're ruining my celebration so move out of my way," I said trying to push him away from the door, however, my vision was so bad I missed him completely and ended up in a pile on the floor.

"Ow," I said rubbing my head; I felt my stomach lurch again even worse than last time. "Oh shit," I heaved myself off the floor and ran into his bathroom, barely making it to the toilet in time before throwing up everything I had drank that evening. I heard James follow me in and saw him standing in the doorway looking at me sadly. "Just leave me alone okay," I said feebly.

"Water," He said handing me a bottle. Against my better judgment, I took it from him and downed the lot. "Come on," He said helping me off the floor and moving me to his bed. "Do you want me to go and get your pyjamas?" He asked softly as he helped me take off my Quidditch robes.

"Don't go," I said softly, my vision blurring slightly as I caught sight of his beautiful face walking away from me.

"I'll get you a top to borrow," He moved away from me to his draws as I stood up to take off the rest of my Quidditch kit, my drunken state not caring for my dignity.

"Hannah," James' voice choked from the other side of the room. He was looking down my legs and stomach, his face horrified at what he saw. It took me a minute in my state to realise what he was looking at. I looked down and saw the scars of my attacks from Cressida littered down my legs and my darkened skin across my stomach from where I still hadn't healed fully, even after nearly three months. I frowned and suddenly became very aware of how undressed I was. I stumbled over to him and snatched the top from his hands, pulling it hastily over my head.

"Just don't," I sighed.

"Hannah," he started. I ignored him and got into his bed facing away from him to avoid the pity and guilt I knew I was going to see in his eyes. It's not that I didn't want to talk to him about it; I was just too drunk and too confused about everything to warrant that discussion at that moment. I closed my eyes, exhaustion slowly encompassing me, and felt the bed dip next to me.

"I'm so sorry Hannah," I heard James say.

"James," I breathed as I felt his hand reach across and tuck a loose piece of hair behind my ear. He left his hand there for a moment, caressing the side of my cheek so softly I could've imagined it. I leaned into his touch, needing to feel him more than ever, needing for him to be there with me at that moment.

"Yes Hannah," He replied softly, his hand still holding my face gently. I felt a small smile creep across my face as sleep was enticing me further.

"I love you," I whispered before sinking into the dark abyss, my dreams full of James Potter.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading once again and sticking with me on this story!**

 **Apologies about the delay with this Chapter but there was a lot of edits to the ending of this story and so had to change a few things here for it to all make sense.**

 **I'm hoping the next Chapter will be with you over the next few days.**

 **Only two more Chapters to go!**

 **Thanks again for all the favorites/follows/reviews it means so much!**

 **Jadeannkneeky**

 **P.S I hope you all enjoy Fantastic Beasts! So excited to go and see it this weekend!**


	20. Chapter 20

**Chapter 20**

I was vaguely aware of the sound of running water nearby as I wearingly opened my eyes, my mind screaming at me to go back to sleep. I groaned inwardly as I rolled over spotting a much-needed glass of water on the bedside. As the water ran down my throat, barely coming up for air as I drank, I heard the sound of a shower turning off and whistling coming from the bathroom. I brought the glass away from my lips as realization hit and the memories of last night flooded my mind; Danny kissing me, James shouting at me, throwing up in the toilet, drinking far too much. I groaned as I realised that I had not fallen asleep in my own bed or in my own clothes. I wondered if I had time to make a run for it before James Potter stepped out of the bathroom, wearing only a towel and not leaving much to the imagination.

"Morning," He said drying his hair with a towel. "Feeling better?" He asked with a smile that didn't quite meet his eyes.

"Not really," I replied, trying to ignore the banging in my head as my hangover suddenly took effect. I was very aware of how disgruntled I looked and, even though I was covered by the bed covers, how little clothing I was wearing. "Sorry about last night," I grumbled. James shrugged and moved across the room to his draws. It was then that I remembered how blatantly I had stripped off in front of him, vaguely remembering the shock on his face when he saw my scars.

"Are you and Danny a thing now?" James asked as he pulled some clothes out of his wardrobe.

"No," I sighed, glad he hadn't mentioned Cressida or the scars. "He kissed me to make you jealous, I didn't know he was going to do it before you start and I think it probably looked worse than it was."

"Well it worked," He said with a frown. He quickly got dressed and sat down at the foot of the bed, his face giving away the inner conflict he was clearly having with himself.

"James, just say what you need to say," I said, trying to hide my annoyance. I was more embarrassed than anything and desperately wanted to be as far away from him as I could be. He was quiet for a moment, ducking his head to avoid my eyes.

"I can't believe she did that to you," He said quietly. I shifted uncomfortably on the bed and tried to cover myself even more than I already was. I felt my cheeks redden slightly as his eyes met mine, full of hurt and pain.

"I don't really know what you want me to say," I replied dejectedly. James shook his head and ran his hand over his face.

"I'm just sorry that I brought that on you," He said quietly. I scoffed unbelievably at his words, taking us both by surprise. "What?" He asked with a frown.

"You didn't bring that on me, James," I sighed, shaking my head and pulling back the covers to find my clothes. I just wanted to leave, I had spent longer than I wanted to in James' company and my head was still banging from the night before. I needed to get as far away from him as I could manage, for my own sanity and bringing up the past wasn't going to help either of us. I pulled on my Quidditch kit and sat back down on the bed to put my shoes on.

"Hannah," James continued. I ignored him as I pulled my hair up into a quick bun and grabbed my cloak. "Hannah please," He said blocking the door as I made to leave, "Stop running away from this."

"Just because you need to make sense of it James, doesn't mean I do," I said scathingly.

"How can you be okay that this happened to you?" He argued, his face drawn up in confusion as he made his way closer to me.

"It's just the way it had to be," I spat, glaring at the boy in front of me, desperately trying to find a way around him. He looked down at me and sighed before stepping aside and sitting back down.

"It's so messed up," He said quietly. I looked over at the door and then to the boy sitting on the bed with his head in his heads. I shook my head and, against my better judgment, I sat down next to him.

"You're telling me," I agreed.

"I'm just so sorry Hannah," He said quietly, reaching across and taking my hand. I glanced down at our intertwined fingers and couldn't help but smile at the contact. "We don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," James reassured, glancing at me.

"I just don't want to remember," I said quietly, avoiding his eyes. James unclasped our hands and wrapped his arm around me comfortingly. We were quiet for a while, it took me a moment to realise that I was crying into his shoulder as the weight of everything that had happened with Cressida hit me.

"I will never let that happen to you ever again, you know that don't you," James whispered into my hair. I pulled away from him and wiped my tears away. He brought a hand to my face and gave me sad smile. "Whatever happens, I'm always here for you please know that."

"I know," I nodded, "I should probably head off," James ran his hand through his hair and frowned.

"You told me you loved me last night," He said quietly. I blanched for a second as I remembered what I said before I fell asleep.

"Yes well, I wasn't really in my right mind." I backtracked. James sighed and stood up in front of me.

"Hannah I need to tell you something."

"What?" I said trying to hide the hopefulness that I could feel building inside of me, my heart beating loudly in my chest.

"It's probably not the right time to mention this but I don't want you to find out from someone else," He rambled.

"James, what is it?" I asked standing up and trying to ignore the feeling of dread I could feel building in my stomach.

"I'm seeing someone," He said simply. I gapped at him as I felt my heart skin to my shoes.

"Oh," was all I trusted myself to say without bursting into tears once again.

"It's the girl I was with the other day, Poppy," He explained.

"Oh," I said again, trying to wrap my head around what he was telling me.

"I just…I don't know…can we just be friends or something?" He asked hesitantly, doing well to keep his mask in place, not letting me see any emotion.

"I um..." I stuttered; the banging in my head getting slowly worse.

"Seeing you with Danny last night, whether you're together or not, it hurt and I was so angry, but really, it just made sense." He offered.

"I don't really know what you mean?" I frowned. He sighed loudly and started pacing the room, trying desperately to avoid my piercing glare.

"I just think that after everything, it makes sense for us to just…go our separate ways." He stopped moving and glanced at me, trying to gauge my reaction. I stood there rooted to the spot in complete disbelief at what was happening, "You have Al now and well…we can't wait around forever can we." And then finally, I understood. It was like Rose had said, we needed to either be together or have some closure and this was James choosing for the both of us. All I wanted to do was run; I couldn't believe the change in events from last night to this morning. His jealousy with Danny, the guilt with Cressida, the anger at everything; I could barely tell whether I was coming or going.

"Well, I'm sorry for the Danny thing and for throwing up in your toilet," I said quickly.

"Hannah you don't need to apologise," James said with a sad smile. I considered him for a moment before shrugging.

"No I suppose I don't, you dragged me in here after all," I stated. He didn't respond. "So that's it then," He nodded as I turned on the spot and made my way to the door, trying desperately to keep my tears at bay and ignore my heart breaking all over again.

"James," I said quietly, pausing with my hand on the door. I turned around and our eyes met once more. "I am sorry you know,"

"For what?" I sighed and walked over to him, placing my hands on his arms and looking into his surprised face with as much honesty as I could manage. I could feel my heart banging in my chest and my eyes filling with tears but I don't know what came over me. I knew I didn't want to leave it at that, I knew that for once I needed to be in control of this situation, I knew that I needed to fight for James Potter.

"For not fighting for us," I started, "I'm sorry I broke your heart and I'm sorry I didn't choose you but-

"Please stop Hannah," James said pulling away from me frowning, "It's done, I've moved on and so should you." I nodded and tried to not let the tears fall.

"Sometimes I just need to listen to my head instead of my heart even though it ends up completely breaking my heart," I said quietly. "I'm sorry and I know you don't want to hear this but I meant what I said before I fell asleep." He looked at me confused. "I love you," I said with a soft smile. I moved over to him and kissed him softly on the cheek.

"Hannah," He paused for a moment, closing his eyes slightly and sighing deeply. He opened his eyes, his mask slipping back in place with ease, and took a step back from me. "I don't feel that way about you anymore," He said quietly. I nodded in understanding as my heart completely shattered in my chest. I wanted to burst into tears on the spot, I needed to release the pain that his words had caused but I knew for once that I couldn't think like that. I needed to be in control.

"If that's how you feel then..." I managed to say quietly, blinking the tears away. He didn't respond. "Thanks for looking after me last night," I said with a sad smile. I gave him a long look before taking my leave.

"Hannah," He called. I whipped around trying not to get my hopes up. "Friends?" He asked, sounding almost hopeful. I shook my head and sighed.

"I don't think we could ever just be friends James," I replied through the tears that had finally fallen. I didn't wait for his response as I left the room without looking back.

* * *

"I feel like I'm dying," I groaned throwing myself down onto a bench. After waking up in James' room I snuck back into my dorm to get ready for breakfast, hoping a shower would wake me up. But between a hangover and a broken heart, it wasn't happening any time soon.

"Tell me about it," Al nodded in agreement passing me a coffee.

"Did you guys enjoy your celebrations last night then?" Scorpius said as him and Rose joined the table. Al and I just moaned in response and Scorpius laughed. "Well done for winning yesterday Hannah, deservedly so," I offered my friend a small smile.

"Sorry about flying into you, no hard feelings and all that," I said grimacing at the memory.

"Maybe not between me and you but I think the whole of the Slytherin house," He turned around to the table, nearly all of them were throwing me dirty looks, "And the Ravenclaws," I turned to see the same expression mirrored on their faces too, "is out for your blood," He said with a smirk. I sighed loudly and grabbed some toast trying to ignore them.

"Who cares," Al pipped up throwing a supportive arm around my shoulders, "All of the Gryffindor's love you, especially one in particular," He finished with a wink. I shook my head and shrugged him off me.

"What's this?" Scorpius asked with a frown.

"Well rumour has it that little miss Marshal here was seen been dragged into my big brother's bedroom last night and wasn't seen for the rest of the party," Al said smirking sideways at me. I felt the blood rise in my face as Rose and Scorpius both stared at me.

"Finally," Rose smiled. I looked at all three of them, feeling tears once again well in my eyes. "Hannah?" She said frowning.

"I swear to Merlin if that dickhead has hurt you again," Al growled, looking about ready to punch someone.

"No, no, no," I said quickly, placing my hands on top of Al's now clenched fist in a bid to calm him down, "Nothing like that."

"Then what is it?" Rose asked impatiently. I looked down the table towards the older Potter who was sitting with Fred and Hugo, laughing as though he hadn't broken my heart this morning. I took a deep breath and turned to face my friends.

"He told me he didn't love me anymore," I said quietly.

"Bullshit," Al almost laughed. I bit my lip and nodded.

"And...he's seeing someone," I added. They all looked at me incredulously, nobody knowing what to say.

"Do you believe him?" Rose asked, reaching across the table to hold my hand.

"I caught him with a girl on Wednesday. They came into an empty classroom I was in and I don't think they were there to study," I said, stubbornly wiping the tears that had escaped away.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Al said in shock.

"Because I didn't need the distraction before the game so I just tried not to think about it," I explained.

"He's just trying to protect himself you know," Al said after a moment, looking down at his brother. "You broke his heart and his ego when you chose me. "He doesn't want to be second best, that's why he is doing this. You know that Hannah," He explained.

"I know, I feel awful but I it's like you said Rose, either make it work or closure and I suppose this is what I need," I said looking to my friend. Rose studied me for a moment, playing with her hair nervously.

"What I said was a load of bloody crap," She said suddenly, we all looked at her in shock. "If you want closure it will be done on your own terms, it is not for James Potter to decide. As Al said, he is just trying to protect himself he doesn't want to get hurt again." She said forcefully.

"No, it's done he's moved on," I hung my head dejectedly.

"Hannah, have you read the letter yet?" Rose asked after a moment. I shook my head. "Then it's not done," She said finally with a smile on her face, "In the meantime, I think I need to have a word with my older cousin," She said standing up and fixing her clothes.

"Rose please doesn't say anything," I begged, looking up at my friend who had a determined look on her face. She ignored me and stepped around the bench, walking towards James.

"There's no point fighting her," Scorpius said looking after his girlfriend with a fond smile, "Once she gets that look on her face you can't persuade her otherwise." We all watched as she tapped James on the shoulder, said something to him and walked out of the hall. James' eyes met mine briefly before he sighed and stood up and reluctantly followed his cousin.

"What letter was Rose on about?" Al asked curiously.

"Hannah, I think it might be time to read it," Scorp said with a soft smile.

"I will, but not yet. I think I need to give my heart a break for a while," I said sadly.

* * *

I never found out what had happened with Rose and James but knew that they had fallen out over it. Al decided that it was best to keep me updated as I refused point blank to find out what Rose had discussed with James. Two weeks later, the four of us walked to the lawns for the annual Battle of Hogwarts anniversary memorial. As always it was a very solemn affair and with the spotlight on my friends and their families, I had learned quickly that I needed to be the support system for them all. Their whole family turned up along with the Minister of Magic and other important ministry officials as well as the family and friends of those who died. Due to the nature of the memorial, Rose, Al and Scorpius were all exempt from prefect duties and spent the service with their families. In normal circumstances, I would go and say hello to them all but my embarrassment of the past few months got the better of me and so I bade my friend's goodbye and went and sat with Danny and the rest of the Gryffindor's.

Professor McGonagall led the service with Al's dad and Rose's parents joining them about halfway through, each of them recounting the harrowing stories of that day as well as stories of those who died. Scorpius' dad joined Mr. Potter on stage and the two delivered a really empowering speech about equality and unity in the wizarding world which I think struck a nerve with everybody. I was so proud that my two best friends were able to draw the former enemies together and have them spoken about with pride in front of all these people. The memorial usually finished with a speech from the Head boy and girl of Hogwarts that year but I wasn't sure that James would be doing it this year. I was proven wrong when the older Potter took to the stage looking upset and beautiful all in the same breath. I felt my heart skip a beat as I allowed myself to look at him for the first time in weeks.

"On behalf of the students here at Hogwarts, I would like to say thank you to everyone for coming today to remember the tragedies that occurred here all those years ago," James started, his voice soft and loud, reaching everyone. "I would also like to thank those who fought alongside my family, for what they believed and what was right. I think a great debt is owed to all of those who lost their lives and to their loved ones who were left behind. I don't think that debt can ever be paid but instead the knowledge and hope that Hogwarts and The Wizarding World is unified and has developed into a beautiful, safe world that holds everyone to equal stance; please know that their sacrifice was not for nothing and that every student that passes through these walls loves them more than they even know."

James spoke with so much passion and dignity that I didn't think there was a dry eye in the house. I felt my own tears streaming down my face at his words and looked up at him with so much pride I thought I would burst. He finished his speech offering everyone to join the students in the hall for tea and cake causing a flurry of movement towards the castle. I decided not to intrude on the Weasley's and Potter's, making my way to the castle with Danny and Darcy.

"Hannah," I heard some call my name as I walked into the entrance hall. I turned around and saw a blonde head through the crowds of people. "Hannah Marshall,"

"Dom," I said in shock. She burst out of the crowd wrapping me in a big hug. "I didn't know you were here,"

"Well you would've if you hadn't run away from all of us earlier," She said with a smile that didn't quite reach her eyes. She wrapped an arm around my shoulder and we walked into the great hall moving towards her family members.

"Dom, I really don't think I should intrude on you all," I said stopping slightly, biting my lip nervously.

"Hannah Marshall, if you don't sit your butt down on that table I will tell Granma all about you and James," She threatened, her eyes narrowed, pinning me to the spot.

"You wouldn't dare," I replied with a frown. She sighed and put her arm back around my shoulders.

"No I wouldn't," She guided me over to her family, "And besides, she already knows," She said with a smirk, "Look who I found," She said happily to her family before I could respond. She forced me down into a seat whilst the rest of the family shouted their hello's my way.

"It's lovely to see you, dear," Molly Weasley said from across the table, a warm smile across her face. I felt my cheeks go red as a realised that more than likely everyone knew about James and me.

"You to Mrs Weasley," I said with a smile trying to hide my embarrassment. The rest of the family came and joined us from outside, Al and Rose sitting opposite me smiling when they saw me.

"Hannah," Mrs Potter said coming over to me and wrapping her arms around my shoulders. "It's good to see you, congratulations on winning the Quidditch cup," She said beaming at me. A few of the Weasley's cheered in response, I felt myself go bright red again. "Please don't worry about what happened at the beginning of the year," She said only loud enough for me to hear, "They wouldn't be brothers if they weren't arguing about something or another, I'm just sorry that you got caught in the crossfire," She said with a knowing grin. She patted my shoulder before moving to sit with Rose's parents. I felt extremely embarrassed at her words but also a little bit more at ease than I had before. I sat down again talking to my friends and their Uncle Charlie animatedly about the final when I saw Dom stand up quickly from beside me. I knew what was coming before it did.

"There's a seat here little cousin," She said sweetly.

"Dom," I all but growled.

"No I don't mind at all," She continued ignoring me completely and moving to sit with her sister. I closed my eyes briefly and tried to get my nerves in check as James Potter sat down next to me. I was suddenly aware that although everyone was talking to each other, they were all looking at us expectantly. I couldn't stand it.

"Great speech bro," Al said cutting the tension.

"Beautiful dear," Molly Weasley agreed with glistening eyes.

"Yes well…" James ran his hand through his hair nervously as he always did and I resisted grabbing his hand under the table to calm his nerves. "You okay Hannah?" He said stiffly turning slightly to face me. I nodded and grabbed a cake to busy my hands.

"How's revision going?" I asked.

"Okay, my first exam is in a few weeks. Just want to get them done now," He said offering me a small smile.

"Then you'll be off to Egypt," I said without thinking.

"Isn't it fantastic, another Curse Breaker in the family," Arthur Weasley pipped up.

"Hannah, that reminds me." Bill Weasley said leaning across the table, "There's an internship coming up in Romania and they have asked for you personally, I meant to owl you months ago but it slipped my mind. It's yours in you want it," He said with a smile.

"You can live with me," Dom said excitedly. I smiled at my friend and nodded.

"That sounds fantastic Mr Weasley," I said smiling, "I would love to."

"Great, I'll message your parents and sort everything out,"

"You both best make sure you're back for my wedding," Victoire Weasley said glaring at me and Dom.

"As if we would miss that," Dom scuffed, "I think you, Mum and Gran would kill us," Some of the table laughed, "Hannah, this is so exciting," She said jumping in her seat slightly.

"You'll have a great time," James said next to me.

"I was hoping it would be in Egypt," I said without thinking. I looked up and saw Rose and Al smirking slightly at me.

"And why is that Hannah?" Al smirked. I suddenly realised what I'd said and wanted the ground to swallow me whole.

"I meant…I just…never mind," I sighed shaking my head.

"If it's any consolation, I wanted you to be in Egypt as well," James said not quite meeting my eyes. Before I could read anything into what he'd said Molly Weasley was rounding up her grandchildren to say bye. Dom wrapped me in a massive hug as she left with her parents and we all made our way to the common room.

Rose and I climbed the girl's staircase to bed, chatting about nothing in particular as we made our way into our empty dormitory. We got changed in silence, both of us thinking about the day's events not needing to talk. I got into bed and Rose came and perched on the end of it, looking at me for a moment.

"Why haven't you asked me what I spoke to James about the other week?" She asked after a moment.

"I didn't think it was any of my business," I answered truthfully.

"But you know it was about you," She frowned.

"Well, now I do,"

"So why didn't you ask?"

"Like I said I didn't think it was any of my business," I repeated. She looked at me and sighed.

"Have you read the letter yet?"

"I wish people would stop asking that," I replied rolling my eyes.

"What are you so afraid of Hannah?" Rose said loudly. I gapped at her slightly.

"I'm not afraid of anything," I whispered.

"Yes you are," She said standing up and moving to my bedside. "That's why you didn't ask me what we spoke about and that's why you haven't read this letter," She pulled out the worn piece of parchment shoving it into my hands. I stared at her in shock. She sighed at sat back down on the end of the bed.

"I'm so happy you and Al have sorted things out between the two of you and I'm happy that James and Al have sorted things out between them, but Hannah, as much as you try and hide it, I can see that you are unhappy and I can see that James is too. There is nothing stopping you two now," She said with a sad smile.

"When I went to speak to James, I wanted to yell at him for messing you around so much but I just couldn't, he could barely look at me when I spoke to him. He thought that lying to you, that telling you he was with someone else and that he didn't love you anymore would make it easier for him to let you go," She explained, "But it didn't."

"What do you mean lie to me?" I asked, curiosity getting the better of me.

"He wasn't seeing that girl at all," She replied.

"But they walked into the classroom when I was there,"

"Well I don't think he was entirely innocent in that but he isn't dating her," She frowned.

"Why did he say that then?"

"Because, he was scared exactly like you," She smiled. I was still confused. "Hannah, he saw Danny kiss you and then you fall asleep in his arms telling him that you loved him. He freaked out because he wanted to hate you so much for choosing Al but in the end, he knew that he could never hate you,"

"But it's done now Rose, why are you telling me all of this?" I said suddenly feeling annoyed. "He's leaving soon and going to Egypt and I'm now going to Romania, what does it matter anymore."

"It matters Hannah because you love each other and have come through too much not to deserve to be happy," She sighed. "Please read the letter, there's a reason Dom gave it to you,"

"But the letter was written before I chose Al over James," I replied, "There is no saying that is how he feels now,"

"Hannah, do you really believe that you chose Al over James, honestly." She asked grabbing my hand.

"What do you mean? Of course, I did." I said pulling my hand out of her grasp.

"I don't even think Al believes that you chose him over James," She shook her head.

"Either explain what you mean or go to bed," I snapped.

"What I mean is, when Al gave you the ultimatum, which he should never have done, he was testing you, seeing if you would put your friendship first. You obviously did but only because you were backed into a corner not because you loved Al more."

"You still aren't making sense," I said with a frown.

"You broke your own heart in order to put Al first," She said wisely. "If you really, truly chose Al do you really think we would still be talking about you and James nearly three months after the event?" She sighed and wrapped her arm around my shoulder, "You have a third option Hannah," She smiled. "One Al didn't give you, one you didn't give yourself." I shot her a confused look. "You Hannah. Choose your own happiness over everyone else's for once."

"But I can't do that now," I said sadly, feeling the tears fall down my cheeks. "It's too late,"

"It's never too late when you love someone Hannah," She said leaning her head on my shoulder and looking down at the letter in my hands. "Read it in your own time Hannah, but trust me, I think it will make everything clear when you do."

* * *

It was now the middle of June. Exams had finished and everyone was enjoying the last few days of term outside by the lake. The fifth and seventh years where partying most nights, seventh years enjoying their last few days at school with their friends before we would all leave on Sunday. Much to the annoyance of my friends, I still hadn't built up the courage to read the letter or to speak to James and time was running out far too quickly. I had tried to read it getting as far as the first line before throwing it back in the draw and taking deep breaths to calm my nerves. I knew that everything was now down to me. It was my turn to fight for James but as Rose had said, I was too afraid to do anything about it. On the plus side, James and I were amicable again, not to the extent where we sort each other out, but to the extent where were could be around each other without it being awkward.

It was the final night of term and the last feast of the year. We all made our way into the hall for one last meal. Some seventh years crying already, most students excited about the summer to come. I found myself in the middle. I was looking forward to seeing the back of this year and to going to Romania but I was angry at myself for not sorting things out with James and now I had left it too late. Rose, Al and I sat down with our fellow sixth years everyone talking animatedly about their summer.

"You're coming to visit the last weekend again Hannah?" Al said between bites of a chicken leg.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world, our last summer as Hogwarts students," I said sadly.

"Don't say stuff like that otherwise I'll end up like that sorry lot," Rose groaned pointing to the seventh years that were the loudest they had ever been, the majority of them balling their eyes out. I caught sight of Danny who gave me the biggest smile. I was going to miss him so much when he left, not only was I going to have to replace another beater; I was going to miss a dear friend. We had spent the day before together by the lake talking about summer and what he was going to be doing outside. He had gotten an apprenticeship in the Magical Law enforcement office and was hoping to work up the ranks there. He would also be visiting Romania towards the end of the summer with Rose, Al and Scorpius who were all visiting for a holiday. I couldn't wait.

"One year left, can you believe it," Al said shaking his head and looking around the hall. "I am going to miss this place so much," Rose and I nodded in agreement. "Hannah don't look now but lover boy is looking this way," Al smirked. I shot him a look but in spite of myself looked down the table to where James Potter was looking at me with a sad look in his eyes. I offered him a small smile which wasn't returned and sighed.

"He isn't my lover boy," I snapped.

"I swear to Merlin, I could bang your heads together." Al groaned. Before I could reply Professor McGonagall drew our attention to her and the hall went quiet as she gave her last speech of the year.

* * *

It was over too quickly and we were all coerced to bed by the prefects. Slytherin had won the house cup for the second year in a row, something Rose wasn't overly happy about barely speaking to Scorpius when he came over to us after the feast. Al decided it was best to leave them to and we made our way back to the common room with the rest of the Gryffindor's.

"You all packed?" Al asked, putting the last few of his things into his case. I was sitting on his bed reading a book he had disregarded, keeping him company whilst he packed.

"Yep, did it all this morning," I smiled throwing the book on top of the suitcase before he closed it. "Are you seeing Kate over summer?" I asked as he sat down next to me.

"Nah, she broke up with me a couple of days ago," He sighed. I shot him a sympathetic look and he laughed. "Not to worry, I'm sure we'll be back together before we come back. I'm just resigning myself to the fact that that is how our relationship works. We're both far too laid back about our feelings for each other for us to be too serious,"

"I didn't think you could be laid back about anything," I smirked, bumping his shoulder with my own.

"Neither did I but she has that effect on me I suppose," He shrugged leaning back.

"Do you think you love her?" I asked. He shrugged again and considered it for a moment.

"I think I could easily fall in love with her but right now, I don't think either of us wants or needs that. Besides my feelings have given me enough a headache this year too last me a lifetime. I quite enjoy the fact that I always know where I stand with Kate,"

"Unlike with me you mean," I said with a frown.

"Hey, you know that isn't what I meant," He said quickly. "I wouldn't worry, after I found out you'd sex with my brother, I kind of got over you pretty quickly,"

"I suppose that's something then," I said trying to force a smile. "Merlin, it would've been so much easier falling for you than James."

"I know but I honestly I think you'd have killed me by now and then we wouldn't be friends and that, as we know, is a complete disaster," Al smirked, flinging his arms around dramatically.

"I should probably be getting to bed," I said as Al's dorm mates started walking in.

"Hannah, did you get a chance to speak to James?" He asked as I stood up to leave. I knew it was coming but wasn't ready for the sinking feeling in my stomach when Al mentioned his name.

"No, and I don't think I intend to now," I said turning to face him.

"I'm sorry if I did this to you," He said sadly. I shook my head and wrapped my arms around his waist.

"Don't ever think that Al," I said into his top. "I am so happy you're back in my life, you know that. I couldn't cope when you weren't,"

"But there's something missing about you Hannah," Al said softly pulling away from me and looking down. "I saw the old you briefly when you won the cup but don't think I don't see how sad you look when you think no one's watching, you look exhausted when you let the mask you put on fall and I know it's because of James," He said looking at me with such determination in his eyes.

"Why are you saying this now Al?" I sighed.

"Because I want you to be happy Hannah," He said finally wrapping me in a hug.

"Goodnight Al, I'll see you in the morning," I said dejectedly leaving his room without another word.

I got changed and ready for bed in silence, choosing to ignore my dorm mates and Rose who had come back from speaking to Scorpius in a better mood. I drew the curtains around my bed and cast a charm to make sure I couldn't hear anyone else outside and sank into my pillows trying my best to not let what Al had said bother me. I knew my friends all had my best interest at heart but it still didn't put right the fact that I had left it too late to fight for me and James. We both knew it, so why wouldn't they drop it also. I was ashamed of myself for being too coward and letting it get this far. The Gryffindor in me hated the reasoning and excuses I had fed to myself. I knew it was probably time to listen to that side of myself.

I tried to fall asleep but I knew it was no good, my mind was reeling. I drew open my curtains, opened my drawer and pulled out the only thing I hadn't packed. I grabbed the letter and my Gryffindor jumper making sure to not make any noise as I walked into the empty common room. The fire was dying when I entered and the lamps were on fairly low. I sat on the hearth, leaning against the settee, talking a deep breath before opening the letter I had been avoiding for months.

 _Dear Dom,_

 _I'm going out of my mind._

 _I'm sorry to bombard you with so many letters and I promise this will be one of my last but Merlin; I am so worried about Hannah._

 _She is completely isolating herself from everyone, I don't know if it is some self-inflicting punishment thing that she thinks she deserves but it is killing me every time I see her. She looks so lost and sad all the time. I just want to hold her and comfort her but she told me she doesn't love me anymore and Al has made it very clear that under no circumstances am I to ever speak to her again._

 _How can he expect me to do that?_

 _I go to sleep and I'm dreaming of her, I wake up and I'm thinking of her. She encompasses everything I love and all I want, all I need, is for her to be happy. It is killing me to see her so broken and I feel like I can't do anything to help. If I can't help the person I love the most in the world, what the fucking hell is the point of even breathing._

 _She has taken the weight of what we did to Albus on her own shoulders and it is crushing her. Why is it so wrong to love someone? Why can't my selfish pig of a brother see what he is doing to his best friend? It is destroying her, it is destroying me._

 _I understand that lying and deceitfulness need to be met with a consequence, but she believes that that consequence needs to be a punishment and is torturing herself in order to make Albus' happy. What about her own happiness?_

 _I feel like I've lost her before we've even started. This isn't some avid affair we were having. I haven't felt this way about anyone ever Dom and we haven't even dated. I want to hold her hands in the corridors, I want to take her on dates and kiss her in front of everyone, I want to be with her forever but why do I feel like we are tainted now, like that could never happen? I don't want to feel like I have missed my chance with her but why is my head telling me that I have._

 _I miss her so much. My heart is broken into a million pieces and she has every single one of them. I feel like I can't breathe. I feel like I have lost the one good thing in my life. The one person that makes me forget about the huge weight I have on my shoulders. That loves me for me and not because I am Harry Potter's oldest son but because I am me._

 _I know you're in Romania but I really feel like you're the only person she will listen to and I'm all out of ideas of what to do. I just want more than anything to see her smile again. Please Dom, I know you're her friend and I know you are worried about her too._

 _Apologies for the spew of emotions, I just need to let it out and I know you will understand. Please help her Dom, I will be forever grateful._

 _Hope Quidditch is going well,_

 _See you at Easter,_

 _Jamie P._

I hadn't even realised I was crying until I saw my tears drop onto the parchment in front of me. I reread the letter three or four times without allowing myself to think about what James was saying. I closed the parchment and placed it on the floor next to me, wrapping my arms around my legs and silently crying into my knees. I thought James' words would make me gain the courage I needed to go to his room and sort out the whole mess but inside I was broken more so than before. I understand why Dom had given me the letter. She needed me to understand the effect I had on that boy, but I don't think she considered for one moment the impact that boy has on me. Even I didn't understand the impact he had on me. I knew that I couldn't talk to James' this evening but he was going to Egypt tomorrow and I was off to Romania in four days. I had told him that we could never be friends so what other reason would we have to keep in touch over summer.

My head was spinning, I couldn't make sense of all the emotions I was feeling. I wiped my tears away and pulled myself together somewhat, standing up to move over to a table. I was going to write him a letter and give it to him tomorrow on the train. I needed him to know that this wasn't over between us and although it is going to be hard, that I was willing to fight for us. I took a deep breath and picked up a quill and some parchment someone had left out and begun writing probably the most important letter I ever would.

 _Dear James_

 _You should probably know before I start, that Dom gave me a letter you wrote to her, a letter she thought I deserved to read. It lay all of your emotions out on the page, plain and clear for me to see and yet I'm still too coward to walk across the common room and knock on your door and tell you exactly how I feel for you. I swear the sorting hat was malfunctioning the day it was placed on my head; flying straight into Scorpius takes stupidity, walking across the room to you takes courage, which I don't have. My mind is truly messed up and I'm hoping to make this letter to you as coherent as I can if that doesn't happen then please ignore my silly ramblings and go about your day as normal._

 _I felt like I'd left everything too late. I knew that the ball was in my court, that it was my turn to fight for us, but I let everything get the better of me. In your letter, you also said that you thought you had lost me, that we've run out of chances, that we were tainted and that is exactly how I've been feeling these past few months. I haven't been able to see past the awful day Al found out and all that's happened in between and I think a lot of that has to do with not forgiving myself; me writing you this letter, is me finally forgiving myself._

 _You see James; we haven't left anything too late, you haven't lost me and if we are being honest, when have we really been given a chance._

 _How I feel for you is difficult for even me to understand. You are all I think about when I wake up, you are all I dream about when I go to sleep. When you kissed me in that classroom, when all of this started, it was the first time in my life I felt at peace. Aside from the nerves and the excitement, I felt like kissing you was exactly what I should've been doing all along, like I could finally breathe properly. My heart felt whole, my thoughts made sense, I just felt like something important was happening and I was right._

 _Falling in love with you is the most important thing that has ever happened to me James Potter. Loving you feels more natural than breathing and for a long time now I have felt like I have been suffocating._

 _We aren't too late James Potter because there is no time limit on my love for you._

 _I really hope you have a wonderful time in Egypt; I will be counting down the days until I see you again at the wedding._

 _Yours always,_

 _Hannah_

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much for reading and apologises about the delay in the last few chapters, it wasn't done deliberately. You know how life can be sometimes, getting in the way, I've barely had a second to breathe over the past few weeks and I had so many edits to do on this chapter, it's just taken longer than I wanted it too. So I apologise about the delay but thank you for sticking with me and this story.

Only one more Chapter to go. I can't believe it!

I would be greatly appreciated if you could take the time to review this silly fanfiction of mine, a lot of blood sweat and tears has gone into writing this beast, I would love to hear your feedback.

The last chapter is not as long as the last two and should be with you a lot quicker than this one.

Thanks again for reading and supporting this story, it means the world!

Jadeannkneeky.


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: So this chapter's been a long time coming! Apologies about the delay, it's been a rather mad few weeks.**

 **Here it is, the final installment of Turning Page**.

* * *

 **Chapter 21**

"Will you hurry up, mum wants us to leave in ten minutes," Rose shouted, banging on the bathroom door.

"I'll be two seconds," I snapped back at her.

"You know no one will be looking at you right, I don't understand why you're going to all this trouble," She moaned. I took one last look at myself in the mirror, taking a deep breath, before stepping out into the hallway.

"Or maybe not, Merlin Hannah you look incredible," Rose gasped, her eyes widening. I felt myself blush and smile at my friend who was dressed in a beautiful yellow dress, her auburn hair curled around her shoulders.

"You sound so surprised," I smirked, moving past her and into her bedroom. I heard her groan and follow me into the room.

"I swear you're spending too much time with Dom," She said sitting on the end of her bed and pulling on her heels.

"We do live together Rose, bound to happen," I smiled, taking in my appearance in the full-length mirror. I had decided to wear a light blue summer dress that was sprinkled in white flowers and flowing around my knees. I had left my naturally curly blonde hair down, pinning it to the side with a white and gold hair piece. Over the past few weeks in Romania, I had gained a rather fitting tan that went beautifully with my dress. I felt amazing and more beautiful than I had in a long time; I couldn't help the butterflies that were erupting in my stomach.

"Are you ready to go?" Rose asked me from near the door. I grabbed my bag and slipped into my heels.

"As I'll ever be," I replied. I had taken a portkey with Dom and her uncle Charlie the day before and had spent the whole time since with Rose, as Albus had been busy with groomsman duties, and Scorpius had only just got home after his holiday. It had been three weeks since I had seen them all and as so Rose and I had ample to catch up on.

I decided to tell her about the letter to James the evening before over a bottle of wine and a hell of a lot of chocolate. I hadn't told anyone before we left Hogwarts that I had read the letter Dom had given me and I hadn't told a soul - not even Dom - that I had written James a letter back. In true form, I had backed out of giving it to him on the train but decided to send it to him after a week of being in Romania, when I couldn't stand having it in my possession any longer. I hadn't told anyone until Rose had got it out of me after a fair few glasses of wine.

"Did he write back?" She asked when I had told her. We were sat on her bed surrounded by hair styling potions and beauty serums she had bought the day before in preparation for the wedding.

"No, I didn't expect him to," I told my friend with a sad smile. I had allowed myself to enjoy offloading my pent up emotions over the past few weeks. Ultimately, I didn't care what James Potter thought or did with the letter, I was happy just having told him exactly how I felt, it was the closure I needed. It didn't mean I didn't stop loving him, it just meant I could love him without needing to miss him every five seconds. Moving to Romania, throwing myself into my work and living with Dom, I felt more like myself than I had in a long time.

"Are you nervous about seeing him?" Rose asked as we walked down the stairs into the kitchen to meet her family.

"I feel like I could throw up any second," I replied, shooting her a worried glance.

"Well you look amazing, he'd have to be blind not to see that," She grinned.

"Are you girls ready?" Mr Weasley called from the living room.

"Yes, shall we meet you there?" Rose called back to her parents.

"Yes dear, just sorting out your dad's tie and we'll be there in five," Mrs Weasley said poking her head around the door, "You both look beautiful," She said with a smile.

"Thanks, mum," Rose grinned, "Okay, let's go," I nodded and we both turned on the spot, arriving at The Burrow in a matter of seconds.

The Burrow had been completely transformed. The usual shabbiness that encompassed the house had disappeared and it looked almost serine amongst the tents and decorations that littered the surrounding fields. There were people appearing everywhere, looking around happily as we moved with the ever-growing crowd towards the biggest tent. Standing out in stark contrast against it's surrounding, the tent was pure white and littered with glistening gold stars that sparkled in the sunlight. As we drew closer my ears were met with the most beautiful music that was pouring through the entranceway, enticing people in. It was so perfect, I could already feel tears in my eyes at the magnitude of what I was seeing. People were laughing and joking everywhere I looked, it was like magic had been cast that didn't allow for people to be unhappy. This was my first ever wizarding wedding and I was already overwhelmed by the beauty of it all.

I felt Rose take my arm and I looked over to her to see her eyes sparkling much like my own. Ahead of us, we spotted Scorpius and Al leaning against one of the many tables that had been set out. Scorpius looked dashing in his deep green dress robes that made his blonde hair stand out more than ever. Albus was clad in the groomsman dress robes that were a deep claret with blue accessories that brought the look together, making him look extremely dapper and grown up. I felt my heart swell as I took in my two best friends, realising just how much I had missed them over the past few weeks. They looked over to the two of us, grinning madly.

"Hannah," Al yelled excitedly when he saw me. He bolted over to the both of us wrapping me in a huge hug and spinning me around in his arms laughing widely, "Merlin I've missed you."

"I've missed you too, now put me down you oaf," I laughed wriggling out of his arms and smoothing out my dress, trying to gain some composure.

"Oh Merlin, you do sound like Dom," He said looking aghast.

"And what's wrong with that Albus Severus Potter?" Dom's voice rang out. I turned to see my friend stepping out of the tent looking stunningly beautiful in her deep blue bridesmaid's dress, "Hey gorgeous," She smiled taking in my outfit and coming over to give me a hug.

"How's the bride doing?" I asked her.

"Nervous as hell but so looks so fucking amazing, Teddy would be an idiot not to marry her," She laughed, "Speaking of which, Teddy is looking for you and James; have you seen your brother anywhere?" I saw Al frown and look sideways at me.

"I think he was with Poppy the last time I saw him," He said quietly. I barely made the connection before I recognised the name of the girl James had lied about. The calmness I had felt for the past couple of weeks was suddenly pulled from underneath me and I felt like a complete idiot. I tried to calm the panic that was rushing through me but knew it was no good. I didn't even want to consider the fact that James could've moved on properly this time; it didn't bear thinking about.

"That girl," Dom growled, her delicate features screwed up in anger, "I swear to Merlin she needs to back off, can she not take a fucking hint," She mumbled. "Go and see to the groom before he has a full blown panic attack," She ordered Al, "I best go and find your idiot of a brother before he gets himself into more trouble. How the hell do you all cope when I'm not here?" Dom said throwing her hands up in the air and storming off around the tent.

"How the hell have you put up with her for three weeks?" Al asked me, looking after his cousin in bewilderment, "I forgot how demanding she can be sometimes. I best go to Teddy before she comes back and rips my head off again," He added before taking off into the house.

"Please don't tell me he is actually dating Poppy for real this time?" I frowned at Rose, hoping my voice sounded calmer than I felt.

"I have no idea," She replied honestly, "From what Dom said, I assume it's not reciprocated. Please don't read too much into it," She said squeezing my hand comfortingly.

"What's going on?" Scorpius asked us looking concerned.

"Hannah read James' letter and wrote back to him," Rose explained.

"Merlin Rose, that was meant to be a bloody secret," I mumbled as Scorpius looked at me hopefully.

"Hannah, that's great. What did he say?" Scorpius asked.

"He didn't say anything. Now, if you don't mind, I'm going to find my seat. I'll see you in there," I said giving them a fake smile and moving into the tent before they could call me back. I needed more than anything to just forget about James for the time being. I was already nervous about seeing him and talking about him wasn't helping.

My breath caught in my throat as I stepped inside the tent. Unbelievingly, it was more beautiful from the inside. It had obviously been enchanted to make it even bigger; I would've probably likened the size to a small cathedral. Everything was white and, even though there weren't any windows, the roof had been enchanted (much like the ceiling of Hogwarts) to make it look like the perfect summers day. There were flowers everywhere you looked, all of them glistening delicately. A string quartet was in one corner, the instruments playing themselves, filling the tent with the most alluring sound. I felt at peace in an instant, my worries about James Potter fleeting momentarily from my mind. I saw a few people I recognised from Hogwarts and smiled at them as I made my way to my chair. Before I'd even sat down I was engulfed by a set of arms wrapping me in a hug.

"Lily," I smiled at the seeker as she pulled away.

"It's so good to see you, Hannah," She said beaming as she held onto my arms. She was matching Dom in the same stunning blue gown, looking more grown-up than ever, "You looking amazing," She said taking me in.

"Says the one," I laughed.

"How's Romania?" She asked as I sat down in my seat.

"Brilliant, I'm having the best time. I absolutely love living with Dom and honestly, as much as I miss everyone, I can't wait to get back," I smiled. She considered me for a moment before her face broke into a soft smile.

"You look happy," She said honestly, "It's been too long since you have looked this happy."

"I am happy Lilly," I said with a smile, "Everything looks amazing," I said changing the subject and looking around the room.

"I know right. Dad hired the best wedding organizers for Teddy and well you know what Aunt Fleur and Gran are like. Mum said that they were even worse this time than they were for Fleur and Bill's wedding," Lily explained, "It's been stressful, but everything's coming together. I can't wait for them to get married now; it's been a long time coming."

"Well it looks stunning; I don't think I've ever seen anything so beautiful in my life."

"Just wait until you see Vic, honestly that girl is so beautiful, Merlin knows what she sees in Teddy," She laughed. We were quiet for a moment before Lily sighed and took the seat next to me.

"Have you spoken to James recently?" She asked awkwardly.

"No, he hasn't written to me since I've been in Romania," I answered with a slight shrug.

"I think he wants to catch up with you today," She said with a smile. I bit my lip nervously and decided to bit the bullet and ask the one question I wasn't sure I wanted to know the answer to.

"Is he dating Poppy?" I asked Lily quietly.

"What?" Lily said her face screwed up in confusion.

"Poppy Smith, Ravenclaw in my year," I explained, "Al said he was with her early and I thought maybe they were together somethinging," I mumbled.

"Wait…what?" She said again, her eyes wide in amusement, "Poppy Smith as in Victoire, Dom, and Louis cousin,"

"I didn't realise they were related," I replied.

"She's Aunt Gabrielle's daughter and she's a bloody nightmare," Lily said with a shake of the head, "I can assure you that they aren't dating or whatever you think is happening with them. The last I knew, she had been getting on his last nerve," She added with a chuckle. I felt my nerves calm slightly, "Hannah, I really don't think you have anything to worry about," She said with a knowing smile.

"Well, why do I feel like I'm going to be sick every time his name is mentioned then?" I frowned. Before she could respond Ginny Potter came storming over to us her face like thunder.

"Lily Luna Potter, everyone is looking for you," She snapped.

"Sorry Mum, I got talking with Hannah," She replied, hanging her head. Ginny turned to me and smiled.

"It's good to see you, Hannah," She turned back to her daughter, "Lily move, everyone is waiting on you."

"See you later Hannah," She smiled, giving me a quick hug, "Please don't worry too much," She added squeezing my arm and giving me a last look before following her mum out of the of the tent.

The tent was filling up now as Rose and Scorpius came and joined me. The music stopped abruptly and the sound of birds echoed around the room. Another song started playing and a group of singers stood up at the front of the crowd singing the most captivating melody. The music reached a stunning peak and everyone stood up, looking at the door of the tent. Teddy came walking down the aisle looking as charming as ever with his signature bright blue hair. His dress robes were the same deep claret as Albus' except they had a golden shimmer to them that sparkled in the sun. He was followed in by Albus' dad who was best man, wearing matching dress robes with the proudest smile on his face as he saw his godson walk down the aisle in front of him. Behind him was Louis Weasley, looking almost angelic as he followed his uncle and soon to be brother in law down the aisle. With him was Teddy's best friend from Hogwarts and bringing up the rear was Albus Potter and the one person who made my heart stop completely.

It had been three weeks since I had seen James Potter, and nothing could've prepared me for the soaring feeling in my heart when my eyes fell onto him. He was more gorgeous than I ever could've imagined and I suddenly realised that I had missed him with every fibre of my being without even being aware of it. Seeing him made it easier to breathe again, seeing him made me realise that whatever happiness I'd thought I had been feeling before was nothing to how I felt when I looked at him. I was so overcome with my emotions I felt tears falling down my cheek and saw Rose glance at me with the biggest smile on her face. She took my hand and squeezed it gently.

My eyes never left James as he followed his family up to the stage. I saw his eyes scan over the crowd before finally meeting mine. I couldn't look away as we took each in, neither of us daring to look away, neither of us wanting to break the spell. He looked so stunning in his dress robes; his hair slicked back making him looking so kept and handsome. After what felt like an eternity his face broke out into the most beautiful smile, one that spread across his whole face. I couldn't help but smile back, the most genuine smile I'd given in a long time. I felt myself blush slightly but couldn't bring myself to look away from him. My heart was banging in my chest; I was surprised no one else could hear it.

"Oh my," I heard Rose gasp from beside me. I tore my attention away from James and back to the aisle. The music had changed and the singers had stopped, instead, the most serene sound filled the tent as Victoire Weasley came down the aisle. Lilly was right, she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen in my life. She was stunning. Her lace white dress was floating around her making her look like an angel. Gold stars speckled the skirt and bodice, glistening in the sunlight making her look like she was actually sparkling. Her blonde hair was pulled back and was adorned with the most radiant gold tiara. But nothing looked more perfect than the smile that was spread across her face when she saw Teddy Lupin for the first time. The way they were looking at each other made me blush, I felt like I was intruding on a private moment. The love they had for each other so apparent to see, it screamed across the crowds. They were stunning and I was so happy for the both of them.

As the bridal party reached Teddy, a proud looking Bill Weasley handed his daughter off to Teddy with a firm hug, wiping his own tears from his eyes. The bridesmaids followed behind, Lily and Dom adjusting Victoire's dress and stood beside her with the rest of the bridesmaids. The couple entwined their hands out in front of them, neither of them pulling their gaze away from each other. The Master of Service took to the front and welcomed the pair to deliver their vows.

"The rings," The Master of Service asked Mr Potter once the vows were finished. He handed them over and the couple placed them on each other's fingers.

"Do you Edward Remus Lupin take Victoire Gabrielle Weasley to be your lawful wedded wife," He asked Teddy who smiled broadly at his soon to be wife. "Do you promise to honour, cherish, support and love her, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

"I do," Teddy smiled; Fred Weasley cheered loudly making a few people chuckle.

"And do you Victoire Gabrielle Weasley take Edward Remus Lupin to be your lawful wedded Husband. Do you promise to honour, cherish, love and support him, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"

"I do," Victoire beamed at Teddy. The wizard took out his wand and began to do a complicated spell in the air casting the most beautiful stars around the couple, entwining them in streams of gold and silver.

"Wizards and Witches here present I am delighted to introduce to you, Mr and Mrs Lupin. You may now kiss the bride," The Master announced, stepping out of the way just in time as Teddy all but jumped his new wife, wrapping his arms around her and kissing her passionately in front of everyone. George Weasley set off indoor fireworks around the room, exploding above people's heads as everyone cheered and clapped the newlyweds. With a flick of a wand, the room was transformed into a ballroom, tables, and chairs lining the dance floor. The walls of the tent were opened allowing the cool summer breeze to float through the tent as people hurried to the front to congratulate the new Husband and Wife.

"That was so beautiful," Rose sniffed, dabbing her eyes with a tissue.

"They're so lucky to have one another," I smiled looking at the happy couple.

"Shall we move to a table?" Scorpius asked us both, sensing that people were moving around us. We followed him to a table that was already occupied by Fred, Roxy, Hugo, and Albus.

"That was so amazing," I said sitting down next to Al, who was grinning madly.

"It really was, not going to lie though I'm relieved it's over with, mum is not good with stress," He chuckled. The music started to pick up again and Teddy and Victoire took to the dance floor to rapturous applause. They danced effortlessly around the dance floor smiling adoringly at each other and soon other couples started to join, the dance floor filling up quickly.

"Want to dance Hannah?" Al asked me holding out his hand.

"Of course," I smiled taking his hand and leading him to the dance floor, Rose and Scorpius following suit. Al wrapped his arm around my waist and smiled down at me as he guided me across the floor.

"Do you think you'll ever be that happy?" I asked him glancing at Victoire and Teddy.

"I'm pretty happy with you right now if that counts," He winked. I rolled my eyes and chuckled.

"You know what I mean," He considered me for a moment and smiled.

"I'd like to think so," He started, "Whilst I was watching the two of them get married I think I might have realised something," He said biting his lip nervously.

"What was that then?" I asked curiously.

"How much of a twat I was when I found out about you and James," He sighed, a guilty look coming across his face.

"We've already been through this Al," I started.

"I know, I know but watching two people I care about up there declaring their love for one another, it just made me think really hard about why the fuck I was so against the two of you in the first place," He explained, "I love you both so much. Why has it taken me this long to realise that two people I love loving each other, is probably the best thing in the world," He grinned.

"But that doesn't matter now does it," I said sheepishly.

"Come off it," He scoffed, "Don't think I didn't notice how the two of were looking at each other from across the room. Honestly, Lord Voldemort himself could've come back and I don't think either of you would've flinched," He chuckled. I felt myself blush and tapped his arm jokingly.

"You deserve that happiness Hannah," He smiled kissing me fondly on the forehead.

"Thanks, Al," I smiled sheepishly at my friend.

"How's Romina?" He asked changing the subject as we danced around the floor.

"It's amazing, I love it out there," I replied, spinning in time to the music and enjoying the happiness I could feel soaring through me as I danced with my best friend.

"Having Dom there helps I suppose," Al stated, wrapping his arm back around my waist as I twisted into him.

"It really does, I bloody love that girl," I said glancing over to my friend who was talking to her grandparents. She caught my eye and winked as Al spun me back around.

"You're happier than I've seen you in a long time, Hannah," Al stated simply.

"Lily said the same thing,"

"She's right," The music stopped and everyone politely applauded the band. "I think James wants to speak to you," Al shouted over the applause looking around the room for his brother just as a new song came on.

"I'm sure I'll see him later, first I think we need to find our friends and dance like our lives depend on it," I laughed pulling Al through the crowd on the dance floor.

* * *

Most of the night continued in the same fashion. In between breaks on the dance floor, the four of us indulged on all the amazing food and drink that was on offer. I found myself surrounded by happy members of the Weasley family all talking to me as if I was one of their own, everyone commenting on how beautiful the wedding had been. I hadn't see James all day and I tried not to let myself be worried about the fact that he might've been avoiding me. At one point during the evening, I was pulled to the dance floor by Dom, who had had far too much to drink and was spinning me around the dance floor laughing her head off.

"You look so amazing Hannah Marshall," She laughed twirling me around, "I honestly think you're the best friend I've ever had," I laughed along with her as we danced with the music. "I can't wait until you are part of the family properly," she said.

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"You know when you and James get married and we're dancing at your wedding, it will be so amazing," She smiled, "I best be a bridesmaid."

"Dom, we aren't even together," I said shaking my head.

"Yes, but you love each other so so so so much it actually makes me sick," She laughed, "Everyone talks about it all the time; honestly think Nan might have a fit when you two announce your engagement."

"What do you mean everyone talks about it all the time," I asked suddenly feeling extremely warm.

"You didn't hear this from me," She said lowering her voice to a stage whisper, "Some of us have bets on when you two are finally going to sort your shit out," I blanched at my friend who just grinned at me stupidly, not sensing my annoyance.

"How long has that been going on for?" I asked incredulously, stopping in the centre of the dance floor.

"Since January when news hit the Daily Prophet," She replied, trying to get me to move again.

"I am so embarrassed," I said holding my head in my hands.

"Hannah, what's wrong?" Rose asked, appearing as if from nowhere.

"Apparently I'm a hot topic of conversation in your family," I said frowning slightly at my two friends. Dom, oblivious to anything going on around her, continued to dance on the spot, whilst Rose looked worriedly between the two of us, "People have bets to see when me and James are going to get together," Rose's eyes shot open and she turned to Dom looking furiously at her.

"You told her?" She remarked. Dom stopped dancing, her eyes widening as she suddenly realised her error.

"I should probably go," She said disappearing into the crowd.

"Hannah, you know what this family is like, If it's someone else's business it's everyone business," She said pulling me to one side, "They had a bet going with me and Scorpius from the first day we started Hogwarts for merlin sake,"

"I'm just embarrassed that's all," I said folding my arms and sighing loudly.

"There's no need to be," She said offering me a sweet smile.

"But there is, I just don't want to be a laughing stock of your family, I think so highly of everyone. Even to be at this wedding is an honour," I said slumping into a chair.

"I didn't think you were bothered by the fame side of my family," Rose frowned, dropping into the chair beside me.

"No not the fame, I couldn't care less about that," I said quickly. "I mean coming from a muggle family, it's just nice being accepted into a family in a world I actually belong in you know," Rose smiled and threw her arms around me.

"Take it as a good sign they are betting on you, it means they like you," She joked.

"I'll take your word for it," I replied offering her a soft smile and bringing my attention to the dance floor where Al was dancing with Dom and Lily, all of them laughing madly. I felt my heart swell and couldn't help but smile at the sight, I was so lucky to have this amazing family in my life.

"Hannah," Rose said next to me, drawing my attention back to her. Her smile was the biggest I'd ever seen it and her eyes sparkled with excitement, she looked just past my left shoulder and her grin got even wider.

"Rose?" I questioned, drawing my brow in confusion. She squeezed my hand tightly and I suddenly felt my breath catch in my throat.

"Hannah," James Potter's voice said softly from behind me. It felt like an age since I heard him since I had been this close to him. My heart was banging in my chest and I didn't dare move, my nerves getting the better. I looked at Rose who noted the panic in my eyes and shook her head, the smile not leaving her face. She wrapped her arms around me, holding me tightly and comfortingly.

"Go be happy, Hannah," She said quietly, just loud enough for me to hear. She pulled away and smiled up at her cousin, before squeezing my hand once more and leaving the two of us alone. I watched her join Scorpius and Albus on the dance floor, the two of them looking over at us with interest.

"Hannah?" James repeated. I took a deep breath and tried to keep emotions in check as I turned to face the boy who had been haunting my dreams for months on end. "Hi," He breathed as I faced him. My heart skipped a beat as our eyes meet again, his gaze so intense I felt a small blush spread across my cheeks.

"Hi," I echoed my voice barely a whisper as nerves took hold of me again. He smiled broadly, looking more dashing than ever.

"Would you like to go for a walk?" He asked after an awkward pause, "I feel like there are too many eyes in here," He said with a knowing smile. I glanced around the room and spotted most of the Weasley clan blatantly glancing in our direction. I felt myself blush again and heard James chuckle slightly. I looked back up at him and saw him holding a hand out, waiting for me to take it. I could barely breathe as I placed my hand softly in his, the shock of the contact sending my heart into overdrive. I managed to smile weakly at the older Potter, whose smile had not faltered once, allowing him to lead me out of the tent and into the beautiful summers evening.

We walked in silence for a while, both of us not knowing where to start. My mind was reeling. It felt like years since I had written him the letter in Gryffindor common room, and even longer since the perfect night at New Years. Everyone was rooting for us now, but I still couldn't calm the fear inside of me. After a year of waiting, we could finally have what we wanted, but I was terrified. After everything we had been through, I was so scared of falling too deeply just to be hurt, completely terrified of giving him everything. It was so overwhelming, especially when he was rubbing his thumb again the back of my hand making my nerves go into overdrive, making it difficult to even think.

I took a glance at the boy next to me as we continued to walk in silence, further away from the party that was in full swing, the sound of the music getting quieter and quieter as we walked through the fields. He was looking straight ahead, his smile still as perfect as ever making butterflies dance in my stomach. He ran his hand through his hair as he looked over at me. I suddenly felt at ease, knowing that he was feeling just as nervous as I was.

"Am I making you nervous?" I quipped, a James like smirk gracing my lips. I wasn't entirely sure where my new-found confidence had come from; maybe I _was_ spending too much time with Dom, but I enjoyed the shocked look on his face when he heard my question. He stopped us in our tracks and considered me for a moment before his face broke into a smirk of his own.

"I do when you look that good Hannah Marshall," He grinned, giving me the once over. I rolled my eyes at his response, feeling more relaxed than I had all day. It had been too long since we had been ourselves around each other. I dropped his hand, somewhat reluctantly, and continued walking ahead needing a moment to collect my thoughts.

"You've been avoiding me this evening," I stated as he fell into step with me once again.

"Yes and no," He said truthfully, "I've been busy with groomsman duties and yes, as in, I have no idea what to say to you," I nodded in understanding.

"We seem to be doing okay so far," I pointed out. He scoffed and shook his head, he hand running through his hair once again. I ignored his reaction, not wanting to bring up the giant hippogriff in the room just yet. I just wanted to enjoy being in his company a little while longer, "How's Egypt?"

"Hard work," He frowned, "But amazing," He smiled softly at me. "How's Romania?"

"Better than I could've ever imagined," I gushed. "I love it there; I love the people and the work. I love living with Dom and being around a completely different wizarding community. It's unlike anything I've ever done before." I gushed in spite of myself. I caught James looking at me, smiling widely as he listened and I felt myself blush once again.

"It sounds like you're having a great time," James smiled. I nodded in reply and we feel into a comfortably silence again.

We came to a clearing, with a lake that I remembered playing in over the many summers I had been to the burrow. James moved us to a bench and cast a charm around; little lights appeared above our heads like stars, allowing a warm glow to be cast over us.

"It's been such a perfect day," I said out loud, looking over the lake into the distance where I could see the outline of the tent and the glow of the light shining across the surrounding fields.

"It really has been," James agreed, leaning back on the bench. I could feel him looking at me and suddenly felt my nerves on edge once again, my heart beating madly in my chest. This was it, what we had been waiting for. I wanted to run but knew that I needed to stay, needed to give myself a chance at the happiness I had been longing for. I turned on the bench to face him and even in the half-light could see how content he looked, his intense gaze pinning me to the spot and his dopey smile making his feelings quite apparent.

"James," I whispered, breaking the silence and bringing us both to reality.

"Hannah," He replied leaning forward and breaking our gaze. He looked out across the lake and was quiet for a moment. "Do you remember when we played Hufflepuff in your third year, my fourth year?" He asked. I was confused at his question but nodded.

"Yes, we lost really badly," I said, slightly cringing as I remembered their seeker catching the snitch within twenty minutes of the match starting. They did go on to win that year but it didn't make the loss any better. James nodded and continued.

"I wasn't used to losing and didn't handle it very well," He said with a slight frown.

"Understatement of the century," I chuckled, "You bit poor Al's head off when he came to the changing room to see if we were okay."

"I know," He said shaking his head. I remembered Al walking into the changing room after the match and giving me much-needed hug, going over to his brother who was beside himself and telling him it was going to be okay. James lost it and pinned his brother to the wall screaming at him, much to everyone's confusion.

"You blasted us apart and stood in front of Al; glaring at me with so much hatred I thought you were going to punch me." He chuckled.

"I was going to punch you," I added. He laughed again, louder this time, his eyes twinkling.

"You shouted at me, wiping the floor with me, quite rightly so to," He said his eyes meeting mine. That moment, after the match, was the moment I realised that I needed to stop the stupid crush I had on the older Potter. I knew I needed to get my feelings in check, and seeing him shout of Al the way he did, for no reason what so ever, was the tipping point,"You had barely even spoken to me before then and here you were, wand pointing in my face yelling at me for treating Al the way I was when all he was doing was making sure I was okay. I was in so much shock as you left, my emotions were all over the place."

"James, what's this got to do with anything?" I asked softly.

"That, Hannah Marshall, was the first moment I knew that I was completely in love with you," He replied, his eyes boring into mine. I felt my heart skip a beat and my breath catch in my throat. "It wasn't long after that that Al told me how he felt about you," He continued, "Not that I wasn't aware of my brother's feelings for you, but having him tell me so openly really put it into perspective. Although at the time, I wasn't really aware of the true extent of how I felt for you, I knew that I couldn't act on anything and besides I wasn't sure you liked me anymore anyway." He said with a chuckle.

"I knew that it was going to be dangerous making you Captain last year," He said with a sad smile, "I knew that being so close to you, allowing you to see the real me and not just the mask I put on for everyone else, I wouldn't be able to resist and I was right," He smiled cheekily and ran his hand through his hair once again, "Kissing you for the first time in that empty classroom Hannah, giving in to the feelings I hadn't allowed myself to feel, I felt like I could finally breathe again Hannah." I gapped at him as the true extent of his words hit me, all I felt was guilt.

"James, I'm so sorry I didn't fight for us," I said sadly, lowering my head in shame.

"Hannah Marshall, don't you dare," He said placing his hand softly under my chin and titling my head slightly to look back at him. "I think we both have a lot to answer for over the past few months. Neither of us acted in our right minds and merlin we gave ourselves too much of a hard time," He said sadly, dropping his hand away from my face and taking my hand in his, entwining them perfectly.

"When I left for Egypt, I thought I had lost you completely," He remarked, "I thought that my lies and my ego had completely destroyed us for good, but then I got your letter," He smiled beautifully me, "Falling in love with you Hannah Marshall, is the most natural, most perfect, most important thing I have ever done. I could never stop loving you. I am yours, unequivocally and completely yours." He reached up and tucked a loose piece of hair behind my ear, holding my face gently in his hands.

"Grace," He whispered, kissing my cheek softly, his lips ghosting over my own as he moved to the other side. "Beauty," He whispered kissing my other cheek. "Open your eyes Hannah," I opened them briefly taking in James Potter's beautiful smile that spread across his whole face. His eyes shimmered with tears but held the same intensity they always did when they looked into mine. "You," He whispered leaning in slowly. The smile never left his face as our lips finally met, taking my breath away as we moved perfectly, beautifully with each other; finally giving into the happiness we both deserved.

* * *

 **A/N: And there we have it!**

 **I really hope you enjoyed this chapter and I truly hope I did these characters justice in the end.**

 **I want to say a huge thank you for all the reviews, follows, favorites and to everyone who has stuck with this story and read it all.**

 **Thank you for your time and patience as I've uploaded over the past three months.**

 **Hopefully, I'll have some time on my hands to write another story soon, but until then I hope you all have a wonderful holiday season and enjoy all the festivities.**

 **Jadeannkneeky**


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